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Jets make you poo

zab1001 said:
edit: I tried to split this and can't figure out the new system...any takers?
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How's that?

I've come dangerously close to calling emergency flight quarters. I toughed it out for 3 hours, all the while getting the chills and some serious rumblings. After I landed and did the paper work, I was in the rack for 3 days. When they say don't drink the water in Peru, they mean it.
 
I knew this topic would eventually break off into its very own thread. You guys are so predictable. It's still funny though. Rep points to everyone if I could.
 
Thank you

A4sForever said:
All this #2 stuff is making me .... uncomfortable. Any room in here for a #1 sea story .... ??? :)
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Excellent idea.....

During Desert Shield, our CAP and practice strike missions had us airborne for 5+ hours routinely. Many aircrew had never used a piddle pack because it wasn't that much of a necessity on a 2.1 sortie. On top of longer flights, the onboard SEAL Team gave us a lecture on hydrating properly that started a competition to see who could carry the most water on their flight gear. SDO validated the latest record and posted it on the Ready Room white board. One guy got up to 64 ounzes by rigging 2 military canteens we had for CHEM/BIO onto his SV-2. At any rate, we weren't just carrying a lot of water, everyone was drinking it constantly after hearing the SEAL tell tales of blood in urine and potential kidney stones from dehydration. Our flight doc backed him up and the SEALs were taking aircrews into the desert via helo to practice survival so everyone started getting serious about hydration and "pissing clear" (best indicator that you are hydrated). So well hydrated aviators + longer flights meant everyone was using piddle packs like never before. Next thing we know our rather meek and bookish MCO gets up at an AOM and asks us to please hit the head before we fly because we were using up his 7F budget buying piddle packs. He got the treatment usually reserved for newly reporting Intel Offciers to get them into a Ready Room mentality. It was the first and last time he ever stood up at an AOM and said anything.
 
I can't believe that I'm participating in the fecal forum .... but here is my offering, originally posted a year or so ago. Some of you may not have seen it. The shame is real ... the names are omited. This particular maneuver was performed by my roommate, shipmate, and all-around good-guy. I will put forward my personal moment of shame at a later date ... I have to go to the head now .....

Picture this:

USS Kitty Hawk, CV-63, transit to WestPac, we had been in "Bear Country" for a couple of days ..... when "LAUNCH THE ALERT 5 and ALERT 15" !!! was sounded over the 1MC (meaning Crazy Ivan is close) As my roommate was standing ALERT 15, his aircraft was broken down and taxied forward onto Cat #1 for immediate launch after the ALERT 5 banged off the cat -- he had been standing his alert in the cockpit (no pun) for the past couple of hours, as memory serves ......




Problem was ..... he was just about to be "relieved" (no pun, again, but I now suspect I know the reason that this particular term is used) -- when the ALERT and launch commands sounded across the flight deck.

Engine start, chocks out, taxi forward, etc., etc... :eek: Maximum pucker, max+ excitement, max+ activity by everyone on the ship and especially, the flight deck personnel. BEARS INBOUND !!! IVAN is COMING !!!

My roomie's "problem" increased dramatically as the aircraft was locked into the catapult and the launch was unexpectedly delayed for 2-3 minutes. :eek: My friend could not stand the "excitement" any longer and in desperation, took out the "relief tube" from under his seat (there's that "relief" word again) --- AND HE USED IT !! RIGHT THERE!! ON DECK !! WHILE ATTACHED TO THE CATAPULT!! ARE YOU INSANE !!! ---after which he was basically ready to "go"... if you know what I mean (still no pun). Where DO we get such men ???

That's when one of our Final Checkers -- probably the most "head's-up" enlisted men on the flight deck (that's why they have the job) -- noticed a "stream" of fluid coming from the belly of the aircraft. True to his duties -- he ran up, halted the launch, kneeled down and put his hand under the aircraft to catch some of the "fluid" and proceeded to smell/taste it !!! :eek:


You can figure out the rest of the story for yourself, except that this checker's expected "thumb's-up" to the cockpit was performed with the middle finger instead of with the more traditional "good-to-go" (alas, still no pun) "thumb". :icon_rage
 
Had an A-7 pilot use the relief tube on deck. Thought the outlet was over the deck edge...it wasn't.

For anyone not familiar with an A-7 the intake is gaping maw on the front of the jet very low to the deck. We always had people stand around it waving hands to indicate the engine was turning...like you do with an E-2/C-2.

Anywasys...he uses the tube, it drains out and gets whirlwind tonado sucked out in front of his jet by the airflow to the intake. Basically misted everyone around the intake.

His new call sign...."Nate"

A7%20stbd%20on%20ship.jpg


....as in urinate....
 
Ok so there's a relief tube in jets and stuff, but that leads me to the question of what do the women do in that situation? A relief tube physically doesn't work there....
 
Hornets/ T-45s have no tube, only piddle packs. They have an adapter for the females, but all I've spoken to haven't tried it yet.
 
A4sForever said:
True to his duties -- he ran up, halted the launch, kneeled down and put his hand under the aircraft to catch some of the "fluid" and proceeded to smell/taste it !!! :eek:
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We had a crew on a x-country once where ECMO-2 had to pee like a racehorese, but the relief tube was out of commission. Once they landed, they were parked out in BFE with no restrooms in sight. The pilot went to look for the fuel guy while ECMO-2, lacking any other cover, took a leak beside the main mount. Pilot returns, notices "fluid on the ground" by the main mount, does the smell/taste test. He was not a happy camper....
 
I was once carrying a VIP from Roberts International Airport in Liberia back to the ship. I was in my 5th hour of flying, and with a VIP onboard, it's not like I can go piss off the ramp like I would normally do. That called for the dreaded relief tube. Well, true to Phrog form someone had shoved a foamie in the drain, and I didn't have any water to perform step #1 (flow check). So with this VIP on board, I'm sitting there pinching it off (damn did it hurt), holding a FULL relief tube in my hand, looking at it wondering what the hell to do. I finally ask my crew chief what side the VIP was on, and when the response came back "Right Side Sir", I told him to stay away from the AO's window. Thank god there was enough hose to reach the copilot's window to dump it out. Three more sequences and I finally was relieved...
 
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