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transforming a girlfriend into a dependent without a ring?

Dependent?

Have you looked at what that means? Are you still looking for Momma and Daddy to help you through life? Jezzus man. If your girlfriend has the desire and the smarts she can go to anyplace in the world and get work. Why are you looking for US to carry the burden?
Your post just struck me wrong if you didn't notice. Either marry the woman and take on the responsibility, or get on with your life and do the bachelor aviator thing. If that isn't the viable option, don't snivel here.
ol hard ass with no sympathy
 
FlyinRock said:
Have you looked at what that means? Are you still looking for Momma and Daddy to help you through life? Jezzus man. If your girlfriend has the desire and the smarts she can go to anyplace in the world and get work. Why are you looking for US to carry the burden?
Your post just struck me wrong if you didn't notice. Either marry the woman and take on the responsibility, or get on with your life and do the bachelor aviator thing. If that isn't the viable option, don't snivel here.
ol hard ass with no sympathy
Click to expand...

What he said...
 
You want her to come to Japan with you, but you don't want to marry her... time to have "that talk".
 
SPOUSE INPUT ... *ducking*
OP - Does she know where you stand on marriage?
Bringing her along for an experience is one thing, but are you certain that is what she is taking it as?
You don't have to respond..

Her best option for limited base access is to secure a civilian DoD position. Perhaps that would give her some base access, maybe health care options. She will not be provided with the same benefits that are accessible to dependents. You will have to marry her to obtain those, plain and simple.

That should be the least of your concerns right now. If you're uncertain, I would be proactive in talking with her now.. not when you're both on the flight over, about what the expectations are for the relationship. Otherwise, if the relationship goes South after too many key elements were left 'implied', who's paying to send her and her households back to the States?

Eek.. I can't believe I wrote that, but it's the reality of it, from a woman's perspective. If you feel she's may be seeking a major commitment from you once you're both over there, that you aren't prepared to give, better clear that up before you invite her to move with you across the ocean.

May not be the case for you, though..
 
Fly Navy said:
You want her to come to Japan with you, but you don't want to marry her... time to have "that talk".
Click to expand...

That's what I was thinking. I would think her following you to Japan is pretty close to on par with the commitment level of marriage.
 
armada1651 said:
That's what I was thinking. I would think her following you to Japan is pretty close to on par with the commitment level of marriage.
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Really? I don't think this is necssarily so. Certainly, it's a possibility, but she could also just be looking at this as an opportunity for an adventure while she's still young and relatively without responsibilities. It doesn't seem like something like this has to be all that much different than backpacking through Europe with a boyfriend, something lots of people do without looking at is as a marriage-esque committment. If course, it would be prudent to determine which is the case before making plans, but I don't think a willingness to go live in Japan for a while has to equate to "OMG, I want to marry you and have your babies yesterday!!!"
 
villanelle said:
Really? I don't think this is necssarily so. Certainly, it's a possibility, but she could also just be looking at this as an opportunity for an adventure while she's still young and relatively without responsibilities. It doesn't seem like something like this has to be all that much different than backpacking through Europe with a boyfriend, something lots of people do without looking at is as a marriage-esque committment. If course, it would be prudent to determine which is the case before making plans, but I don't think a willingness to go live in Japan for a while has to equate to "OMG, I want to marry you and have your babies yesterday!!!"
Click to expand...

Apples and oranges. Backpacking through Europe and returning to the USA after your vacation does not equate to packing up and moving your entire life to a foreign country.
 
villanelle said:
It doesn't seem like something like this has to be all that much different than backpacking through Europe with a boyfriend...
Click to expand...

I don't know what the OP does (assume he's an aviator), but I do know that the units in FDNF get deployed...A LOT. If she goes over there, she'll probably be on her own the majority of her time there.

I agree with the above posters- following the guy to Japan, living on her own in town while he's away, not having base resources/support structure...that's a huge commitment. I have no idea where they're relationship is at now, but the options seem pretty simple: get married or dump her.
 
Couldn't a contract be drawn up to deal with the uncertainties? I know it isn't the most romantic thing ever, but neither is a prenump/postnump.
 
FMRAM said:
Couldn't a contract be drawn up to deal with the uncertainties? I know it isn't the most romantic thing ever, but neither is a prenump/postnump.
Click to expand...

Bringing a thread back after a week and this is all you can contribute? ;)

Don't you have some coeds you should be chasing?
 
Fly Navy said:
You want her to come to Japan with you, but you don't want to marry her... time to have "that talk".
Click to expand...


No kidding... this has crash and burn written all over it.


Dude, leave her at the pier. This is a can of worms you do NOT want to open, especially with as much as you are NOT going to be home.
 
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