Ledesmachris
New Member
Hello, My name is Chris, I'm 39 yrs old. I'm prior enlisted (Active Duty) Air Force and now working full time with the reserves as an Avionics Technician. I am currently applying for a Healthcare Adminsitrator program and I was wondering if anyone could take a look at my officer application essay.
I am looking for feedback on it... and also any information on ODS.
Thanks
"Throughout my life I have always dreamed about becoming a commissioned officer. My time has finally come to make this dream a reality. With my education, nine years of military experience, and strong personal convictions, I know the time is finally right to serve my country at a higher level. I could write volumes on why I want to become a commissioned officer, but instead I’ll let a distinguished record of service to my country stand as proof of my patriotism and pride to this great nation.
At age 29, I had an unstable job and very limited education to carry me forward. With a burning desire to improve my life, I knew that I had to make a change. Then, older than most individuals I began my enlisted military career. As an avionics technician, I strove to manage my professional and personal life, developing excellent time management, team building, and interpersonal skills. Making this one of the most growing and successful experiences of my life.
Parallel to my military carrier, I have also accomplished many professional and personal goals. Obtaining a Master’s degree in Healthcare Administration is an achievement that provided me with the foundation needed to serve my country at a higher level. Now, with my education, a lifetime worth of experiences, and an outstanding set of skills, I found myself in a position where I can finally fulfill my dream and become a commissioned officer.
After carefully evaluating my options, I found in the Navy, an organization where I can utilize all my acquired abilities to their full potential and give back to the country that has given me so many opportunities. I know that in the Navy, I’ll be in company of highly motivated, skilled individuals; a team that I feel I have much to contribute to. As a commissioned officer, I’ll have the opportunity to cultivate unparalleled management and professional experiences that will prove more than useful as I expand my current set of skills.
In addition to the pride, respect, and reverence that come with being a naval officer, the Navy is clearly a symbol of patriotism and pride. Undoubtedly an organization I want to be a part of. I am looking forward to the opportunity to serve and lead as a naval officer, where I’ll be appointed with advanced responsibilities and where I can help accomplish any mission with honor, courage, and commitment."
I am looking for feedback on it... and also any information on ODS.
Thanks
"Throughout my life I have always dreamed about becoming a commissioned officer. My time has finally come to make this dream a reality. With my education, nine years of military experience, and strong personal convictions, I know the time is finally right to serve my country at a higher level. I could write volumes on why I want to become a commissioned officer, but instead I’ll let a distinguished record of service to my country stand as proof of my patriotism and pride to this great nation.
At age 29, I had an unstable job and very limited education to carry me forward. With a burning desire to improve my life, I knew that I had to make a change. Then, older than most individuals I began my enlisted military career. As an avionics technician, I strove to manage my professional and personal life, developing excellent time management, team building, and interpersonal skills. Making this one of the most growing and successful experiences of my life.
Parallel to my military carrier, I have also accomplished many professional and personal goals. Obtaining a Master’s degree in Healthcare Administration is an achievement that provided me with the foundation needed to serve my country at a higher level. Now, with my education, a lifetime worth of experiences, and an outstanding set of skills, I found myself in a position where I can finally fulfill my dream and become a commissioned officer.
After carefully evaluating my options, I found in the Navy, an organization where I can utilize all my acquired abilities to their full potential and give back to the country that has given me so many opportunities. I know that in the Navy, I’ll be in company of highly motivated, skilled individuals; a team that I feel I have much to contribute to. As a commissioned officer, I’ll have the opportunity to cultivate unparalleled management and professional experiences that will prove more than useful as I expand my current set of skills.
In addition to the pride, respect, and reverence that come with being a naval officer, the Navy is clearly a symbol of patriotism and pride. Undoubtedly an organization I want to be a part of. I am looking forward to the opportunity to serve and lead as a naval officer, where I’ll be appointed with advanced responsibilities and where I can help accomplish any mission with honor, courage, and commitment."
And I think you should capitalize Naval Officer. 
