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Family Disapproval - what do I do?

Steve Wilkins

Teaching pigs to dance, one pig at a time.
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Super Moderator
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SRogue said:
He claims I will have no chance of being able to do what I want in the Navy and I won't make it into what I want to. Furthermore, he's even declared that anything anyone tells me about getting a good enough salary to get my college loans paid back or getting grad. school paid are all "lies" and in the end I'll end up wasting the future years of my life for nothing and being miserable
If you decide not to join (which by all means is ok), what will you do? You noted in one of your posts that you wanted to be an aviator. Is this something you would pursue on the civilian side if you decide not join? If you do decide to join and get selected for something other than NFO or SNA (both are aviation), is this ok with you?

Finally, I would encourage to have your father get Air Warriors here and maybe we might be able to clear some stuff up for him.
 

BigRed389

Registered User
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Hey I was in a similar boat, without the screaming part. It was a pretty civil discussion but my parents were pretty damn adamant at first.

On my part, their concerns were how I'd be treated, financial issues, future education/employment, and realism.

I convinced them that I'd be treated well enough. The guys in here who've put in time already tell you it'll suck at times, and I told them that straight up as well. But I also told them that it may suck, but that doesn't mean a civilian job couldn't suck either. Right?
On financial issues, depending on what your education was, you might be able to make a hell of a lot more as a civilian. But initially, the military's pay seems pretty damn comparable to what the average college grad makes, if not better. More importantly, and this related to future employment, it's probably a pretty unique managerial experience that COULD set you up in the long run.
I also told them about the many grad school opportunities, such as ROTC instructor tours, etc. that people do every year. And having naval officer on your application definitely wouldn't HURT an application would it?

My parents also thought I wasn't being realistic. And frankly, it's understandable when they might think you're just being young, and wanting to do something really "cool" with your life. In their eyes, it's probably like wanting a fast motorcycle or going drag racing, nothing more. Not a profession. All they can think about is the stories from Iraq about people getting decapitated, or the torture stories of Vietnam War POWs. That, IMO was the hardest thing to get them over, especially since we don't have a military tradition in my family. Honestly, I don't think they've fully gotten over that, they've just sort of given in...

As for getting what YOU want...since you're applying OCS, you either get what you want, or you don't get in...remember you're applying directly to the community you want to get into be it aviation or whatever.

Good luck.
 
I went through the family dissapointment 9 years ago when I enlisted and know I'm going through it again with my mom because I'm SNA and not going to "sit on a carrier off the coast where it is safe". Make your own decisions because this is your life and your happiness, they will either come around and allow you to grow up by your own terms or you can simply be miserable living "their" lives that they impose on you.

If I were to do it over again I'd do the same thing, well maybe apply for a commissioning program sooner than I did.
 

wink

War Hoover NFO.
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Super Moderator
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Finally, I would encourage to have your father get Air Warriors here and maybe we might be able to clear some stuff up for him.

Again, outstanding idea. He doesn't have to post, just take it all in. Have him look specificly at the postings of some members in representative points in a Navy career.

As is typical for AW, everyone has posted great thoughts and ideas. I would suggest one other thing. Most recruiters will talk with a parent. Most are very good at that sort of thing. If your recruiter seems like a sharp guy, especially if he is a fleet expereinced line officer (getting more rare every day in recruiting) have him talk to your father. As stated, he is wrong on every point he has concern over. A good recruiter may be able to dispell some of his concerns with factual documentation.
 

NeoCortex

Castle Law for all States!!!
pilot
Just alittle side story that might help.

After OCS I went back home and saw a few friends from college. We were sitting around just hanging out and we started talking about all the fun we had in college. Each one of them expressed the wish that they were back in college. I felt competely out of place because I love what I do and I have no interest in going any where but foward.

Side Note: (All of them make more money than me, but hate they're jobs.)

The Aviation pipeline is not the easiest thing you'll go through, and neither is OCS, but I won't change anything that I've done so far.
 

RockyMtnNFO

Well-Known Member
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Contributor
Again, outstanding idea. He doesn't have to post, just take it all in. Have him look specificly at the postings of some members in representative points in a Navy career.

