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Funniest thing on cruise / det

Catmando

Keep your knots up.
pilot
Super Moderator
Contributor
I wish I could change my callsign to Little Johnny Cheesburger.
Wanna step outside and retract that? :dog_125: :icon_rage ........... :)))
[Damn! I knew I should have deleted or obscured that reference! :( ]

My callsign was "Cat" at the time, (still is) but some lo-lifes knew it had been "Chess" from a prior cruise.

One night going through the dirty-shirt, late night line for sliders, the MS guy was rapidly asking everyone, "hummbuggers, err chusssbuggers?" The big LCDR RIO behind me, callsign "Fatal" (which really stood for "Fat Al" - truly) loved it - "chussburger" - and started a campaign to change my callsign to "chessburger" rather than CAT. It never worked, except for the JO attack I posted.

Kilo Sierra.

Hey, it's a great but rough business. Sink or swim. (But always be careful what you post.) :)
 

2ndGen

Third times a charm
This is one of my dads stories that he has told me. Not a a det or cruise or anything but when he was stationed in Whidbey flying P-2s in the mid sixties.

I guess one of the planes in his squadron had a navigator that kept falling asleep on 10-12 hour patrols.

"Give him to me" my dad says.

Before the patrol my dad talks to this guy saying how important it is to stay alert and all that stuff, and how he better not fall asleep.

Well they get out and a few hours into the patrol the guy falls asleep, my dad goes down to talk to him and rips him a new one. A few hours later, he falls asleep again.

In the P-2 (im sure most of you know this) the navigator sits in the nose of the airplane, and his chair can slide all the way forward to where he is actually sitting out over the plexiglass nose-cone without any airframe beneath him, this is where this guy fell asleep.

My dad, being the guy with the twisted form of humor, gets the jets throttled up, and pulls the power on the props waaaayyyyy back, so its pretty quiet up in the nose, gets down real low to the water and,

rings the ditching bell in the aircraft.

My dad said he never heard of that guy falling asleep ever again.
 

natelzjames

New Member
It was 99' and I was an IS3 and me and another IS3 were doing rack checks for an upcoming inspection. One of the things we were checking for was unauthorized contraband. Well we came across this one guys rack and under the pillow was a playboy. So we start looking at it when we turned the page and out fell a used condom. Needless to say we brought some more folks down to have a good laugh when someone had a bright idea to put that thing on his pillow. There it stayed until he went to hit his rack. The next morning we noticed that the condom was gone as was the pillow. Well at least he was having safe sex.
 

sickboy

Well-Known Member
pilot
2/C cruise we're taking part in a NATO exercise in the Med. Pull into Cartagena Spain and myself and the other MIDN go out on liberty. Drinks ensue, and my friend starts talking to this cougar. Goes back to the hotel with her, and being a good liberty buddy I wait down in the street. About 20 minutes later, my friend comes sprinting out of the hotel carrying his pants and with hand cuffs on one wrist. All he says is "run" so we started running back to the ship. Hurls all over the Quarterdeck. I helped the MAA put him to bed. Next day, we have to go to a reception of all the different wardrooms participating in the exercise, and nobody on the ship is nice enough to cut him out of the handcuffs. He's still wearing them with his whites when we go to this reception. Little did we know that cougar was the XO of the Canadian ship. My buddy, still slightly drunk pops a salute and smacks himself right in the face with the handcuff. CO thought it was the funniest thing since the Marx Brothers. Never found out what happened in the hotel room though...


Same cruise, different port (Limasol Cyprus) we were ordered to go on Liberty with an LT or above because of the previously mentioned incident. It's the two MIDN, a few ensigns and a couple LTs, we go into this "bar". All they had were a few nasty bottles of vodka and some crummy beer. We go to leave and a big russian dude stops us in the doorway and says something that apparently translated to "You can't leave until one of you buys a bj". The one LDO who's with us volunteers immediately. Comes back 10 minutes later with a goofy grin on his face.
"Don't tell my wife"
"Tell her what?"
"That it only took me 10 minutes..."

That same night, my running mate woke up with a giant tattoo of a bull farting out flames on his back.


That was a fun cruise.
 

