Wow. I got a great financial aid package, or I would not be able to go to CWRU. Weird though. When do you graduate? I feel like if we have the same OCS class, or in some way end up at the same place at the same time, the universe will collapse. Or epic evil twin fight... I call good twin.
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Motivational Statement MEGA Thread
- Thread starter FSF17
- Start date
flyingpixies200
New Member
m26 here is my last draft
So here is my last draft. I need to cut exactly 50 words.
My most influential and profound memory of the Navy was when I was nine years old. I remember waking up late that morning, because I did not have to go to school. My mother dressed my younger sister and I up in matching dresses in order to look presentable at my father’s pinning ceremony. For as long as I was able to walk I participated in my father promotional ceremonies, however this pinning was different then all the others. This was the day that my father became a Warrant Officer. It was the day that his goals, achievements and integrity were respectfully noted by his leaders. My father was a simple straight-forward man who at 17 enlisted in the Navy and honorably served his country for 30 years retiring as a Lieutenant Commander. For my father nothing was more important to him then his “word”. To him if you lacked integrity and honesty, then you lacked the ability to lead. These were the values that my father raised me with, the values that I believe to be the foundation of a naval officer.
My father was my inspiration to seek a commission as a naval officer. He has embedded in me a deep sense of patriotism, respect and honor for my country. I understand that becoming a naval officer is something not easily attained and with this title comes responsibility to set an example for others.
I pursued several extracurricular activities in high school overseas and college in the states. I spent four years playing varsity soccer in high school (eventually becoming captain my junior and senior year) and in college I was given a spot on my junior college intercollegiate soccer team, improving my skills of teamwork and leadership. I also devoted much of my time serving in the military community by volunteering at naval hospitals. I have never been afraid to work hard and take on a leadership role and feel that it has helped me to mature and stay accountable for my actions.
While pursuing my college degree in Kinesiology, I concurrently maintained two part-time jobs. I was recognized as a leader by my fellow employers being awarded the position of Facility Supervisor at my campus recreation center. At 21 years old I was responsible for the safety and security of 10-15 student employees and 2,000-4,000 students and faculty recreation members.
I only hope that I can follow in my father’s steps and one day he will be present in a pinning ceremony of my own. If given the opportunity to earn a commission I would not only be greatly humbled but honor by the consideration to join the admirable individuals that proudly serve our country today.
So here is my last draft. I need to cut exactly 50 words.
My most influential and profound memory of the Navy was when I was nine years old. I remember waking up late that morning, because I did not have to go to school. My mother dressed my younger sister and I up in matching dresses in order to look presentable at my father’s pinning ceremony. For as long as I was able to walk I participated in my father promotional ceremonies, however this pinning was different then all the others. This was the day that my father became a Warrant Officer. It was the day that his goals, achievements and integrity were respectfully noted by his leaders. My father was a simple straight-forward man who at 17 enlisted in the Navy and honorably served his country for 30 years retiring as a Lieutenant Commander. For my father nothing was more important to him then his “word”. To him if you lacked integrity and honesty, then you lacked the ability to lead. These were the values that my father raised me with, the values that I believe to be the foundation of a naval officer.
My father was my inspiration to seek a commission as a naval officer. He has embedded in me a deep sense of patriotism, respect and honor for my country. I understand that becoming a naval officer is something not easily attained and with this title comes responsibility to set an example for others.
I pursued several extracurricular activities in high school overseas and college in the states. I spent four years playing varsity soccer in high school (eventually becoming captain my junior and senior year) and in college I was given a spot on my junior college intercollegiate soccer team, improving my skills of teamwork and leadership. I also devoted much of my time serving in the military community by volunteering at naval hospitals. I have never been afraid to work hard and take on a leadership role and feel that it has helped me to mature and stay accountable for my actions.
While pursuing my college degree in Kinesiology, I concurrently maintained two part-time jobs. I was recognized as a leader by my fellow employers being awarded the position of Facility Supervisor at my campus recreation center. At 21 years old I was responsible for the safety and security of 10-15 student employees and 2,000-4,000 students and faculty recreation members.
