Dmitriy
Active Member
So last night I spent about two hours on the phone with my mom talking about my decision to become a Navy officer. This was the second one of these talks we had and while it was a fair bit less emotional I don't feel like I've made any progress of making her comfortable with my intentions. I'd appreciate some help with this.
A little background into my relationship with my parents. My mom and dad are divorced. Mom and I moved to the states in 2000 and my dad stayed in Russia. My dad is a convinced pacifist. He begrudgingly did his mandatory service back in the good old USSR and doesn't have much love for the military. He was not absent from my life these past 13 years, but he wasn't able to play an active role in my upbringing once mom and I moved to the states. I think he accepted that I have matured into a young man on my own and that is why when I layed out my decision and my reasons before him he accepted them without any objection. My mom is a different story. Me being her only family here in America, my decision does not sit well with her at all.
Big disclaimer here: my mom has accepted my individuality, she understands that her approval is inconsequential to me going through with this. I want to find a way to comfort her and do so before I ship to OCS. I feel that having the one family member I'll be able to communicate with while there on my side is pretty crucial...
Her weariness as she admits comes from a lack of information. We were raised in different societies. In Russia military service is an obligation, not something someone volunteers for, so the respect military service has here isn't quite the same in Russia, so while I grew up in a society where (imo) service is viewed as the highest and most respected form of sacrifice, she comes from a society where for the most part service is a nuisance in the way of getting on with your life. On top of that she was ofcourse raised in an authoritarian system and thus has a repulsion towards unquestioning obedience which is the cornerstone of military discipline. In our talks when it comes to talking pros and cons she looks past all of the benefits of military service, be it a career or a path towards something in the civilian sector, and focuses on being locked in for 4 years having to obey your superiors without question. She harks back to a hypothetical scenario of a CO over me bent on ruining or stalling my career and advancement and how I would be trapped in the situation where out in the civilian world I could simply walk out of a similar situation. All of those fears and concerns of hers are compounded by the fact that she does not know anybody personally who has served as an officer in the American armed forces who could with authority put at least some of those concerns to rest.
Some of this situation is my doing as well. I admittedly don't communicate well enough with my mom when it comes to this. We live in different cities so she doesn't see me applying or training or not feeling fulfilled with my current job. When we start talking about that hypothetical scenario of a "bad" CO I can't come up with how I would get around that situation because, admittedly, as much research as I have done I don't know the ins and out of the daily Navy grind. This results with all of my answers sounding like they are taken out of pamphlets and recruiters' mouths. Finally, while I had a lot of contact with people in various branches of the military, much as in my mom's case, I don't know any well and personally to get that information.
I want to reiterate again, I have made up my mind about the Navy. I know that in time my mother will come to terms with it and be proud of my choice. I want to find a way to ease her mind now and not down the road though. Maybe only time can do that, but I'd like to at least try.
I would greatly appreciate if you could recount some anecdotes and specific situations from your personal experiences as Navy officers relating to:
- your best experiences with the Navy life
- your worst experiences in the Navy
- problems with CoC and how you've gotten through them
I ask you please to be specific (everyone knows that flying jets is the bees knees and filling out paperwork while stuck on a boat pretty much blows).
I apologize for yet another verbose post and thank you in advance for your insight.
A little background into my relationship with my parents. My mom and dad are divorced. Mom and I moved to the states in 2000 and my dad stayed in Russia. My dad is a convinced pacifist. He begrudgingly did his mandatory service back in the good old USSR and doesn't have much love for the military. He was not absent from my life these past 13 years, but he wasn't able to play an active role in my upbringing once mom and I moved to the states. I think he accepted that I have matured into a young man on my own and that is why when I layed out my decision and my reasons before him he accepted them without any objection. My mom is a different story. Me being her only family here in America, my decision does not sit well with her at all.
Big disclaimer here: my mom has accepted my individuality, she understands that her approval is inconsequential to me going through with this. I want to find a way to comfort her and do so before I ship to OCS. I feel that having the one family member I'll be able to communicate with while there on my side is pretty crucial...
Her weariness as she admits comes from a lack of information. We were raised in different societies. In Russia military service is an obligation, not something someone volunteers for, so the respect military service has here isn't quite the same in Russia, so while I grew up in a society where (imo) service is viewed as the highest and most respected form of sacrifice, she comes from a society where for the most part service is a nuisance in the way of getting on with your life. On top of that she was ofcourse raised in an authoritarian system and thus has a repulsion towards unquestioning obedience which is the cornerstone of military discipline. In our talks when it comes to talking pros and cons she looks past all of the benefits of military service, be it a career or a path towards something in the civilian sector, and focuses on being locked in for 4 years having to obey your superiors without question. She harks back to a hypothetical scenario of a CO over me bent on ruining or stalling my career and advancement and how I would be trapped in the situation where out in the civilian world I could simply walk out of a similar situation. All of those fears and concerns of hers are compounded by the fact that she does not know anybody personally who has served as an officer in the American armed forces who could with authority put at least some of those concerns to rest.
Some of this situation is my doing as well. I admittedly don't communicate well enough with my mom when it comes to this. We live in different cities so she doesn't see me applying or training or not feeling fulfilled with my current job. When we start talking about that hypothetical scenario of a "bad" CO I can't come up with how I would get around that situation because, admittedly, as much research as I have done I don't know the ins and out of the daily Navy grind. This results with all of my answers sounding like they are taken out of pamphlets and recruiters' mouths. Finally, while I had a lot of contact with people in various branches of the military, much as in my mom's case, I don't know any well and personally to get that information.
I want to reiterate again, I have made up my mind about the Navy. I know that in time my mother will come to terms with it and be proud of my choice. I want to find a way to ease her mind now and not down the road though. Maybe only time can do that, but I'd like to at least try.
I would greatly appreciate if you could recount some anecdotes and specific situations from your personal experiences as Navy officers relating to:
- your best experiences with the Navy life
- your worst experiences in the Navy
- problems with CoC and how you've gotten through them
I ask you please to be specific (everyone knows that flying jets is the bees knees and filling out paperwork while stuck on a boat pretty much blows).
I apologize for yet another verbose post and thank you in advance for your insight.