As is typical for AW, everyone has posted great thoughts and ideas. I would suggest one other thing. Most recruiters will talk with a parent. Most are very good at that sort of thing. If your recruiter seems like a sharp guy, especially if he is a fleet expereinced line officer (getting more rare every day in recruiting) have him talk to your father. As stated, he is wrong on every point he has concern over. A good recruiter may be able to dispell some of his concerns with factual documentation.

Great, idea. Get a recruiter to talk to him. Contrary to popular belief, we are not all liars trying only to fill spots with warm bodies. Try to get a former aviator to speak with them. If there is nobody at your recruiting district to fit the bill, start PMing those of us on the board with experience who may be willing to speak with him, myselff included. I can't go more than a couple of days without someone shaking my hand and thanking me for my service; I count it as a true honor to be an ambassador for the US Navy to those who just don't understand what it is all about and it is a trust I take very seriously to make sure that not only prospective officers but also thier families understand what we do.
 

SRoque

Registered User
My dad has a temper. Nothing I can do to fix that, I grew up dealing with it (I guarantee you no drill sergeant matches the ferocity of my father). What gets me is that he knew I was considering this for more than a year now - I think he had it set that I would get my M.A. first, but it occurred to me a few weeks ago that although an education is a great thing and I am getting mine I want to actually do something hands on, and furthermore something meaningful. Granted I won't be devoid of a classroom in the Navy but at least I will be applying knowledge and not just listening to lecture after lecture to remain stuck reading books and doing papers with no real world application. I'm a Political Science major currently and, to be honest, the more I learn about bureacrats and politicians the less I want to be one. In order to add some practicality to my major I hitched an Arab Studies certification - I heard the military is lacking linguists.

One of the serious things I have been thinking about lately is what would I do that's meaningful to me. What could possibly bring some fulfillment to my life. Dawdling here in college I've had plenty of time to think of that, working in an office part time has made me determine I don't want to be in an office full-time for the rest of my life - this won't make me happy. My dad, emailing me in a franzy because I was not about to pick up the phone again to listen to him scream insisted I could go into law enforcement, the FBI, the CIA. I told him that's not what I wanted to do.

What made OCS go from a mere consideration to a serious one came around when the headlines blared: "2000 Dead in Iraq," about a week or so ago. I had gotten up early before work to grab a coffee when I stopped to stare at the newspaper stand. I suddenly realized that, no, I don't want to work for politicians or bureaucrats, but for those people on the ground - I want to work for them.

Sure, would I like to pilot an F/18 or a combat helicopter? That would be nice - if I had one high-end dream I'd throw that on top of the things I'd like to do. But if I became a Supply Officer, or an Air Crewman, I would be equally satisfied. I just want to feel like I'm doing something meaningful, I'm helping someone else, I'm learning something new, and above all I won't regret it. I think if I have 1-3 down, 4 will be a given. In regards to personal goals - I also need something better for myself, to test myself. I've made it pretty far in life already having made some good decisions but I always feel there's so much more to learn and experience and so much more to make me a better a person. I don't feel I'm who I want to be yet. I don't feel I'm there. I still have some weaknesses I'd like to remedy - I could use being a little tougher, a little more discipline in life can't hurt, and neither could more exercise. I want to see what I'm made of - what I'm able to withstand and in doing so find myself. (sorry for the philosophical tangent - I'm a dork)

What do I have to lose? 4 years? Maybe 8 years if I actually fly something? Those years won't be empty, regardless which commitment is made. My dad moves under the assumption I'll be miserable in the military. It probably doesn't help that I'm his only daughter and he has other expectations about what I'm supposed to do with my life. There are ups and downs in life, no matter I where I end up, I'll have good days and bad days - I'm not expecting a fantasy life, however, I do expect to be helping someone else and making myself a better person as well.

I asked my dad this question last night - no answer. My mom (who of utter opposite personality) told me if that's what I want to do I should go for it.

At the moment, my whole family seems to be breaking apart due to the fact that I am now taking this consideration seriously; that I'm going a recruiter and picking up the forms and weighing my options in the Navy more seriously.

