Alright, spruced it up a bit, added a short ending(I am at the limit for space now). Have it at and please tell me about any mistakes you see, or something that could be better.
(1) Describe what led to your initial interest in the naval service and how the Naval Academy will help you achieve your long range goals, and (2) Describe a personal experience you have had which you feel has contributed to your own character development and integrity.
I want to be commissioned from the Naval Academy because I believe it is the best place for me to develop as a leader. I learn best by doing and at the Academy I will be given a chance to practice and refine my leadership skills for four years in a Navy environment before I am sent out to the fleet. No other commissioning source can offer complete immersion in the culture of the Navy; some may come close, but they cannot match the experience that the Academy has to offer.
Initially, my only interest in the Navy was to become a naval aviator, but after months of reflection I have realized that leading the young men and women of the Navy is what I really want to do. I never really considered a career in the military until I had the opportunity to live in Virginia Beach and interact with non-commissioned and commissioned officers in the Navy. This is when I began to realize that those individuals had admirable qualities and that I wanted to emulate them.
I was fortunate enough to be assigned a Navy Chief as my host in Virginia Beach for several months during the 2007-2008 hockey season. He was able to answer many of my questions about the military-lifestyle through his personal example. He embodied everything that I wanted to be when I was an adult: hard-working, honest, and fair. Also, he dedicated himself to giving his son every opportunity that he never had. The other example I had was my assistant coach. This coach was a retired Marine Corps Officer that always got the job done as quickly and efficiently as possible. These two men are some of my role-models, they have had successful careers while maintaining wonderful lives at home. The reason I was able to have these two men in my life was because of hockey, however this is not the only positive thing that hockey has done for me.
Hockey has been a significant part of my life for the past fifteen years and it has also been my greatest teacher. It has taught me how to push myself to my physical limits, win with class, and commit myself to a cause that is greater than any individual. Through hockey I have learned that there is always a way to improve yourself, even if you are injured. Last November I fractured my right fibula, but instead of letting my skills deteriorate because I was unable to skate, I took that opportunity to improve my stick-handling skills. I practiced in the locker room while my other injured teammates were in the rink watching practice. However, this is not the most significant lesson hockey has taught me.
Most importantly, hockey has taught me how to be a good teammate, one who supports ones team no matter what. It has taught me that everyone on the team has a role to play and success cannot be achieved if everyone does not do their job to the best of their abilities. Hockey has showed me that you have a duty and commitment to your teammates, you need to show up to practice and do your best every day because others are counting on you. When I broke my leg in November, instead of going home and letting my teammates down I stayed and supported my team. Instead of playing a role on the ice I played a role behind the scenes, filling water-bottles and taking statistics. Hockey has taught me how to thrive in a team environment where everyone depends on one another to do their best no matter how mundane the task.
Only at the Academy can I be given the opportunity to totally immerse myself in the culture of the navy. I have seen first hand the type of people that are officers in the Navy and I want to be like them. While hockey has helped to develop me as a teammate, the Academy is the best place for me to develop as an officer.
