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100 Word Essay feedback

Brock Eppler

"On-time, On-target"
Good morning fellow Marines,

I am seeking a no-holds-barred review of my Officer application essay. As stated in my profile, I welcome the tough critiques. When I present this to my OSO, I want the quality and precision that only Marines can deliver. My essay is written as follows:

"I want to become a Marine Officer to better myself physically, mentally, and spiritually, while leading and growing Marines. I aspire to become an example for my fellow Marines to emulate, and my daughter to look up to; holding true to the Corps values and my moral code. Marine Officers earn respect when they demonstrate genuine concern for the mission and their Marines. Bonds between an Officer and his Marines are formed through blood, sweat, and tears. I have shed these with my brothers and sisters before, and I want to lead from the front to make the best Marines possible".

Very Respectfully,

Candidate Brock Eppler
Former Sgt of Marines