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OCS quotes


New Member
I've been to Parris Island and OCS and this is the funniest thing that happened.

We were conducting a field day after SULE I. As we were tightening the racks one of the candidates mentions that the platoon didn't have firewatch to Candidate Anater. Anater replied "yeehaw." To Anater's dismay Plt. Sgt. MSgt. Lacy heard this and responded with "Ey there yoowhoo! This is just all fun and games like friggin' camp or something, right Candidate Ant Eater?! Good. Hey 2nd Platoon! Get on the line right now, 5,4,3,2,1. I KNOW WHEN I SAY SOMETHING YOU SAY SOMETHING!." "Aye, Master Sergeant!" we quickly and viciously responded. "Candidate Ant Eater apparently thinks that OCS is a joke, isn't that right Anater?!" screamed MSgt. Lacy. "Yes, I mean no Gunnery Sergeant," Anater replied. "Gunnery Sergeant, Bitch incase you didn't notice I picked up a rocker, good go find the gunnery sergeant." Anater goes to the SI's and gets smoked. When he came back 30 minutes later we were still POA on the line. MSgt. Lacy was waiting when he returned. "Ok Anater, go F#@% up my house." He directed Anater to tear apart all of the freshly made racks while he screamed "YEEHAW" over and over while the platoon remained at POA. By the time he got to the last rack at the back hatch he was tearing up. When he finished, he banged on the hatch and reported, "Good Evening MSgt., Candidate Anater reports that the house is thoughouly F@#$ed up, Master Sergeant." MSgt. Lacy came out of the hooch and told us to fix all the racks and told candidate Anater to sit on his camp stool, take his blouse off, loosen his web belt, unbutton his trousers, and loosen his boots and to lean up against another trouble maker and sip water. The platoon wasn't even mad, we were all trying our hardest to maintain bearing as Anater screamed "YEEHAW" repeatedly as the MSgt. yelled from his hooch, "Louder girl!"


How can I make this thread more awkward?
This thread is awesome. Here are a few of mine:

Very reserved Company CO to a candidate after first libo:
Major: You get any over libo Smith?
Smith: Yes sir.
Major: You get a receipt?

An SI hobbled into the squadbay bent over at the waist
Candidate: Good morning GySgt. Should this candidate call the Corpsman GySgt?
SI: Nah, just bruised my balls on your mom last night. I'll be fine. (GySgt straightens up and walks away perfectly normal)

We needed a candidate to design a moto shirt, so the staff asked for a qualified volunteer. A candidate stepped forward and sounded of "GySgt, this candidate is an art major GySgt!" The SI replied "I know I didn't just hear you confess to that gay shit. Don't you know about DADT?!"
Plt Cmdr after trying to explain the 5 paragraph order for the 300th time: "I need a warm and fuzzy that you have a warm and fuzzy."


Well-Known Member
Our Platoon Sergeant had some great nicknames for a couple guys in my platoon. One dude he called Gollum because he looked just like he came out of Lord of the Rings. Another dude he called Rotisserie because he was always so shiny and sunburnt.


New Member
Ah man this thread is hilarious. I definitely need to learn to stop laughin at everything for when I go back to seniors next summer. I wish I had a better memory because I can't remember many but here are some of the best ones from Juniors:

SI: "What are you smiling about, Son? You look like a f*ggot that just found a bag of d*cks"

(candidate was staring off at an osprey nest on the telephone pole and didn't see an SI walk by him)
SI: "Since you can't give me the proper greeting why don't you greet the birds? Say 'Good morning baby osprey'"
Cand: "Good morning baby osprey" repeated 3x (this made it on to one of the field day shirts it was so funny)


on the preview of the junior stamina course we were at the cliff/rope wall. When it was my turn I stepped up to the front where our Plt Sgt was and in a less than motivated tone I gave him the greeting of the day:
Me: "Good morning, Staff Sgt"
PS: "Did we sleep together last night, candidate?"
Me: "No, Staff Sgt"
PS: "Than why the f*ck are you whispering to me"
PS: "Better stop actin crazy. Get yo ass up that rope"


The first time our Co 1st Sgt addressed us:
1stSgt: "I need someone to stand up and tell me what the definition of leadership is"
Overachieving cand: "The definition of leadership is..." (1st Sgt cuts him off)
1stSgt: "Shut up and sit down. You're weak and you're feable!"

The second time our Co 1st Sgt addressed us:
1stSgt: "You're about to complete my daggon motivated stamina course. You WILL complete my course in an acceptable time frame. If you do not complete my course I will go to your house and kill your family pet. You know why I'm going to kill the pet and not you? Because the pet is more important. Sure your family will be upset about your death for a little bit, but if fluffy dies, they're gonna be upset for a long stinkin' time. And if any of you have a hot sister, i'm going to buy her flowers and take her on a nice date. Good luck"


In it for the naked volleyball
Anyone that was part of Company K, 1st Increment, last summer will remember this one...

Cand.First.Sgt : "Cand.Plt.Sgts, take charge of your platoons... and" (looks around and doesn't know what command to give)... "march them that way!" (comes from POA and points both arms in direction of Bobo Hall.) So funny...
You laugh, but a few years ago we were doing a Group change of command (Group is equivalent to Brigade size in the Army), and our Battalion CSM needed to move the entire battalion about 15 feet to the left. So he yells, "Fall out...now, move about 15 feet that way!" as he points in the direction of another battalion. All the while the rest of the battalions are trying to do facing movements back and forth to get it right.

