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Funniest thing on cruise / det

a-6intruder

Richard Hardshaft
None
What goes on cruise, stays on cruise, but if the statute of limitations is over, what's the funniest thing you saw happen on cruise?

1. At 3am the upper bunk caves in and comes crashing down on me after my 200 pound roommate got a little carried away working his cruise sock behind the curtain of shame.
 

MasterBates

Well-Known Member
2.SWO roommate decides to have division quarters in my room for the 9th day in a row. 0630, when I landed at 0500. Flight boot grabbed off "pocket" in bunk, curtain thrown open, boot chucked, size 17 flight boot hits the shoe in the nuts, meeting over.

3.I may or may not have been zip tied to the flight deck on my birthday, and had my head shaven. At least I kept my eyebrows. Then I got hosed. Mid-Jan in the VACAPES.

4. Worlds longest Ops-Intel meeting. (HSL dudes know my pain). I'm talking 2-3 hours. No piss breaks because we are on a conference call with most of the rest of the battle group. I had mexican for lunch. Couldn't hold it any longer. I was sitting in a Naugahyde covered chair, across from the SWO CO. As he is talking to the admiral on the net, I let a fart loose. It REVERBERATES in the chair, and was to date, the loudest fart I have ever produced. That became the infamous (at least on my boat) "fart heard round the battlegroup" of 2004.
 

a-6intruder

Richard Hardshaft
None
5. Buckeye Naked Hour. Some of these guys are post-command heavy hitters now, so I'll leave it at that.
 

tomcatblitz

New Member
Friend of mine told me this one:

There he was, a fresh little Ensign, on a night watch. He was sleeping when his assistant came to give him a message that came through. He read the message and figured it was no big deal so he told his assistant to leave him alone and he went back to sleep. Woke up a few hours later and all hell had broken loose. There was, to say the least, a bit of a ruckus going on. Apparently he hadn't been taught what the message meant. Because of him, the ship was destroyed by a simulated enemy attack. Good times =D
 

Fetus

Member
None
(In a bar in Hong Kong, I approach a table full of my ordies laughing at their new guy. He is sucking face with a local.)

"What are you laughing at gents, he seems to be doing pretty well"

"Sir, that girl was licking my a$$ ten minutes ago"

-gotta love WestPac
 

Flugelman

Well-Known Member
Contributor
Air Force female Captain bums a ride from Cam Ranh Bay back to Sangley Point, P.I. She was warned that it was a 7-8 hour flight (Track + Transit) but she insisted that that was no problem. About 4 hours into the flight she can stand it no longer and asks where the head is. The P-2 had a can in the afterstation behind the windows and about 2 feet from the pneumatic retro launcher. The ordnace man was asked to show her the can and leave the afterstation, which he did. The door to the radio compartment was closed for privacy and she was given just enough time to get settled on the pot when the Tacco fired the retro... KABOOOOM..:eek:
She must have came straight up and pissed all over the afterstation. It stank for many days afterward in the tropical heat. Unintended consequences, I suppose... :(
 

Xtndr50boom

Voted 8.9 average on the Hot-or-Not scale
Relayed to me by the crew in question:

Crew in Singapore, drunk at the bar. The co-rocket is getting his groove on with a honey on the floor when the crew chiefs (plane captains) came up and says an earlier package check confirmed the CO is dancing with a guy. FE goes and tells him. He gets the drunk "No way man, she's smokin'!" response. Next morning, he comes downstairs amid the snickers and "how's it going george?" (boy george). All he can muster is "shutup" and holds his head in his hands.

More good times in the westpac
 

phrogpilot73

Well-Known Member
I just came back to the boat from Iraq, and my roommates were still in country. Decide to take advantage of the "me" time with a video and self love. Midstroke I hear the cypher lock being used and the door swings open (my back is to the door). It's my buddy from down the P-way.

"What are you doing dude?"

"I'm jerking off, what does it look like?"

"Fair enough."

Turns out my roommates gave him the combo so he could borrow NCAA football, which is what he was doing...
 

Tyler

!
pilot
Contributor
I just came back to the boat from Iraq, and my roommates were still in country. Decide to take advantage of the "me" time with a video and self love. Midstroke I hear the cypher lock being used and the door swings open (my back is to the door). It's my buddy from down the P-way.

"What are you doing dude?"

"I'm jerking off, what does it look like?"

"Fair enough."

Turns out my roommates gave him the combo so he could borrow NCAA football, which is what he was doing...
Haha. Brutal honesty.

(Did he get the game?)
 

Schnugg

It's gettin' a bit dramatic 'round here...
None
Super Moderator
Contributor
Hong Kong 1989....

None of the JO's would take the "Skipper Watch" so the XO jumped on the grenade.

XO came to the admin around midnight to hang with the JOs, seems the CO had puked all over his new liberty shoes when he was putting him to bed.
 

JIMC5499

ex-Mech
We were on a det to the Forrestal, for her sea trials after coming out of SLEP in 1985. One night they were running a "darken ship" drill and there was a ship circling us looking for light leaks, when we decided to play with a glow in the dark frisbee on the flight deck. We ignored a couple of warnings over the loudspeakers for us to quit, so they sent a JG out to bust us. I stuck the frisbee under my life vest and proceeded to follow the JG all over the flight deck about 5 feet behind him. Next morning my Division Officer threw the frisbee over the side. He couldn't breathe he was laughing so hard. He had watched the whole thing on the PLAT feed.
 

Bevo16

Registered User
pilot
CAG-X was on CVN-7X in the Gulf 200X. Our CAG had major hard-on for junior officers cutting through the blue tile ["Blue Tile" is a part of the O-3 level passageway on carriers where the entrances to all the flag/combat related spaces are] on their way to CVIC after their flights. As many of you know, after 3+ hours in 110+ heat, all you want to do is debrief your flight and get out of your nasty gear and grab a shower and some chow. The battle with CAG and the JO's got so heated that he actually posted armed guards at both ends of the blue tile to keep JO's from cutting through.

About 3/4 of the way through cruise, some JO had had enough, and took a giant shit in the blue tile. It was hard to tell if he threw it, or just dumped down the leg of his flight suit while in transit, because it went for about 20 feet. While the cleanup crew was being mustered, they actually posted signs on the bulkhead that said "Passageway closed...feces on deck." The "damage report" for the blue tile spread faster than a GQ alarm. I don't know how, but our crew that was airborne got the word even before they landed. You can imagine what the focus of the next Foc'sle Follies was.

Nobody every found out who the "Phantom Shitter" was, and CAG finally eased up on letting JO's cut through the blue tile on their way to CVIC. I guess that he figured that if the JO's were willing to shit themselves to make a point, then we had won.
 

a-6intruder

Richard Hardshaft
None
Had a new guy checking into the squadron while we were deployed. There was a fan room a few knee knockers away from the Ready Room that was about 6' x 8' in size with a pipe and valve running down one bulkhead. The "door" was one of those oval QAWTD fittings about 3' x 18 inches.

We put a cot and standup locker and a folding chair in there and told the guy we didn't have enough racks to accomodate him in any of the bunkrooms. Every night about 0300 we'd send a Sailor into new guy's "stateroom" where he'd turn on the light, verify the valve was in the correct position, sign the tag on the valve, and then depart.

Did this for almost two weeks until the XO made us quit and get him set up in one of the bunkrooms. He was pretty pissed, but what do you expect when you show up late for cruise?
 
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