Have you been on a ship? THAT is Groundhog Day! I like my job, but even "Cruel Intentions" gets old the 20th time on ship's TV.
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Military Spouses
- Thread starter KBayDog
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Wanted to let jboomer know that I a 6+ month deployment on a carrier (which I see you'll be doing eventually by your location) is pretty much the definition of Groundhog Day, at least it was according to my husband and pretty much his entire squadron! I remember many an email using those exact words to describe the situation, especially after months without a cool port call! :icon_smil
ETA: I see phrogdriver beat me to that one!
I don't think it's a fair comparison to argue who's life is harder, and it seems to be pointless IMO. The important thing is that the servicemember appreciate the sacrifices his spouse makes for him (moving a lot, being alone/isolated in new places, solo parenting much of the time, having to do it all when they're gone, unpredictable schedule, blah blah) just as the military spouse needs to appreciate the unique situation her spouse is in (that it's hard for him, too to be away from his family for long periods of time- it's not like they're on vacation out there!). Military life is difficult on everyone in the family, but it's also a great adventure. Let's stop arguing who has it "harder" and just appreciate that the unique challenges that a military marriage faces. I know I wouldn't change my experience for anything!
ETA: I see phrogdriver beat me to that one!
I don't think it's a fair comparison to argue who's life is harder, and it seems to be pointless IMO. The important thing is that the servicemember appreciate the sacrifices his spouse makes for him (moving a lot, being alone/isolated in new places, solo parenting much of the time, having to do it all when they're gone, unpredictable schedule, blah blah) just as the military spouse needs to appreciate the unique situation her spouse is in (that it's hard for him, too to be away from his family for long periods of time- it's not like they're on vacation out there!). Military life is difficult on everyone in the family, but it's also a great adventure. Let's stop arguing who has it "harder" and just appreciate that the unique challenges that a military marriage faces. I know I wouldn't change my experience for anything!
bennett4362
deployment sucks
i think the problem on this thead started when prhogdriver jumped in and said he hates it when people say "it's harder at home." well, no one has said that on this forum, specifically not on this thread, so maybe phrog should have just saved his comment for another time and place.
Perhaps, but if we stayed strictly on topic, where would internet forums be? Besides, this is more interesting, isn't it?
The poems, stickers, and essays just drive me a little batty. Single moms and dads have it twice as rough in the homemaking department, but they don't sell stickers saying "Raising illegitimate children--toughest job in the civilian sector."
The poems, stickers, and essays just drive me a little batty. Single moms and dads have it twice as rough in the homemaking department, but they don't sell stickers saying "Raising illegitimate children--toughest job in the civilian sector."
(note: not discrediting military wives, but the ones i know would laugh at that article, including my aunt, who lived in an iran, in an iranian neighborhood, in 1978. that's a military wife who got the tough end of a deal.)
just out of curiosity, the spouse being deployed, and the emotional stress that goes with it aside, why is it harder at home? because there's not someone else around to do things? if a woman has to learn how to fix pipes, maintain a car, and balance a checkbook, why does that make her life 'harder' than someone who doesn't? does that make the home life of a military wife/mother, who is fortunate enough to stay home and not have to work, harder than many single mothers out there? raising children?how is her general day different from any stay-at-home-mom?
there are a lot of benefits to being a military spouse-- 'oh, that scratch came from germany!'-- and the story that ensues. not-- 'oh, that scratch came from the move to germany, when they weren't careful with our stuff.' 'hellos, goodbyes' and a phone book that has the potential to read like an international directory. good byes can be hard, but they aren't the worst thing in the world. it's all about perspective, and rarely have i heard anyone, other than in how proud they are of their spouse, talk about any of these things in a positive light. it does come across badly, when you hear about it, in the same way, time and time again. you know when you marry the person, what the life entails, and so you choose it, and you can choose to see it as being 'harder', or you can look for all the little things that make it 'better', fuller, and more enriching.
of course, there's the soldier/sailor/marine/airman who comes home to find that his bills haven't been paid, and that he has no electricity.... but that's a completely different story.
just out of curiosity, the spouse being deployed, and the emotional stress that goes with it aside, why is it harder at home? because there's not someone else around to do things? if a woman has to learn how to fix pipes, maintain a car, and balance a checkbook, why does that make her life 'harder' than someone who doesn't? does that make the home life of a military wife/mother, who is fortunate enough to stay home and not have to work, harder than many single mothers out there? raising children?how is her general day different from any stay-at-home-mom?
there are a lot of benefits to being a military spouse-- 'oh, that scratch came from germany!'-- and the story that ensues. not-- 'oh, that scratch came from the move to germany, when they weren't careful with our stuff.' 'hellos, goodbyes' and a phone book that has the potential to read like an international directory. good byes can be hard, but they aren't the worst thing in the world. it's all about perspective, and rarely have i heard anyone, other than in how proud they are of their spouse, talk about any of these things in a positive light. it does come across badly, when you hear about it, in the same way, time and time again. you know when you marry the person, what the life entails, and so you choose it, and you can choose to see it as being 'harder', or you can look for all the little things that make it 'better', fuller, and more enriching.
of course, there's the soldier/sailor/marine/airman who comes home to find that his bills haven't been paid, and that he has no electricity.... but that's a completely different story.
