Able to make my wedding during aviation training?

[scoolbubba]

Enjoy the rest of your life wondering "what if?" Men and woman stronger and better than you will continue to fly planes with NAVY on the side while you live happily ever after until divorce with your dearest beloved.


Dood, grow a sack and chase your dreams. People who would ask you to put their desires before your dreams aren't worth keeping around, IMHO.

 

[HAL Pilot]

Come on bunk, would appreciate showing the lady a just a little more respect than that, especially since she's reading all of these replies.

Which is why a previous poster said to keep her in the Private Spouses forum on the site. Got news for you - this is a typical Navy aviation response. If you/she can't take it now....well it only gets better (worse) as you make your way to the fleet.

If she can't take this little speed bump, she won't be able to take the Navy life. Because this is very minor compared to the rest of the challenges of Navy life.

 

[Mike978]

*snip

 

[60flyer]

She just panicked.... NOW she understands better what is going to happen. Remember when we all asked "does she understand how Navy life will be"?? Well this is it. The best thing for both of you is for you to follow your dreams and wants (otherwise you'll regret it the rest of your life). Live together while you're in flight school. Stay together during your first deployment. And if you make it through all of that with both of you still being happy and still being in love with each other - then it's time for wedding bells. Let yourself experiece things you've never imagined before and see what kind of person you turn out to be after that and then see if you're still compatible.

Whatever you do....don't take her "fit" as a reason to say "I'm sorry baby, you're right, we'll get married when you want to, etc etc".

 

[Van]

As has been mentioned several times, it sounds like your Girlfriend "doesn't get it". Not even close. You need to have that discussion with her NOW!!! Don't wait 'til "whenever" to do it. The sooner you get things straightened out, the better off everyone is going to be, even if it means the wedding is called off/postponed/etc. READ and HEED: YOU WILL BE ABSOLUTELY MISERABLE IF SHE KEEPS THIS MINDSET WHILE YOU "HOPE SHE SEES IT YOUR WAY". She isn't going to see it "your way" (or the way it REALLY is) if you don't discuss it with her. YOU WILL END UP DIVORCED OR MISERALBY MARRIED!!! It just isn't going to work as long as she has this sense of entitlement to what you will or won't do and when and where you'll do it. To be honest, it doesn't sound like she's ready to get married regardless of whether you join the Navy or not. Everyone has to make sacrifices when they get married because you have more to worry abouth than just yourself. You both need to quit planning a wedding ceremony and start planning for your marriage! It will all be a huge waste if you spend all that time and money on an elaborate ceremony when your marriage falls apart.

P.S.- I'm not an advocate of promiscuity either. "Because I wanted to sleep with other chicks." shouldn't be a reason to break up with her and a break up doesn't automatically mean you have to sleep around. Do what you think is best for you.

 

[bunk22]

Come on bunk, would appreciate showing the lady a just a little more respect than that, especially since she's reading all of these replies. That definitely doesn't help.

Oh, sorry. In that case, allow me to say what a lucky couple you two are, able to join in ever lasting love at such an early age. I'm sure your cup runneth over with such a wonderful, young beauty.

With that said, if you come on here and ask for advice, you're probably going to get a few different responses...some not so nice...it's the net afterall. You should set if from our perspective though, should I stop what I want to do for a marriage? Dude, that sounds exactly like someone who isn't real set on aviation anyway. We aren't going to coddle you here, you will get it straight up, heartfelt or not. Should have posted this in the wives section, plenty of women in there I think who might care. I do agree with the above poster, you need to grow a pair and stop whining being that's what it sounds like you're doing.

 

[MIDNJAC]

It should tell you something that not a single person on this site or thread has told you that what you are planning to do is a good idea. Many of us are either in flight school currently, or significantly more experienced than that. If she is worth it, she can wait.

 

[HAWK22]

I just got married over this past Labor day holiday. Here is Kingsville, we only were allowed to take the Monday off as per the usual SOP. I however had told my command immediately what our wedding plans were on day 1 of checking in, and respectfully "reminded" the big guys of our date selection throughout training leading up to Labor Day. I have always thought that when requesting leave, ask for the world and have them cut you down to size. Don't short change yourself. We purposely held our wedding over Labor Day wknd so that in the worst case scenario, i go home Friday and come back to Kignsville Monday. However, i requested leave starting COB Wed and returned to TX the following Tuesday! So basically almost a week off. We just got back from our honeymoon a few days ago- went to Hawaii over Christmas, which was epic. I wished you guys had set the wedding over a known long weekend holiday just to cover your bases in case of the worst. Doing a non-holiday weekend is a risk, i'll be honest.

Anyway, PM me if you have any specific questions or anything. Bottom line is that if you approach your command with a sensible plan, with a minimal impact on your training you should be ok.

