Dumb things you've overheard

[zab1001]

There's a great thread about 'dumb things people say' going on over at Tuckermax.com, so I thought we could get some laughs regarding the same thing in a military environment. A few from personal experience:
_________________________
VTs, T-34 brief for a night fam. Two students (me being one), and the IP.

IP- OK, so what color lens do you use in your flashlight for the preflight.
Other Stud- Uhhhh
IP- Well?
Other Stud- Red?
IP- (Giving the 'you're wrong' look) And why is that?
Other Stud- Well, that way, the enemy can't see you with NVGs.
(I proceeded to let my head fall to the table)

_________________________
K-Bay O Club, Happy Hour
VMF Dude- So, how do you guys get that stinger deal to work?
Me- The MAD boom?
VMF Dude- Yeah, like, how the hell do you fly with that thing in the water and still attached?
Me- In the water?
VMF Dude- Yeah, that's some serious AOA...

_________________________
O-4 NFO to Navy SEAL- I don't know...are you 1st Class swim quall'ed?

I'll think of some more. I know you guys have some. Let's hear em.

 

[zab1001]

Thought of another one, re-qual for flight physiology.

Instructor- utilizing pure O2 will have the bottom line effect of increasing the quality of your night vision
Nugget Ensign- yeah, but if the O2 mask only covers your mouth and nose, no way the O2 would even hit your eyeballs

 

[Super18Ordie]

I was helping out at the NJROTC unit near my hometown and each of the students had to give a brief about different naval aircraft and this one girl stood up and gave a power point presentation on the EA-6B and on one of the slides she said this "The Prowler carries a few offensive weapons as well such as the AGM-88 HARM Missile and the AIM-7 Sparrow for shooting down enemy aircraft" Well I had called her over after the presentation was done and told her about the error and she replied "Well my dads friend is a Prowler pilot and he told me thats what they carried"

 

[jamnww]

Tower: AC#1 clear to land 34L
AC#1: roger, clear to land 34L
Tower: AC#2 clear to land 34R
Tower: AC#3 you are #2 in line for 34L
AC#3: tower there are two aircraft on final for 34L!
(2 aircraft on final, one on high approach, one on low approach about 100m apart)
Tower: AC#2 what are you doing? 34R is the one to your right, the long one...
AC#2: that long one? sorry its been a while...ummm...over
Tower: You do that again and I'm diverting you to Atlanta! (taking place in Northern Virginia)

Just one of 3 near misses I saw at that airport...

AC#1: Request permission for touch and goes on 34L
Tower: Cleared for touch and goes AC#1
AC#1(while climbing out): Tower, I am declaring an emergency, engine failure
Tower: roger, you are #3 in the pattern...
AC#1: negative, I am declaring an emergency and turning back...

 

[ea6bflyr]

Cross Country / Male IP named MIKE / Female SNA:

SNA: I think your hot mike.
IP: I think you're kind of hot too...I was hoping that we could hit the clubs when we land...
SNA: NO, Your MICROPHONE IS HOT!
IP:
------------

Story told to me by a fellow aviator.
ea6bflyr

 

[Fly Navy]

Cross Country / Male IP named MIKE / Female SNA:

SNA: I think your hot mike.
IP: I think you're kind of hot too...I was hoping that we could hit the clubs when we land...
SNA: NO, Your MICROPHONE IS HOT!
IP:
------------

Story told to me by a fellow aviator.
ea6bflyr

THAT would be embarassing.

 

[handjive]

Intro: During a brief in primary flight where a brief item is "any EP":

IP: ...OK ______, why don't you give me an EP?
STUD: Alright sir, walk me through uncomanded prop feather.
ALL IN EARSHOT: (looks, wide-eyed at STUD).
IP: (all flustered and red-faced) Um... that's not what I meant.

 

[Fly Navy]

Intro: During a brief in primary flight where a brief item is "any EP":

IP: ...OK ______, why don't you give me an EP?
STUD: Alright sir, walk me through uncomanded prop feather.
ALL IN EARSHOT: (looks, wide-eyed at STUD).
IP: (all flustered and red-faced) Um... that's not what I meant.

Now THAT's awesome.

It's also fun when an IP tells you that you are wrong regarding an EP... you stand your ground... he makes you whip out the PCL... and he's thoroughly embarassed. I believe he said after that "Oh sh!t... I need to review my EPs... I owe you a beer."

 

[teufelsurfer]

Now THAT's awesome.

