I didn’t read what you wrote, but you should be thrilled there’s someone dumb enough to dethrone you as the biggest dipshit on this site.Aside from what others have asked, 1) why do you think Russia will be nice about allowing a US military officer to become a citizen and 2) what if it takes many years to become a citizen there regardless and you're well past the age to become a cosmonaut? And it's especially worth asking: why are you remotely considering this or in any way think it's a good idea? Pitch this to one of your close friends or family members. I'm already imagining the response.
But I suspect this is elaborate trolling (takes one to know one, I guess).