 

[A4sForever]

I don't normally comment on threads like this, 'cause I think it's fruitless, pointless, and an individual decision. No one REALLY cares about others' personal histories when THEIR OWN personal emotions and priorities are involved .... but since you asked and your prospective wife is reading this thread:

I did it -- others have, too -- therefore -- so can you. My son was born while I/we were in the TRACOM ... while the demands of being a husband/father were more than I expected, it was not something I couldn't handle ... I flew hard and did all the 'normal' things a TRACOM STUD did ...

Some of my contemporaries were married just prior to and/or got married while in the TRACOM ... and those who remained childless while in the TRACOM went to the same amount of 'parties' that we did and basically did the same things we did ... they just didn't have to get a babysitter. They flew hard , too ...

Some of my contemporaries were unmarried/remained unmarried ... they went to a LOT of parties and didn't need a babysitter. They flew hard and did all the 'normal' things ... and some not-so-normal things, too ...

TODAY?? My 1st wife & I divorced after 29 years of marital bliss. If I had it to do again ... in my OWN personal set of personal conditions/priorities ... I'd do the TRACOM 'SOLO'... and I'd probably still be exactly where I am today. I'd get OCS over before I got married, if that's what your bottom line is ... a lot of potential wives think their wedding day is the 'most important day of their life'. It isn't ... AND ... if you go Black-Shoe (SWO) instead of Aviation to keep a wedding date, you are freakin' crazy.

For what it's worth, as far as workload/performance is concerned, I finished #1 out of around 40 STUDs @ Kingsville/Beeville when we selected for FLEET orders ... ergo, I got what I wanted. Everyone is different, but for me ... it had no effect in the TRACOM nor did it impact on my performance.

Just my $20 worth.

 

[HAL Pilot]

Ok...on the excellent probability I'll get beat up by my contemporaries I'm going to say this....

There are many, many jobs and careers and if you don't like the one you have - you can always change it. There are very few (to use the chick term) "soul mates" and you can't just find a new one. It sounds like the issue is that this girl is not cut out to be a military spouse, not when/where the wedding will be. So now you have to decide what's more important - her or the job. In the future, which will you regret giving up more - her or the job. This is something only you - not you and her together - can decide and it is something you need to think through thoroughly.

Although it was never an issue, I would not have giving up on the Navy for my ex-wife. While I loved her, I would have chosen the Navy had it been an issue. My current girlfriend or my job - ask me again in a year and I'll probably say the job would be history. Night and day difference in our relationship than I had with the ex-wife. I'm actually learning what chick's mean when they say someone is a "soul mate" and if it continues the way it is, losing her would be a far bigger regret.

This is a decision only you can make. Good luck.

 

[phrogpilot73]

HAL is a wise man... I wouldn't beat him up over what he said, because it's true. If it's the right one - there's give and take on both sides. I got out of the Marine Corps mainly because of my wife (an active duty Navy LCDR), but when I missed it - she encouraged me to join the reserves, even though it would be challenging. She's my best friend, and if I ever have to choose between a job, flying, or the Marine Corps - I know which one I'm choosing. What HAL said is true, you have to answer that question with yourself, who/what do you choose?

She may be flipping out now, however she has to answer the same question with herself about you. Which is more important to her? You and your happiness or her big dream wedding? The give and take is going to exist whether you're in the military or not.

Oh, and to give you an insight (mainly for her) as to what military married life is like - my wife just found out yesterday she was going to be deploying today. We were up until 4 am getting everything packed and ready, and I dropped her off at the ship at 6 am. I don't know how long she's going to be gone, and she's slated to deploy again in September and miss Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years. It comes with the territory, and she's more than worth it - this I assure you. So, are you worth it to her?

 

[Mike978]

Quick update: Yesterday morning I became absolutely sure of my decision that joining the Navy as an NFO was definitely for me. I called the recruiter and told him my I was still going full steam ahead and ready take the second half of the ASTB. Got a return call today, apparently the Navy is now pushing back almost all officer recruits until later this year, even SWO's, which means I will be 28 years old by the time I will be allowed to enter OCS, which means I am forever prohibited from becoming an NFO. He is going to push to have a waiver granted that would allow me to still pursue it, though he said it was unlikely. You can imagine my disappointment. He said I can expect to hear back soon with their decision, I'll post back as soon as I find out.

Thanks again for all of the help.

 

[HeyJoe]

Don't give up the ship. Sometimes, things change.

 

[Mike978]

Just heard back, they're not going to let me graduate from OCS within the fiscal year (October 01, 2010), sounds like they're downsizing the navy, and they've got more guys than they need. Pretty much shoots down any hopes of every making it up in a plane, at least with the Navy. I bet any of the other branches are going to be in the same situation. So I'm back to looking at SWO, which I would still be very proud of.

Thanks again.

 

[Ken_gone_flying]

Concur with everyone that this is a stupid question and should not even be considered. Tell her how it is or to hit the road.