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Motivational Statement MEGA Thread

MockingbirdT

Well-Known Member
Hi all,
I was recently pro rec'd for SWO, and I know there's a lot of lurkers out there who need help on where to get started for writing their motivational statements. Thought I would share mine to help yall out. Take it with a grain of salt, no one really knows what they are looking for or how much your statement actually weighs on your app, but the whole idea is selling yourself and being swocentric right?

My decision to become a Naval Officer has been long-engrained through my upbringing and further reinforced by my experiences as a working professional. It was never a matter of “if I would serve” but “when I would serve”. Growing up a first-generation American, I was constantly reminded how lucky I am to be here. It was not until I was older did I realize what this meant; that we are presented countless opportunities for one to be successful. I believe that this is something uniquely American. So, despite having unlimited career prospects, I have always believed that it is fitting for me to pursue one that would protect these American ideals and ensure future generations have the same opportunities I was given.

Much of this ambition is credited to my father, who despite growing up under a different flag, recognized the significance the United States Navy plays in protecting our freedoms around the world. This notion ultimately led him to swear an oath to defend a country he had never set foot on prior to recruit training. Through him, I saw what a motivated individual can contribute and take away from serving in the Navy. From all the different ways to serve my country, seeing this set the decision for me to choose the Navy.

My upbringing may have shaped my choice in military service, but my experiences as an adult has solidified my decision to choose a career path as a Surface Warfare Officer. During my time in college I was elected to serve as chapter president of my fraternity. This newfound leadership quickly taught me the complex demands required to successfully run an organization. Throughout my tenure, I learned how to delegate duty, deal in conflict resolution, and bear the responsibility of representing an organization. By the end of my time as president, we were able to pay off our chapter’s debt, quadruple our fundraising from the previous year, and achieve the highest GPA on campus amongst fraternities.

After college I worked in a fast-paced surgical eye clinic. With no prior experience, I quickly had to master technical skills I never thought I would be doing. I learned the importance of adhering to detail to safeguard a patient’s health. As a result of my quick learning, I was selected to learn further testing, being one of only two technicians performing electroretinography in the Washington DC area at the time.

The biggest takeaway I have learned from patient care was not just how to learn new things quickly, but more importantly how to compose oneself despite a challenging a situation. I learned the importance of maintaining a sense of confidence in anything you do. Any sense of uncertainty would easily be noticed by a patient and make them uneasy. A confident bearing would always assure them that they were getting care the best possible care. I believe this mentality is especially important as a future Surface Warfare Officer when it comes down to leading men and women.

My current work in medical research has brought me face-to-face with veterans from wars past and present. I have examined the effects of post-war injuries and led educational discussions on treatment for veterans. It is ultimately this experience that has pushed me to make the decision I am making today. Despite physical and mental struggle, I have rarely noticed resentment regarding their service. One commonality was knowing that their service contributed to the best fighting force in the world. As mentioned, it was never a matter of “if”, but “when”. I feel my talents have done all they can for me as a civilian and only prepared me for the next step as an Officer Candidate. I hope to continue this legacy and ensure the United States remains the best fighting force in the world.


The enthusiasm I have for this country and Navy would be the driving force for my motivation even in the face of adversity. My leadership through interpersonal skills, problem solving, and attention to detail would make me best suited as a Surface Warfare Officer. I believe this demeanor directly translates to what is needed to command and mentor sailors, enlisted and officer alike.

Your motivational statement, in my humble opinion is very very good. Nice work.
 

jhaselti

New Member
Hello, so i just finished my first draft of my motivational Statement and would like some input. Here it is:

When I first graduated high school in 2002, I went on to college not really knowing what I wanted to do career wise and did not have a plan for my future. I ended up leaving school before I finished my degree and went to work in a retail store for 6 years. It was during my fourth year in retail when I finally decided on what I wanted to. So, I went back to school full time and completed my associate degree as a computer network specialist with a 3.45 GPA while working 35+ hours a week. When I started career searching I came across the idea of becoming a Naval Officer but found out that I had to have a bachelors instead of an associate degree, so I thought about enlisting as a CTN instead. However, before I could finish the whole enlistment process I was offered a job at Hewlett-Packard, which is the company my father worked at for 20+ years. For that sentimental reason and because the money was great I instead chose that job instead of enlisting. But I often thought about this decision in the years following since I did have a strong desire to serve my country.

