Lt Awesome
New Member
I am now the bull LT and need some jokes for our upcoming All Officers Meetings. Any help would be appreciated.
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Need jokes for AOM
- Thread starter Lt Awesome
- Start date
How clean or dirty are you looking? Here's one for you:
So Little Johnny is sitting in class when the teaches says "For your assignment today, we are going to learn about illustrations. I want each of you to come up to the board, draw something and tell a story about the picture." When it's Little Johnny's turn, he goes to the board, grabs a red marker and puts a dot on the board. Teacher looks confused, and says "Johnny, that's just a period. I'm not sure you understand the lesson. But tell your story." Little Johnny thinks for a moments and says "Well, like teacher said, it's a period. When my sister said she missed one last week, Mom had a heart attack, Dad flipped out and the neighbor shot himself."
Cheers,
Bubba
So Little Johnny is sitting in class when the teaches says "For your assignment today, we are going to learn about illustrations. I want each of you to come up to the board, draw something and tell a story about the picture." When it's Little Johnny's turn, he goes to the board, grabs a red marker and puts a dot on the board. Teacher looks confused, and says "Johnny, that's just a period. I'm not sure you understand the lesson. But tell your story." Little Johnny thinks for a moments and says "Well, like teacher said, it's a period. When my sister said she missed one last week, Mom had a heart attack, Dad flipped out and the neighbor shot himself."
Cheers,
Bubba
Two English nuns are driving down a road at night. Suddenly, a vampire jumps on the hood of their car. The first nun yells to the other "Quick, show him your cross!" The second nun leans out the window and yells "Hey vampire! Get the fuck off our goddamn car!"
What do you get when you put 20 NFOs (or O-4's) in a room with 20 lesbians?
A room full of 40 people who don't do dick.
A room full of 40 people who don't do dick.
Lt Awesome
New Member
F-ing hilarious and all great. Thanks for the help!
Told by a Harrier major at an actual ACE AOM:
"How's a woman's asshole like a 9-volt battery?"
"You know it's wrong, but sooner or later, you're going to lick it!"
"How's a woman's asshole like a 9-volt battery?"
"You know it's wrong, but sooner or later, you're going to lick it!"
phrogpilot73
Well-Known Member
My favorite from my AOM joke telling days:
"Three midgets were sitting at a bar having a drink, when they all started to discuss getting into the Guinness Book of World Records.
The first midget looked at his hands and said, "gee I have REALLY small hands I bet I can get into the record books with these tiny hands!"
The second midget looked at his feet and said, "gee I have REALLY small feet I bet I can get into the record books with these!"
The third midget, who just came back from the rest room, said; "you know, I have a REALLY tiny penis I bet I can get into the record books with that!"
So the three of them go to the Guinness Book of World Records headquarters and go inside to get judged.
The first midget goes in and comes out 5 minutes later ecstatically jumping up and down "YES, YES!!! I DO HAVE THE SMALLEST HANDS IN THE WORLD!!!"
The second midget goes in and comes out 5 minutes later and he is too overjoyed screaming "YES, YES!!! I DO HAVE THE SMALLEST FEET IN THE WORLD!!!"
The third midget goes in and comes out 5 minutes later pissed off, looks at his other 2 buddies and says; "WHO IN THE HELL IS INSERT THE NAME OF FAVORITE O-4 HERE"
"Three midgets were sitting at a bar having a drink, when they all started to discuss getting into the Guinness Book of World Records.
The first midget looked at his hands and said, "gee I have REALLY small hands I bet I can get into the record books with these tiny hands!"
The second midget looked at his feet and said, "gee I have REALLY small feet I bet I can get into the record books with these!"
The third midget, who just came back from the rest room, said; "you know, I have a REALLY tiny penis I bet I can get into the record books with that!"
So the three of them go to the Guinness Book of World Records headquarters and go inside to get judged.
The first midget goes in and comes out 5 minutes later ecstatically jumping up and down "YES, YES!!! I DO HAVE THE SMALLEST HANDS IN THE WORLD!!!"
The second midget goes in and comes out 5 minutes later and he is too overjoyed screaming "YES, YES!!! I DO HAVE THE SMALLEST FEET IN THE WORLD!!!"
The third midget goes in and comes out 5 minutes later pissed off, looks at his other 2 buddies and says; "WHO IN THE HELL IS INSERT THE NAME OF FAVORITE O-4 HERE"
Lt Awesome
New Member
The Phrog guys come through strong. I heard the 9-volt battery one before and thought about using it, but might save that one for a bit. Thanks again everyone, got plenty of ammo now for a month or two.
Lt Awesome
New Member
A friend on the first day of ground school broke the silence with
"I was f-ing this girl in the ass last night and she turned around and said 'the pain is excruciating!'. I said 'Excruciating, that's an awfully big word for a 10 year old'"
Then there's always the baby jokes, but considering our XO is a LtCol, very religious and has 3 daughters, I better stay away from those ones.
