Burning questions about OCS, flight school and Navy life

[scoolbubba]

It sounds like all these steps also help build your "tolerance" for not talking to each other every day no? I wouldnt know since I'm not married, but it seems like it

My fiance and I still talk when we can, but when I'm flipping shit over flight school, she backs off on the "i needs" and goes more with "how was YOUR day," which was good for both of our mental states. The phone calls are also wayyyy shorter when you've got a flight and a sim and a test the next day.

I got lucky though, her old man is a Navy guy and she knows what she's getting into. Had some good training too, her mom deals with 13 month reservist activations like a champ. PM me in about 5 or 6 years and I'll let you know how the marriage survived my first squadron tour.

 

[LazersGoPEWPEW]

I'd say write letters, then you'll have more to talk about and letters always make the gals feel special. That's at least what I think I'll do when I get there.

 

[navy09]

letters always make the gals feel special

That's sweet...right up until you watch the mail pallet fall over the side during the RAS

 

[Flash]

I've had EP-3 IPs down here tell me their marriage fell apart because they couldn't call home very often due to the sensitive nature of whatever they were doing, and the wife didn't understand why.

Bull......shit.

 

[PropStop]

Bull......shit.

Flash you jerk! you beat me to it...

I talked to my wife 2 or 3 times in 6mo on deployment, otherwise we used googlechat or email. I don't like talking on the phone and neither does she, so that helped.

We did have a guy who talked to his wife ALL the time, abusing the DSN morale like. Some calls would be 8hrs long (sitting in your room, on the ready) - no joke. He racked up hundreds of dollars in hotel phone bills at the various places we'd det out to.

When you're on the road, you're on the road. Do you job, focus on it, get the mission done. Then go drink with the guys. Shoot an email to the wife every other day, or even every day. Call when you can, but NEVER make it something she expects! "I call my wife at 1800" is never (save no shit family emergency) an acceptable excuse for trying to get out of something.

Also, frequently calling the wife/family makes it more difficult when you're unable to call due to operational obligations.

Edit: while i'm on this soap box...

As an officer you'll likely have more access to phones, be it aboard ship or at some det site in the middle of nowhere. Having access to a DSN line can get you hooked up with one of any number of morale switches, which allow you to call home for free (or very little). Just because you have access to those phones doesn't make it right for you to use them for personal calls. That's bad leadership at the very least, and fraud, waste, and abuse at the worst. Either way - not good conduct for an officer.

 

[trvsmrtn]

Just make sure that your significant other knows not to expect to receive a phone call with any sort of regularity and you'll be fine. If your spouse is the kind that goes crazy because they doesn't get a phone call from you or if you can't go a month without calling your spouse, then you're going to have a miserable cruise, especially when email and/or phones go down. Get accustomed to the idea now.

Believe or not, sailors have managed to preserve their marriages for hundreds of years without phones or internet.

 

[PropStop]

Believe or not, sailors have managed to preserve their marriages for hundreds of years without phones or internet.

Uh, I don't think the tradition of a girl in every port constitutes preservation of marriage. :icon_smil

 

[trvsmrtn]

Uh, I don't think the tradition of a girl in every port constitutes preservation of marriage. :icon_smil

Well, I wasn't married on either of my cruises, so it did for me.

 

[stalk]

...Believe or not, sailors have managed to preserve their marriages for hundreds of years without phones or internet.

+1 Thankfully someone finally said it!

Sonic you asked a legitimate question but you've got to understand the boat and cruise lifestyle are an alien environment compared to your current situation. There are times on cruise when you'll feel like our Gitmo guests are living life better than you and then suddenly life gets better when you pull into Palma or Perth or when you slowly sip your two warm beers after 45 days out. Quality of life aboard ship has dramtically improved in the last 30 years but POTS, Sailor Phone and email all go away instantly when the boss feels the need.

I'll agree with Master's comment, though talking with the family once a week would have been a luxury 10 years ago.

 

[Huggy Bear]

Phone calls from the boat suck! My wife and I agree that we never had a good or fulfilling call from the boat. Thus we rarely spoke except in port. Email, however, worked great. And it was a wonder what a care package from her or a nice gift bought in a port and sent home could do for morale.

I'm surprised nobody else brought this up yet. One additional problem caused by those types that abuse the POTS and call home all the time is the consternation it can cause among some wives. Word gets around that soandso calls his wife every night.

 

[sickboy]

Believe or not, sailors have managed to preserve their marriages for hundreds of years without phones or internet.

Things don't ever go downhill for me until I get home...

 

[ea6bflyr]

POTS: some phone thingy on the boat. i never figured out how to use one on summer cruise.
COD: Carrier onboard delivery.
CVN: Nuclear aircraft carrier
VQ: Very much GQ, also, electronic reconnaissance squadrons.

POTS is actually Plain Old Telephone System. I know it sounds funny, but that it. DO NOT CALL YOUR WIFE MORE THAN ONCE A WEEK FROM THE BOAT.

The does two things:
1) It will give your wife a time and day to expect your calls so she can be available. What, you mean my wife has to go on living when I am on deployment? Afraid so. By only calling once a week, it sets up a schedule.
2) She won't miss you as much. Calling everyday will tax you both to the limit. Trust me, you'll barely have time to all things you want to do on deployment AND FLY. What happens when the ship shuts the phones & internet off for a week....

-ea6bflyr

 

[FLYTPAY]

Bull......shit.

Maybe it was Shane!

 

[Fred]

The reception from the ship stinks. There is almost always a delay, which is extremely frustrating as you try not to talk over each other. My husband would call about once every 3-4 weeks while at sea. He’d call every day or two while in port.

He did three deployments in the pre email and Sailor phone days. Email is by far the easiest way to communicate, and beats the 2-3 line letter he would mail once six weeks back in the "old days."

 

[sonicboom]

Thanks, gentlemen. Your answers are helping to put things in better perspective. I don't need to (nor want to) speak every day, but it's good to hear that communication is available if needed for emergencies and, from what I gather, at least one phone conversation per week. She'll have to make do!