Getting married POST OCS

[Cloak]

Howdy,

Just a few questions for those who have gone through this situation. I am recently engaged, one month and a few days as of now. I am in the September Boards for NFO/SNFO/Suppo and my fiance and I are patiently awaiting the results.

We have been told by multiple people and my sister-in-law (Army wife of 18 years and counting thus far) that after OCS, getting married is a walk in the park pending it's not scheduled during UPT/API or any other training period.

As of right now we have a date of January 23rd which is tentative of course pending acceptance/OCS Date/etc. I also spoke to an Ensign at the Officer Recruiters Office and he said as long as you're out of OCS your CO can issue a weekend pass to get married unless of course your CO is the CO from hell and could care less about your wedding.

Secondly, I spoke with my buddies mom who is a retired Gunny. She told me to make sure that the date of the wedding (as long as it is after OCS) is listed and in a place that can easily be seen on my App/Contract pending acceptance. As long as that date is on there and the CO knows well in advance the *chances* of a weekend pass are higher. Granted of course, I am property of the Navy and they will do with me what they wish.

We have been praying heavily that things will work out and we can have a wedding as planned, whether it be January 23rd or not.

Have any of you gotten married post OCS prior to UPT/API etc? Or any suggestions if I am accepted? Obviously if I am not, I don't have to worry about the issue. But, if I am, are there any other options? I figure there are a few of you out there that have faced the same dilemma.

Jason

 

[red_ryder]

MasterBates could give you a whooooole lecture on this topic. I suppose though, in A-pool, you have more time than in any phase so far.

 

[NozeMan]

Howdy,

Just a few questions for those who have gone through this situation. I am recently engaged, one month and a few days as of now. I am in the September Boards for NFO/SNFO/Suppo and my fiance and I are patiently awaiting the results.

We have been told by multiple people and my sister-in-law (Army wife of 18 years and counting thus far) that after OCS, getting married is a walk in the park pending it's not scheduled during UPT/API or any other training period.

As of right now we have a date of January 23rd which is tentative of course pending acceptance/OCS Date/etc. I also spoke to an Ensign at the Officer Recruiters Office and he said as long as you're out of OCS your CO can issue a weekend pass to get married unless of course your CO is the CO from hell and could care less about your wedding.

Secondly, I spoke with my buddies mom who is a retired Gunny. She told me to make sure that the date of the wedding (as long as it is after OCS) is listed and in a place that can easily be seen on my App/Contract pending acceptance. As long as that date is on there and the CO knows well in advance the *chances* of a weekend pass are higher. Granted of course, I am property of the Navy and they will do with me what they wish.

We have been praying heavily that things will work out and we can have a wedding as planned, whether it be January 23rd or not.

Have any of you gotten married post OCS prior to UPT/API etc? Or any suggestions if I am accepted? Obviously if I am not, I don't have to worry about the issue. But, if I am, are there any other options? I figure there are a few of you out there that have faced the same dilemma.

Jason

I actually got married during API...but it was on our Christmas break. Picking a weekend this far in advance is really tough, especially since you haven't even done OCS yet. The only reason we chose to get married at that particular time was because Training Commands typically have around a two week break for the holiday. We made that decision knowing I would already have a commission and would be in flight school in some capacity.


I think in your situation, you are banking on a lot to happen. The first is that you have to get accepted, then you have to finish OCS....and then you have to work out leave for a weekend after that is all said and done. I think you have enough on your plate with getting into the program in the first place.


Or just get married before the whole thing starts. I wouldn't make plans for a post OCS wedding until you are actually an Ensign and in a real command.

 

[Cloak]

That's a start! And yeah I was hoping MBates was going to hit this thread sooner later. Thanks for the response!

 

[HeyJoe]

Howdy,

Just a few questions for those who have gone through this situation. I am recently engaged, one month and a few days as of now. I am in the September Boards for NFO/SNFO/Suppo and my fiance and I are patiently awaiting the results.

We have been told by multiple people and my sister-in-law (Army wife of 18 years and counting thus far) that after OCS, getting married is a walk in the park pending it's not scheduled during UPT/API or any other training period.

Suggest you have her request admittance into Spouse's Corner and let her chat it up with the true experts

As of right now we have a date of January 23rd which is tentative of course pending acceptance/OCS Date/etc. I also spoke to an Ensign at the Officer Recruiters Office and he said as long as you're out of OCS your CO can issue a weekend pass to get married unless of course your CO is the CO from hell and could care less about your wedding.

First off, what kind of wedding are you talking about (ie size and complexity)? If you're planning to do a simple, small gathering to echange vows, you might pull it off and be flexible enough to slide the date. If you're talking about a Bridezilla affair, you're flirtin' with disaster. Weddings take a lot of planning and you have too many unknowns from getting a Pro-Rec determination out of next board and getting paperwork laying flat to get a Final Select and then getting an OCS date. I'd lay money that won't happen until you are well inside your zone of comfort planning even a relatively small affair. Then comes the big if. Even when you know your class date, you're not necessarily sure of your graduation date. You can be rolled for medical or "other" reasons. Just read the OCS threads on that and figure your odds (just don't ask). Sounds to me like you've figured best case situation with little "management reserve" built-in and are in land of "consecutive miracles" in order to make that date.

