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Some weakness, I need good advice

ea6bflyr

Working Class Bum
None
Super Moderator
Contributor
ea6b said "jobS you want." Are you saying it will hurt me to focus on say AMDO while expressing an interest in any commission?


Also, any input on the question I had about posting my declaration of intent?

No not at all....If you don't want, for example, NUKE, then don't place it on your application. As for lateral transfer, I'd first choose the job you want with the short term idea that you won't lateral transfer. Who knows, you might get into a community and love it.

Post your letter and I'm sure you'll get feedback. Have you seen the other motivational statements on the site?

-ea6bflyr ;)
 

mdwAT2

A. J. Squaredaway
Yes, I've seen the other letters. Here's what I've got. It's a first draft, a little long and I need to better structure the paragraphs, but here goes:


If someone had told me anytime before the last few weeks that I would be applying for OCS, I would not have believed it. For me, the possibility of becoming an officer has always been something beyond reach. After all, my recruiter had to pull strings to even get me enlisted because I was a high-school dropout. Commissions were for those who had taken life seriously prior to joining, and I had not. I began to regard officers with awe. The officers did inspire me, like my NAS Whidbey AMDO who’s motto of “By the book, every time, no exception EVER!” has shaped many decisions I’ve made over the years. Yet, the thought of earning a commission was still, in my mind, beyond reach.


This sense of unreachableness played a huge part in my not considering OCS until recently, over a year since I finally received my degree. I think my inspiration had its germ during a conversation I had recently with a younger friend. I learned that he was giving serious thought to enlisting in the Navy, so I shared my experience. It was easy to point out all the virtues of an enlistment since I had realized so many benefits during mine: money for college, vast opportunities to excel, and marketable skills to name a few. But, before ending that discussion I added that if it were at all possible to get his degree prior to joining, he should do it because joining as an officer has so many advantages.


In reflecting on our conversation, and looking at where the Navy has brought me, I am faced with the question of why I should not give my best shot at a commission. The Navy has played a huge part in shaping my character, inspiring honorable goals and helping me achieve those goals. Though it took a long time to finish my degree, having begun classes on ship during my 2nd carrier cruise, I finally graduated with honors in 2006. The core values of honor, courage and commitment helped me persevere in the struggle to balance a full time career, family and college life. Those were the same core values that, during boot camp, had turned my careless attitude toward life into a strong motivation for excellence. This motivation helped earn 2 meritorious promotions, 2nd class petty officer in less than 4 years, commendable service as a work center supervisor, a college degree and a successful civilian career in the tech industry. So, it is with a deep sense of gratitude and obligation that I respectfully request permission to rejoin the Navy by way of an OCS selection.
 

mdwAT2

A. J. Squaredaway
What, no criticisms?


Ok, how about some more questions:

I've read on the forums that surgeries can jeopardize your chances. I had my gall bladder removed? Anybody know if that will hurt me or require a waiver?

Also, I've seen people post prt stats like low, mid and high. I just ran 1.5 in under 10 minutes and I'm pretty sure I can do the minimum pu & su requirements I found on ARCO's tests book, but how can I assess my low/mid/high status?
 

a-6intruder

Richard Hardshaft
None
Yes, I've seen the other letters. Here's what I've got. It's a first draft, a little long and I need to better structure the paragraphs, but here goes:


If someone had told me ... blah, blah, blah ... with a deep sense of gratitude and obligation that I respectfully request permission to rejoin the Navy by way of an OCS selection.

Okay, I'll bite.

First paragraph - pretty good, although the opening sentence reads like something out of the letters in the Penthouse Forum ("I never thought this would happen to me...").

Second paragraph - not so good. There is no such word as "unreachableness." I know what you're trying to say, but it is an awkward sentence.

Instead of "This sense of unreachableness played a huge part in my not considering OCS until recently, over a year since I finally received my degree" try sometrhing like this instead:

"I found renewed motivation to seek a commission after a conversation recently with a younger friend."

Too many extra words "...conversation I had recently" needs to be tightened up to "...conversation recently..." (the "I had" is implied).

Revied each of your uses of "has" or "had." Often you can omit them and get out of the past / future speculative tense, or whatever it's called.

It's a good letter, obviously written from the heart, and that is a plus. With a bit of clean up, some strong LORs, and a solid enlisted record and academic credentials, you should be competitive. I caveat that with an admission of zero knowledge of how fierce the competition is these days in the various communities. Or, put another way, I would not have received an NROTC scholarship this year. Back in 1979 /80, they were almost giving them away, and I am living proof.

Overall a good first draft with opportunity to tighten it up and keep your passion / desire intact. PM me if you need a review of future drafts.

See separate post on recomendations for your LOR, and Good Luck!
 

a-6intruder

Richard Hardshaft
None
Also, I've seen people post prt stats like low, mid and high. I just ran 1.5 in under 10 minutes and I'm pretty sure I can do the minimum pu & su requirements I found on ARCO's tests book, but how can I assess my low/mid/high status?

Make sure you can run the 1.5 in less than 10 minutes right after cranking out your max situps in 2 minutes and max push ups in 2 minutes. There may be a (not so) subtle difference in your time on a run, and your time on a run after the s/u & p/u. For me it is about an increase of 15 secs. For you and others, perhaps not.
 

mdwAT2

A. J. Squaredaway
Scores

Took the ASTB today. I got there and learned that I had to take ALL portions of the test. I had intended, and only studied for, the OAR. Here's the results:

Academic Qualification Rating(AQR): 7
Pilot Flight Officer Rating(PFAR): 8
Naval Flight Officer Flight Aptitude Rating(FOFAR): 5
Officer Aptitude Rating(OAR): 64
 

BigIron

Remotely piloted
pilot
Super Moderator
Contributor
This encouragement is great. Thanks.

I should say that the recruiter chief said that right now they are looking at people with 3.7-8 gpa's ( I assume 3.9 and 4.0's too).

Who has this kind of GPAs? Certainly not any of the types I serve with. If they are looking for 3.9/4.0s it is ridiculous.
 

wink

War Hoover NFO.
None
Super Moderator
Contributor
Took the ASTB today. I got there and learned that I had to take ALL portions of the test. I had intended, and only studied for, the OAR. Here's the results:

Academic Qualification Rating(AQR): 7
Pilot Flight Officer Rating(PFAR): 8
Naval Flight Officer Flight Aptitude Rating(FOFAR): 5
Officer Aptitude Rating(OAR): 64

That is in the ball park. Not bad, but better would have made it easier. What has your recruiter said?
 

mdwAT2

A. J. Squaredaway
That is in the ball park. Not bad, but better would have made it easier. What has your recruiter said?

He said I blew it away and didn't need to worry about taking it again. I asked him about the 5 and he said not to worry 'cause people come in all the time and get 2s and 3s.

The pc I tested on was slow. I figure I lost 2 minutes on each section of the OAR due to page loading. I suppose if I'm not selected on my first try, retesting is a good way to increase my score and be able to submit another application the next month instead of waiting 6.
 
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