I flew IFS with a partner: one up front with the instructor, one in the backseat “learning”. It was a great setup; both my partner and I did well and passed the Navy’s introductory program with no serious problems. Just like any students, however, we hit plenty of memorable bumps along the way. Through the process, we developed a healthy relationship of teasing and trash-talking with our instructor. Here are a few of the more memorable lines exchanged between instructor and student.
During the first ten or so hours:
“Okay. Try and maintain an altitude of 3000 feet. Okay, 3300 feet….3700 feet. How about we pick an altitude and try and maintain it.”
“Let’s get on a heading of north…heading of north…heading of north. Maybe you should look at your compass….get on a heading of north.”
“I’m gonna staple that checklist to your leg.”
“You guys don’t seem to think much of a stall at 3000 feet. That’s okay. One day you’re going to have one at 200 feet. Call me and let me know what you think then.”
At the time of our first solo flight (Crestview Bob Sikes Airport):
“I can’t let you solo until I see two good landings...okay, can you get me just one good landing?...okay, close enough. I’m getting out now. Just remember, you’ve got 4 hours of fuel; you can fly this pattern all day. If it doesn’t feel right, for God’s sake go around.”
“That landing was sh*t-hot. Now, if only you could do it in the middle of the runway.”
(Instructor and partner get back in plane after successful solo outings)
“You know sir, the plane sure climbs a lot faster without my partner and your fat ass in it.”
While simulating an emergency landing onto Crestview Airport’s runway:
(Instructor pulls throttle all the way off)
Instructor: “Allright, you’ve lost your engine. Where are you going to land?”
Student: “I’m taking runway 35, sir.”
(Student glides plane onto final approach)
Student: “Sir…I’m coming in a little low. Can I have some power, please?”
Instructor: “No you can’t have any power; you’ve lost your engine. Maybe if you’d get your airspeed right you wouldn’t be in this mess.”
(Students switch places and take off again)
(Instructor pulls throttle all the way off)
Instructor: “Allright, you’ve lost your engine. Where are you going to land?”
Student: “I’m landing right there on 17.”
(Student glides plane onto final approach; plane is now over runway)
Instructor: “This doesn’t look quite right...you may want to go around…power… POWER!”
(Stall warning horn goes off. Plane hits runway HARD).
Instructor: “Why didn’t you put the power on and arrest your descent?”
Student: “Sir, you said I had no engine and couldn’t have any power.”
(After the flight, instructor finds a cosmetic crack on the strut by the landing gear. There is no actual structural damage)
Instructor: “The strut didn’t have that crack when we took off. Yep. You broke my airplane with your awesome landings.”
After we pretended to taxi off without our instructor:
“Guess I’d better call the cops. It’s been a while since I’ve seen an Ensign eat concrete.”
At the final flight, the solo cross country:
“I never watch your landings any more. If you can’t land the plane by now, there’s absolutely nothing I can do about it.”
“If you get lost, you don’t need to worry about what the Navy’s going to think. I’m going to shoot you myself when you finally find your way back.”
After successful solo flights from Crestview to Marianna and back:
“I especially liked how you were calling ‘west of the airport’ when you were coming from the east. Just so you know, everyone at Crestview and Eglin could hear that…and they all knew where you were.”
“I think I’ll type my comments on your final grade sheet instead of handwriting them; that way I can fit more in there. You’ll probably get lucky, though, and the Navy will smile on comments like ‘cocky’ and ‘smart-ass’”.
“You guys sure are slow learners. You like to run your clock up all the way to the limit. You must take after your flight instructor.”
During the first ten or so hours:
“Okay. Try and maintain an altitude of 3000 feet. Okay, 3300 feet….3700 feet. How about we pick an altitude and try and maintain it.”
“Let’s get on a heading of north…heading of north…heading of north. Maybe you should look at your compass….get on a heading of north.”
“I’m gonna staple that checklist to your leg.”
“You guys don’t seem to think much of a stall at 3000 feet. That’s okay. One day you’re going to have one at 200 feet. Call me and let me know what you think then.”
At the time of our first solo flight (Crestview Bob Sikes Airport):
“I can’t let you solo until I see two good landings...okay, can you get me just one good landing?...okay, close enough. I’m getting out now. Just remember, you’ve got 4 hours of fuel; you can fly this pattern all day. If it doesn’t feel right, for God’s sake go around.”
“That landing was sh*t-hot. Now, if only you could do it in the middle of the runway.”
(Instructor and partner get back in plane after successful solo outings)
“You know sir, the plane sure climbs a lot faster without my partner and your fat ass in it.”
While simulating an emergency landing onto Crestview Airport’s runway:
(Instructor pulls throttle all the way off)
Instructor: “Allright, you’ve lost your engine. Where are you going to land?”
Student: “I’m taking runway 35, sir.”
(Student glides plane onto final approach)
Student: “Sir…I’m coming in a little low. Can I have some power, please?”
Instructor: “No you can’t have any power; you’ve lost your engine. Maybe if you’d get your airspeed right you wouldn’t be in this mess.”
(Students switch places and take off again)
(Instructor pulls throttle all the way off)
Instructor: “Allright, you’ve lost your engine. Where are you going to land?”
Student: “I’m landing right there on 17.”
(Student glides plane onto final approach; plane is now over runway)
Instructor: “This doesn’t look quite right...you may want to go around…power… POWER!”
(Stall warning horn goes off. Plane hits runway HARD).
Instructor: “Why didn’t you put the power on and arrest your descent?”
Student: “Sir, you said I had no engine and couldn’t have any power.”
(After the flight, instructor finds a cosmetic crack on the strut by the landing gear. There is no actual structural damage)
Instructor: “The strut didn’t have that crack when we took off. Yep. You broke my airplane with your awesome landings.”
After we pretended to taxi off without our instructor:
“Guess I’d better call the cops. It’s been a while since I’ve seen an Ensign eat concrete.”
At the final flight, the solo cross country:
“I never watch your landings any more. If you can’t land the plane by now, there’s absolutely nothing I can do about it.”
“If you get lost, you don’t need to worry about what the Navy’s going to think. I’m going to shoot you myself when you finally find your way back.”
After successful solo flights from Crestview to Marianna and back:
“I especially liked how you were calling ‘west of the airport’ when you were coming from the east. Just so you know, everyone at Crestview and Eglin could hear that…and they all knew where you were.”
“I think I’ll type my comments on your final grade sheet instead of handwriting them; that way I can fit more in there. You’ll probably get lucky, though, and the Navy will smile on comments like ‘cocky’ and ‘smart-ass’”.
“You guys sure are slow learners. You like to run your clock up all the way to the limit. You must take after your flight instructor.”