Cate
Pretty much invincible
Deep breath.
My first instinct, of course, was to jump on the "here's not someone else around to do things? if a woman has to learn how to fix pipes, maintain a car, and balance a checkbook, why does that make her life 'harder' than someone who doesn't?" Some of us have never depended on a guy to fix our pipes or balance our freaking checkbooks. Some of us are more capable of car maintenance than many guys who don't know one end of a cold-air intake from the other but still feel the need to play American Hot Rod in the front yard.
But then I thought, no, I'll leave that alone.
Then I saw the part where you said "does that make the home life of a military wife/mother, who is fortunate enough to stay home and not have to work, harder than many single mothers out there?" These women are fortunate enough to stay at home and not have to work? Because God knows the military throws around great big trunks of gold doubloons, and none of the military families out there have to rely on dual incomes to get the bills paid. So rather than taking responsibilities for budgeting, bill paying, basic home upkeep, family emergencies, kids' scheduling, food preparation, exceptional home repair, constant communication with not just his/her own family but the in-laws as well, and total emotional support for several children as well as the absent parent, most military spouses sit around getting pedicures and blowing the automotive budget on Godiva chocolates. And then I was going to throw in something along the lines of "you silly little twit."
But I backed off of that one, too.
Here's what I actually settled on: you don't know because you just don't know. Most likely, you've never had to take sole responsibility for an entire family. You've probably never had to be mother and father, and repairman, and psychologist and everything else - and don't forget that the absent parent is going to be leaning on you, too. And let's not forget that you're pretty much alone in this, because you've lived in your house for all of six months, your family is eighteen hours away and the only neighbor you actually knew just got moved to Korea. And half of the stress is just having to keep a stiff upper lip, because there's no use in complaining; it won't change anything, and the spouse overseas certainly doesn't need the additional stress. The military spouses you know that would laugh at that article? Would do so because that's what's expected of them. They're meant to pretend to their kids and their spouses and the world in general that nothing is wrong and that it's just hunky freaking dory being the absolute center of the world for an entire family.
And I'm sorry, but the suggestion that they need to just suck it up and take it as an "enriching," characted-building exercise, because after all, they chose to marry a sailor? Just shut up. Just shut the hell up.
Understand that this isn't my story that I'm telling here; I'm lucky enough to have avoided that. But I've sat with more than one set of kids while their mother ran errands in hour thirteen of a nineteen-hour day. I've helped wives comb the want ads for food service jobs that they can take to help make ends meet, completely wasting their advanced degrees because work just isn't available where their husbands are stationed. And I've listened to women who are pulling their hair out with stress after carrying around the problems of children and husbands and mothers and mothers-in-law with no one to listen to their own problems.
No one is saying, realistically, that the spouse who ships out has it easier than the spouse who stays home - there's a difference there involving bullets and bombs. But to say that the life of a military spouse is just as easy as that of any other spouse, that they have it easy and should be grateful for the fuller life and the great stories to tell, is just plain ignorant. And I welcome any reply that would clarify your post and make it sound less so.
My first instinct, of course, was to jump on the "here's not someone else around to do things? if a woman has to learn how to fix pipes, maintain a car, and balance a checkbook, why does that make her life 'harder' than someone who doesn't?" Some of us have never depended on a guy to fix our pipes or balance our freaking checkbooks. Some of us are more capable of car maintenance than many guys who don't know one end of a cold-air intake from the other but still feel the need to play American Hot Rod in the front yard.
But then I thought, no, I'll leave that alone.
Then I saw the part where you said "does that make the home life of a military wife/mother, who is fortunate enough to stay home and not have to work, harder than many single mothers out there?" These women are fortunate enough to stay at home and not have to work? Because God knows the military throws around great big trunks of gold doubloons, and none of the military families out there have to rely on dual incomes to get the bills paid. So rather than taking responsibilities for budgeting, bill paying, basic home upkeep, family emergencies, kids' scheduling, food preparation, exceptional home repair, constant communication with not just his/her own family but the in-laws as well, and total emotional support for several children as well as the absent parent, most military spouses sit around getting pedicures and blowing the automotive budget on Godiva chocolates. And then I was going to throw in something along the lines of "you silly little twit."
But I backed off of that one, too.