During my time at Hewlett-Packard I showcased my ability to pick up on advanced topics quickly and was always among the first group of people that would partake in new or advanced trainings. I would then take the knowledge I had learned and was able to help customers with advanced issues. Many of the issues that customers would experience led to network down or outages, so I had many experiences dealing with stressful situations and communicating with leaders of many companies to resolve these issues. But the work that made me the proudest at the end of the day was mentoring members of my team. Because I believe that helping members of the team increase their knowledge and confidence helps the company far more than just keeping to myself and doing the job as an individual. Unfortunately, the company laid off my entire team in mid-2017, in the subsequent months I decided I wanted to go back to school and finally finish my bachelor’s degree.

I had set myself two major goals when I started school, the first being to learn as much as I could by taking classes that I know relate to what I wanted to do as a career, the second being I wanted to achieve the highest grades possible. By the time I ended up graduating on July 25, 2019 I achieved both goals, as I finished with a 4.0 and took classes I knew would help me in the future. During my time at school I also took the time to help many of my classmates understand some of the concepts within the networking related classes such as subnetting and packet captures. All the classmates that I helped with these concepts earned A's in the class. I also took on the role of project leader for 8 of the 10 group projects during school and made sure that the planning was solid and everyone in the group understood their roles and stepped in to help whenever needed. When I began career searching after graduation I noticed I could now pursue my dream to finally become a Naval Officer.

I think that I would be a great addition to the United States Navy as an Officer. One of the biggest reasons is that my maturity level has risen significantly since my first stint at college in the early 2000's, and that is something that grows over time and through life experiences, it can't be taught. As mentioned previously I have a work ethic that puts the team above myself and experience in mentoring people who are both younger and less knowledgeable than myself. I have proven leadership capabilities in both my civilian job and during my latest stint at school. I believe that in order to achieve the greatest results as an Officer, the candidate must choose a designator that they are most passionate about. For me there are two designators that fit me the best, Cryptologic Warfare Officer, and Information Professional. I think I am a little more passionate towards Cryptologic Warfare because I know that its role is rapidly increasing the more technology is utilized around the world. Cyber-attacks have the potential to bring down enemy systems and can vastly decrease the risk to our men and women who are put in harm’s way. I also know that you should always strive to continue to learn to stay ahead, so I have plans to get many certifications such as Certified Ethical Hacker (CEH), Certified Information Systems Manager (CISM), and Certified Information System Security Professional (CISSP) when I meet the experience criteria needed for them.
 

pleahy15

Well-Known Member
Hello, so i just finished my first draft of my motivational Statement and would like some input. Here it is:

When I first graduated high school in 2002, I went on to college not really knowing what I wanted to do career wise and did not have a plan for my future. I ended up leaving school before I finished my degree and went to work in a retail store for 6 years. It was during my fourth year in retail when I finally decided on what I wanted to. So, I went back to school full time and completed my associate degree as a computer network specialist with a 3.45 GPA while working 35+ hours a week. When I started career searching I came across the idea of becoming a Naval Officer but found out that I had to have a bachelors instead of an associate degree, so I thought about enlisting as a CTN instead. However, before I could finish the whole enlistment process I was offered a job at Hewlett-Packard, which is the company my father worked at for 20+ years. For that sentimental reason and because the money was great I instead chose that job instead of enlisting. But I often thought about this decision in the years following since I did have a strong desire to serve my country.

During my time at Hewlett-Packard I showcased my ability to pick up on advanced topics quickly and was always among the first group of people that would partake in new or advanced trainings. I would then take the knowledge I had learned and was able to help customers with advanced issues. Many of the issues that customers would experience led to network down or outages, so I had many experiences dealing with stressful situations and communicating with leaders of many companies to resolve these issues. But the work that made me the proudest at the end of the day was mentoring members of my team. Because I believe that helping members of the team increase their knowledge and confidence helps the company far more than just keeping to myself and doing the job as an individual. Unfortunately, the company laid off my entire team in mid-2017, in the subsequent months I decided I wanted to go back to school and finally finish my bachelor’s degree.

