how to support boyfriend just starting OCS?

[megan620]

My boyfriend starts OCS soon! I am not sure what to say to him at this point....I want to be optimistic and not add anymore unecessary stress. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance for anyone's insight! I truly appreciate the honesty! Thanks to all!
Megan

 

[jwnole]

Then best thing you can do is be patient. For the next several months he probably is not going to be able to make any concrete plans with you and that might make you uncomfortable, but it is something you both will have to deal with. I do not start OCS until October (I hope) and my girlfrienb is driving me crezy with questions that I have no way of answering. My advice: be supportive, focus on school (thats what he'll be doing),and look foreward to his comissioning. I am sure that in the end he will not have changed that much and you will both be better people for it

 

[megan620]

Thanks for the advice...I agree with you. I know how the questions go, I kept asking my boyfriend questions about OCS that he didn't know the answer to, and I could tell it was irritating to him. Maybe a hint to you, have your girlfriend come to this web page and read about OCS, that way she'll know as much as you do, and get an idea about things, so she'll realize you dont know the answers either. As soon as I came to this site, I understood alot more what he'll be going through! Thanks again for the advice...I was stressing out last night when I posted that note. I think just the anticipation of OCS actually starting for him had put both he and I on edge for the last week or so, but now that it's here, we'll just have to go with the flow! Thanks again for the reply!

 

[Kathy]

Hi Megan,

My boyfriend just finished week 9 of OSC (yippee!) so I know exactly what you are going through. I don't know if there is a "right" answer to this, so I'll just tell you some things that I did/experienced.

First, for at least the next 4 weeks, you're not going to get to talk to him much so all of your support is going to have to be through letters. When DBF was able to call for those 15 minutes on Sunday, he would be talking so fast about everything that was going on at OCS that I couldn't get a word in!

My advice during these calls is just to listen and be supportive! Make sure he knows how proud you are of him.

There's really no point in asking many questions in your letters because he is not going to have time to write back. rhollin1 has some great OCS journals on his web page (thanks, Ron!):

http://www.geocities.com/ronhollin/ocsprep.htm

The second one is broken down day by day so back when we couldn't talk much, I would go out and read those journals to understand what DBF was going through that day (DBF's class matched the journal almost exactly). When he could call for those few minutes, I would understand what he was referring to and wouldn't have to ask as many questions.

Personality changes? He's got a potty mouth now just like a stereotypical sailor, but that's about it.

It may seem like he's a different person when you talk to him, but it's only because he is going to be so stressed out and focused. Once he's able to relax a little, he'll be more like normal.

I wouldn't worry about growing apart these next few months. His life is about to be total hell and you're going to be his "safe" spot to turn to when he does have a few minutes. It may even bring you closer together.

It's going to be tough and there are going to be days where you are going to get upset because it's going to feel like you haven't talked to him in forever. My advice for those days is to have a person you can talk to about it before you write/talk to your boyfriend. There were a couple of days when I was so overwhelmed by the situation that my letters would have just added more stress to DBF's life. Solenita's husband was 4 weeks ahead of my boyfriend in OCS (he graduated yesterday - Congratulations!!!) and understood what it was like, so she would always help me get things in back perspective.

Hope this helps some!

Kathy

 

[EODDave]

Don't worry about a personality change. It may seem that way while he is at ocs, but he will return to normal when he leaves there. He may have a perpensity of bracing the wall and saying "good morning sir!" That too will disapear over time. Dont get all moody with him. This is bad! He needs you to be a stable factor when he gets to talk to you. Yes he will probably talk a mile a minute about ocs and whats going on and yes its true that you wont get two words in otherwise. It will be hard, but be overly happy when you talk to him and just listen. Just know that he will be thinking of you a lot and will be talking about you and how much he misses you to his roomates and friends. Write letters everyday. There is nothing like getting a letter from your sign. other at mail call. Actually its quite depressing when you dont hear from a loved one in a stressful time. The letter acts like a link back to the real world. Remember OCS is fantasy land! And the marines make it, well lets just say interesting. Hope this helped

Dave

 

[megan620]

Kathy,
Thank you! I really appreciate the insight. I know what you mean about talking things through with someone before writing/talking to him when I am upset...because with snail mail, by the time he reads it, I'll probably be long over it. Thanks also for those links...it'll be nice to understand the lingo....as for having a sailor's pottymouth...if thats the biggest change he has I can easily bear with that! Thank you again,
Megan

Solenita & Husband...Congrats on Graduation!!!

 

[megan620]

Dave,
Thanks you also for you reply...I think when I started this topic last night, I was stressed out myself, and I should have tried to relax a bit before typing, but hey...live and learn. I really appreciate all who have had taken the time to give me advice! Thanks again!
Megan

 

[EODDave]

No problem.

Trust me youll be ok. If my wife can take care of our two children and stay sane, then you should be ok. If you have any more ?'s you can email my wife at girlporter@msn.com. She could give you some info from someone on the outside looking in.

Dave

 

[megan620]

Dave,
Thank you, and if I have any more questions I can't get answered here I'll e-mail your wife. Thanks again.
Megan

 

[Female]

Megan, I just finished OCS in December, and I can tell you from experience that the best way to cheer your boyfriend up would be to send him a great big box of beef jerky. He will love you forever.

 

[E5B]

Originally posted by jwnole
My advice: be supportive, focus on school (thats what he'll be doing),and look foreward to his comissioning.

Couldn't have said it better myself!!

"You forgot your fortune cookie"

Dirty Harry

 

[EODDave]

Bad Advice, (beef jerky) or any other food. Its a nice little joke. THe catch is, he will have to eat all of it at one time.

Dave

 

[E5B]

shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, Dave.........lol

"You forgot your fortune cookie"

Dirty Harry

 

[megan620]

E5B & Dave,
Well...I actually woudln't have fallen for that one! He specifically told me not to send him food at OCS because he'd have to eat it all at once! Dave, thanks for making sure I knew thought! E5B...did someone send you food when you were there, so now you want others to go through that? Just curious...seemed kinda funny to suggest, but cruel...OCS sounds hard enough without that! The only things I plan to send are letters and maybe a picture or two!
Megan

 

[E5B]

I was just kidding around. They didn't do that at OCS, but they dang sure did it at boot camp. It really depends on the staff.

Letters are awesome, my wife sent me one everyday and I'd get all of them on Friday. I kinda got some crap for getting so many.




"You forgot your fortune cookie"

Dirty Harry