***Posting a copy of this in my "mini-blog" for continuity purposes***
3 years, 1 month into the first Sea Duty squadron as a pilot:
My brief to my Sailors is as follows:
You joined to serve your country, you are going to do that. It is service, not fun party 9-5 job. That means you need to get every ounce back out of the Navy you can; MGIB, TA, understand how your service can translate to credits, get that A&P license...you are going to earn it, get yours. Put your family before your service, they will be there long after the Navy is. I cannot say I have always followed this advice.
TINS: I am currently at home instead of on deployment (2 months early) fixing the mistakes I have made in my life that have affected my family. I spent too many hours at work fighting for that #1 EP instead of paying attention to my wife and kids. I missed soccer games, medical appointments, birthdays, anniversaries, etc. I told my wife that she had to "suck it up" when she called me and the kids were in the closed pattern around her and she was trying to get stuff done and was overwhelmed. I worked so fucking hard at my job, quals, PQS, and flying, and when I would finally get home, I was too tired to do anything other than sit down on the couch, yell at the kids for making noise during Family Guy, and bitch at my wife because the house was dirty and the dinner wasn't made (sound familiar anyone?)
Result: 4 hours into a 5th fleet mission this past weekend I got word from the command to "RTB immediately, as per Skipper." We landed, 2000 pounds overweight (again, as directed) to expedite. I was met by the CO, XO, OPSO, and SNO, and was informed that my wife had attempted suicide. She had swallowed an entire bottle of anti-depressants and a neighbor had called an ambulance.
I, personally, have been blessed with a great Skipper, a great command, and especially a great wardroom. When the time came for them to step up, they met me with plane tickets home and orders in triplicate to take care of my family. But I got to that bad of a situation doing service for this Navy, and burned my family in the process. I don't feel like I did "extra" work, I did the work required for my job.
9 hours later I was on a flight home with 24 long hours by myself on a plane or in a terminal to think about all the mistakes I had made while she was fighting for her life in a hospital. Longest fucking day of my life.
Don't get me wrong, I love the Navy. Anyone that has flown/served/worked with me can vouch for that. I love to fly, I love leading Sailors, I even love the P-3. I have enjoyed my service, I would encourage anyone who wants a great opportunity to do something real with their lives that has a positive impact on the world to join. I am still commited to making Skipper, and being the first P-3 CNO. But I also am upfront about the toll it takes on you and your family.
This is not the Navy's fault. I was incapable of balancing my career and my family. I was too good at compartmentalizing at work and not good enough at home. I would like to say I am the exception to the rule when it comes to marriage and the Navy, but the numbers don't lie, the military divorce rates are above the National divorce rates.Suicide rates are well above national rates...this job is hard on your life.
That was my point. We are talking about it on a blog for Officers and potential Officers, not in the smokepit around my Sailors, we can be blunt.
Pickle