I had set myself two major goals when I started school, the first being to learn as much as I could by taking classes that I know relate to what I wanted to do as a career, the second being I wanted to achieve the highest grades possible. By the time I ended up graduating on July 25, 2019 I achieved both goals, as I finished with a 4.0 and took classes I knew would help me in the future. During my time at school I also took the time to help many of my classmates understand some of the concepts within the networking related classes such as subnetting and packet captures. All the classmates that I helped with these concepts earned A's in the class. I also took on the role of project leader for 8 of the 10 group projects during school and made sure that the planning was solid and everyone in the group understood their roles and stepped in to help whenever needed. When I began career searching after graduation I noticed I could now pursue my dream to finally become a Naval Officer.

I think that I would be a great addition to the United States Navy as an Officer. One of the biggest reasons is that my maturity level has risen significantly since my first stint at college in the early 2000's, and that is something that grows over time and through life experiences, it can't be taught. As mentioned previously I have a work ethic that puts the team above myself and experience in mentoring people who are both younger and less knowledgeable than myself. I have proven leadership capabilities in both my civilian job and during my latest stint at school. I believe that in order to achieve the greatest results as an Officer, the candidate must choose a designator that they are most passionate about. For me there are two designators that fit me the best, Cryptologic Warfare Officer, and Information Professional. I think I am a little more passionate towards Cryptologic Warfare because I know that its role is rapidly increasing the more technology is utilized around the world. Cyber-attacks have the potential to bring down enemy systems and can vastly decrease the risk to our men and women who are put in harm’s way. I also know that you should always strive to continue to learn to stay ahead, so I have plans to get many certifications such as Certified Ethical Hacker (CEH), Certified Information Systems Manager (CISM), and Certified Information System Security Professional (CISSP) when I meet the experience criteria needed for them.
As a first draft, I think you are heading in the right direction. I like how you are linking your life/job experiences directly to the attributions of a Naval Officer. I think you discussing your journey to your degree shows that you are constantly re-evaluating your decisions and deciding what the next best step is for you. Personally, I would not mention the almost enlisting, but then choosing another job. Instead, I would focus more on how by being offered the job at Hewlett-Packard allowed you to work in a field you were passionate about, because it seems like the tasks you performed while working for HP will directly translate to the two designators that you prefer. For me, other than that, it seems that once you comb through this again it will be nice and tight.

Like I said before, this is a great start and I am one mere human on this incredible forum, so take my recommendations however you see fit. Good luck on your selection!
 

Crow93

New Member
Hi all, I'm applying to be an NFO with a second option of SWO and would appreciate your feedback and guidance on my motivational statement, my personal opinion is that I'm missing something specific about why i'm applying to the Navy specifically, please advise:

I was born into and raised by missionaries in China, a country whose government didn’t want us to be there; I have always had to adapt; I have always had to learn the context of my circumstance and how I could better myself and those around me. Wherever I was while in China, be it a school or underground church or just gatherings with peers, I knew I was different, not because I spoke English better, but rather because I was an American. I knew then and now know much more profoundly that this was because I was a US citizen and free in ways that those around me weren’t--I was free to have an opinion and was free to become the person I aimed to be.

After high school I moved away from my parents, who still are missionaries in China, to Colorado so that I could take care of my grandpa in his last couple months of life and start working on my college degree. For 5 years after my grandpa’s passing I worked full-time to provide for myself while studying and graduated magna cum laude with a bachelor of science in education. It was during this time that I learned to further challenge who I was and to become a better version of myself with each passing year. Through extracurricular activities I served to lead local church outreach services, I led civil discussions around passages of Scripture in a way that valued the nuances of those holding strong opinions while not allowing those opinions to be overbearing, and provided relief to parents attending church every week, helping them care for their toddlers--not just because I have the care and patience for toddlers, but mainly because there was a shortage of volunteers in this area of the church.

After college I applied for and was promoted into a job at my company, a bank, that paid well and furthered my career, but this has revealed itself as a career that would be self-serving. I want to serve a cause greater than myself as my father does as a missionary in China, as my grandpa did as both a missionary in Pakistan and as a veteran of the Korean War, as well as my great-grandfather did serving in the Marines in World War I.

