-
Please take a moment and update your account profile. If you have an updated account profile with basic information on why you are on Air Warriors it will help other people respond to your posts. How do you update your profile you ask?
Go here:
Edit Account Details and Profile
Burning questions about OCS, flight school and Navy life
- Thread starter sonicboom
- Start date
alright you clowns, but what's the real deal? If I don't finish OCS (for whatever reason) will I really get chlamydia? Also, if you fail during flight training (that's after receiving a commission from OCS) do you get the boot from the Navy, get the chance/are forced to transfer communities, enlist as an enlisted sailor.
Can someone explain the logic of sending a commissioned officer to Great Lakes to become enlisted? Isn't that like running for vice president after you've already served a term as president?
Can someone explain the logic of sending a commissioned officer to Great Lakes to become enlisted? Isn't that like running for vice president after you've already served a term as president?
There's a flaw in your logic. You're not a commissioned Officer until you graduate OCS--you're an E-5 Officer Candidate. In fact, when you get ready to graduate, you sign a document that discharges you from enlisted service.
There's a flaw with your eyes. I specifically said failing during flight school after receiving a commission!
This is my first draft of my motivational statement that I ran by my recruiter. He was very blunt with me and said that it was crap. It's definitely a different approach than the standard "I am seeking a commission because...abcxyz" form letter, but I'd appreciate any thoughts on what's worth keeping. I'm rewriting it, per his request.
For many years, American cities such as Gotham and New York have been tirelessly protected by caped vigilantes doling out their own sense of justice to keep the criminals at bay. In the real world, however, our superheroes aren’t quite as iconic; they don’t fly by night in spandex and few can claim powers of x-ray vision, yet heroes they remain. They are the men and women who offer their service and at times their lives to preserve the inalienable freedoms and privileges we often take for granted in the United States America. Leading these warriors from the helm is a select breed of military and naval officers. No comics have been written to eternalize their acts of heroism but young boys do idolize these courageous warriors and many grow up with the lofty dream of one day joining them in the defense of democracy and the maintenance of world peace. Because the “Jokers” of this world will never rest, men and women of the highest moral and intellectual caliber will always be necessary to ensure our way of life.
Over the past few years I’ve been blessed with the opportunity to work and study beyond our borders. The greatest gift these experiences have given me is a higher appreciation for the freedoms and values which we as Americans enjoy. These are values to which I am strongly committed and for which I am willing to sacrifice my very life to protect. From my earliest memories I have revered and respected the soldiers and sailors who defend our nation. I honor them and am grateful for their sacrifice for our country. In seeking a commission as an officer of the United States Navy, I hope to continue a proud family tradition of military service dating back to the Civil War, in which my third great grandfather received a battlefield promotion to the rank of Colonel at the Battle of Gettysburg. Serving as a naval officer would allow me to most effectively apply and develop my skills and realize my childhood dream to serve this country as a leader of men in the nation’s first line of defense during these turbulent and unforgiving times.
I have prepared mentally and physically for the challenges that lay ahead and thank you for your consideration of my application as well as for your dedicated service to our country. In closing I’d like to remind you that Christopher Davis is just an ordinary man, as are Clark Kent and Bruce Wayne, but once they don their costumes they can achieve marvelous things. Like most young men I’ve always wanted to be a superhero and I hope that one day, proudly sporting the uniform of an officer of the United States Navy, I’ll have my chance.
For many years, American cities such as Gotham and New York have been tirelessly protected by caped vigilantes doling out their own sense of justice to keep the criminals at bay. In the real world, however, our superheroes aren’t quite as iconic; they don’t fly by night in spandex and few can claim powers of x-ray vision, yet heroes they remain. They are the men and women who offer their service and at times their lives to preserve the inalienable freedoms and privileges we often take for granted in the United States America. Leading these warriors from the helm is a select breed of military and naval officers. No comics have been written to eternalize their acts of heroism but young boys do idolize these courageous warriors and many grow up with the lofty dream of one day joining them in the defense of democracy and the maintenance of world peace. Because the “Jokers” of this world will never rest, men and women of the highest moral and intellectual caliber will always be necessary to ensure our way of life.
Over the past few years I’ve been blessed with the opportunity to work and study beyond our borders. The greatest gift these experiences have given me is a higher appreciation for the freedoms and values which we as Americans enjoy. These are values to which I am strongly committed and for which I am willing to sacrifice my very life to protect. From my earliest memories I have revered and respected the soldiers and sailors who defend our nation. I honor them and am grateful for their sacrifice for our country. In seeking a commission as an officer of the United States Navy, I hope to continue a proud family tradition of military service dating back to the Civil War, in which my third great grandfather received a battlefield promotion to the rank of Colonel at the Battle of Gettysburg. Serving as a naval officer would allow me to most effectively apply and develop my skills and realize my childhood dream to serve this country as a leader of men in the nation’s first line of defense during these turbulent and unforgiving times.
I have prepared mentally and physically for the challenges that lay ahead and thank you for your consideration of my application as well as for your dedicated service to our country. In closing I’d like to remind you that Christopher Davis is just an ordinary man, as are Clark Kent and Bruce Wayne, but once they don their costumes they can achieve marvelous things. Like most young men I’ve always wanted to be a superhero and I hope that one day, proudly sporting the uniform of an officer of the United States Navy, I’ll have my chance.
In all seriousness, none of it. Your recruiter is dead-on. Truly awful.
