Dude, as a fellow zoomie, I can see where you're coming from. The years of being pampered are soon to be over I'm afraid. The real military awaits. I really hope you were just trying to be funny, but I really can't tell. We didn't get coffee at basic and I'm sure the same will be true for OCS. The Marine DI's are gonna love us.
If you really need a way to wake up fast, try this little tip: thump a nut. Doesn't matter which one, just pick one and give it a thump. You'll be 10 different kinds of awake in about 2 seconds.
(Just kidding about the nut thumping, don't really do that.)