BACONATOR

Well-Known Member
pilot
Contributor
2/C cruise we're taking part in a NATO exercise in the Med. Pull into Cartagena Spain and myself and the other MIDN go out on liberty. Drinks ensue, and my friend starts talking to this cougar. Goes back to the hotel with her, and being a good liberty buddy I wait down in the street. About 20 minutes later, my friend comes sprinting out of the hotel carrying his pants and with hand cuffs on one wrist. All he says is "run" so we started running back to the ship. Hurls all over the Quarterdeck. I helped the MAA put him to bed. Next day, we have to go to a reception of all the different wardrooms participating in the exercise, and nobody on the ship is nice enough to cut him out of the handcuffs. He's still wearing them with his whites when we go to this reception. Little did we know that cougar was the XO of the Canadian ship. My buddy, still slightly drunk pops a salute and smacks himself right in the face with the handcuff. CO thought it was the funniest thing since the Marx Brothers. Never found out what happened in the hotel room though...


Same cruise, different port (Limasol Cyprus) we were ordered to go on Liberty with an LT or above because of the previously mentioned incident. It's the two MIDN, a few ensigns and a couple LTs, we go into this "bar". All they had were a few nasty bottles of vodka and some crummy beer. We go to leave and a big russian dude stops us in the doorway and says something that apparently translated to "You can't leave until one of you buys a bj". The one LDO who's with us volunteers immediately. Comes back 10 minutes later with a goofy grin on his face.
"Don't tell my wife"
"Tell her what?"
"That it only took me 10 minutes..."


That was a fun cruise.
That was fantastic. Rep.
 

CAMike

Well-Known Member
None
Contributor
2/C cruise we're taking part in a NATO exercise in the Med. Pull into Cartagena Spain and myself and the other MIDN go out on liberty. Drinks ensue, and my friend starts talking to this cougar. Goes back to the hotel with her, and being a good liberty buddy I wait down in the street. About 20 minutes later, my friend comes sprinting out of the hotel carrying his pants and with hand cuffs on one wrist. All he says is "run" so we started running back to the ship. Hurls all over the Quarterdeck. I helped the MAA put him to bed. Next day, we have to go to a reception of all the different wardrooms participating in the exercise, and nobody on the ship is nice enough to cut him out of the handcuffs. He's still wearing them with his whites when we go to this reception. Little did we know that cougar was the XO of the Canadian ship. My buddy, still slightly drunk pops a salute and smacks himself right in the face with the handcuff. CO thought it was the funniest thing since the Marx Brothers. Never found out what happened in the hotel room though...
I've always had a particular dislike for...anyway. Great story Mikwat!
 

HeartofTexas

Active Member
Don't have any stories quite as good as the ones already told but was on one TDY and had a weekend stop-over in Portland. Bunch of the crew went to a downtown strip club since one of the 3Ps had never been to one. He walked in and his eyes lit up like a kid in a candy store, if the candy was near/full nude strippers. Girls get wind there's a "first timer" and flock immediately. Finally settles on this one girl and after a few lap dances decides he's going to teach her how to two-step. I'm dealing with a bouncer issue with another crewmember while this was going on, but look over in time to see my 3P (who's dressed like an oil typhoon's son) attempting to two step with a nude stripper (unless wearing heels counts?). When we went to leave, the girl tried to get him to stay to buy more dances but he apologized and tried to give her his number. She scoffed, hopped off him and nudged him as she walked to another table. The absolute look of hurt and betrayal in his eyes lol. Reminds me of the Marines at the PCola strip clubs who always fell in love on first dance and tried to hit them up until either their heart couldn't take the rejection anymore or their bank account ran dry.

The aforementioned bouncer issue was also super weird. One of the guys on my crew had been in for over 18 years and still had his original driver's license from he was 16 (his state allows expired licenses with current valid military ID). He left his CAC at the hotel and the bouncer was giving him a hard time about it.

"Sorry, man, but your license is 12 years expired."
"So obviously I'm over 21...?"
"But it's expired"
"I'll refrain from driving around the club"

Manager ended up walking over and letting him in after being "wtf" with the bouncer. Not one of the most exciting times I've had on the road, but it was a pretty solid crew and a good time overall.
 
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