GF...keep her or send her home?

[shortncurly]

Big difference in committment between a girlfriend and a spouse...you're talking about your husband and you here. Hard to compare the two.

I disagree. In my eyes, it's very serious if she's coming to live here for two months, and therefore a high committment level. If it's just a casual dating thing, then sure, I suppose it's different. But we didn't get the whole story, only one side of it, so who knows?

In the end it's about respect and understanding from both sides, regardless of the jewelry involved.

 

[jchase01]

I think a few people have said it already but only you will be able to answer your questions. I would hope that if you and your GF decided to have her move to be with you for the summer that this was a serious relationship to begin with.

That being said, it has only been a few days and she probably needs something to do with her own time so that you can concentrate. As a few people have posted, have her look for some PT work or a hobby. There are other women where you are that can help her adjust. As Kathy said, get her on AW. When my BF was accepted as a SNA I had no idea what to expect and wasn't accepting it very well...and I understand stress being an attorney (someone mentioned her lack of understanding of stress as a reason - there is no connection b/t the two.) Well a few months later, I am all for it! However, this was only because of what I read on AW and what others shared with me AND the work/effort that my BF put in so that I could understand his dream.

Honestly, I would give it a chance because it doesn't sound as though either of you have taken the time to figure things out. Make an agreement that she tries to make her mark in FL via a job, etc. and you to give her a little time each night...you have to eat dinner! It really sounds like she just doesn't understand what you are going through. Get her involved...have her help you study, etc.

 

[HAL Pilot]

You escaped SWOdoom, don't blow it now. If she does not understand this - dump her now. :icon_rage

 

[Brett327]

I love how (predictably) all the chicks are against the GF being dumped. Not a criticism, ladies, just a revealing observation.

Good times,

Brett

P.S. Squeeze, you're a genius!

 

[gregsivers]

^ Glad I wasn't the only one that noticed that.

 

[jchase01]

Actually....I think many women on this board would agree that this guy is the one who should be dumped. Any person (male or female) who has their significant other come and live with them should have thought it through and been prepared to deal with the good and bad.

Further, the women (and a few men) who have posted did not state "Don't dump her!" but rather gave advice and a few suggestions. Theoretically, the person who posted was looking for some advice.

Overall, these two people may not be made for each other. She may not be able to handle being involved with a military man. He may not be able to give her the attention that she wants. That is for them to decide as a couple and he needs to have that conversation in a civilized manner and not just send her away because she isn't adapting well in 5 days. This is all assuming that he loved her in the first place and wanted her there....if not, no further discussion is needed - see my first paragraph. Regardless, relationships take work; stress will remain far after training and relationships won't just get easier once you get your wings.

Either way, both of them need to rethink their current situation for very separate reasons.

 

[Fmr1833]

I love how (predictably) all the chicks are against the GF being dumped. Not a criticism, ladies, just a revealing observation.

They just don't want us to discover their secret plan to rule the world.

 

[Fmr1833]

Actually....I think many women on this board would agree that this guy is the one who should be dumped.

Good God, we've riled up the YaYa Sisterhood. :tongue2_1

 

[Kathy]

I love how (predictably) all the chicks are against the GF being dumped. Not a criticism, ladies, just a revealing observation.

I think it's also because we've all been there, done that in regards to how this girl is feeling. I was "just" a girlfriend during Primary too and I remember the uncertainty I felt as "the girl he left back home." I am an extremely independent woman, but I definitely had (have) my needy moments. I'm positive there were times when I was visiting him that he wanted to put me on the first plane back to Houston. By reading this thread, obviously most of you guys think my then boyfriend should have dumped me even if I was independent and strong 99.9999% of the time. I'm glad he never asked for relationship advice on here, because we're now happily married and he has his wings - imagine that.

These are human relationships we're talking about - they're never perfect, especially when you throw in distance and the time commitments of flight school. It doesn't mean they're not worth it.

