• Please take a moment and update your account profile. If you have an updated account profile with basic information on why you are on Air Warriors it will help other people respond to your posts. How do you update your profile you ask?

    Go here:

    Edit Account Details and Profile

Military Spouses

Status
Not open for further replies.

KBayDog

Well-Known Member
Don't know where this came from, and I am sure many of you have already seen it, but it is worth posting (or re-posting).

S/F

KBD

Military Spouses

By Paige Swiney

It was just another harried Wednesday afternoon trip to the commissary. My husband was off teaching young men to fly. My daughters were going about their daily activities knowing I would return to them at the appointed time, bearing, among other things, their favorite fruit snacks frozen pizza and all the little extras that never had to be written down on a grocery list.

My grocery list, by the way, was in my 16-month-old daughter's mouth, and I was lamenting the fact that the next four aisles of needed items would pass by while extracting the last of my list from my daughter’s mouth, when I nearly ran over an old man. This man clearly had no appreciation for the fact that I had 45 minutes left to finish the grocery shopping, pick up my 4-year old from tumbling class and get to school, where my 12-year-old and her car pool mates would be waiting.

I knew men didn't belong in a commissary, and this old guy was no exception. He stood in front of the soap selection staring blankly, as if he'd never had to choose a bar of soap in his life. I was ready to bark an order at him when l realized there was a tear on his face. Instantly, this grocery isle roadblock transformed into a human.... "Can I help you find something?" I asked.

He hesitated, and then told me he was looking for soap. "Any one in particular?" I continued. "Well, I'm trying to find my wife's brand of soap." I started to loan him my cell phone to call her when he said, "She died a year ago, and I just want to smell her again."

Chills ran down my spine. I don't think the 22,000-pound Mother of all Bombs could have had the same impact. As tears welled up in my eyes, my half-eaten grocery list didn't seem so important. Neither did fruit snacks or frozen pizza.

I spent the remainder of my time in the commissary that day listening to a man tell the story of how important his wife was to him -- how she took care of their children while he served our country. A retired, decorated World War II pilot who flew over 50 missions to protect Americans still needed the protection of a woman who served him at home.

My life was forever changed that day. Every time my husband works too late or leaves before the crack of dawn, I try to remember the sense of importance I felt that day in the commissary.

Some times the monotony of laundry, housecleaning, grocery shopping and taxi driving leaves military wives feeling empty -- the kind of emptiness that is rarely fulfilled when our husbands come home and don't want to or can't talk about work. We need to be reminded, at times, of the important role we fill for our family and for our country.

Over the years, I've talked a lot about military spouses, how special they are and the price they pay for freedom too. The funny thing is, most military spouses don't consider themselves different from other spouses.

They do what they have to do, bound together not by blood or merely friendship, but with a shared spirit whose origin is in the very essence of what love truly is.

Is there truly a difference? I think there is. You have to decide for yourself.

Other spouses get married and look forward to building equity in a home and putting down family roots. Military spouses get married and know they'll live in base housing or rent, and their roots must be short so they can be transplanted frequently.

Other spouses decorate a home with flair and personality that will last a lifetime. Military spouses decorate a home with flare tempered with the knowledge that no two base houses have the same size windows or same size rooms. Curtains have to be flexible and multiple sets are a plus. Furniture must fit like puzzle pieces.

Other spouses have living rooms that are immaculate and seldom used. Military spouses have immaculate living room/dining room combos. The coffee table got a scratch or two moving from Germany, but it still looks pretty good.

Other spouses say good-bye to their spouse for a business trip and know they won't see them for a week. They are lonely, but can survive. Military spouses say good-bye to their deploying spouse and know they won't see them for months, or for a remote, a year. They are lonely, but will survive.

Other spouses, when a washer hose blows off, call Maytag and then write a check out for having the hose reconnected. Military spouses will cut the water off and fix it themselves.

Other spouses get used to saying "hello" to friends they see all the time. Military spouses get used to saying "good-bye" to friends made the last two years.

Other spouses worry about whether their child will be class president next year. Military spouses worry about whether their child will be accepted in yet another school next year and whether that school will be the worst in the city...again.

Other spouses can count on spouse participation in special events, birthdays, anniversaries, concerts, football games, graduation, and even the birth of a child. Military spouses only count on each other; because they realize that the flag has to come first if freedom is to survive. It has to be that way.

Other spouses put up yellow ribbons when the troops are imperiled across the globe and take them down when the troops come home. Military spouses wear yellow ribbons around their hearts and they never go away.

Other spouses worry about being late for mom's Thanksgiving dinner. Military spouses worry about getting back from Japan in time for dad's funeral.

The television program showing an elderly lady putting a card down in front of a long, black wall that has names on it touches other spouses. The card simply says, "Happy Birthday, Sweetheart. You would have been sixty today." A military spouse is the lady with the card, and the wall is the Vietnam Memorial.

I would never say military spouses are better than other spouses are. But I will say there is a difference. I will say, without hesitation, that military spouses pay just as high a price for freedom as do their duty husbands and wives.

Perhaps the price they pay is even higher. Dying in service to our country isn't near as hard as loving someone who has died in service to our country, and having to live without them.