It's also fun when an IP tells you that you are wrong regarding an EP... you stand your ground... he makes you whip out the PCL... and he's thoroughly embarassed. I believe he said after that "Oh sh!t... I need to review my EPs... I owe you a beer."

Most primary and advanced instructors are pretty good about their knowledge, since there is basically a fixed amount of knowledge you could possibly cover in the tiny natops. You'd be surprised how fast you develop knowledge gaps once you leave flight school.... what are your special-use airspaces?

my favorite was after answering some EP or limit, telling the instructor "Sir, I'm surprised you didn't know that... you might want to look that up in the natops next time you don't know something about our aircraft, as I may not always be around to answer questions you may have..."

This of course was done only with a VERY cool instructor with a sense of humor....

 

[kmac]

Not quite a funny, but see if you can notice the mix-up. Not going to dime out the other pilot, but this is what happens when you're having a groundhog day in the gulf...

Bahrain Approach: "Password 30, say souls on board"
<silence>
Password 24 to 30 on base freq: "thirty say souls"
30 to 24: "don't be an *******" (thinking we were playing a joke on them)
Two seocnds later, Bahrain: "Password 30, Bahrain, say souls on board"

At this point the two guys in 24 joke about the mix-up to each other.
Three minutes later:

Bahrain: "Password 24, turn left heading 160"
Password 30: "Turn left 160, Password 24"
PW30 to 24 on base freq: "hey thanks for responding guys" as PW24 turns to 160

Five minutes later:
PW24: "Uh Bahrain, Password 24, you still want us flying one six zero?"
Bahrain: "Uh Password 24.... uhh... Password 24 turn right heading 330....."

The other guy never did figure out what had happened.

 

[skidkid]

Second hand story but funny nonetheless

Luke AFB Approach" "Eagle 93 you ahve traffic at your 9 o clock 3 miles report that traffic in sight for a turn to final"

Eagle 93 (Saudi student pilot): "I am not happy!"

Approach: I dont care if your happy Sir I need you to report a visual in order to turn to final"

Eagle 93" "I am still not happy!!"

Approach: "Turn left 360 for spacing and report a visual"

Eagle 93: "I am not Happy!!!"

Approach: "Uhhhhh ohhh you mean No Joy turn right to 170 and climb to XXXXX"

 

[ChuckMK23]

Second hand story but funny nonetheless

Luke AFB Approach" "Eagle 93 you ahve traffic at your 9 o clock 3 miles report that traffic in sight for a turn to final"

Eagle 93 (Saudi student pilot): "I am not happy!"

Approach: I dont care if your happy Sir I need you to report a visual in order to turn to final"

Eagle 93" "I am still not happy!!"

Approach: "Turn left 360 for spacing and report a visual"

Eagle 93: "I am not Happy!!!"

Approach: "Uhhhhh ohhh you mean No Joy turn right to 170 and climb to XXXXX"

Oh my god, I just fell off my chair from laughing my @ss off! (Trained Saudi students for a year -I can totally see this happening!)

 

[phrogpilot73]

Squadron CO spends several minutes berating his pilots about how they must have attention to detail, and be professionals, and blah, blah, blah... This is the flight that followed:

Squadron CO, at the controls taxis past hold short onto duty runway
Tower: "Leroy 01, what are you doing?"
Squadron CO: "Taking the runway for takeoff."
Tower: "You generally have to have a clearance to do that."

Told to me by someone in his flight, who tried to stop him... He won't admit to it.

 

[Dunedan]

IP to STUD that I know: "Give Pensacola Approach a courtesy call"
STUD: "Umm, Pensacola Approach <aircraft callsign>, how are you doing? Nice day..."

 

[winger]

Af

In the VTs....

AF Guy: Hey bro, what's the deal with the numbers on the decks of carriers?

2ndLT me: "It's just like all runways."

AF: "How is that possible? Don't the ships move around?"

me: "Well right before they set up for recovery ops some enlisted guys run out there with some paint... they call it 'quick dry.' They are the ones wearing the white shirts... for obvious reasons. Fastest and most professional painters in the world."

AF: "No way. The Navy is freaking crazy, man."

me: "Yeah no kidding. One time the Constellation was off the coast of California, the winds were strong out of the west and they were taking on guys who were doing their first carrier quals in the T-45... and they were taking forever. Long story short is the Connie ran aground and two of them CFITted about a mile inland."

AF: "Damn dude, carrier aviation is intense."