Burning questions about OCS, flight school and Navy life

[BullGator]

Yes, to quote "Using the space provided, in 400 words or less, state why you are seeking a commission."

OK, I've taken out all the shenanigans this time. It's at least professional. Your thoughts please...

401 words

Reflecting on what motivates me to seek a commission as a naval officer, I am reminded of President Kennedy’s oft-quoted inaugural address in which he challenged Americans to “ask not what your country can do for you – ask what you can do for your country.” I, as have my peers, have known these words since childhood, but for me they are more than mere rhetoric; I recognize that my country hasdone much for me already and feel challenged in the same way JFK intended a half century ago. Though my collegiate record and extensive work history and international experience would serve me well as a civilian, I feel a calling to repay a debt to my country and to its brave fathers and sons to whom we owe gratitude for our many freedoms and ideals. In choosing the road less traveled, I opt to apply my assets in the service of the U.S. Navy, following in the footsteps of family and friends whose sacrifices have allowed us to enjoy a way of life we have all come to know and love. This dream has not been realized easily but, rather, has come at great cost to those who have defended it and whose graves surround the globe. I proudly aspire to become a part of that tradition.

I understand that success in a military environment does not come easily – the physical and mental demands are grueling, and the conditions under which Sailors work are often unforgiving and at times even life-threatening. For most, such a job description is enough to say “no thanks,” but I wholeheartedly embrace this challenge, as I have consistently done throughout my life. I’ve always been one to seek out new challenges, as demonstrated by the fearless manner in which I immersed myself in the societies of Mexico and Peru and quickly surpassed the language barrier and adapted to cultural differences. In my professional experiences and personal life, both in the United States and abroad, I have learned quickly and exhibited leadership qualities, even if my official title didn’t explicitly state so. I look forward to the opportunity to lead fellow Sailors as an officer in the United States Navy and hope that through my service I may help to better our way of life as Americans. In closing, I thank you for your consideration of my application as well as your service to our country.

I would cut the first sentance/paragraph way-way down. I can't think of what, it just seems way too long and possibly a run-on sentance.

My general rules for capitalizing is leave officer lowercase, but any combination of Naval, Officer, or Aviator I leave Capitalized. That is probably up to you just be consistent.

After "I’ve always been one to seek out new challenges, as demonstrated by the fearless manner in which I immersed myself in the societies of Mexico and Peru and quickly surpassed the language barrier and adapted to cultural differences." add a specific example if applicable.

I'm no expert at this, especially English (take with 1 grain of salt...), but I hope that may help. Much better by the way; the superhero thing was origional -Heh, still get a chuckle out of that.
-Good luck man, are you applying BDCP?

 

[zab1001]

Referring to your immersion in a foreign language speaking culture as fearless is self-aggrandizing and flat out ridiculous.

 

[sonicboom]

Referring to your immersion in a foreign language speaking culture as fearless is self-aggrandizing and flat out ridiculous.

I disagree.


Have you ever picked up and moved to another country where you had no family, no money, and no job? It's actually quite intimidating and I'd wager few people have the cajones to do such a thing by themselves.

 

[zab1001]

I disagree.


Have you ever picked up and moved to another country where you had no family, no money, and no job? It's actually quite intimidating and I'd wager few people have the cajones to do such a thing by themselves.

Nah, I just learned Spanish from scratch (not hard to do, sorry), moved to another country, where I had no family and knew no one, showed up as the "New Guy" in a foreign squadron, qualified as a Mission Commander, and flew operationally for 3 years. I also learned to fly an entirely new aircraft in a third language.

I don't consider myself as "fearless" for what I did, so I certainly don't rate your experience in that manner either.

Why am I being hard on you? There's a chance a guy like me might read your statement and be equally unimpressed by egotistical rhetoric.

You could have said "I rose to the challenge of an immersion program in Latin America." Point made, in a humble way.

 

[sonicboom]

Nah, I just learned Spanish from scratch (not hard to do, sorry), moved to another country, where I had no family and knew no one, showed up as the "New Guy" in a foreign squadron, qualified as a Mission Commander, and flew operationally for 3 years. I also learned to fly an entirely new aircraft in a third language.

I don't consider myself as "fearless" for what I did, so I certainly don't rate your experience in that manner either.

Why am I being hard on you? There's a chance a guy like me might read your statement and be equally unimpressed by egotistical rhetoric.

You could have said "I rose to the challenge of an immersion program in Latin America." Point made, in a humble way.

I doubt you've really learned Spanish to the same extent I have. Knowing how to say "quiero mas agua" is different from being fluent, though I'll accept the possibility that you are. But I doubt it.