I only hope that I can follow in my father’s steps and one day he will be present in a pinning ceremony of my own. If given the opportunity to earn a commission I would not only be greatly humbled but honor by the consideration to join the admirable individuals that proudly serve our country today.
flyingpixies200
New Member
Alright I am now at 410 words.
My most influential and profound memory of the Navy was when I was nine years old. I remember waking up late and not having to go to school. My mother dressed my younger sister and I in matching dresses in order to look presentable at my father?s pinning ceremony. I had always participated in my father promotional ceremonies, however this pinning was different then all the others. This was the day that my father became a Warrant Officer; the day that his achievements and integrity were respectfully noted by his leaders. My father was a simple straight-forward man who at 17 enlisted in the Navy and honorably served his country for 30 years retiring as a Lieutenant Commander. For my father nothing was more important to him then his ?word?. To him if you lacked integrity and honesty, then you lacked the ability to lead. These were the values that my father raised me with, the values that I believe to be the foundation of a naval officer.
?
I understand that becoming a naval officer is something not easily attained and with this title comes responsibility to set an example for others. I pursued several extracurricular activities in high school and college. I played varsity soccer throughout high school (becoming captain my junior and senior year) and was given a spot on my junior college intercollegiate soccer team, improving my skills of teamwork and leadership. I also devoted my time serving in the military community by volunteering at naval hospitals. I have never been afraid to work hard and take on a leadership role, which has helped me to mature and stay accountable for my actions.
While pursuing my college degree in Kinesiology, I concurrently maintained two part-time jobs. I was recognized as a leader by my employers being awarded the position of Facility Supervisor at my campus recreation center. At 21 years old I was responsible for the security of 10-15 employees and 2,000-4,000 recreation members.
My father was my inspiration to seek a commission as a naval officer. He has embedded in me a deep sense of patriotism, respect and honor for my country. I only hope that I can follow in my father?s steps and one day he will be present in a pinning ceremony of my own. If given the opportunity to earn a commission I would not only be humbled but honor by the consideration to join the admirable individuals that serve our country today.
My most influential and profound memory of the Navy was when I was nine years old. I remember waking up late and not having to go to school. My mother dressed my younger sister and I in matching dresses in order to look presentable at my father?s pinning ceremony. I had always participated in my father promotional ceremonies, however this pinning was different then all the others. This was the day that my father became a Warrant Officer; the day that his achievements and integrity were respectfully noted by his leaders. My father was a simple straight-forward man who at 17 enlisted in the Navy and honorably served his country for 30 years retiring as a Lieutenant Commander. For my father nothing was more important to him then his ?word?. To him if you lacked integrity and honesty, then you lacked the ability to lead. These were the values that my father raised me with, the values that I believe to be the foundation of a naval officer.
?
I understand that becoming a naval officer is something not easily attained and with this title comes responsibility to set an example for others. I pursued several extracurricular activities in high school and college. I played varsity soccer throughout high school (becoming captain my junior and senior year) and was given a spot on my junior college intercollegiate soccer team, improving my skills of teamwork and leadership. I also devoted my time serving in the military community by volunteering at naval hospitals. I have never been afraid to work hard and take on a leadership role, which has helped me to mature and stay accountable for my actions.
While pursuing my college degree in Kinesiology, I concurrently maintained two part-time jobs. I was recognized as a leader by my employers being awarded the position of Facility Supervisor at my campus recreation center. At 21 years old I was responsible for the security of 10-15 employees and 2,000-4,000 recreation members.
My father was my inspiration to seek a commission as a naval officer. He has embedded in me a deep sense of patriotism, respect and honor for my country. I only hope that I can follow in my father?s steps and one day he will be present in a pinning ceremony of my own. If given the opportunity to earn a commission I would not only be humbled but honor by the consideration to join the admirable individuals that serve our country today.
Kill this part. Not needed, you don't need to validate your memories.
This last little phrase is a bit too long. It says something you want but it is just too many words. No ideas on how to fix it now, I'm off to class. I'll run through it again later.
I have class now, but I'll look it over tonight if you'd still like me to.
I got more than $20,000, so I shouldn't complain, but it still would have run me almost $20k a year in loans, so...
