Getting married in ROTC?

[Pags]

I've read that the Catholic Church will bless the civil marriage after the fact through a convalidation ceremony. That's just what I was given to understand, but I could very likely be completely wrong; I'm just a silly Episcopalian after all ;-)

Of course, that's a moot point if neither of them are Catholic.

And I have to agree with Hal Pilot's post above. It's completely unfair to both the child and the father to try and take the child away from him.

Don't know where you read it, but Mrs. Pags did the married in the church thing after the JP, not just a blessing of our JP.

 

[IrishEagle85]

Don't know where you read it, but Mrs. Pags did the married in the church thing after the JP, not just a blessing of our JP.

That's good to know then. I stand corrected ;-)

 

[MIDNJAC]

To the OP, let me give you a little perspective on my situation....

Let me start by saying I've been happily dating my high school g/f for the last 8.5 years.....we've had ups and downs, and I'm not going to lie and say that she isn't waiting for me to pop the question. But here is the flip side

I'm for all intents and purposes a single SNA (she lives back on the west coast and is in grad school), living it up in A-pool, off-base in a house with 3 buddies from college (FO's) and we have a BBQ, a bar, all by a heated pool and freaking palm trees.....plus we live less than 10 mins from the Florabama (haha....yes I know its cheesy). I'm gonna be in API in a few short weeks, and after that primary, most likely in some other tropical environment by the beach. I can't really figure out where I would fit in a g/f or a wife on top of studying, flying, and having fun. I'm 25 years old, and its not like I haven't had my college party years, but for god sakes man, don't cut it shorter than it needs to be. These are the years you will always look back on and do you really want to wonder "what if"? Just my .02, good luck w/ your decision

 

[NozeMan]

To the OP:

This is coming from another 1/C MIDN. There are no restrictions keeping NROTC midshipmen from getting married. That being said, both of you have to realize that your responsibilities as a midshipman, in terms of academics and aptitude, come first. If you get married as a MIDN, it could potentially have adverse effects on your ROTC performance (such as poor grades), which could then land you in hot water with your command. Either way, I would suggest personally discussing it with your LT, and maybe even with your CO.

Something else to think about is what your religions views are concerning JOP weddings, which I had to look at because my fiance is a Catholic. If you are (or she) are Catholic and you get married by a Justice of the Peace, it is my understanding that;

1) The Catholic Church views it as a sinful and illegitimate relationship
2) You can never have a subsequent official Catholic wedding
3) The best you can do is have your JOP wedding blessed by the Catholic Church.

Anyways, if you're in love then you're in love, and odds are you're not going to listen to most of the advice you've been given above. Just make sure the marriage itself is something that you're absolutely sure of, and that it's something you're doing for each other and not for external circumstances like the kid.

Check your facts about Catholicism. I stood up in my friend's Catholic wedding after he had a JOP wedding 1 year prior. It's not that big a deal, especially why the Priest understands (and suggests it!) the hassles of getting married in the military.

 

[HeyJoe]

Check your facts about Catholicism. I stood up in my friend's Catholic wedding after he had a JOP wedding 1 year prior. It's not that big a deal, especially why the Priest understands (and suggests it!) the hassles of getting married in the military.

You must have missed his latter post vv

That's good to know then. I stand corrected ;-)

 

[IrishEagle85]

Check your facts about Catholicism. I stood up in my friend's Catholic wedding after he had a JOP wedding 1 year prior. It's not that big a deal, especially why the Priest understands (and suggests it!) the hassles of getting married in the military.

I already gave in (see few posts up). I was misinformed, that's all. That, and I'm a silly Episcopalian.

 

[NozeMan]

I already gave in (see few posts up). I was misinformed, that's all. That, and I'm a silly Episcopalian.

My bust, I responded without first reading the ENTIRE thread. Rookie mistake.

