dealing with a reluctant spouse...

[Brett327]

Going to counciling BEFORE YOU ARE EVEN F-ING MARRIED!!!! = WAAAYYY too much work for a young relationship.

My young ECMO in the making is wise beyond his years.

I didn't want to press the issue, but since this thread has gone that way...

When you're 21, you should be out having fun and having as many interesting experiences as you can. Couples counseling is not one of those experiences. Young people of both sexes should be out banging anything that moves. Yes girls, I know you have your precious reputations to cultivate, but who are you kidding? That's what youthful indiscretion is all about. Once you have all that stuff out of your system, that is the time when you're in the proper mental place to contemplate something more serious, like a LTR or marriage.

Brett

 

[A4sForever]

I love Brett ... if he wasn't such a fool/tool/NFO .... I would adopt him.

 

[ChunksJR]

Well, someone has to take the opposite view on the cheating issue...

A six-month cruise is like being in a parallel world. Even with email and phones you can get disconnected from your spouse...

and you will be surrounded by a 90% male peer group that is going through the same s**t you are going through...

No matter what you look like, you will get treated like the prom queen. Everyone in the air wing will know your name within a week. Everyone will want to talk to you. Not necessarily to hit on you, but because their wives, girlfriends, etc are 8000 miles away and sometimes you just get tired of talking to just dudes.
Of course, some of them will flirt, and some will blatently hit on you. They have never met your husband, and in the little world that is CVN XX he doesn't really exist in their minds, he is an abstract concept.
Will you cheat? I don't know you, so I can't say. But you will have the opportunity. In my observations more of the women on cruise cheat than the men, and it is because of opportunity. If you want to cheat there will be a choice of partners waiting in line. If a guy wants to cheat he needs to put in a little more effort.
But that's the scenario- it's been 4 months since you've seen your spouse, and he doesn't seem to understand what your going through. Your surrounded by your JO buds, and they do understand you, because they are going through the same stuff as you. It's 2 AM, you're all drunk, and headed back to the "admin" (crash-pad hotel room). Someone, maybe someone from a sister squadron, makes a pass at you:

Would you cheat?

Many have

What kind of F'd up reasoning is that? You might as well say something to the effect of:

"There are a lot of men in prison without a single female around...would you revert to homosexual activity?"

"Many have"

Is it right? Jesuz Cristo you all...OLQ anyone?!:icon_rage

 

[pdx]

What kind of F'd up reasoning is that? You might as well say something to the effect of:

"There are a lot of men in prison without a single female around...would you revert to homosexual activity?"

"Many have"

Is it right? Jesuz Cristo you all...OLQ anyone?!:icon_rage

I think HUDcripple is saying what happens, not what should happen.

 

[ChunksJR]

I think HUDcripple is saying what happens, not what should happen.

Well, $hit, if it's always been done that way...got it...I'll try to conform.:banghead_

 

[Thisguy]

No matter what you look like, you will get treated like the prom queen. Everyone in the air wing will know your name within a week.

That's pretty accurate. The Airwing tends to become a high school type of environment, everyone knows of each other, and yeah, when that new intel chick checks into one of the squadrons four months into cruise, the guys take notice...especially the Marines

 

[A4sForever]

^ & ^^

Solution: GET ... RID .... OF .... THE ... WOMEN .... IN .... THE .... MEN'S .... UNITS.

Questions ??? PM me for the answers ...

 

[FlyingBeagle]

^ & ^^

Solution: GET ... RID .... OF .... THE ... WOMEN .... IN .... THE .... MEN'S .... UNITS.

Questions ??? PM me for the answers ...

Wait. . . I may be slow here, but I thought the problem was the men's units in the women. . .

 

[Cate]

Going to counciling BEFORE YOU ARE EVEN F-ING MARRIED!!!! = WAAAYYY too much work for a young relationship.

That's the one part I disagree with. I think that most couples could benefit from counseling before they get married. I think it would knock the divorce rate way down, because I think that it would cut down on the rate of people getting married who have no excuse for doing so. The time to find out that you're completely unsuited is before you've made a commitment and dropped money on a wedding.

 

[Brett327]

That's the one part I disagree with. I think that most couples could benefit from counseling before they get married. I think it would knock the divorce rate way down, because I think that it would cut down on the rate of people getting married who have no excuse for doing so. The time to find out that you're completely unsuited is before you've made a commitment and dropped money on a wedding.

I think the point is that if you're already needing counseling at that point, you're probably with the wrong person.

Brett

 

[Jenmarie]

I'm going to try and make sure that I don't sound like the bitter ex-wife here... As someone that got married despite having a couple red flags being waved rather vigorously in my face, because I was so set on, "I love this man, it will work," I ask that you consider very, very carefully this whole marriage thing. You're so young, and there's no need to rush into a marriage that doesn't seem like it's on solid ground. Ask him to wait. If he loves you, if you're the one that he really wants to be with, he will. And you can work on your relationship being the healthy, strong relationship that you're going to need for a marriage in general, and a military one in particular. Granted, seeing how my marriage didn't last very long at all, you can take what I say with a grain of salt. I obviously didn't know what did work, but I can sure as hell tell you what doesn't. Best of luck to you.

 

[Steve Wilkins]

I think the point is that if you're already needing counseling at that point, you're probably with the wrong person.

Brett

I disagree. Most problems in a marriage can be attributed to a lack of communication. I'm sure a lot of you might say that money is the root of most marriage problems. But if you break down the money problem, it can be traced to lack of communication.

It's a fact that men and women communicate differently. We may be saying the same thing, but each gender says it in a different way. And in return, each side interprets what the other is saying differently. If you're a male, and you don't know the lingo of how women express themselves, you're doomed before you start. Same goes with women, and even more so if both of you have no clue what the other is REALLY saying.

I'm a big advocate of pre-marriage counseling. Going to counseiling before you get married does not necessarily mean your relationship is already on shaky ground. It can be a very positive thing that helps both sides express themselves to their partner more clearly, in addition to helping each side understand their partner better.

 

[NavyLonghorn]

I disagree. Most problems in a marriage can be attributed to a lack of communication. I'm sure a lot of you might say that money is the root of most marriage problems. But if you break down the money problem, it can be traced to lack of communication.

It's a fact that men and women communicate differently. We may be saying the same thing, but each gender says it in a different way. And in return, each side interprets what the other is saying differently. If you're a male, and you don't know the lingo of how women express themselves, you're doomed before you start. Same goes with women, and even more so if both of you have no clue what the other is REALLY saying.

I'm a big advocate of pre-marriage counseling. Going to counseiling before you get married does not necessarily mean your relationship is already on shaky ground. It can be a very positive thing that helps both sides express themselves to their partner more clearly, in addition to helping each side understand their partner better.

I think good old 37 year old homeboy could use individual counceling. Marrying a 21 year old at 37? Kudos.. but still.. kinda reeks of low self asteem. Cant handle an equal?

 

[ChunksJR]

I think good old 37 year old homeboy could use individual counceling. Marrying a 21 year old at 37? Kudos.. but still.. kinda reeks of low self asteem. Cant handle an equal?

Can't the opposite be true too? A 21 YO marrying 37?

 

[Steve Wilkins]

I think good old 37 year old homeboy could use individual counceling. Marrying a 21 year old at 37? Kudos.. but still.. kinda reeks of low self asteem. Cant handle an equal?

Wait, so in the same line you commend this individual getting a 21 year old and then a few words later, you disapprove? Which is it?