Secondly, I spoke with my buddies mom who is a retired Gunny. She told me to make sure that the date of the wedding (as long as it is after OCS) is listed and in a place that can easily be seen on my App/Contract pending acceptance. As long as that date is on there and the CO knows well in advance the *chances* of a weekend pass are higher. Granted of course, I am property of the Navy and they will do with me what they wish.

WTF? Tell that Gunny to report to AW. She doesn't have a clue what she's talking about. What CO are you and she talking about anyway? You think any service is going to negotiate a contract with a wedding date written into it. You'd be laughingstock of anyone you mentioned this to even if someone put it into your verbiage (I doubt they would).

We have been praying heavily that things will work out and we can have a wedding as planned, whether it be January 23rd or not.

Get real. Whether you believe in the power of prayer or not, of course you can get married. Read the AW threads on subject; happens throughout flight school and thereafter. Some people even do a civil ceremony to get spouse enrolled for benefits right away and wait until timing is right for a larger seremony.

Have any of you gotten married post OCS prior to UPT/API etc? Or any suggestions if I am accepted? Obviously if I am not, I don't have to worry about the issue. But, if I am, are there any other options? I figure there are a few of you out there that have faced the same dilemma.

Jason

What dilemma? It's only a dilemma if you make it one. Many significant others get worked up over a date and all that goes with it. If you fall prey to letting this become a large part of your cranial capacity for dealing with stress, you are setting yourself up for reduced ability to deal with stress of OCS. Either plan for a rapid response wedding leaving date flexible once until you are sure you're heading to a commissioning date or push date well into future around a holiday. You're going to need her support during OCS and your capacity to lend her support is going to be severely diminished during that timeframe. Don't set yourself up for disappointment and discord.

 

[Brett327]

Biting tongue.

Brett

 

[Cloak]

I appreciate the response. And the *date* is completely tentative and not set in stone by any means. Thanks again, you definitely put things in to a better perspective.

 

[Cloak]

True enough I imagine. It seems everything I have been told by the recruiters has been utter bull considering the amount they are spitting out. But, I do appreciate the bluntness of this forum. Rather know what to expect or not to expect now than find it out first hand. Thanks.

 

[Flash]

Even when you actually are in the military and in a regular command things can often happen to screw with wedding plans, I have seen it happen more than once. That was a large part of the reason that all but one of my good friends in the military, including me, got 'married' twice. The first was a simple Justice of the Peace/Vegas/Minister one to get the legalities done with, the second was a 'real' wedding for the families and friends. A few didn't tell anyone, a few were like me and didn't really care.

When it comes to the military and weddings be prepared for the unexpected.

 

[MasterBates]

Search:

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The Tao of Brett327

Then, and only then should you even think about this. And then you should think otherwise, and learn from other's mistakes.

Or do you just like giving $250k to people you don't like?

 

[niktam]

So proud of brett!!!

 

[blackbart22]

A wise old chief told me as a fresh caught Ensign, " Mr. B, if you want a happy life, don't f-- up your twenties with marrige and don't f--- up your thirties with kids, sir. Good advice.

 

[villanelle]

I'd talk to the future wife and see if she is cool with just a simple weekend thing in whatever city you are in at the time. This accomplishes 3 things.

First, it gives you flexibility so that you can decide a few weeks out that Saturday the Xth will work. Call the families, have 'em buy plane tickets, get the priest/rabbi/preacher/thetan master on board, and do a nice little thingy followed by a little party in the back of a restaurant. No need to try and read the tea leaves of Navy life and figure out when you think it might maybe sort of work, and then hold your breath and likely face disappointment. And lost deposits.

Second, it saves you a metric ton of money. See above.

Third, it is a chance to really learn something about the girl and confirm that this has a good chance of working out with your chosen profession. If she can't get on board with a simple wedding, then maybe she is more excited about have a wedding and all the trappings than she is with the marriage. Also, if she freaks out over how the Navy is complicating her dream wedding and all the compromises that she has to make due to Uncle Sam, then she *will not* hack it with a Navy husband.

 

[Cloak]

Point well taken Villa.

And she is completely okay with a small wedding with just immediate family and having an actual ceremony sometime down the road. So at least that step is out of the way.

 

[chelley]

We did a small wedding over a holiday weekend in Destin on the beach while my husband was finishing up primary. It took us maybe a month or two to plan and we took our honeymoon later when he was waiting to class up for advanced. Worked out really well because he didn't have to worry about taking leave. The family initially whined about it being so far away, but once it was done they couldn't have been more pleased. Do whatever makes you guys happy and you can't go wrong.