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Need advice! Should she move to Florida w/me?
- Thread starter jthomps1
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Well since this post is back I'll drop in my couple of cents. MOVE HER DOWN WITH YOU. If you are serious about her and will eventually get married, then bring her down. For me (married guy), it sure was nice going home to my family after flying, studying etc... There were (are) times that you will need to study and be focused on training. But there is alot of time for other stuff. I see sooooo many single guys pissin :weeping_1 and moanin :scared_12 about there is nothing to do, and I am so miserable, and there are no women here. If you aren't serious about her then dont waste your time or money. Actually, tell here what the deal is and then move on. It is a blessing to have my wife and kids around. They keep me sane (i think) and give me a break from work. Some times you need to get your head out of the books and relax. My last point is this. Do you think it will ever be any easier? Advanced training, FRS, then first sea tour. The training pipeline is the best time to have your sig other around. How much time will you spend with her during work ups and deployment. After a rough day at work, would you rather go home to 2 or three roomates that are you are in training with, or go home to your girlfriend/wife/other. Sleeping alone :sleep_125 or use your imagination :eyebrows_ with your other. For me the choice is obvious.
DCLegal
Rhino Pilot Wife
I put a lot of thought into this and wrote this all out before realizing the massive thread ressurection. So, tough, it is staying and getting posted. Maybe it will help someone else.
I agree with the above statement. My SNA boyfriend broke up with me one month into API. If you do not see yourself being with her after your training then I advise cutting it off before leaving so as to avoid a miserable long distance break up.
However, if you do see yourself in it for the long term you have two choices. One, stay long distance until you have completed training, or two, move her down with you. Someone once told me there are two kinds of people in flight training those who could not have made it through training with their significant other being present, and those who couldn't have made it through training without. Which one are you?
It makes more sense to me on many different levels to wait.
EODDave said:
I agree with the above statement. My SNA boyfriend broke up with me one month into API. If you do not see yourself being with her after your training then I advise cutting it off before leaving so as to avoid a miserable long distance break up.
However, if you do see yourself in it for the long term you have two choices. One, stay long distance until you have completed training, or two, move her down with you. Someone once told me there are two kinds of people in flight training those who could not have made it through training with their significant other being present, and those who couldn't have made it through training without. Which one are you?
It makes more sense to me on many different levels to wait.
bennett4362
deployment sucks
even though this a ressurected thread and no one is asking this question at this particular moment, people who come to the website later looking for advice about this same topic may still appreciate the input...not all is lost!
Spouses get benefits from the Navy should you auger in...fiances and significant others get nothing...but shown the door to your apartment. I've seen this happen and parents of the deceased immediately distanced themselves from the ex-girlfriend.
If she's the one, get married asap (like justice of the peace) and move her with you. The increase in BAH will help pay for your "wedding" later. When you have time and $$$ plan a faux wedding for the family later. This way she's going to be taken care of if you buy the farm.
r/
G
If she's the one, get married asap (like justice of the peace) and move her with you. The increase in BAH will help pay for your "wedding" later. When you have time and $$$ plan a faux wedding for the family later. This way she's going to be taken care of if you buy the farm.
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KimberlyD
Registered User
Schnuggapup said:
Note "If she's the one"... I know that there is quite a bit of discussion ab the lonely 19 year old E2 who takes on a wife but there are just as many O1's who do it for the same reasons, benefits! They go "oh, I'll get extra BAH", that is the WORST reason I have ever heard to get married, right up there with FSA/FSH & "she'll get my SGLI this way"...
Navywife said:
Then don't marry her....and leave her out to dry if you buy the farm.
This thread is turning into a luffberry. Potential lock needed.
Next you'll flip flop and say if you love her, marry her....my advice is do whatever you want, because you can.
Not once did I say get married JUST for benefits. First and foremost make sure you want her as your wife.
Sometimes it works out, sometimes it doesn't...from your name "Navywife" I'm assuming your married...what's your story?
I agree with Schnuggapup on not moving her if you're not married. It's not fair to her to completely uproot her life to follow you around if you're not in it for the long haul. Are you just going to leave her stranded somewhere if things don't work out? If you are 100% sure you're going to marry her, marry her already. If you are not 100% sure, leave her at home until you do know. If she's "the one," she'll wait. I waited for 2 1/2 years from the time my husband left for OCS before we were married. It was a long 2 1/2 years with lots of trips to Pensacola and Corpus, but it was worth it.
Mayday
I thought that was the recline!
I'm also gonna have to back Shnuggapup. I got married after 3 years of the sometimes strained long-distance courting of my then-girlfriend. We both got sick of everything about it (the long distance). We got married on a very pre-planned date, and had the REAL "wedding" exactly a year later on the anniversary. Nobody knew but us. Of course even the chaplain had a problem with it initially (the "secret" one), but I swear we spent more godd@m energy trying to convince all the stupid "only for the right reasons" one-tune juke boxes who had no business doubting us anyway, than we spent enjoying the relationship itself (well, not really, but my point stands). Here we are quite a few years after the wedding and I can't remember anything between us that can even be labeled a fight. I DID benefit immensely that "secret" year from the BAH and from the peace of mind about the SGLI, not to mention my wife's status as a Category IV PAX passenger (space-A flying), and those WERE the main reasons we got married. But we'd already been exclusively committed to each other, and had absolutely no doubts it was the right thing to do - for the "wrong reasons" or not.
