-
Please take a moment and update your account profile. If you have an updated account profile with basic information on why you are on Air Warriors it will help other people respond to your posts. How do you update your profile you ask?
Go here:
Edit Account Details and Profile
Dumb things you've overheard
- Thread starter zab1001
- Start date
phrogpilot73
Well-Known Member
Just thought of a couple more...
This happened to me in flight school, I was having problems in the landing pattern, and the instructor I flew with kept taking the contols after the bounce, or waveoff. I said to myself (without keying ICS or radio): "How the fvck am I going to learn if he keeps taking the controls after every god-damned bounce!"
Well, he stopped taking the controls. Later on in the flight, I'm picking up course rules (Intercepting the powerline slash at a 45 degree angle), and he asks if I know what I'm doing. I point towards the chicken ranch with my left hand (you see where this is going) and say "Yes sir, the chicken ranch is right over there." He replies, "OK." Then it dawns on me, I look down to my right, see the switch is on hot mike, and switch it to cold.
After we land, I ask him how long I was on hot mike. His reply - "Long enough for me to realize that you don't like it when I take the controls in the landing pattern"
Around the boat - my buddy was bouncing in the local pattern, and thinking he's on ICS says "Why the fvck won't the boss give me a closed pattern?" Second detent was a little weak, so the boss replies (with a little bit of pissed offedness in his voice) "Leroy 01, you have a closed pattern" My buddy (AGAIN on the radio) "Whoops"
And of course, the inevitable happened - a guy in the squadron accidentally called base with "Tower, Leroy 01 on Oscar, Palm Grove for TFA N". My reply - "Leroy 01, tower - you're cleared for takeof wind 270/10 report Palm Grove, and make sure that you jettison fuel prior to the fuel farm. Initiate any turns by calling WOOHOO, and maintain 10,000 feet immediately upon takeoff" The pilot that called is from Tennessee, and his reply "Fvck you, $hit ass"
This happened to me in flight school, I was having problems in the landing pattern, and the instructor I flew with kept taking the contols after the bounce, or waveoff. I said to myself (without keying ICS or radio): "How the fvck am I going to learn if he keeps taking the controls after every god-damned bounce!"
Well, he stopped taking the controls. Later on in the flight, I'm picking up course rules (Intercepting the powerline slash at a 45 degree angle), and he asks if I know what I'm doing. I point towards the chicken ranch with my left hand (you see where this is going) and say "Yes sir, the chicken ranch is right over there." He replies, "OK." Then it dawns on me, I look down to my right, see the switch is on hot mike, and switch it to cold.
After we land, I ask him how long I was on hot mike. His reply - "Long enough for me to realize that you don't like it when I take the controls in the landing pattern"
Around the boat - my buddy was bouncing in the local pattern, and thinking he's on ICS says "Why the fvck won't the boss give me a closed pattern?" Second detent was a little weak, so the boss replies (with a little bit of pissed offedness in his voice) "Leroy 01, you have a closed pattern" My buddy (AGAIN on the radio) "Whoops"
And of course, the inevitable happened - a guy in the squadron accidentally called base with "Tower, Leroy 01 on Oscar, Palm Grove for TFA N". My reply - "Leroy 01, tower - you're cleared for takeof wind 270/10 report Palm Grove, and make sure that you jettison fuel prior to the fuel farm. Initiate any turns by calling WOOHOO, and maintain 10,000 feet immediately upon takeoff" The pilot that called is from Tennessee, and his reply "Fvck you, $hit ass"
LSUMarine
Lay off me! I'm starving!
I wish I could claim this one myself but this happened to a buddy of mine in Corpus and this is second hand from him.
"Mentor base, Ranger 707 with a request..."
"707, base, say request..."
"Yeah I was wondering if you could send a maintenance troubleshooter out here to the Golf line...my student has his freakin head lodged up his ass and needs assistance...
(static)
"Oh, and we've got a small oil leak we need you to look at too..."
"Mentor base, Ranger 707 with a request..."
"707, base, say request..."
"Yeah I was wondering if you could send a maintenance troubleshooter out here to the Golf line...my student has his freakin head lodged up his ass and needs assistance...
(static)
"Oh, and we've got a small oil leak we need you to look at too..."
sorry guys, not military aviation, but this afternoon flying back from Iowa (long cross-country back to Oregon :icon_smil ) we overheard this conversation between a regional pilot and Salt Lake Center:
RJ: Afternoon Center, Big Sky XXXX w/ you at 15-thousand, was wondering if we could get direct to somewhere?
Center: Roger Big Sky XXXX radar contact....where would you like to go?
RJ: Whats available?
not the craziest thing I've ever heard, but it made us laugh
RJ: Afternoon Center, Big Sky XXXX w/ you at 15-thousand, was wondering if we could get direct to somewhere?
Center: Roger Big Sky XXXX radar contact....where would you like to go?
RJ: Whats available?
not the craziest thing I've ever heard, but it made us laugh
As a salty RAC at HMT-303 we were all hangin around the ready room shooting the sh*t when the ODO radio crackles with someone doing checklists
Voice one: "which one do you want to start first?"
voice two:"Lets start two first"
Voice one" "twos in the hole, nothing"
ODO: "should have started one first"
Silence for a while
15 mins later
Voice 1: "Longrifle Atlas XX singel Huey point canyon to work blah blah blah"
ODO" Atlas XX you are cleared hot, shoot all you see women and children have priority"
silence
A quick glance at the board to see who we are screwing with
IT was the squadron XO flying with the Group CO
Pretty damn empty ready room when they landed-poor ODO was the only one there.