BullGator
Active Member
Haha. Man, did you take the time to write a letter for humor's sake or are we being "punked"? It was kind of funny, no offense.
I think Zab is probably right, but at minimum I would take out anything having to do with a superhero or comic character. The objective is not to make them laugh or think you are a "unique snow flake;" It is to honestly tell why you are seeking commission, in a profesional manner. Take alot of time, and typically, wait until you are on your final draft before posting your personal statement. You need to be serious about it and not have other's write it for you. I'm not trying to be mean, I hope you can take some critisism if you can post that personal statement.
Haha, it was no joke. I've been reading this MEGA thread for months and thought it would be nice to try something a little different, although I wasn't trying to be a unique snowflake. Thanks for the honest feedback. It probably is total crap so I'll write something more mainstream and repost.
BullGator
Active Member
It was funny though.
Food for thought sonic:
1. Sailor is capitalized (you can leave out soldier for this essay). (e.g. Don't capitalize "the Joker" and leave Sailor lowercase.)
2. Putting on a uniform will not make you a "superhero."
3. Most importantly, give examples of how you would be a good leader, and what traits you posses (with examples too). Use that as the majority of your 400 words, instead of the comic book stuff.
4. Have some sort of format. Like I started with what the Navy can do for me and what it means to me. Then went on to say what I could do for it, and why I would be good (my #3. here) from past examples. If you have any bad things that you haven't been able to describe else where in your package, explain them here and how you grew/learned from them (ie. DUI, DOR from Marines, ect...).
5. Have people (family, teachers, smart friends, ect) proofread it. After that post it up here and someone will most probably give you some good help on what the others may have missed. This essay is very, very important for your package. At least thats the way I looked at it.
Good luck man,
-Darren
Food for thought sonic:
1. Sailor is capitalized (you can leave out soldier for this essay). (e.g. Don't capitalize "the Joker" and leave Sailor lowercase.)
2. Putting on a uniform will not make you a "superhero."
3. Most importantly, give examples of how you would be a good leader, and what traits you posses (with examples too). Use that as the majority of your 400 words, instead of the comic book stuff.
4. Have some sort of format. Like I started with what the Navy can do for me and what it means to me. Then went on to say what I could do for it, and why I would be good (my #3. here) from past examples. If you have any bad things that you haven't been able to describe else where in your package, explain them here and how you grew/learned from them (ie. DUI, DOR from Marines, ect...).
5. Have people (family, teachers, smart friends, ect) proofread it. After that post it up here and someone will most probably give you some good help on what the others may have missed. This essay is very, very important for your package. At least thats the way I looked at it.
Good luck man,
-Darren
BullGator
Active Member
Cool. ANd it's not supposed to be main stream. It may turn out looking that way, but first and foremost be honest. Don't leave them room to doubt you however (if possible, as I said sometimes you need to explain things like DORing before). Go through the points, make a list of things you want to say that match those points (i.e. why you would be good at leading Sailors, and How you showed ___characteristic___ in the past).
The reason why so many of these essays look mainstream, is because many of us want to serve and be officers for similar reasons, however each letter should be unique (e.g. In your own words, and from your soul).
Mainstream is one thing. Unprofessional is another.
I'm sure sonicboom has the right intentions, but the execution is awful.
I've said before in this thread. You are applying for a career as a professional.
Act the part, "act as if," "be the ball," whatever you want to call it.
Begin by writing something you feel would be acceptable if you were in fact a Naval Officer and were presenting it to your peers.
Yes, to quote "Using the space provided, in 400 words or less, state why you are seeking a commission."
OK, I've taken out all the shenanigans this time. It's at least professional. Your thoughts please...
401 words
Reflecting on what motivates me to seek a commission as a naval officer, I am reminded of President Kennedy’s oft-quoted inaugural address in which he challenged Americans to “ask not what your country can do for you – ask what you can do for your country.” I, as have my peers, have known these words since childhood, but for me they are more than mere rhetoric; I recognize that my country hasdone much for me already and feel challenged in the same way JFK intended a half century ago. Though my collegiate record and extensive work history and international experience would serve me well as a civilian, I feel a calling to repay a debt to my country and to its brave fathers and sons to whom we owe gratitude for our many freedoms and ideals. In choosing the road less traveled, I opt to apply my assets in the service of the U.S. Navy, following in the footsteps of family and friends whose sacrifices have allowed us to enjoy a way of life we have all come to know and love. This dream has not been realized easily but, rather, has come at great cost to those who have defended it and whose graves surround the globe. I proudly aspire to become a part of that tradition.
I understand that success in a military environment does not come easily – the physical and mental demands are grueling, and the conditions under which Sailors work are often unforgiving and at times even life-threatening. For most, such a job description is enough to say “no thanks,” but I wholeheartedly embrace this challenge, as I have consistently done throughout my life. I’ve always been one to seek out new challenges, as demonstrated by the fearless manner in which I immersed myself in the societies of Mexico and Peru and quickly surpassed the language barrier and adapted to cultural differences. In my professional experiences and personal life, both in the United States and abroad, I have learned quickly and exhibited leadership qualities, even if my official title didn’t explicitly state so. I look forward to the opportunity to lead fellow Sailors as an officer in the United States Navy and hope that through my service I may help to better our way of life as Americans. In closing, I thank you for your consideration of my application as well as your service to our country.