Aside from what others have asked, 1) why do you think Russia will be nice about allowing a US military officer to become a citizen and 2) what if it takes many years to become a citizen there regardless and you're well past the age to become a cosmonaut? And it's especially worth asking: why are you remotely considering this or in any way think it's a good idea? Pitch this to one of your close friends or family members. I'm already imagining the response.
But I suspect this is elaborate trolling (takes one to know one, I guess).