Voice one: "which one do you want to start first?"
voice two:"Lets start two first"
Voice one" "twos in the hole, nothing"
ODO: "should have started one first"
Silence for a while
15 mins later
Voice 1: "Longrifle Atlas XX singel Huey point canyon to work blah blah blah"
ODO" Atlas XX you are cleared hot, shoot all you see women and children have priority"
silence
A quick glance at the board to see who we are screwing with
IT was the squadron XO flying with the Group CO
Pretty damn empty ready room when they landed-poor ODO was the only one there.
Heard this from my friend's dad, while he was flying among commercial traffic in CA:
Unknown aircraft: ".... F*ck!...."
ATC: Who said that, you can't say "F*ck" on the radio! Who said that?
2 minutes or so pass by...
American Flight XXX:"This is American XXX Heavy, we didn't say F*ck over the radio."
Immediately all the other planes start the same routine...
Fed Ex Flight XXX: "This is Fed Ex XXX we didn't say F*ck on the radio either."
TWA Flight XXX: "This is TWA XXX heavy, nor did we say f*ck on the radio!."
Ended up as every plane in the vicinity ended up saying those statements, much to the displeasure of ATC.
Unknown aircraft: ".... F*ck!...."
ATC: Who said that, you can't say "F*ck" on the radio! Who said that?
2 minutes or so pass by...
American Flight XXX:"This is American XXX Heavy, we didn't say F*ck over the radio."
Immediately all the other planes start the same routine...
Fed Ex Flight XXX: "This is Fed Ex XXX we didn't say F*ck on the radio either."
TWA Flight XXX: "This is TWA XXX heavy, nor did we say f*ck on the radio!."
Ended up as every plane in the vicinity ended up saying those statements, much to the displeasure of ATC.
I was gliding all day today and im burnt to a crisp. I have by far the best farmers tan ever. Anyways, i was flying with this girl (not a blonde) and she was asking me why a glider stalls. "It has no engine, so why would it stall, wouldnt it keep on gliding?" she says. I was about to smack the back of her head. (the seating is front/back so i was behind her) I just said that instead of gliding foward, you would be gliding straight down. She understood that much. I told her to fly at 50 mph and she wasnt sure where to look. (this glider only has a airspeed indicator, altitude indicator, mag compass and a vario (extra sensitive VSI)). And this girl had her private airplane.
Heard another variation of this one at an AOM:handjive said:
stud is having a helmet fire and dicking up some procedure
IP- "What are you doing up there?"
STUD-(over pensacola approach instead of ICS) "uh, I'm all fvcked up sir."
PENSACOLA APP: "aircraft using obscenity, identify yourself."
long pause
IP-(over approach)"My student said he was fvcked up, he didn't say he was stupid"
The manager of my old flight school told me this one. He was a B-52 check pilot several years ago:
They're flying a training mission somewhere in SOCAL and the co-pilot is trying to figure out the fuel log. He keys the intercom (or so he thinks) and says, "I can't figure it out. This fuel log is all fvcked up!"
ATC comes back, "Roger that on the fvcked up fuel log."
They're flying a training mission somewhere in SOCAL and the co-pilot is trying to figure out the fuel log. He keys the intercom (or so he thinks) and says, "I can't figure it out. This fuel log is all fvcked up!"
ATC comes back, "Roger that on the fvcked up fuel log."
Heard this one about a student on an instrument checkride...
Instructor: Ok, I want you to join the 12 DME Arc and take us in for the approach
Student: Roger that.
A couple minutes later while arcing at 12 DME...
Instructor: So how far are we from the VOR?
Student: Ahhh....ummm......I'm not sure.
Needless to say the student busted the ride...
Instructor: Ok, I want you to join the 12 DME Arc and take us in for the approach
Student: Roger that.
A couple minutes later while arcing at 12 DME...
Instructor: So how far are we from the VOR?
Student: Ahhh....ummm......I'm not sure.
Needless to say the student busted the ride...
These two Marine 2nd Lt SNA's randomly in the Trawing-4 building after a morning muster where the duty Ensign (giving the dailt passdown) spoke briefly about the TW-4 Commodore... referring to him as "Commodore X":
#1: So what Navy rank exactly is "Commodore" anyway?
#2: I's between a Captain and an Admiral.
#1: So you mean like an O-7?
#2: I guess so, yeah that would be right, b/c Captain is O-6.
#1: So what do they wear as rank insignia then?
#2: Well the Captains wear a gold or yellow bird and Commodores wear a silver or white bird, kind of like the difference between Major and LtCol.
#1: A gold bird... the fvcking navy is retarded.
#2: I know dude plus did you ever see the Commodore's gut?
#1: No...
#2: Let's just say that the CO of MATSG would KIIICK...HIIIS.... AA$$ dude... probably a sloppy pilot that means. It pretty much goes both ways.
These guys were meatheads. It was unreal. They went on to talk about how exhaust backpressure increased the horsepower of engines so people who put high-flow exhaust were "ignorant morons."
Marines...
#1: So what Navy rank exactly is "Commodore" anyway?
#2: I's between a Captain and an Admiral.
#1: So you mean like an O-7?
#2: I guess so, yeah that would be right, b/c Captain is O-6.
#1: So what do they wear as rank insignia then?
#2: Well the Captains wear a gold or yellow bird and Commodores wear a silver or white bird, kind of like the difference between Major and LtCol.
#1: A gold bird... the fvcking navy is retarded.
#2: I know dude plus did you ever see the Commodore's gut?
#1: No...
#2: Let's just say that the CO of MATSG would KIIICK...HIIIS.... AA$$ dude... probably a sloppy pilot that means. It pretty much goes both ways.
These guys were meatheads. It was unreal. They went on to talk about how exhaust backpressure increased the horsepower of engines so people who put high-flow exhaust were "ignorant morons."
Marines...