I want to be a Navy officer because I want to actively defend and uphold this cornerstone ideal of freedom that is foundational to the developed world. I want to be a Navy officer because I strive to live by a personal commitment to learning and excellence so that I can better serve and lead, and believe that the Navy can provide me with the opportunities in which I can learn and lead others to adapt to their environment and to better themselves. I believe I can do this because I try to learn from and about the people around me, to listen to them and know them for who they are; I have the patience to tackle difficult circumstances; and I care about my fellow man.

I believe my ability to adapt to my environment while maintaining a truness to myself, ethic of working hard to accomplish what I do in an excellent manner, and my desire to help those around me make me a good candidate for becoming a Navy Officer.
 

ndraper728

Well-Known Member
Im bored waiting on the results from the past aviation board. Unfortunately, I was told to stay strictly within a 400 word count. Just wanted to share my statement to maybe provide a source of inspiration. No need for critique as mine has already been sent off, lmao. Wish I would have found this page wayy sooner. I tried to stick to the motivational aspect rather than spilling my life story.


To become an officer within the United States Navy is a distinguished honor and I know that I possess the qualities necessary to lead and guide the men and women of the United States Navy to success. Throughout my life I have been assigned to various leadership roles and have learned what it takes to execute and exemplify the traits of an officer in the United States Navy. I am sincere in my ways and serve as an inspiration to those that doubt themselves. I know this because I posses the highest qualities of nobility and am zealous towards any opportunity that is put in front of me. It is my passion for nationalism that has molded my ideals and drives me everyday to attain the pure gold of my refined character. Although, I may possess a passion for leading this never blinds my sight of the compassion I have for my fellow man. For I am no more a man than the sailer who does not bear a gold bar upon their uniform. My desire to lead is driven by my want to protect and serve those I love most. For those people I am willing to sacrifice all that I know and am willing to plunge into the mystery of evil that is exists in this world. I will not fail for I am true to myself and will never give into the voice of doubt.
My leadership experience has lead me to many great places and has taught me to never settle as well as understanding the importance of consistency. Some of my fondest memories have been from when I lead in various musical ensembles. After months of blood sweat and tears we were able to push the envelope of what we thought possible. The groups I lead and performed in strived for excellence and never let the smallest of details slip out of our hands. These experiences lead us to receive several WGI World Championship Medals. Aside from winning competitions my leadership experience has resulted in thousands of dollars raised for young musicians and charities in need. I have been able to give back to the elderly by visiting their nursing homes and singing with other musicians to lift spirits. My willingness to serve stems from an innate desire and compassion for humanity. For even the most dissonant parts of life bring beauty and harmony.
 

alezale

New Member
Hello, I am applying for SNA. I have read through people's motivational statements but they are all very different. PLEASE tear this apart.

A few days after 9/11, my mother brought me a cutout of an American flag from a newspaper. I quickly ran and hung it on my wall next to the 20 different versions of the American flag. I was 5 years old when American soil was attacked on September 11, 2001. While this event was traumatic for my family, it instilled a level of patriotism that I have carried throughout my life. That was the day that I knew that I wanted to pursue a life in public service that protected our country’s values and the people within our country.

Growing up, I juggled with the idea of becoming a police officer or a firefighter, but every day I would pass by our memorial wall in the living room commemorating all of those in our family that have served. From fighting in the Civil War, WWI, WWII, Korean War, Vietnam, Operation Desert Storm, I would say that defending our country runs in my blood. At the age of 15, I knew that I wanted to serve in the military. Not only would I be the first Officer in my family, but I would be the first woman to join.

I was born a leader. Throughout trials and tribulations of my life, I learned to take charge of situations when they were needed which has become the most valuable asset of my life. At four years old, I had a new father figure, and a new baby brother. Unfortunately, the father figure was unreliable. After the first few months of my brother’s life, it had come my mother’s attention that her husband was leaving me in charge of taking care of my brother including feeding, changing, cleaning, and putting him to bed. While my mother was distraught, she always likes to remind me that that was the day that she realized that I would always take charge whenever necessary.

I have taken this lesson in my life and applied it to every situation which has always helped me advanced quickly in my jobs to leadership positions. Whether that be because I approach my jobs seriously with maturity or how I treat each individual with respect and empathy. My proudest moment of leadership was when I was thrown into being the supervisor of 10 student interns and managing the production of the secondary location of a laboratory with no formal training at the age of 22. I was able to adapt to the situation and quadruple the retention rate of interns while also increasing the production rate of the lab to the highest level they had ever seen.