In my time and place in life, my accomplishments are abroad are something I'm proud of so I take offense when you call it egotistcal rhetoric. Obviously, I don't draw pride from the same types of experiences you can because I'm a 22 year old college graduate from suburbia. In my book what I did was fearless so you don't need to rain on my parade, though I do appreciate the honest feedback, and for what it's worth have eliminated the word fearless from the essay. Thanks.

 

[zab1001]

I doubt you've really learned Spanish to the same extent I have. Knowing how to say "quiero mas agua" is different from being fluent, though I'll accept the possibility that you are. But I doubt it.

Yes. 3 years in South America, as the only American officer in a foreign squadron, leading foreign aircrew inflight, doing joint ops with the same nation's other forces, teaching systems and tactics...

yes, all I know how to say is "quiero mas agua."

Don't tell the Navy, they'll cut my Foreign Language Proficiency Pay. Maybe take away FAO too...

edit: Enough threadjack. We obviously agree to disagree.

 

[Lobster]

Boom, you're my boy but why are you getting into a pissing match with a winged guy? He's got wings he automatically wins.

And Lamb and Tuna fish? Perhaps spaghetti and meatballs is a better analogy I mean considering this is America, if you don't like spaghetti and meatballs why don't you get the hell out. :tongue2_1

 

[sonicboom]

Fair enough. My apologies.

 

[sonicboom]

Final draft. Turning it in my recruiter in one hour.

Nearly half a century after President Kennedy challenged Americans
to "ask what you can do for your country" these words still personally
challenge me in the same way he intended. Though my collegiate record,
extensive work history, and international experience would serve me well
as a civilian, I feel a calling to follow in the footsteps of family
members who have served our nation during times of war. The way of life
we have all come to know and love has come at great cost to those who
have defended it and I aspire to join that proud tradition.
The physical and mental demands of the Navy are grueling and the
conditions under which sailors work are unforgiving and often
life-threatening, but I have always been motivated to seek new
challenges and am accustomed to performing at high levels. Throughout
high school and college, I participated in sports teams and held many
jobs in which I learned the value of teamwork and observed effective
leadership. I feel I will be able to contribute to the Navy as an
effective leader because I possess the raw instincts and natural
tendencies necessary to inspire and direct others. Whether at home, at
school, or on the job I have consistently been respected as someone with
vision who acts decisively and motivates others to action, despite
perceived risks. For example, in Mexico City I once inspired a bus-load
of men to help push a broken-down dump truck from the road in order to
allow traffic to resume.
I strongly believe in the importance of helping others and see a
commitment to the Navy as a way to build on a service record which
includes a medical mission trip to Guatemala at age seventeen. In
addition, I have a strong work ethic, which dates back to my first job
at age nine when I obtained a job at a gas station, and my work and
study experiences in Mexico and Peru have taught me to learn and adapt
quickly. My abilities and ambitions are a perfect complement to a
career as a naval officer, which will provide an opportunity to further
develop my leadership skills and assume high levels of responsibility at
a young age. I look forward to accepting the challenge as an officer in
the United States Navy and hope that through my service I may help to
better our way of life as Americans.

 

[sonicboom]

incase ya care that's 402 words.

OOOO, I might not get accepted because of that. How much do you want to keep your mouth shut? lol

I know the board wants to hear about accolades and leadership position. I have that covered in full, however, is it worth writing about a struggle with cancer and having a single parent? They want to hear about challenges correct?? I'm not sure if that would really represents why they should accept me.

There are two ways of bringing that up.

1) The poor me, cry me a river, play me a fiddle type of stuff that they don't want to read and, quite frankly, couldn't care less about. I don't mean to minimize your pain or experiences.

2) Working it in to your essay in an intelligent manner that briefly mentions how you managed to do XYZ in the face of seemingly insurmountable odds, etc. I think it's worth mentioning if it's been critical in shaping who you are today but be smart about how you work it in and don't harp on it too long. Remember you only have 400 words, and I'll be counting!

 

[Beefheart]

Any feedback would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!


The answer to the question of what motivates me to serve in the U.S. Navy begins with an observation about my country. On any given day I can walk down the aisle of any supermarket and choose from over twenty different types of loaves of bread. Many in this world will not see that much food in their entire lifetime. The truth is that I enjoy immeasurable bounty because of where I live. And I have not earned any of it. Not yet.

My first motivation is national security. I am proud that the United States is my home. Just as I would take swift action against an invader who threatens my family, I must stand up and do my part to protect my country. So many honorable men and women, including members of my family, have sacrificed to preserve this nation’s freedom. I feel very strongly about this and want to count myself among those ranks.

My second motivation is personal growth. A career as a commissioned Naval Officer presents great individual challenges. It also offers amazing opportunities. Leadership experience, advanced training, and travel are just a few of the possibilities. I will do my best to seize each opportunity and use it to serve the Navy’s goals to the fullest. Every day is a gift and I believe in using each one to improve myself and become a better person.