It really pisses me off when people tout the "marry only for the right reasons" line. The ones who got "married JUST for the benefits" is always a third-hand story anyway. I've never actually met anyone who married a partner they didn't already feel committed to. Obviously being one of those cases, I'm not a disinterested party, so I tend to get defensive about that whole thing. Everyone needs to realize that EVERY single person in this world is different, and when you combine two of them the relationships have even MORE variety. So no-one can sit back on their ass and judge the quality or commitment of anyone else's relationship, especially if they generalize it like that.
When it comes down to it, don't all humans get married for the benefits?
Whew! Got that all out...
It really pisses me off when people tout the "marry only for the right reasons" line. The ones who got "married JUST for the benefits" is always a third-hand story anyway. I've never actually met anyone who married a partner they didn't already feel committed to. Obviously being one of those cases, I'm not a disinterested party, so I tend to get defensive about that whole thing. Everyone needs to realize that EVERY single person in this world is different, and when you combine two of them the relationships have even MORE variety. So no-one can sit back on their ass and judge the quality or commitment of anyone else's relationship, especially if they generalize it like that.
When it comes down to it, don't all humans get married for the benefits?
Whew! Got that all out...
Mayday said:
I have personally witnessed more than a handful of "contract marriages" during my time in the Corps. PFCs Benotz and Schmuckatelli figure out that if the get a justice of the peace wedding, they can move out in town, get a few extra bucks, and never have to participate in field day. For more reasons than I care to list, these deals become a plague on the affected units - especially when it comes time to "void" their "contract."
I know that this is not what we are talking about; I just wanted to let you know that such arrangements are out there, and you will have to deal with their after-effects.
BTW, I won't chime in on what anyone should/shouldn't do, since I am very opinionated on the topic. I'm one of "those" types for whom marriage is a Sacrament. (Don't worry - when I deal with my Marines, I am very objective...but this is a message board, not a counseling session.)
Mayday
I thought that was the recline!
Yeah, I take that back. I WAS aware of several of those cases in C school. The need to escape from field day formations and for the extra cash, from what I remember. I'm tempted to remove the post. I don't usually get that vehement, but defensiveness = agressiveness almost always.
But back to the subject: before she became my wife, my girlfriend would temporarily relocate to wherever I happened to be stationed any time that the long distance became too much to bear for her. She'd have emotional almost-breakdowns due to the stresses of life, and I'd just start making provisions to get her out to me. We'd spend anywhere from a few weeks to a full year together, and then a new job or educational opportunity would pop up for her, and after a little discussion about goals, dreams, and commitments, off she'd go. Both the single and the "joint" lives were great for me, each had their advantages and disadvantages. The main drawback to everything? Money of course. But I have absolutely no regrets, and neither does she. Ya just gotta compensate, like by driving pos cars with minimum coverage insurance and such - and be good at shade-tree mechanics to pull it off. With "auto-hobby" shops at almost every base, it's pretty easy.
But back to the subject: before she became my wife, my girlfriend would temporarily relocate to wherever I happened to be stationed any time that the long distance became too much to bear for her. She'd have emotional almost-breakdowns due to the stresses of life, and I'd just start making provisions to get her out to me. We'd spend anywhere from a few weeks to a full year together, and then a new job or educational opportunity would pop up for her, and after a little discussion about goals, dreams, and commitments, off she'd go. Both the single and the "joint" lives were great for me, each had their advantages and disadvantages. The main drawback to everything? Money of course. But I have absolutely no regrets, and neither does she. Ya just gotta compensate, like by driving pos cars with minimum coverage insurance and such - and be good at shade-tree mechanics to pull it off. With "auto-hobby" shops at almost every base, it's pretty easy.
My wife and I got married a month before our wedding for a lot of reasons. The priest was very accomodating about it, and married us again a month later without saying a word to our families. She didn't have any medical benefits and I wasn't comfortable with her not being covered, I was going to the boat for the first time right before the wedding and I was nervous so I wanted her to be covered "just in case", etc. It pretty much came down to the fact that I wanted her to be taken care of in the event of the worst happening. 5 years & 350+ traps later, no one has found out about it, yet the best man still mentions that he never had to sign as a witness at the wedding like he has always seen with his other buddies. Bottom line, if you are going to marry her in the future, hook her up with the spouse benefits ASAP since she is sticking by you as you follow your dreams. ZAB may be suprised by this, but he knows how to keep a secret, right ZAB? Otherwise, I'll have to ask him about my step-sister in law... 
Hmmmm....
PFCs Benotz and Schmuckatellis..??? sort of stereotyping our young enlisted here aren't we?
As an aside: I got married in March by our pastor in our living room and married for the family in August.
That was many many moons ago....and still going strong.
r/
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KBayDog said:
PFCs Benotz and Schmuckatellis..??? sort of stereotyping our young enlisted here aren't we?
As an aside: I got married in March by our pastor in our living room and married for the family in August.
That was many many moons ago....and still going strong.
r/
G
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