Here's what I actually settled on: you don't know because you just don't know. Most likely, you've never had to take sole responsibility for an entire family. You've probably never had to be mother and father, and repairman, and psychologist and everything else - and don't forget that the absent parent is going to be leaning on you, too. And let's not forget that you're pretty much alone in this, because you've lived in your house for all of six months, your family is eighteen hours away and the only neighbor you actually knew just got moved to Korea. And half of the stress is just having to keep a stiff upper lip, because there's no use in complaining; it won't change anything, and the spouse overseas certainly doesn't need the additional stress. The military spouses you know that would laugh at that article? Would do so because that's what's expected of them. They're meant to pretend to their kids and their spouses and the world in general that nothing is wrong and that it's just hunky freaking dory being the absolute center of the world for an entire family.
And I'm sorry, but the suggestion that they need to just suck it up and take it as an "enriching," characted-building exercise, because after all, they chose to marry a sailor? Just shut up. Just shut the hell up.
Understand that this isn't my story that I'm telling here; I'm lucky enough to have avoided that. But I've sat with more than one set of kids while their mother ran errands in hour thirteen of a nineteen-hour day. I've helped wives comb the want ads for food service jobs that they can take to help make ends meet, completely wasting their advanced degrees because work just isn't available where their husbands are stationed. And I've listened to women who are pulling their hair out with stress after carrying around the problems of children and husbands and mothers and mothers-in-law with no one to listen to their own problems.
No one is saying, realistically, that the spouse who ships out has it easier than the spouse who stays home - there's a difference there involving bullets and bombs. But to say that the life of a military spouse is just as easy as that of any other spouse, that they have it easy and should be grateful for the fuller life and the great stories to tell, is just plain ignorant. And I welcome any reply that would clarify your post and make it sound less so.
Summary of this thread:
We all agree that military spouses have it tougher than civilian spouses.
We all agree that members and spouses face different challenges.
We all agree (I think) that the member has a more difficult job.
Yet we all agree that we respect the sacrifices our own spouses make because they married into this life.
So why are we still having the quasi-argument?
We all agree that military spouses have it tougher than civilian spouses.
We all agree that members and spouses face different challenges.
We all agree (I think) that the member has a more difficult job.
Yet we all agree that we respect the sacrifices our own spouses make because they married into this life.
So why are we still having the quasi-argument?
bennett4362
deployment sucks
snow85 said:
or who is forced to say home and not work, even though she wants to pursue her career, because her husband is only stationed in a certain place for a relatively short amount of time or in a place where there are no jobs in her profession.
snow85 said:
my husband and i had been married almost 7 years before he joined the military. i did not marry the military when i married him.
i'm not saying these things as complaints, but let's don't put all military spouses in one box and tell them what you think you know about their situation.
Being former military and a former military wife (now a single mom with a deployed ex spouse) both sides of this argument are hard. No, alot of women have never depended on a man to do things for us, and I think that military wives should be taught how to do those things so they can take care of their families while the spouses are deployed. I knew military wives who were strong as steel, the hard core center of the family, and no matter where their spouses were, a routine field exercise or deployed overseas, they kept everything running smoothly, stay at home mom or not. I also knew wives who were lazy, worthless, whiney women who didn't do anything but complain. Being out in the field with their husbands, I would hear (being a woman, they would talk to me) about bounced checks, unpaid bills, no food in the house, that kind of thing. Then, you would hear the ones talk about how fantastic their spouses were and how they couldn't do anything with out them. Each family is different, and it is harder to be a military wife, again, i'm a single mom and I agree with that, but the responsibilities are the same at the core. You have to take care of your family, no matter what your situation. There are wives out there who give all military wives a bad name, and it isn't right. Your spouses work hard, fight for and defend our country so you can stay at home/work, raise your children the way you wish and go out and do the things you want, when you want, without a male escort. That needs to be appreciated and respected.
Those of us who support our military support their families too, but if you don't pull your end of the duty, you don't deserve respect. Respect has to be earned. Those of you who are good and faithful to your men, who take care of your homes and families and keep everything running smooth, I applaud you and pray for you. Those of you who are out partying (and yes, there are lots of them that do, you can't deny it) you should be ashamed of yourselves....
Those of us who support our military support their families too, but if you don't pull your end of the duty, you don't deserve respect. Respect has to be earned. Those of you who are good and faithful to your men, who take care of your homes and families and keep everything running smooth, I applaud you and pray for you. Those of you who are out partying (and yes, there are lots of them that do, you can't deny it) you should be ashamed of yourselves....
Country Boy
Proud Father
well said
shortncurly
Registered User
Cate, this is why I love you: "you silly, silly twit!"
bennett4362
deployment sucks
shortncurly said:
me, too!! me, too!!
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