I should mention this is a Special Forces Group, and this wasn't exactly surprising. A few years before that, I remember someone giving a "File from the left, column left" and after about 10 people someone just saying fuck it and we just walked like normal people.

Anyways, sorry to hijack your OCS thread, but I found it applicable.


A story I've heard from a friend (he's a redhead) who went through OCS:

While on line:
SSGT: "CANDIDATE GINGER! You smell that?"
Candidate Ginger: "NO SSGT!"
SSGT: "I just farted, yaunderstandthat?"
Candidate Ginger: "YES SSGT!"
SSGT: "Smell it."
Candidate: "AYE SSGT!"


How can I make this thread more awkward?
My favorite (probably because it was so politically incorrect):

Sunday AM, all candidates are standing unorganized in front of Yeckel Hall waiting to go to church.

SI: Protestants! Room A! Catholics! Room B! Muslims! Chaplain's Office!
-Candidates start moving, one candidate timidly approaches the SI-
Candidate: GySgt, Where do the Buddhist Candidates go?
SI: *long pause* ... uh...Go with the Muslims! You're all going to Hell anyway!


Just a few, kinda hard to remember a lot of them anymore.

Plt Sgt: I don't get all this Modern Warfare 2 crap. When I was your age, I played sports, I was a fncking maniac.
SI: [to me] I can't hear you! Get your platoon at the proper distance.
Me: Aye GySgt - TIGHTEN IT UP!
Plt: Tighten it up aye Candidate!
SI: I can't hear you!
Plt Sgt: Some of you are going to be doing bad things to bad people very soon.
A good candidate tore his ACL and was being sent home after a week on light duty.
Plt Sgt: I can't believe how you all act. You only care about yourselves. We have a *decent* candidate going home, and I wish I could tear your legs off so he could choose one and keep it for himself because he's performed better than any of you selfish little bastards.
Practicing rifle manual in the squadbays, we're doing inspection arms. SI is standing on a foot locker to get a good sight picture of the entire platoon on line. Right after "port," and we all drive the bolts home, the candidate across from me pulls the trigger before the SI says "arms." SI looks right at him and says:
SI: Hey there W, what the hell?
W: This candidate came, was, uh early, GySgt.
SI: Oh for real, I heard you have that problem in other areas of life too.
W: Yes, Gy-

Probably one of the best bearing tests the whole time spent there.


Active Member
This happened on the day that we won the Company Drill Competition so our staff was pretty pumped and platoon morale was high.

Two candidates had just been seen using the rolling stick on each other's backs by the platoon commander.

SI steps out of the duty hut, "What's this I hear about Candidates massaging each other?".

Us: These candidates were using the rolling stick to massage each other's backs, Staff Sergeant!

SI: You know that candidates aren't supposed to be touching each other right?

Candidate: Yes, Staff Sergeant!

SI: Do you know why?

Candidate: No, Staff Sergeant!

SI: Because it feels good, then you're gonna want more, do you understand me?

Candidate: Yes, Staff Sergeant!

SI: One thing leads to another and the next thing you kn-

At this point our Platoon Commander leans out of the duty hut and shouts, "You'll be sucking dick for crack!"

That was the only time I saw an instructor lose their bearing. That was also my favorite day at OCS.


During one of our Liberty periods Code Pink had scheduled a protest about imprisoning the guy that leaked all of the classified documents, who was being held in Quantico, and we were being briefed about it by our Company 1st Sergeant.

1st Sergeant: Q-town is off limits to India Company this weekend, do you understand me?

Us: Yes First Sergeant!

1st Sergeant: That's because these hippies, they're crafty. They schedule a protest for Saturday, but they'll show up on both Friday and Saturday, do you understand me?

Us: Yes, First Sergeant!

1st Sergeant: Under no circumstances will you engage the hippies! You will not speak to them or interact with them! Now, I'm not saying you can't defend yourself, if you are attacked I expect you to defend yourself in a reasonable manner, do you understand me?

Us: Yes, First Sergeant!

1st Sergeant: You will not stomp a hole in a hippies chest cavity, do you understand me?

Us: Yes, First Sergeant!

1st Sergeant: Good, now if you are attacked and you happen to take out eight or ten hippies I might visit you in prison and shake your hand! Maybe even bake you a little cake with a file in it, do you understand me!

Us: Yes, First Sergeant!

1st Sergeant: Good, so it is understood that Q-town is off limits!

Us: Yes, First Sergeant!

Ok, that's all I can think of and I need to try this thing called homework.


New Member
I was next door in India Four. GySgt Nyla had us say "Good morning" to the baby osprey for the next week after whichever candidate that was started it. I think some of us got a kick out of it, but maybe I was the only one.


New Member
Just got on here again after a long time and was definately psyched to see some I-3 quotes. man, UNREAL.

during the long hump, candidate trips and eats it on his face, Ssgt looks back and then faces front again, "Holy Shit! He bit it HARD!"

"here he comes on his white horse, guess i better push for him..."


I came into this thread thinking "What could be so funny about OCS?". Hilarious are some of these posts LOL


I came into this thread thinking "What could be so funny about OCS?". Hilarious are some of these posts LOL
OCS is hillarious after it's over. Some parts are funny while you're there, but try not to show it. I got the nickname 'Joker' because of that, and almost got sent home.