I am going to have to concur with almost everyone here, and say jettison her. It's tough, very true, but if she can understand what you're doing, and why you're sending her home, then you have a future. If not, too bad for her, not you. Also, if she ends up costing you your wings, sure you still have her, but you'll resent her forever for making you blow your shot. Not a situation that is conducive to a good relationship in the future...it didn't rob me of wings, nothing that severe, but...been there, done that, will never do it again. Don't make the same mistake.
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GF...keep her or send her home?
- Thread starter Road Program
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shortncurly
Registered User
I agree wholeheartedly with everything Kathy said. Keep in mind, also, that she's only been here four days. I was a wreck for the first few days my husband was in flight school, too. Then I got used to his schedule, created one of my own, and started keeping myself busy. The "problem" pretty much disappeared. It's all about compromise - however small that compromise may be. Like airgreg said, I'm sure you can give her fifteen minutes of your time once you get home and then start studying. A little can go a long way.
Try to be a little more understanding with her, and maybe she'll try to be a little more understanding with you. There are those who could never had gotten their wings without their spouses/SOs being there, and then there are those who could never had gotten their wings with them around (I read that on this site somewhere).
Even after you've gotten your wings, you'll still have to juggle more than one responsibility. You won't just be flying -- you'll maybe be division officers, and have other collateral/extra duties around the squadron. I'm not trying to tell you I know better than you guys, this is coming straight from my husband who's been in for seven years, and is reading over my shoulder. Unless you want to be single your entire life and for your entire career, you're going to have to learn to juggle a spouse, a family, AND those "coveted wings of gold." I'm sorry, but a girlfriend or wife will not single-handedly cost you your wings. Responsibility is a two-way street.
In the end, of course, it's your choice. A lot of people think it's like the old saying: "If the military wanted you to have a wife (or in this case, a girlfriend), they would have issued you one." I, for one, really feel for your girlfriend. Put her in touch with the Private Spouses' Corner -- heck, even tell her to PM some of us. We'll help her through it; after all, most of us have been there.
Try to be a little more understanding with her, and maybe she'll try to be a little more understanding with you. There are those who could never had gotten their wings without their spouses/SOs being there, and then there are those who could never had gotten their wings with them around (I read that on this site somewhere).
Even after you've gotten your wings, you'll still have to juggle more than one responsibility. You won't just be flying -- you'll maybe be division officers, and have other collateral/extra duties around the squadron. I'm not trying to tell you I know better than you guys, this is coming straight from my husband who's been in for seven years, and is reading over my shoulder. Unless you want to be single your entire life and for your entire career, you're going to have to learn to juggle a spouse, a family, AND those "coveted wings of gold." I'm sorry, but a girlfriend or wife will not single-handedly cost you your wings. Responsibility is a two-way street.
In the end, of course, it's your choice. A lot of people think it's like the old saying: "If the military wanted you to have a wife (or in this case, a girlfriend), they would have issued you one." I, for one, really feel for your girlfriend. Put her in touch with the Private Spouses' Corner -- heck, even tell her to PM some of us. We'll help her through it; after all, most of us have been there.
There's a lot I was going to say but most was said already. I especially liked what Kathy and gaijin6423 said. She has only been there 4 what 5 days now? Where's she from? How far away from here normal life is she now? Is her environment entirely different from where she is from? Kathy's right, you didn't give enough information for anyone on here to gauge the situation so everyone is going to what their experiences have been and it's all over the spectrum. Basically you know in your gut if it's right or not and you know too if she can handle being independent while with you or if she needs to go home to be independent and not rely on seeing you so much. I would assume that you have atleast been together awhile to ask her to move with you. I don't know too many people that do that after say a month of dating. I would also assume that you felt she could handle it so talk to her give her the benefit of the doubt and deal. The biggest problem I foresee in all of this is she's going to get emotional from the feeling of rejection. It sounds like she's that type, she was crying in bed right? Chose of words and approach to the situation are key here.
Honestly it takes a very different person to be a military spouse/girlfriend. Not everyone is cut out for it and it takes a lot of weeding out of the "bad apples." You need to gauge the situation and take an outsider's oppinion on the situation. Assess yourself as well as her. It might be a little bit on your side of the fence too so don't just jump all over her and blaim her for the whole situation. Time management is essential in the military and what better time to learn it.
But it all comes down to do what is best for you in this time of high stress and importance for your career. Everything else will fall into place later.
Honestly it takes a very different person to be a military spouse/girlfriend. Not everyone is cut out for it and it takes a lot of weeding out of the "bad apples." You need to gauge the situation and take an outsider's oppinion on the situation. Assess yourself as well as her. It might be a little bit on your side of the fence too so don't just jump all over her and blaim her for the whole situation. Time management is essential in the military and what better time to learn it.
But it all comes down to do what is best for you in this time of high stress and importance for your career. Everything else will fall into place later.
WannaBEaP3gal
Registered User
Having a girlfriend/spouse in flight school can be a good thing in a healthy relationship. When I was in API, and my bf was in a-pool, he would make dinner, do laundry, clean, take care of the dog and all that while I studied, and I did the same for him when he went through a few weeks later. The thing is you've got to support and understand each other if there is going to be a future between you two... if there is enough love and you guys are meant for each other it will all work out. And no, not all women are dream killers!!!
Road Program said:
TOUGH LOVE, CHEAP AND EASY ANSWER Dept says:
Lose her .... she sounds very "needy". You have enough on your plate right now without having to nurse along a dependent companion .... they're suppose to support YOU when you're stumbling through training --- not the other way around.
It really all comes down to how much the two of you have invested in each other up to this point. I know NOTHING (and don't want to) about your personal relationship, but if she's worth the long haul -- suggest she return "home for the summer" as you are in the early, critical stages of training and need 100% focus. That will also allow you to get a feel for the degree she is onboard with your future success in Naval Air ..... or does she put herself first??? If this is all just the latest manifestation of her past performance .... it won't get any better with time ..... this ain't high school anymore, kids.
Stick with the "amazing flying" days .... you'll have time for the women and crying towels later ---- Good luck --- You're training to become a life-taker and a heart-breaker ..... Good grief --- Why am I even posting on this ..... ????
No bitterness here, as I've never allowed myself to get into that situation. Just making an observation based on the reality of seeing guys get unwittingly screwed again and again and again and again and again by the women who are supposed to love them. Bottom line: If you don't have a GF in flight school, then she can't screw w/ your dream.skidkid said:
Good times,
Brett
The fact that you are asking this question of us answers the 'strength of relationship' queries. As for not all women being dream killers..........prove it. I love my wife but I'll never do that photo shoot with me, Jessica Simpson, the Olsen Twins and Condaleeza Rice now that I'm married.
Wife = 1
Me = 0
I have, however, learned to appreciate Oprah, vacuuming, feelings, and the joys of trips to Bed Bath & Beyond.
To review:
Wife = 2
Me = ummmmm, yeah, still 0
Wife = 1
Me = 0
I have, however, learned to appreciate Oprah, vacuuming, feelings, and the joys of trips to Bed Bath & Beyond.
To review:
Wife = 2
Me = ummmmm, yeah, still 0
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