I wanted to obtain some insight/ edits on my motivational statement. I am a Marine E-6 who served over 8 years on active duty and now 2 in the reserves (IRR) and am applying for Navy DCO PAO. I believe I have a pretty good package but my motivational statement is lagging a little. Maybe because I have read it over and over again trying to find errors or weaknesses. Thanks for your help:
I am applying for a direct commission to become a United States Navy Public Affairs Officer because I have a plethora of skills that include being a strategic communicator and thinker and I have the ability to create messages that resonate with key audiences. I am passionate regarding effective delivery in areas of visual, audio, and written communication in addition to developing and building trusted relationships with editors and policy makers. If I am commissioned, the United States Navy is making an investment in a professional with the right skills, experience and personal qualities to deliver dividends for the Navy.
Before raising my right hand to be sworn in to serve in the United States Marine Corps, I attended a military preparatory school, Fork Union Military Academy, that embraced leadership and our daily focus was on body, mind, and spirit. My roommate always spoke about either becoming a Navy or Marine Corps Officer, to support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic. Our conversations helped me realize that I shared that passion to keep America safe and to become an officer.
I committed to the Navy and Marine Corps team because of their tradition of honor, courage, and commitment by enlisting in the Marine Corps where I laid my initial roots in becoming a leader. Arriving at Paris Island, South Carolina, I put everything I had learned at Fork Union to the test. In a short time, my skills had increased so that the drill instructors appointed me the leader of the platoon (guide). For a recruit, this was the biggest honor a drill instructor could bestow during basic training. Upon graduating from basic training I was awarded a Meritorious Mast for my leadership abilities during training. During Marine Combat training, I was awarded another Meritorious Mast for my leadership capabilities during combat scenarios and leading a squad of Marines.
As a Marine, I have been meritoriously promoted twice to the ranks of Corporal and Sergeant. Meritorious promotions recognize Marines for their superior potential for increased responsibility based upon their extraordinary performance, sacrifice, and contribution to the success of the Marine Corps. The boarding procedures for meritorious promotions are rigorous themselves in competing with the highest qualified and best Marines a unit has to offer. I am honored and humbled to have been selected for meritorious promotion twice during my career.
The biggest accomplishment in my military career to date was having the honor and opportunity to serve at the Marine Corps Legislative Affairs Office located at the Pentagon and serving at both liaison offices at the U.S. House of Representatives and U.S. Senate. At the Pentagon I worked as a Congressional Liaison Representative resolving congressional inquiries on policy issues affecting the Marine Corps. The legislative affairs office is where my strategic communication and thinking ability was put to the test in delivering a message to key audiences while developing and building trusted relationships with media representatives and policy makers. I had direct relationships with Members of Congress and their staff and served as point of contact with the Department of the Navy and the Office of Assistant Secretary of Defense for Legislative Affairs on legislative proposals. I provided strategic communication and thinking to my role at the Legislative affairs office and incorporated effective delivery to connect and move stakeholders and target audiences. My duties at the Office of Legislative Affairs were equivalent to those of a GS 11 level.
While I strive to be the best Marine Staff Sergeant, I want to push myself further, and believe this position gives me that opportunity. I am currently attending graduate school to further my education in International Relations and Communications, with an estimated time of gradation with a double major in the summer of 2011. I feel I would be a valuable asset to the Navy, given my military and professional experience, education background, and accomplishments previously outlined. First and foremost, I am a leader. The Naval Service (Marine Corps) has taught me to be a leader and flexible in accomplishing any mission. I have keen intelligence, determination, and strength essential to being a leader in the United States Navy. I proudly represent honor, courage, and commitment in upholding the greatest traditions in Naval service and want to continue serving in the Navy, a leader among American Armed Services.
The Navy caught my interest as it has the largest and most influential Public Affairs community in the Armed Forces. I have extensive experience in Government Affairs/ Relations and Public Affairs, which directly correlates with being a Public Affairs Officer in the Navy. In my current employment at Paralyzed Veterans of America, I work closely with PVA’s communications professionals on the Independent Budget and Paraplegia News articles. I write legislative point papers and articles for publication in the organizations monthly magazine, Paraplegia News and write monthly newsletters that are distributed throughout the nation to our 35 Chapters, 72 field offices and approximately 20,000 members. I write statements for the record and testimony which are vital for the organizations voice on Capitol Hill. I speak to Members of Congress and their professional staff members on a weekly basis on legislative issues. I also co-author a yearly publication, The Independent Budget, that is used to influence policy and appropriations discussion in the United States Congress.
I cannot think of a more satisfying reason to seek a commission in the Naval Reserves that will guide and mold me into a more exceptional leader. I possess the elements of leadership: integrity, intelligence, strength, adaptability, and determination that would make me a great asset to the Navy Reserve as a Public Affairs Officer. Additionally, my experience as a Public Affairs Officer will shape and complement my civilian occupation.
Thank you for your time and look forward to the results of the board.
Good luck! Make the best of this next shot!!!