I truly believe that I would fit in well in the naval aviator community. Not only do I have a need for speed, but I am an absolute perfectionist. I have always been labeled the “responsible” friend due to being known for being persistent and organized, but also observant over every situation. Being a responsible perfectionist comes with the belief that criticism is absolutely necessary for growth. Without criticism, an individual will never be able to improve their task at hand. Being a pilot is a dangerous, yet rewarding job and I believe it takes an individual who is willing to constantly learn and adjust to complete a mission.

While writing this statement, I had time to truly reflect on my life, desires, and needs. Applying to serve in the Navy is not equal to applying to college. When I applied to college, I felt outside pressures that I needed to please. Applying for the Navy has been my own choice that I have desired for a decade. To me, applying to the Navy isn’t just to further my career, it’s giving my life value and meaning. I thought the desire to serve in the United States military was universal among all Americans. However, I quickly learned throughout college, that this idea was not accepted amongst my colleagues. It was during this time that I realized that my dream of being a Naval Officer was rare. This realization created a motivational force within me that is unstoppable. I want the chance to serve our country by helping lead fellow sailors but continue to project the legacy of the Navy through my service.
 
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NavyOffRec

Well-Known Member
Hello, I am applying for SNA. I have read through people's motivational statements but they are all very different. PLEASE tear this apart.

A few days after 9/11, my mother brought me a cutout of an American flag from a newspaper. I quickly ran and hung it on my wall next to the 20 different versions of the American flag. I was 5 years old when American soil was attacked on September 11, 2001. While this event was traumatic for my family, it instilled a level of patriotism that I have carried throughout my life. That was the day that I knew that I wanted to pursue a life in public service that protected our country’s values and the people within our country.

Growing up, I juggled with the idea of becoming a police officer or a firefighter, but every day I would pass by our memorial wall in the living room commemorating all of those in our family that have served. From fighting in the Civil War, WWI, WWII, Korean War, Vietnam, Operation Desert Storm, I would say that defending our country runs in my blood. At the age of 15, I knew that I wanted to serve in the military. Not only would I be the first Officer in my family, but I would be the first woman to join.

I was born a leader. Throughout trials and tribulations of my life, I learned to take charge of situations when they were needed which has become the most valuable asset of my life. At four years old, I had a new father figure, and a new baby brother. Unfortunately, the father figure was unreliable. After the first few months of my brother’s life, it had come my mother’s attention that her husband was leaving me in charge of taking care of my brother including feeding, changing, cleaning, and putting him to bed. While my mother was distraught, she always likes to remind me that that was the day that she realized that I would always take charge whenever necessary.

I have taken this lesson in my life and applied it to every situation which has always helped me advanced quickly in my jobs to leadership positions. Whether that be because I approach my jobs seriously with maturity or how I treat each individual with respect and empathy. My proudest moment of leadership was when I was thrown into being the supervisor of 10 student interns and managing the production of the secondary location of a laboratory with no formal training at the age of 22. I was able to adapt to the situation and quadruple the retention rate of interns while also increasing the production rate of the lab to the highest level they had ever seen.

I truly believe that I would fit in well in the naval aviator community. Not only do I have a need for speed, but I am an absolute perfectionist. I have always been labeled the “responsible” friend due to being known for being persistent and organized, but also observant over every situation. Being a responsible perfectionist comes with the belief that criticism is absolutely necessary for growth. Without criticism, an individual will never be able to improve their task at hand. Being a pilot is a dangerous, yet rewarding job and I believe it takes an individual who is willing to constantly learn and adjust to complete a mission.

While writing this statement, I had time to truly reflect on my life, desires, and needs. Applying to serve in the Navy is not equal to applying to college. When I applied to college, I felt outside pressures that I needed to please. Applying for the Navy has been my own choice that I have desired for a decade. To me, applying to the Navy isn’t just to further my career, it’s giving my life value and meaning. I thought the desire to serve in the United States military was universal among all Americans. However, I quickly learned throughout college, that this idea was not accepted amongst my colleagues. It was during this time that I realized that my dream of being a Naval Officer was rare. This realization created a motivational force within me that is unstoppable. I want the chance to serve our country by helping lead fellow sailors but continue to project the legacy of the Navy through my service.
what are your ASTB scores, that is what really matters
 
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