As you can imagine - I've thought long and hard about this. It's just such personal pain to watch your family explode over what you intend to do with yourself. I love my family, there are moments I hate them and I wished some things could have been done differently - but who doesn't have those problems? I'm sure they mean well, I just wish they wouldn't tear themselves apart over me.
 

wink

War Hoover NFO.
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Super Moderator
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SRogue,
You seem toughtful, articulate and passionate. If you do well on the ASTB, meet the rest of the requirements, and find enough courage and wisdom to deal with your father, the Navy might just get a fine Naval Officer out of the deal.
 

Steve Wilkins

Teaching pigs to dance, one pig at a time.
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Super Moderator
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SRogue,

That was probably one of the most well thought out and articulated posts from a new member I've seen in a long time. You have obviously given this decision a lot of consideration. I can see Schnuggapup smiling now over in his Bahrain desert hell hole.

SRogue said:
What do I have to lose? 4 years? Maybe 8 years if I actually fly something? Those years won't be empty, regardless which commitment is made. My dad moves under the assumption I'll be miserable in the military. It probably doesn't help that I'm his only daughter and he has other expectations about what I'm supposed to do with my life.
I enlisted 13 years ago under an initial 6 year enlistment. When I did that, I thought 6 years was an eternity. Four or eight years is a drop in the bucket, and it certainly is not going to set you back any. If anything, it will put you far, far ahead of your peers. If you should decide the leave after your initial committment, you will have a tremendous amount of experience under your belt. Law schools, grad schools, and Fortune 500 companies all love this experience we bring to the table. Frankly, your dad is talking based on ignorance on the subject matter (I base that on what you have said) and probaly out of a little fear of letting his daughter make her own ADULT decisions.
SRogue said:
Sure, would I like to pilot an F/18 or a combat helicopter? That would be nice - if I had one high-end dream I'd throw that on top of the things I'd like to do. But if I became a Supply Officer, or an Air Crewman, I would be equally satisfied. I just want to feel like I'm doing something meaningful...
Has anyone talked to you about Surface Warfare. I think you'd be a great candidate. Here's a link that will tell you a little about it: https://www.nrotc.navy.mil/swofficer.cfm
SRogue said:
What made OCS go from a mere consideration to a serious one came around when the headlines blared: "2000 Dead in Iraq," about a week or so ago.
Don't tell the NY Times that. :D
 

ip568

Registered User
None
Final note...

The two top guys in my AOCS class (both "snowflakes") dropped out of flight training half way through because their wives were giving them so much crap. Now, 35-odd years later, my shipmates and I who won our wings have too many great memories and stories to tell in a month. The guys who dropped out can only bitterly review what they did instead with their lives of humm-drum blandness.
 

Gatordev

Well-Known Member
pilot
Site Admin
Contributor
SRogue,

I think you're on the right track. As others have said, that was a well thought out post, and shows you've got your head in the game, regardless of what you choose. Steve hit the high points, but I thought I'd just add... I didn't catch you were your dad's daughter. I was thinking son. This makes even more sense (again, based on what you've written here). His little girl is leaving the nest for something unknown (to him). That's a scary prospect, I'm sure. It sounds like you're on your road to success should you choose this path. He'll come around.
 

phrogpilot73

Well-Known Member
I just thouht I'd throw my two cents in here... You're an adult, and you can make your own decisions. Your parents may or may not support what you do initially. When I enlisted in the Marine Corps 13 years ago, my mother was not happy (although my father and I were able to talk her into signing the papers since I was 17). Now she's got a "Proud Parent of a U.S. Marine" sticker on her car, and won't stop talking about what I do and how proud she is to anyone who will listen. You'd be surprised how the initial reaction tends to fade away...

Throw this one out to your father - Most civilian companies prefer to hire former military officers... The work ethic, professionalism, leadership, etc... that can't be learned in college. As a matter of fact, my father works for Lockheed Martin and told me that companies are falling over themselves to hire Iraq/Afghanistan veterans. Once you've faced combat, nothing in the corporate world will intimidate you...
 

Steve Wilkins

Teaching pigs to dance, one pig at a time.
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No poaching Steve:) .
Hey now, I just want to make sure she has all the info to make the right choice. She mentioned Supply, so I figured Surface Warfare might suit her interests as well. Chances are nobody has talked to her about it She may even be more interested in that than aviation...you never know. :eek:
 
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