 

[SaraLee]

You are correct, but I think the point is this: If your child came up to you and told you he made the decision that he was going to run with scissors, you'd probably tell him "Hey! That's not a very good decision. You can get hurt, blah blah blah". While he didn't ask IF he should get married, many wiser folks on this forum saw that it isn't a very smart decision (it really isn't) given this situation, so they chimed in.

Make sense?

All I'm saying is that there is a LOT of burning on marriage around here. I do understand that not all marriages are fabulous. Marriage takes a lot of work. However, a quick blurb from the poster about his situation does not give any of us a true grasp on what is going on. It is very possible that his fiancee is just looking for a new baby daddy. But there is a chance, (a small one, because let's face it -- since a handful of guys here had bad experiences, we can safely assume that ALL women really are money hungry man eaters), that they are both well rounded people who are in love and committed to each other.

Without knowing the WHOLE situation, I think it is hurtful to tell this guy he is making a mistake. I can see that many of the older guys here who have been through bad marriages want to keep others from experiencing that heartbreak -- and that is a very noble thing. But I don't think any of us can know if this is a "bad idea" based on a few posts. Ultimately, it is his decision - be it right or wrong - and I don't think he should be burned for it.

 

[MasterBates]

You say that, because you don't pay 1/2 your income to your ex and will live in a trailer while making $80K a year.

Three ways this can go.

He is being played and it snaps him back to reality.

She is actually nice, and worth it, and they make the "right" decision.

He is so whipped/blind that he will marry her, and later pay the price either via alimony and child support or just pure freakin misery.

Women seem to more often be pro-marriage, because they on average have MUCH less to lose in a divorce.

 

[BACONATOR]

All I'm saying is that there is a LOT of burning on marriage around here. I do understand that not all marriages are fabulous. Marriage takes a lot of work. However, a quick blurb from the poster about his situation does not give any of us a true grasp on what is going on. It is very possible that his fiancee is just looking for a new baby daddy. But there is a chance, (a small one, because let's face it -- since a handful of guys here had bad experiences, we can safely assume that ALL women really are money hungry man eaters), that they are both well rounded people who are in love and committed to each other.

Without knowing the WHOLE situation, I think it is hurtful to tell this guy he is making a mistake. I can see that many of the older guys here who have been through bad marriages want to keep others from experiencing that heartbreak -- and that is a very noble thing. But I don't think any of us can know if this is a "bad idea" based on a few posts. Ultimately, it is his decision - be it right or wrong - and I don't think he should be burned for it.

My sister was telling me about this movie "Pretty Woman", so I think I'm going to go hookering in the hopes of finding a woman I can fall in love with and marry.


Sometimes a situation which "may" prove to end well isn't worth risking it ending BADLY. So the marriage COULD end up being a great decision and they live happily ever after... but he also COULD (and with the facts he's given, it seems MUCH more likely) end up paying half his salary to his manatee wife and end up living in a trailer eating chef boyardee.

Could it end well? Sure, but sometimes it's a matter of risk. If he risks it ending badly, he could end up hating life. If he says no and moves on, he drinks beer like the rest of us.

I COULD hook up with that chick with the club-foot, but I also COULD get herpes, so I choose not to. I may not have gotten it, but that's a risk I'd rather not take.

 

[FormerRecruitingGuru]

What does herpes have to do with his case?

 

[Flash]

Without knowing the WHOLE situation, I think it is hurtful to tell this guy he is making a mistake. I can see that many of the older guys here who have been through bad marriages want to keep others from experiencing that heartbreak -- and that is a very noble thing. But I don't think any of us can know if this is a "bad idea" based on a few posts. Ultimately, it is his decision - be it right or wrong - and I don't think he should be burned for it.

While some of the guys here have had very bad experiences with marriages, a few of us who have told him that he might be stepping into something that he might not want to right at this moment have had good ones, including myself so far. So not all of us who are telling the OP to cool it a little are anti-marriage by any means.