 

[Brandi]

First of all.....it sounds like there are A LOT of bitter men out there!!!!! Not to be rude but grow up. FLight school is hard. My hubbie is in advanced now so we have been through it and are almost to the end. His having to study and concentrate and all that jazz has NEVER been an issue in our relationship. Did some of you ever think that maybe you were just dating the wrong chics. Some women aren't cut out for the military life and some are. So if that is your intended career you just need to find one that is cut out for it and stop complaining about the ones who aren't. NOt all women are dream killers!!!! In fact I put all My dreams on hold or possibly never pursue them at all because of my husbands dreams. He has hasn't wanted to be a pilot since he was 5 and I new that was his dream so when we started dating and he was already in the military I new what was in store. So I gave up my dreams so he could have his.....so I seriously resent that statement.
YOu live in Pensacola. I lived there. THERE IS A BEACH!!!!!!!!!!! Tell her to go to the damn beach!!!! I think I went to the beach like 4 times a week. PLus you could go to the beach with her, grab a 6 pack and hit the sand and the sun with your books. We did it all the time, many people do. There are so many things to do in Pcola. And like people have said before she doesn't know anyone there. Introduce her to your friends and their girlfriends.. And that way she can make some friends of her own. She probably has absolutely no idea what you are going through. Just explain it to her. If she loves you she will understand and try to help you out all she can. Get her involved in it. Show her the base. She is probably super intimidated by the military and that may make her insecure about your relationship. Give her a chance to understand and if she can't hack it then she can't and that is something you will have to deal with. Flight school isn't the hardest possible thing to do in the world. People have equally if not harder lives all over the world. Be thankful that you have someone who cares enough about you that she is willing to come stay with you all summer. And also instead of posting on airwarriors spend those precious minutes with her.

 

[shortncurly]

I love how (predictably) all the chicks are against the GF being dumped. Not a criticism, ladies, just a revealing observation.

Good times,

Brett

P.S. Squeeze, you're a genius!

And I love how (predictably) all the guys are totally for dumping the girlfriend. Not a criticism, gentlemen , just a revealing observation.

 

[A4sForever]

I love how (predictably) all the chicks are against the GF being dumped. Not a criticism, ladies, just a revealing observation.

Good times,Brett

Very observant ...... and notice how "popular" this thread has become with the distaff side ......

 

[bennett4362]

In fact I put all My dreams on hold or possibly never pursue them at all because of my husbands dreams. I gave up my dreams so he could have his.....so I seriously resent that statement.

exactly!

 

[HOORAH]

NOt all women are dream killers!!!! In fact I put all My dreams on hold or possibly never pursue them at all because of my husbands dreams.

I'm with Brandi on this one. Like she said and I said earlier not all women are made to be military wives or spouses. And the same goes for men when a woman is in the military. The door swings both ways here, fellas. The men need to stop acting like they are the perfect ones and have no faults of their own. That said I'm not saying she's not at fault either.

Oh and as for the dream killers thing that sounds like a jilted man's oppinion. I have dreams, I'm not willing to put them on hold but I am willing to live apart from my fiance to pursue them and I'm ok with that and so is he. We bicker way more when we're apart because we miss eachother and are so happy when we are together but I am doing very well in my career and so is he. If I join the Marine Corps too we may live apart a lot when we're married. I'm NOT willing to risk HIS career for mine and vise versa. So with that, that statement is uncalled for and needs some assessing. Women aren't the ones that let the dream die if it's not her dream to begin with.

And as for the "all the women are for not dumping her and the men are for dumping her" statement... Not a single woman on here said don't dump her. They said give her a chance to see the light before you dump her. I guess though that is why they say women are more mature than men. Atleast we gave him advice and backed up what we were saying and why we were saying it and not just posting 5 words - "kick her to the curb."

 

[snow85]

road--

obviously she misses you, and wants to spend time with you. however, letting her know that you care about her, and appreciate her, even through the smallest things, shouldn't be construed as a 'time-sapping event.' and maybe you just wrote that because in that moment, you were fed up. if not, then your best option would really be to re-evaluate the relationship as it relates to your career. on the flip side, does she really understand what is involved in flight school? does she know your hours, the pressure, the competition-- the fact that this is your life, and this is your shot to either make it or break it?

just because she's crying in bed doesn't mean that the clingy, needy impression we've gotten is how she is 100% of the time, but if she's like that more often than not, being a navy girlfriend probably isn't something that she's cut out for.

if she really has no clue about this, as you say, then you're both to blame-- her for not finding out on her own, and you for not telling her. you may be 'committed enough' to live together for a summer, but if you're not communicating, then there's no way this will last. if you do part ways, it will probably be best for both of you in the end.


has she run through the NATOPS with you? would she understand what she's reading? does she know much about EP's, FAM's, maneuvers, etc? have you taken her to an airshow? does she get it?

if you don't have the time to give her, and in four days can't either find the time to make, or to have conversation about the strenuous demands already placed on you, and that your time is at a premium, AND if she either doesn't understand that, or isn't willing to work with you, then yes, you have some serious thinking, and talking to do.