I graduate in December, then OCS. Just as well, I'd want evil twin.
Now for the million dollar question. Did you go NFO because of eyesight or because you were more interested in NFO?
I got more than $20,000, so I shouldn't complain, but it still would have run me almost $20k a year in loans, so...
I graduate in December, then OCS. Just as well, I'd want evil twin.
Now for the million dollar question. Did you go NFO because of eyesight or because you were more interested in NFO?
Eyesight, originally. Well, I was originally going Nuke - for god knows what reason. Then I didn't get in, and I looked into what else was available to me. I said pilot, my recruiter said NFO (because of my eyes). I have 20/200 uncorrected in both of them.
Now that I have had time to really look into the differences and what NFO means, I would choose NFO anyway. I want to be a pilot, but flight school and a PPL will get me enough stick time to be happy.
Oh and I graduate in December too. I have begun preparations for the evil twin battle that is brewing here.
Hmm, still... the eyesight thing may be enough to pre-empt the upcoming doppelgänger world implosion in January. We might even be in the same class. Certainly pretty close.
I swear sometimes I feel like the only NFO-to-be that never had any interest in SNA. Although I did have to change from SWO to NFO, so yet again we're alike in that regard, you coming from NUPOC.
I swear sometimes I feel like the only NFO-to-be that never had any interest in SNA. Although I did have to change from SWO to NFO, so yet again we're alike in that regard, you coming from NUPOC.
TBH I was only actually interested in SNA for about 10 seconds until I realized it was not an option. At that point the thought of NFO didn't cross my mind because I did not even think of it, or really know that it existed. I knew about RIO's but I never really looked into what exactly that meant, or any of the rest of the NFO world.
I think you might be one of the few NFO's to be with no interest in SNA. I think most at least want to be SNA at first, at least until they look into what the positions are really like.
In my case I wanted to be Maverick, not Goose. But then once I realized that I might be one of the two I actually learned what everyone does. Well, you could say my vision made the choice and then I justified it. Either way I am nothing but excited to be an NFO.
EDIT: So apparently AW did send my first post through. Sorry for the sort-of double post.
In my case I wanted to be Maverick, not Goose. But then once I realized that I might be one of the two I actually learned what everyone does. Well, you could say my vision made the choice and then I justified it. Either way I am nothing but excited to be an NFO.
EDIT: So apparently AW did send my first post through. Sorry for the sort-of double post.
flyingpixies200
New Member
Final Final draft
I am turning in m package tomorrow. Here is my final draft.
My most influential and profound memory of the Navy was when I was nine years old. I remember my mother dressing my younger sister and I in matching dresses for my father’s pinning ceremony. I had always participated in my father’s promotional ceremonies, however this pinning was different than all the others. That day my father became a Warrant Officer and all his achievements and integrity were respectfully noted by his leaders. I then realized my daddy was part of something special. My father is a straight-forward man who at 17 enlisted in the Navy and honorably served his country for 30 years retiring as a Lieutenant Commander. For my father nothing was more important to him than his “word”. To him if you lacked integrity and honesty, then you lacked the ability to lead. These were the values that my father raised me with, the values that I believe to be the foundation of a naval officer.
I understand that becoming a naval officer is something not easily attained and with this title comes responsibility to set an example for others. I pursued several extracurricular activities in high school and college. I played varsity soccer throughout high school and become captain my junior and senior year. I also played intercollegiate soccer, improving my skills of teamwork and leadership. I have devoted my time serving in the military community by volunteering at naval hospitals. I have never been afraid to work hard and take on a leadership role, which have helped me to mature and stay accountable for my actions.
While pursuing my bachelors degree, I concurrently maintained two jobs. I was recognized as a leader by my employers and was awarded the position of Facility Supervisor at my campus recreation center. At 21 years old I was responsible for the security of 10-15 employees and 2,000-4,000 recreation members.
My father inspired me to seek a commission as a naval officer. He has embedded in me a deep sense of patriotism, respect and honor for my country. I only hope that I can follow in my father’s steps and one day he will be present in a pinning ceremony of my own. If given the opportunity to earn a commission I would not only be humbled but honored by the consideration to join the admirable individuals that serve our country today.
