I'm going to be Mr Vice for a dining out. No idea where to start. Any ideas or previous shananigans would be great. The more obscene the better. We are a fighter community after all.
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Dining out MR Vice
- Thread starter pilotevans1
- Start date
How long til the dinner?
Rules of the Mess
1.1. Thou shalt be on time. 2.2. Thou shalt make every effort to meet all the guests.
3.3. Thou shalt not bring cocktails or lighted materials into the mess.
4.4. Thou shalt participate in all toasts unless thyself or thy group is honored with the toast.
5.5. Thou shalt not leave the mess while convened.
6.6. Thou shalt ensure that thy glass is always charged when toasting.
7.7. Thou shalt keep toasts and comments within the limits of good taste and mutual respect. Degrading or insulting remarks will be frowned upon by the Mess. However, GOOD NATURED NEEDLING IS ENCOURAGED.
8.8. THOU SHALT NOT NEEDLE MR. VICE.
9.9. Thou shalt neither murder the Queen’s English nor curse in either English or a foreign language.
10.10. Thou shalt always use the proper toasting procedures.
11.11. Thou shalt also be painfully regarded if thy clip-on bow tie rides at an obvious list. Thou shalt be forgiven, however, if thee also rides at a comparable list.
12.12. Thou shalt consume thy meal in a manner becoming a gentle person.
13.13. Thou shalt not laugh at ridiculous comments unless the President shows approval by laughing.
14.14. Thou shalt not haggle over date of rank nor brag about commissioning source.
15.15. Thou shalt not question the decisions of thy President.
16.16. When the mess adjourns, thou shalt rise and wait for the President and guests to leave.
17.17. Grog shall not be consumed outside of 4 feet from the Grog.
18.18. Thou shalt enjoy thyself to the fullest.
The small table at the front of the mess has been
placed there to honor our POW/MIAs.
placed there to honor our POW/MIAs.
?The items on the table represent various aspects of the courageous men and women still missing.
?The table is round - to show our everlasting concern for our men still missing.
?The cloth is white - symbolizing the purity of their motives when answering the call to duty.
?The single red rose, displayed in a vase, reminds us of the life of each of the missing, and their loved ones and friends who keep the faith, awaiting answers.
?The vase is tied with a red ribbon, symbol of our continued determination to account for our missing.
?A slice of lemon on the bread plate is to remind us of the bitter fate of those captured and missing in a foreign land.
?A pinch of salt symbolizes the tears endured by those missing and their families who seek answers.
?The Bible represents the strength gained through faith to sustain those lost from our country, founded as one nation under God.
?The glass is inverted - to symbolize their inability to share this evening's toast.
?The chair is empty - they are missing.
There are the basics of what Mr. Vice needs to worry about in terms of preparations. Everything else is just basically up to you, in terms of personality, etc.
For the love of God, have GROG! We didn't have Grog. What the hell kind of fun is that if you can't have grog?
Put the grog in a toilet.
Choose the people who are going to hand out fines wisely. The TBS mess night only allows like 40 minutes for fines so they have to be perfect.
Be F'ing funny. Nothing like a Mr Vice who sucks. Don't trip over your own mouth like you've never spoken in public before. Rehearse the standard rigamarole if necessary.
Don't be afraid to add hijinx to the scripted parts (but not on the heavy parts like the toasts, be reasonable). Don't tell the XO; it'll be easier to ask forgiveness when he's housed than to ask permission up front.
And congrats on being Mr. Vice. It must mean that somebody thinks you're at least half funny and half competent.
Put the grog in a toilet.
Choose the people who are going to hand out fines wisely. The TBS mess night only allows like 40 minutes for fines so they have to be perfect.
Be F'ing funny. Nothing like a Mr Vice who sucks. Don't trip over your own mouth like you've never spoken in public before. Rehearse the standard rigamarole if necessary.
Don't be afraid to add hijinx to the scripted parts (but not on the heavy parts like the toasts, be reasonable). Don't tell the XO; it'll be easier to ask forgiveness when he's housed than to ask permission up front.
And congrats on being Mr. Vice. It must mean that somebody thinks you're at least half funny and half competent.
FormerRecruitingGuru
Making Recruiting Great Again
Make sure to think of good "punishments". Mike was right on when it comes to the grog, when we had our senior "dining-in", the grog tasted something like goldschlager and Listerine mixed together. It was awful.
Are "throwing rolls" still de rigueur? Or has PC killed that fun?
Some of us old farts still throw a few rolls (discretely) when together, even out in town in the best of restaurants.... to the initial shock..... then enjoyment of (most) other patrons and restaurant staff. Having been well trained, some of our wives also join in..... and strangely seem to be better shots at roll-throwing. Go figure?
Old habits die hard.
Some of us old farts still throw a few rolls (discretely) when together, even out in town in the best of restaurants.... to the initial shock..... then enjoyment of (most) other patrons and restaurant staff. Having been well trained, some of our wives also join in..... and strangely seem to be better shots at roll-throwing. Go figure?
Old habits die hard.
I got over a month so the more obscene ideas the better sned them my way. Thanks for the rolls, haven't heard that one. We plan on parading the entire live cow or maybe a platter of cats. Keep the ideas coming
I don't remember having Mr. Vice for dining out...
I've done a dining out with a Mr. Vice. It was a watered down version but you received punishment for your date's/wife's transgressions. Even with the watered down version it got ugly early. A few wives left. I think they are still married
A few ideas:
Arrange for the front office to be served using Barbie plates and pink toddler silverware.
Photo-shop can be your best friend.
Don't leave the other squadron's out of the mix either. (ie re-paint their parking spots, steal memorabilia and take pictures of them in various "places", etc.)
Order pizza to be delivered to some unlikely soul in the middle of the feast.
If you have non-drinkers, make sure to have an equally disgusting grog (something with sauerkraut and clam juice).
One of the best Mr. Vices I had wore a kilt and his choker white top.
Arrange for the front office to be served using Barbie plates and pink toddler silverware.
Photo-shop can be your best friend.
Don't leave the other squadron's out of the mix either. (ie re-paint their parking spots, steal memorabilia and take pictures of them in various "places", etc.)
Order pizza to be delivered to some unlikely soul in the middle of the feast.
If you have non-drinkers, make sure to have an equally disgusting grog (something with sauerkraut and clam juice).
One of the best Mr. Vices I had wore a kilt and his choker white top.
Nice! I want to throw up just thinking about that.
We did lemon juice + mint extract for the "unleaded" grog (think drinking a glass of orange juice right after you brush your teeth and multiply that by ten), but I think I like that combination even more. This tended to encourage people towards the "regular" grog. I've seen chewing tobacco and oats in the grog before too...
There has to be boisterous horseplay too. One or two planned wrestling matches (er, mismatches between a really big guy and really little guy) or contests of strength (arm wrestling, indian leg wrestling) can get the ball rolling on that. If the spouses are entertained by it then all the better, since if momma's happy, everybody's happy.
Depending on personalities in the front office or department heads, carefully run select ideas by select spouses.
???
If you end up parading the actual plate of beef, make it hard for it to be declared fit for human consumption. Lots of hot sauce, and maybe some straight minced habanero or red savinas.
And having the whole mess night routine at a dining out, I'm not a fan, but hey, I'm not exactly a CO. Having wives there is dynamite waiting to go off.
And having the whole mess night routine at a dining out, I'm not a fan, but hey, I'm not exactly a CO. Having wives there is dynamite waiting to go off.
Having photo evidence for fines makes things just that much easier.