My husband is at OCS right now

[Jen]

Hello, My name is Jen. My husband is at OCS right now, and I am taking it hard. He's in the July 8th class. We've been together for 5 1/2 years.. and we haven't ever been apart for more than a week. I am struggling. I feel like I've done all the wrong things and I don't know how to handle it. I've sent him mail.. with kisses on the back.. well last night he called me for the first time and said don't send anything with anything on it.. no sort of drawlings or anything. I told him I sent him a letter everyday like that. I am going to make him sweat! I feel horrible. I've written to him asking why he didn't write.. I read yesterday that's not a good thing to do. I just feel absolutely horrible!!! Nothing I can say will make up for how much trouble he's going through because of me. Will the whole 12 weeks be this hard?? He said yesterday that he isn't even allowed liberty til after 9 weeks. I don't know how I can go without seeing him for 9 weeks. Please someone help.

 

[BigIron]

The procedure for getting mail is not what you might imagine. It used to be their DI hands out the mail personally. Any extra markings on it are most likely brought to the fore-front. It's not a big deal. He's early on too, so he's still in the rough phase. Once he's there for a few more weeks, it will get easier and he will be used to the chaos. Then you can send letters with whatever on them.

As far as not seeing him for extended periods, this is something you guys will have to work out. It goes quickly. Later on they have a lot more unstructured time, and will be able to use the phone a lot more.

Hang in there. He's fine. He doesn't have a lot of spare time.

 

[Sabre170]

Don't sweat it. He is probably just doing a "few" extra push ups or other exercise that will in the long run make him stronger. When I got the "Sweet" letters I just had to "push" until all the mail was passed out and then I got to go read my letters... a little embarrasing when the DI calls you sweet but no big deal.

Unless they changed OCS some more he may get liberty sooner than 9 weeks.

Also try not to take it hard when you don't hear from him, in the beginning he will be very busy with not much time for letter writing.... soon he will get access to the computers and be able to email. I emailed a lot more than I sent letters. Just be supportive and try not to laugh at all the silly things he has to do...

 

[Scarface_F/L]

As well as him getting a little stronger, you too might use this experience as a stepping-stone for your self-preparation. When commissioned, he is going to be gone for various deployments that can last for months. As an enlisted guy, I worked on my wedding day, held my daughter for two weeks and than was deployed for 13 months. I returned to a one year old that I needed to meet. I am not giving a sob story, it’s out there and it is going to happen. You must be prepared for this kind of stuff. I just celebrated my 5th year with my wife and we are having another child, a girl, in Aug. I leave for OCS in October! We call it life; people call it reality and for all who struggle through it and come out in the end, call it success. Good luck and worry not, this phase goes away.

 

[DocT]

Marine OCS mail was super sketchy. It sounds like the Navy side is no different. I'd get a letter only a few days after my fiance sent it. The next letter took about 9-10 days. It's frustrating...but rest assured he's not ignoring your letters. Sometimes I had every intention of writing only to fall asleep with blank stationary on my chest. I know it doesn't seem like it now...but things get better.

 

[Jen]

I know that there are changes ahead. It will be very difficult. I am trying so hard to get adjusted; it's just hard. I want this for him, I want for him to be happy, so I am trying to stay strong for him. Thank you all for sharing with me some of your experiences and advice.

 

[wink]

I know that there are changes ahead. It will be very difficult. I am trying so hard to get adjusted; it's just hard. I want this for him, I want for him to be happy, so I am trying to stay strong for him. Thank you all for sharing with me some of your experiences and advice.

I don't mean to be a cheerleader or anything, but what you are going through now is your way of contributing, not just to your husband's career, but to the Navy and the collective defense of your country. It is said often, though you may not have heard it much yet, but spouses serve too. And some times it is just as difficult or more so. When on deployment we have many distractions and rewards. For the family left behind it can be a little harder to find the reward for all the extra responsibility and work that comes with a spouse deployed. You will learn how to cope as will your husband. Your methods will differ but you will cope and survive. Welcome aboard. Good Luck!

 

[KSUFLY]

Send as many letters as you can...he may not get them for the first week but once he does he will love them. It doesn't matter if you're the only one to get mail on Mon, Tues, and Wed it still sucks when everyone in your room gets mail Thursday and you don't get anything because yesterday seems like a week ago. Also, don't be surprised if it takes 3 weeks sometimes for a letter to get to him. I had mail get to me sometimes in 6 days and other times it took over 3 weeks. I don't know where it goes for those three weeks!!!

 

[ChunksJR]

Hang in there...You'll be great. Come on into the chat every once in a while and there are a few guys/gals who will be happy to cheer you up.

In the meantime...stay busy. The DIs are down there keepin' him busy...so start a hobbie/work out/have a girls night and repeat. That's what my wife and I did. I was on the boat...she was here.

I'm proud of you and so are a lot of people on this board...Even Brett.

 

[pdx]

Don't sweat the mail.

It doesn't seem like it to your husband right now, but the mail is not a big deal. Having a bunch of hearts on his mail will draw attention to him, but everything he does at OCS will draw attention. He will be able to deal with it, and the next time he does something stupid, the DIs will latch on to that instead. I'm not trying to insult him, we ALL did stupid things at OCS.

 

[HH-60H]

Don't sweat the mail.

It doesn't seem like it to your husband right now, but the mail is not a big deal. Having a bunch of hearts on his mail will draw attention to him, but everything he does at OCS will draw attention. He will be able to deal with it, and the next time he does something stupid, the DIs will latch on to that instead. I'm not trying to insult him, we ALL did stupid things at OCS.

I didn't.

I didn't go to OCS.

 

[pdx]

I didn't.

I didn't go to OCS.

smart ass.

I should rephrase, to be more technically correct.

Also, I thought I would throw in a word about liberty. A few classes get liberty as early as 4th week (depends on the class, and on the DI). However, if you are thinking of making a trip all the way from Lexington, don't get your hopes too high. Sometimes liberty gets cancelled at the last minute, or gets called really late.

Also, there is dining out. Our class got liberty after dining out even though we were not otherwise secured. All of us single guys made sure the married guys did not have to stand watch that night.

 

[Jen]

That was awfully nice of you single guys. I just hope to see my honey soon.

 

[HeyJoe]

Great advice and my 2 cents are to remember that he is likely quite literally exhausted and if not so, then he's probably got his dance card filled with things to do. He's probably hanging on to great memories of you, but I'd caution NEVER to ask why he hasn't written. Keep it upbeat like "Can't wait to see you and get reacquainted".

You might try gettting some postcards and preaddressing them with postage affixed and then write a fill-in-the-blank section like:

Hey Jen

I am (check all that apply):

___really tired and wishing you were here or I was there
___wondering why I signed up for this
___counting the days, hours and minutes until I hold you in my arms
___meeting lots of new friends
___making my bed every day
___picking of lots of insights to share on AW
___up to___situps, ____pullups and running a ______
___ready for bed


You get the idea. Send him a bunch and mix up the choices. That way you can give him an opportunity to pop one in the mail everyday even when he is exhausted. Don't forget to be humorous. Don't dwell on the missing you part and make him feel like he isn't fulfilling your needs. Have fun with it. HJ

 

[Jen]

That's a really great idea. I'm going to do that. THanks so much. I have written him and told him to write only when he can!! If he doesn't have time, then that's fine.. I would rather him get out in 12 weeks.. and not get a letter, than get a letter.. and have to wait 3 to 4 more weeks because he rolled. I have learned, and believe me, I feel horrible about writing him and asking why he hasn't written. We're both new at this though, and it's an adjustment. Thanks so much for the great suggestion!