My dad has a temper. Nothing I can do to fix that, I grew up dealing with it (I guarantee you no drill sergeant matches the ferocity of my father). What gets me is that he knew I was considering this for more than a year now - I think he had it set that I would get my M.A. first, but it occurred to me a few weeks ago that although an education is a great thing and I am getting mine I want to actually do something hands on, and furthermore something meaningful. Granted I won't be devoid of a classroom in the Navy but at least I will be applying knowledge and not just listening to lecture after lecture to remain stuck reading books and doing papers with no real world application. I'm a Political Science major currently and, to be honest, the more I learn about bureacrats and politicians the less I want to be one. In order to add some practicality to my major I hitched an Arab Studies certification - I heard the military is lacking linguists.
One of the serious things I have been thinking about lately is what would I do that's meaningful to me. What could possibly bring some fulfillment to my life. Dawdling here in college I've had plenty of time to think of that, working in an office part time has made me determine I don't want to be in an office full-time for the rest of my life - this won't make me happy. My dad, emailing me in a franzy because I was not about to pick up the phone again to listen to him scream insisted I could go into law enforcement, the FBI, the CIA. I told him that's not what I wanted to do.
What made OCS go from a mere consideration to a serious one came around when the headlines blared: "2000 Dead in Iraq," about a week or so ago. I had gotten up early before work to grab a coffee when I stopped to stare at the newspaper stand. I suddenly realized that, no, I don't want to work for politicians or bureaucrats, but for those people on the ground - I want to work for them.
Sure, would I like to pilot an F/18 or a combat helicopter? That would be nice - if I had one high-end dream I'd throw that on top of the things I'd like to do. But if I became a Supply Officer, or an Air Crewman, I would be equally satisfied. I just want to feel like I'm doing something meaningful, I'm helping someone else, I'm learning something new, and above all I won't regret it. I think if I have 1-3 down, 4 will be a given. In regards to personal goals - I also need something better for myself, to test myself. I've made it pretty far in life already having made some good decisions but I always feel there's so much more to learn and experience and so much more to make me a better a person. I don't feel I'm who I want to be yet. I don't feel I'm there. I still have some weaknesses I'd like to remedy - I could use being a little tougher, a little more discipline in life can't hurt, and neither could more exercise. I want to see what I'm made of - what I'm able to withstand and in doing so find myself. (sorry for the philosophical tangent - I'm a dork)
What do I have to lose? 4 years? Maybe 8 years if I actually fly something? Those years won't be empty, regardless which commitment is made. My dad moves under the assumption I'll be miserable in the military. It probably doesn't help that I'm his only daughter and he has other expectations about what I'm supposed to do with my life. There are ups and downs in life, no matter I where I end up, I'll have good days and bad days - I'm not expecting a fantasy life, however, I do expect to be helping someone else and making myself a better person as well.
I asked my dad this question last night - no answer. My mom (who of utter opposite personality) told me if that's what I want to do I should go for it.
At the moment, my whole family seems to be breaking apart due to the fact that I am now taking this consideration seriously; that I'm going a recruiter and picking up the forms and weighing my options in the Navy more seriously.
As you can imagine - I've thought long and hard about this. It's just such personal pain to watch your family explode over what you intend to do with yourself. I love my family, there are moments I hate them and I wished some things could have been done differently - but who doesn't have those problems? I'm sure they mean well, I just wish they wouldn't tear themselves apart over me.