I feel I possess numerous qualities which will enable me to achieve my long-term goals. As a Team Leader in the AmeriCorps, I led a twelve person team through a wide array of challenges, such as community outreach, search and rescue, and disaster relief. I learned the importance of working in a group, communicating effectively, and managing unexpected problems. I learned fortitude, adaptability, and compassion. As a leader, my integrity had to be above reproach. However, I recognize that I can be an even better leader and look to further develop those skills in the Navy.

At age 31, I have matured through a full and rewarding life. I am more than ready for a proud career as a Naval Officer. I have improved through my mistakes, grown through my life experiences, and learned to be thankful for everything that I have. It is this deep appreciation that leads me to want to serve. I hope that my service will help insure that those who follow will enjoy the same abundance that I do today. Then I will have earned it.

 

[sonicboom]

The answer to the question of what motivates me to serve in the U.S. Navy begins with an observation about my country.

You should mention something about earning a commission or serving as an officer here. Otherwise, I could ask, "why not enlist?"

On any given day I can walk down the aisle of any supermarket and choose from over twenty different types of loaves of bread. Many in this world will not see that much food in their entire lifetime. The truth is that I enjoy immeasurable bounty because of where I live. And I have not earned any of it. Not yet.

Nice intro, but it's a rough transition into the second paragraph.

My first motivation is national security. I am proud that the United States is my home. Just as I would take swift action against an invader who threatens my family, I must stand up and do my part to protect my country. So many honorable men and women, including members of my family, have sacrificed to preserve this nation’s freedom. I feel very strongly about this and want to count myself among those ranks.

My second motivation is personal growth. A career as a commissioned Naval Officer presents great individual challenges. It also offers amazing opportunities. Leadership experience, advanced training, and travel are just a few of the possibilities. I will do my best to seize each opportunity and use it to serve the Navy’s goals to the fullest. Every day is a gift and I believe in using each one to improve myself and become a better person.

I feel I possess numerous qualities which will enable me to achieve my long-term goals. As a Team Leader in the AmeriCorps, I led a twelve person team through a wide array of challenges, such as community outreach, search and rescue, and disaster relief. I learned the importance of working in a group, communicating effectively, and managing unexpected problems. I learned fortitude, adaptability, and compassion. As a leader, my integrity had to be above reproach. However, I recognize that I can be an even better leader and look to further develop those skills in the Navy.

At age 31, I have matured through a full and rewarding life. I am more than ready for a proud career as a Naval Officer. I have improved through my mistakes, grown through my life experiences, and learned to be thankful for everything that I have. It is this deep appreciation that leads me to want to serve. I hope that my service will help insure that those who follow will enjoy the same abundance that I do today. Then I will have earned it.

The rest is well written, but watch the word count. You're at 413.

 

[sonicboom]

marrying a foreigner during flight training

This question has been touched on briefly in other threads, but I'm gonna put a new spin on it.

Here's the deal...

I'm considering marrying my girlfriend (no timetable, but let's say in the next year), which if I'm accepted for SNA would coincide with some stage of flight training. That's not unlike the situation of many AW's, except my girlfriend is not a US citizen and her command of English is not great so that would make living on her own while I trained somewhat difficult, if not impossible.

My question: has anyone else gone through even a remotely similar situation with marrying a foreigner (and dealing with visa issues as a naval officer). She currently lives abroad and I'd like her to be a part of my life here in the United States but I want to make a decision that is good for her too. What do you guys suggest I do?

 

[sonicboom]

marrying a foreigner during flight training

This question has been touched on briefly in other threads, but I'm gonna put a new spin on it.

Here's the deal...

I'm considering marrying my girlfriend (no timetable, but let's say in the next year), which if I'm accepted for SNA would coincide with some stage of flight training. That's not unlike the situation of many AW's, except my girlfriend is not a US citizen and her command of English is not great so that would make living on her own while I trained somewhat difficult, if not impossible.

My question: has anyone else gone through even a remotely similar situation with marrying a foreigner (and dealing with visa issues as a naval officer). She currently lives abroad and I'd like her to be a part of my life here in the United States but I want to make a decision that is good for her too. What do you guys suggest I do?

 

[MasterBates]

I'd say WAIT until after flight training. Having a new bride who is not used to how things work here, never mind our whacked out corner of Americana, while in flight school is NOT a good idea.

I had a new wife who grew up here, and she had huge problems adapting to our way of life. As did a few of my friends. Then there is the whole security clearance issue. I think guys in "normal" situations are dumb for getting married in Flight School (engaged is normally OK) never mind the foreigner with poor English skills part.