I am turning in m package tomorrow. Here is my final draft.
My most influential and profound memory of the Navy was when I was nine years old. I remember my mother dressing my younger sister and I in matching dresses for my father’s pinning ceremony. I had always participated in my father’s promotional ceremonies, however this pinning was different than all the others. That day my father became a Warrant Officer and all his achievements and integrity were respectfully noted by his leaders. I then realized my daddy was part of something special. My father is a straight-forward man who at 17 enlisted in the Navy and honorably served his country for 30 years retiring as a Lieutenant Commander. For my father nothing was more important to him than his “word”. To him if you lacked integrity and honesty, then you lacked the ability to lead. These were the values that my father raised me with, the values that I believe to be the foundation of a naval officer.
I understand that becoming a naval officer is something not easily attained and with this title comes responsibility to set an example for others. I pursued several extracurricular activities in high school and college. I played varsity soccer throughout high school and become captain my junior and senior year. I also played intercollegiate soccer, improving my skills of teamwork and leadership. I have devoted my time serving in the military community by volunteering at naval hospitals. I have never been afraid to work hard and take on a leadership role, which have helped me to mature and stay accountable for my actions.
While pursuing my bachelors degree, I concurrently maintained two jobs. I was recognized as a leader by my employers and was awarded the position of Facility Supervisor at my campus recreation center. At 21 years old I was responsible for the security of 10-15 employees and 2,000-4,000 recreation members.
My father inspired me to seek a commission as a naval officer. He has embedded in me a deep sense of patriotism, respect and honor for my country. I only hope that I can follow in my father’s steps and one day he will be present in a pinning ceremony of my own. If given the opportunity to earn a commission I would not only be humbled but honored by the consideration to join the admirable individuals that serve our country today.
It's great. I didn't stumble over anything and it read excellently. Without getting way too nitpicky, I didn't find anything to change.
Yes, but why are we here if not to pick nits?
Ok, Blue means I recommend a change for reasons of style, Red are errors that must be changed.
My most [sentence is more profound sans "influential"] profound memory of the Navy was formed when I was nine years old. I remember my mother dressing my younger sister and I in matching dresses for my father?s pinning ceremony. I had always participated in my father?s promotion ceremonies, however this pinning was different than all the others. That day my father became a Warrant Officer and all his achievements and integrity were respectfully noted by his leaders. I then realized my daddy was part of something special. My father is a straight-forward man who at 17 enlisted in the Navy and served his country honorably for 30 years retiring as a Lieutenant Commander. For my father nothing was more important to him than his ?word?. To him, if you lacked integrity and honesty, then you lacked the ability to lead. These were the values that my father raised me with - the values that I believe to be the foundation of a naval officer.
I understand that becoming a naval officer is not something easily attained and with this title comes responsibility to set an example for others. I pursued several extracurricular activities in high school and college. I played varsity soccer throughout high school and become captain my junior and senior year. I also played intercollegiate soccer, improving teamwork and leadership skills. I have devoted my time to serving in the military community by volunteering at naval hospitals. I have never been afraid to work hard and take on a leadership role, which has helped me to mature and stay accountable for my actions.
While pursuing my bachelors degree, I concurrently maintained two jobs. I was recognized as a leader by my employers and was awarded the position of Facility Supervisor at my campus recreation center. At 21 years old I was responsible for the security of 10-15 employees and 2,000-4,000 recreation members.
My father inspired me to seek a commission as a naval officer. He [_] embedded in me a deep sense of patriotism, respect and honor for my country. I only hope that I can follow in my father?s steps and one day he will be present in a pinning ceremony of my own. If given the opportunity to earn a commission I would not only be humbled but honored by the opportunity to join the admirable individuals that serve our country today.
flyingpixies200
New Member
m 26
you corrected the wrong draft. The last one on there says " final final draft". I think you corrected my 3rd draft.
you corrected the wrong draft. The last one on there says " final final draft". I think you corrected my 3rd draft.
No, ma'am, I don't believe so. I can't see any difference between what you posted and what I edited. Perhaps you posted the wrong one?
"Final final draft"