God bless our military spouses for all they freely give.
God bless America.
 

phrogdriver

More humble than you would understand
pilot
Super Moderator
The one thing that does always drive me crazy, though, is the "It's harder being at home cliche." No, living in a tent, living off MREs, and flying NVGs, etc. is actually harder than going shopping, IMHO.
 

sirenia

Sub Nuke's Wife
phrogdriver said:
The one thing that does always drive me crazy, though, is the "It's harder being at home cliche." No, living in a tent, living off MREs, and flying NVGs, etc. is actually harder than going shopping, IMHO.

I think the challenges presented are different and, therefore, not comparable. As the article suggests, shopping is only one aspect of all that is involved in being a military spouse. And she certainly does not indicate that it is harder to be at home.
 

phrogdriver

More humble than you would understand
pilot
Super Moderator
No, this essay didn't say that, I just hear it all the time, and I've gotten tired of it. I'm sorry, but loading 15 Marines and flying into a zone during low-light level is a ton harder than loading kids into the SUV and going to the PX, apples and oranges or not. I don't care about the water heater--call the damn plumber! How hard is that? The "Marine Wife: toughest job in the Corps" bumper stickers get to me after awhile. I love my wife, but my version of an emergency involves a fire next to jet fuel, not the cable guy cancelling.
 

DCLegal

Rhino Pilot Wife
I think you both have valid points, and I agree with both of you. I think the writer's point is to compare her life with that of a non-military wife/mother, and definitely not to her husband or his fellow Marines/soldiers/sailors. However, I know she states, "I will say, without hesitation, that military spouses pay just as high a price for freedom as do their duty husbands and wives," which I will admit is a stretch. But, I do think military spouses fight their own battles, even if they are more likely emotional ones, which do take their toll.
 

KBayDog

Well-Known Member
phrogdriver said:
...my version of an emergency involves a fire next to jet fuel, not the cable guy cancelling.

Easy there, killer - I would have to put the cable guy cancelling way above a fire next to jet fuel. You have EPs and professionals to deal with the fire. However, nothing, and I mean NOTHING gets done if the cable guy cancels.
 

VarmintShooter

Bottom of the barrel
pilot
bennett4362 said:
i'm guessing, phrogdriver, that you're not married?

I am married and I definately agree with Phrog. Being a military spouse has got to be ten times harder than being a civilian spouse, but please ...

It may suck to be a military spouse, and I respect mine for putting up with all that she does, but there is no question that I have the more difficult job.
 

sirenia

Sub Nuke's Wife
Being in the line of fire is certainly a difficult job, I don't think anyone is contesting that; however, the article is about military spouses, and yes they have to deal with a whole lot more than civilian ones. Also, military spouses deal with tremendous amounts of uncertainty in not knowing what is going on with their significant others, and in some cases, whether they will see them again. As I stated before, the situations are different and so too the challenges.
 

snizo

Supply Officer
My god ... calm down. Yes we have it rough, but you know what? (Except for those who were given two options from a judge) we all chose this life. Military spouses chose us ... and got stuck with our life.

There are a lot of people who don't ever get the level of recognition they deserve - school teachers, nurses, graduate TA's, and (among many others) military spouses. Don't rain on their parade because no one posted a story for you (even though you know there are plenty out there for us, too).

Forgive our intrusion ... I actually forwarded that story on to my grandmother and aunt - both (career) military wives, and they enjoyed it. Thanks for passing it along.
 

VarmintShooter

Bottom of the barrel
pilot
Yeah, the story is a good one. I got it in an e-mail from the squadron a while back and showed it to the wife (she liked it a lot). The story is about the difference between military and non-military spouses, which to my mind is no contest - military spouses (as I said before) have it much harder than civilians.

I asked my wife this evening who had the tougher job ... she agreed that it was us by a mile. Nobody is downplaying the sacrifices that military families make, but some family members take it too far (like claiming that they have the toughest job in the service).

You don't think that service members worry about the wellbeing of their family members left at home? Of course spouses worry about their deployed military member ... but the reverse is equally true.

The situations are different and so too are the challenges, and so long as I don't have to see or hear some spouse telling me she has the toughest job in the Navy I'll be quiet now (lots of respect for what they put up with, but we put up with things too).
 

phrogdriver

More humble than you would understand
pilot
Super Moderator
bennett4362 said:
i'm guessing, phrogdriver, that you're not married?

Married, with a 2-year-old and another on the way. Doesn't mean I have to lie and say something I don't believe in. I've taken the kid to appointments, changed a diaper, etc. In a pinch, I think I could deal with about anything the household can dish out. Tell my wife to lead a division into an LZ, or even to do a PFT, and there might be issues. She may have the more IMPORTANT job, raising the child, but I have the more DIFFICULT job.
 

Banjo33

AV-8 Type
pilot
I think what you all are failing to consider is the monotony of staying back while we are deployed. Their routines don't change (save for the occasional emergency). It's like Groundhog Day to them. If you have children, then you know their (your spouses)day is full....with little (if any) of it being gratifying and most (if not all) of it being a mirror image of what they did on the same day a week, month, or year ago. We are being challenged every day, seeing the world, having new experiences....sure it's more difficult, but our time passes more quickly and we have the gratification of accomplishing the mission. I know for fact that I'd rather be the one deployed than be the one staying home alone with the kids for 6+ months.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top