And no, we don't know the guys whole situation, but from what little he told us alarm bells are going off for a lot of us. Those of us who have been in the military long enough have seen plenty of our fellow sailors and Marines in marriages that could fill a whole season of Jerry Springer. It happens more often than not with junior enlisted but is by no means limited to them. We get to see this a lot more intimately than in a regular civilian job because your unit is like a small town, and we are obliged to look after our folks in every way.

So this is not just a bunch of bitter old divorced men telling the kid to step back and take stock of what he is doing, it is also guys like me and Harrier Dude who have seen too many of our fellow servicemembers make short-sighted/stupid/idiotic decisions when it comes to marriage.

 

[Cams1215]

you've got another year of school left. why not hold on the marriage? with all that has been said, and all of the possibilities of this tanking, and doing so very quickly, why have that stress through your last year of school.

You can say F*** all the guys out there who are bitter, and got screwed over, that they dont know you and your situation is different. You can make it work, you two have more than those guys. Wrong.

Honestly, sit on it till you are done with school. If the father of the kid isnt raising a bunch of shit while you are here, try and work it out over the next year. If nothing comes of it, you and your chick get hitched, and play the court games. chances are going to be 50-50.

oh, and i'd think about what HAL had to say. Its a dick move usurping the father, and taking the kid away. Your choice is the military, not his. You cant expect him to follow you.

I wish you well with this, and hope that you take time to think with the big brain not the little one. Thinking with the little brain causes way too much trouble.

 

[BackOrdered]

Without knowing the WHOLE situation, I think it is hurtful to tell this guy he is making a mistake. I can see that many of the older guys here who have been through bad marriages want to keep others from experiencing that heartbreak -- and that is a very noble thing. But I don't think any of us can know if this is a "bad idea" based on a few posts. Ultimately, it is his decision - be it right or wrong - and I don't think he should be burned for it.

There are still entirely too many land mines in his description to just nod him off and wish him on his way without giving him fair warning. Doing anything less than warning him of the potential problems he can and will face is against the spirit of this site. I assure you, many posters on this site, myself included, wouldn't see success if we weren't straight shooters and sugar coated their situation. No, he isn't going to find many people anywhere that are going to give him open armed support on this decision, that alone should tell him something even if he goes through with it about what he will face ahead.

 

[Scoob]

Here's some little gems from Scoob's Bucket O' Experience that may be helpful (though, admittedly redundant at this point):

1. A very good friend of mine, that I spent every day of my enlisted career working with, ended up about 6 mos ahead of me in the VT pipeline. He went through a messy divorce while in training, but not being one to burden others with his own problems, he kept it to himself and tried to power through. On the day of selection, he was informed that while he DID select P-3s, there had been an error in calculating his NSS, and he was actually below the min, and was thus attrited. Had he not been distracted by that divorce, he would most likely have been able to better concentrate at the task at hand and still be flying today.

2. While I was in A-pool at NASCC, there was an open casting call at the base theater for extras for the movie Pearl Harbor. I had nothing else to do (except muster 3 times a week, and jetski my butt off), so I went to it. Lo and behold, they called me back to come do a costume fitting - the same week I started the FAM phase. At my first face-to-face with my on-wing I told him about it and he worked with StuCon to get me leave to do it. Shortly after that, I got my first down on FAM-2 (helos it is!!!!). Despite my on-wing's urging to the contrary, I CANX'ed the leave, put my head down, and am wearing wings of gold to this day.

Pearls of wisdom taken from the above:

1. Take the ORM/CRM/IMSAFE stuff seriously. It's much, much better to divulge a little potentially embarrassing, personal info to your crew than to forfeit your wings, or worse.

2. Flight school is all about managing your priorities. Some people have no problem juggling life, love, and flight school without dropping anything - most of them are called "retreads".

3. According to the IP that also got called by the Pearl Harbor people, Alec Baldwin has a gi-friggin-normous melon. Just plain huge. But he only gets to pretend he's a military pilot - whereas I do a much more convincing job of pretending to be one.