Dumb things you've overheard

[TurnandBurn55]

Flight at high altitude... starting to worry about icing conditions...

Instructor: "So, ENS... remember the conditions for icing to form?"
Student: "Yes sir... X temperature and visible moisture"
Instructor: "Very good... think we have anything to worry about?"
Student looks at OAT gauge, looks outside: "Well sir, I had a question about that"
Instructor: "What's that?"
Student: "What's visible moisture look like?"

-------
I walk into the readyroom... first thing in the morning the SDO always posts TAFs, METARS, winds, wind chill, water temp... SOP says we can't fly over the Gulf if the water temp is too low...

Student walks in, asks me what the water temp is
Me: "Uhh, usually the SDO posts it right there"
Student (looking at the wind chill): "31 degrees!?! No way can we fly!"

Yes... yes... the Gulf is a big block of ice now... quick!!! We've gotta make it to New York before the super-hurricane hits!!

 

[phrogdriver]

Phrogpilot...I can totally see your old CO saying that, having worked with him before (if I remember sqdn callsigns properly).

Told at my primary tie-cutting about a SNA:

SNA (over ICS): Ground, Ranger 710 req't clearance for takeoff from Charlie line with Alpha.

IP (over ICS): Roger, Ranger 710, we can't spot you on the line, can you put your lights on flashing

SNA (ICS): Ranger 710, wilco

IP (ICS): Uhh...Ranger 710, we still can't see you, can you unstrap, open the canopy and wave your arms?

SNA (ICS): Umm...wilco (starts to unstrap until IP tells him the joke)

 

[VarmintShooter]

In the same vein ...

Stud (over base freq): Navy Corpus ground, Montana XXX request further taxi.
IP in another A/C (also on base): Montana XXX, hold position.

1 minute or so goes by ...

Stud (still on base): Navy Corpus ground, XXX still requesting further taxi.
Same IP, exasperated voice: XXX hold position.

2 or 3 minutes later ...

Stud: Navy Corpus tower, ....... oh .......
Stud (finally on ground freq): Navy ... etc, etc.

 

[A4sForever]

We had one fighter F-4 squadron C.O. who was positively constipated about fuel and where the airborne tanker was ...... on one evolution in the South China Sea when he was part of the first launch of the line period he bang'ed off or cat #1 and immediately started broadcasting on frequency, as usual .... "Tanker Posit" .... "Tanker Posit" !!!

As I was the first lauch A-6 tanker .... I called over the frequency .... "comin' right up to you Skipper .... but it will be a couple of minutes as I am still on deck right behind the #1 JBD"..... Never heard "Tanker Posit" from that Gent again ......

 

[handjive]

Not stupid

STUD: (on ground freq instead of over ICS) generator...ON, fuel shut-off handle...DOWN, landing gea...OH SH!T!

IP (in another plane): Who was that?! (all angry-like)

STUD: (silence)

IP (in another plane): Who just said that on ground?! (all angry-like again)

STUD: (silence)

OTHER RANDOM IP: Hey, he's stupid, but not that stupid.

 

[kmac]

One of the things the Screwbirds did on cruise while on the deck was wait for a Hornet to come trap, and at the moment of touchdown let out a loud, constipated-sounding grunt on Tower freq. It still brings smiles...

 

[TurnandBurn55]

In the same vein ...

Stud (over base freq): Navy Corpus ground, Montana XXX request further taxi.
IP in another A/C (also on base): Montana XXX, hold position.

1 minute or so goes by ...

Stud (still on base): Navy Corpus ground, XXX still requesting further taxi.
Same IP, exasperated voice: XXX hold position.

2 or 3 minutes later ...

Stud: Navy Corpus tower, ....... oh .......
Stud (finally on ground freq): Navy ... etc, etc.

Heh... usually they'd do that on clearance... get a "You're cleared as filed, on departure fly runway heading, turn right 180, climb and maintain FL520, departure 478.3, squawk 6969"

Invariably, they'd be dumb enough to read it back...

 

[jamnww]

STUD: (on ground freq instead of over ICS) generator...ON, fuel shut-off handle...DOWN, landing gea...OH SH!T!

IP (in another plane): Who was that?! (all angry-like)

STUD: (silence)

IP (in another plane): Who just said that on ground?! (all angry-like again)

STUD: (silence)

OTHER RANDOM IP: Hey, he's stupid, but not that stupid.

Heard that one before, absolutely priceless...

 

[SteveG75]

Another one from the Intruder files:

There we were ... another tanker hop. A squeaky voiced fighter guy with a south-Texas accent jumps on the air with “Say Texacoooo”. I just can’t resist, so I reply with “Texacoooo”.
His voice lowers an octave as he says “Say tanker posit”. I’m on a roll so I give him “Tanker posit”.
CAG jumps in with “Say double cycle". “Overhead, angels 5”, says I.

- “Wacker” Wyckoff 1976

 

[goplay234]

(Overheard on one of my last sims)

IP: SPIKE 270!!
Controller: (awkward silence)
IP:SPIKE 270!!!
Controller: Spike Range......17.......uh.....15 thousand.....uh.....lead group
IP: Whatever, Fox 3!

Definitely got some laughs all around.

 

[VarmintShooter]

Another good one, in the Houston area (on cross country) ...

Com Air (on Houston Center freq): Ladies and gentlemen we are commencing our descent into the Houston area, should be at the gate in approximately 10 minutes ... blah, blah ... weather is nice ... blah, blah ... so please secure your electronic equipment and fasten your seatbelts and we'll be there shortly.
Random other Com Air: Got our seatbelts fastened.
Another one: Ours too.
Houston Center: Flight XXXX, turn left heading 270, our seatbelts are also fastened ...

I got a pretty good laugh out of that one (not that I've never screwed up on the radio ...).

 

[Fly Navy]

Now THAT'S funny

 

[phrogpilot73]

This happened to me, a couple days after September 11th, 2001 as we were flying up to Dawson, WV to do a crew swap for a DFT:

Voice of God: "Leroy 01, Washington Center on guard. Contact Washington Center on <freq>"
ME: "Washington Center, Leroy 01 single CH-46E with you level 500. You wanted me to contact you?"
Washington Center: "Yeah, we were just curious if you wanted flight following. We're bored, and you're the first contact we've seen in about 6 hours."

This was still when all civil aviation was grounded, and military traffic had to get squawks from NORAD. Imagine, center wanting to provide flight following for a helo. Don't think it will ever happen again!

 

[Fly Navy]

This happened to me, a couple days after September 11th, 2001 as we were flying up to Dawson, WV to do a crew swap for a DFT:

Voice of God: "Leroy 01, Washington Center on guard. Contact Washington Center on <freq>"
ME: "Washington Center, Leroy 01 single CH-46E with you level 500. You wanted me to contact you?"
Washington Center: "Yeah, we were just curious if you wanted flight following. We're bored, and you're the first contact we've seen in about 6 hours."

This was still when all civil aviation was grounded, and military traffic had to get squawks from NORAD. Imagine, center wanting to provide flight following for a helo. Don't think it will ever happen again!

No other contacts... what were they gonna provide you flight following for? lol. I think they wanted someone to talk to

 

[phrogpilot73]

No other contacts... what were they gonna provide you flight following for? lol. I think they wanted someone to talk to

That's pretty much what ended up happening... It was almost like the BS you find on ICS... Told them what we were seeing on the ground (some guy had just finished painting the roof of his barn as an American flag), where we were from, etc... It was actually pretty fun...