Please critique my endorsement letter

[STA-21NURSE]

Hi all!

My package is DONE! I have finished my CO's interview board and recieved 10's down the line with strong write-ups.

I have been working on my CO's endorsement "sample" for quite some time. I think it is getting close to somthing that I would want him to sign.

Please read my "sample" and provide any feedback.

 

[wink]

I have sat on STA-21 boards but have never written a CO's endorsement for the program. So, I can't speak for the format or technical details, but I like the write up. Hits all the basic points. Very strong. Hope a more "academicly" inclinded individual offers their critique.

 

[STA-21NURSE]

No comments?

I'm surprised that no one has any insight to offer. Again, all comments are GREATLY appreciated.

 

[fc2spyguy]

The only reason I didn't have anything to say is because I have the same to say as wink. I think it's a great letter that hits everything you need to. However, don't ask me about gramar

 

[Geese]

You may want a few more "specific examples", that would strengthen the (already pretty good) letter.

 

[STA-21NURSE]

Thanks Guys. I am seeing my CO on Thursday morning. I will add a couple specific achievements. My first draft was very "bullet" intensive. The XO told me to write more "globally" about myself. I may have taken that suggestion to the extreme.
As far as Navy correspondence format and grammar, I think it is spot on. I have had it proof read by my ESO for formatting and by my English professor for grammar.
Thanks for the suggestions!
Keep em coming!

 

[lenny]

Hi,
good luck on you COs interview. Could you please let us know, what kind of questions did he ask you during the interview?
thanks and again good luck
ahadu

 

[Schmuck]

My advice: Although it is a good letter I will agree you need to have more examples of what you have done to prove that you are a good leader as well as all other attributes you have listed. I like the academic section of your the letter, now just write to a,b, and c of your letter like that and you will be golden.

Good Luck!

 

[STA-21NURSE]

Thanks guys!
Ahadu- I will surely let you know how the CO's interview goes. I can tell you now that the CO's interview board was rought, but fair. They asked very probative questions. Nothing like the typical board question.... "state your 5th general order..bla bla bla." all 3 board members took the time to get to know me for who I am rather then for who I can make myself sound like. Selected for STA-21 or not, the board was a good experience.

 

[ae2wolfe]

You want to be male nurse, Focker?

Letter looks like every other Letter of Rec I don't believe that the LOR itself is as imporatant as the person who is signing it.. All these letters look the same, read the same, and only carry as much weight as the bottom line. Don't sweat the letters. Worry your personal statement and you scores (i.e. SAT, GPA, OAR) If these look great you'll make it. Atleast that's the attitude I had, but I was OCS app not sta-21.

 

[HOORAH]

You may want a few more "specific examples", that would strengthen the (already pretty good) letter.

That's what I was going to say. Flowery words are great but you have to include more fact to support the words. You only breezed by the facts and embellished the uplifting words.

It was written well. The grammar was ok, I'll read it again though to double check (I'm a grammar Nazi so I'll find it if it's wrong ). Oh and you might want to use a thesaurus to add more variety to your words.