Percentage of post deployment divorces?

[Catmando]

Is it not ironic, that most all the fun, cool places we fondly recall patronizing... Trader Jons, MexPac, Cubi Club Bar, Alameda "O", are all gonzo, as are all our oil-fired 'rides... HalfwayBoat, TopGun, PussyVulture, Connie, O Boat, HandJob, Tico, LadyLex, BonnieDick, QueerBarge, etc. More NavAir traditions/culture slidin' into the Black Hole of history!
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BzB

Oh, what a great trip down memory lane! I know most, but didn't know all until I checked.

I could add a few, like the Forest Fire, O-Boat, or the Shang, or the Star Ship, but memory fades. "Rust bucket" was generic. And those seemly bars you mention? Never been to any of them!

 

[Bevo16]

Good luck with that. Might as well specify that all alimonies ever awarded will only be paid in the giant stone coins of the Yap Islanders…or recyclable bottles and cans…Payee being responsible for monthly pick up.

So you are saying that a professionally prepared and signed pre-nump is a bad idea? Great advice.

The overwhelming majority of divorces don't have property divided by the court. The final distribution of assets is almost always handled between the parties, often with each side having their representation go through a mediator or "divorce referee". If you walk into those talks with a paper signed by a cheating wife that says "If I cheat, I'll walk away with no financial support or retirement." you end position is going to be a LOT better than if you don't have that document.

If you tell her "look, I don't have to give you anything, but I want you to go away so how about $500 a month for a year?" she is going to take it. Getting divorced for $6000 is cheap.

 

[xj220]

Here's an idea: don't get married.

 

[Catmando]

So you are saying that a professionally prepared and signed pre-nump is a bad idea? Great advice.

The overwhelming majority of divorces don't have property divided by the court. The final distribution of assets is almost always handled between the parties, often with each side having their representation go through a mediator or "divorce referee". If you walk into those talks with a paper signed by a cheating wife that says "If I cheat, I'll walk away with no financial support or retirement." you end position is going to be a LOT better than if you don't have that document.

If you tell her "look, I don't have to give you anything, but I want you to go away so how about $500 a month for a year?" she is going to take it. Getting divorced for $6000 is cheap.

Indeed. Many years ago my wife and I really tried to get a divorce. But we couldn’t make it work!

While separated, and while both of us were being bled dry by our respective, greedy attorneys - who were billing us for a lot of make-work - we decided to ‘divorce’ them instead.

Eventually she and I got back together. But I couldn’t stop the alimony and child support payments to her without a court order. That would mean rehiring my expensive but worthless attorney. So instead, and for years, she would receive my alimony checks, endorse them and then give the proceeds back to me.

 

[Renegade One]

So you are saying that a professionally prepared and signed pre-nump is a bad idea? Great advice.

[More…]

Don't think I actually ever said that. I'll pretty much leave it at that…since the whole thing is happily foreign to my experience. I do think that, for two otherwise nice young folks both embarking on their first marriage, getting a pre-nup is a bit out of the mainstream, unless there is some huge trust fund or other "going in assets" that need to be protected in the case of whatever.

 

[Brett327]

Prenups don't just protect what you have going into a marriage, it protects what you may produce while you're in the marriage. It may not be mainstream, but it should be. You carry an insurance policy to protect you and your assets if you wreck your car. You should be similarly protected in case you wreck your marriage.

 

[jmcquate]

http://www.criticalcommons.org/Members/Ghent/clips/the invitations.mp4/view
Enjoy

 

[villanelle]

I wouldn't have been against signing a pre-nup, and I wouldn't even be against signing a post-nup now. But as someone who had a career and a job that paid a wage that a newly single girl could easily live on, and who gave that up and now instead has a 5+ year gap in her resume, no way in hell would I forgo all alimony. There's a time and a place for it, IMO, and reasonable limits.

I believe that in CA, I'd be "qualified" for alimony for life at this point. That's ridiculous (note to self: delete this post in case of divorce ), but a couple years so that I could find myself a job and get reestablished and undo some of the damage OCONUS living has done to my lifelong earning potential? In my world, that's not unreasonable. Would I take half his retirement? Probably not, but that depends on the reason for divorce, I guess, and the intensity of the desire for retribution. In some Jerry Springer scenario where he was sleeping with my sister? It tough to say what I'd feel or do.

Like all things, I think there is a reasonable middle ground. Anyone who insisted on someone agreeing to no alimony under all circumstances probably isn't ready to be married. But anyone refusing to set any reasonable limits on what alimony she might ever be able to collect is probably not someone anyone else should be ready to marry.

Even if people aren't interested in doing an official pre-nup, I think the "what-if" conversations about what an imaginary pre-nup might include or what each side thinks is reasonable when a marriage ends under various circumstance are a valuable--if supremely uncomfortable--exercise for an engaged couple. Serious differences about matters like that can be a sign of troubled waters downstream.

 

[PenguinGal]

I wish I could like Villanelle's post more than once. While I have never been through a divorce nor do I even intend on going through one, I can agree 100% with what she said. A very dear friend of mine recently went through a divorce. Her ex is not military but civilian DoD and had a very similar PCS rotation as many military members. As a result she was usually unemployed or grossly underemployed in fields far outside of her career field. Now that she is divorced and having moved 'home' with a full time job in her career field, her earnings are far less than they should be for someone of her age in that career. As a result it is only due to minimal alimony that she is able to pay rent and basic utilities. Her divorce was beyond amicable and really, the alimony (with a pre-determined time limit) was something even her ex advocated because he saw that she did sacrifice her career (and earnings!) for his.

There is also something to be said for xj220's post....don't get married unless you are really ready for it. Being ready for it also includes understanding what could happen should it not work out after <1, 5, 10, 15+ years. Know what it means to be married (i.e., BAH w/dependents, FSA, etc) and what it means to be divorced (future wages/retirement to ex-spouse). If you aren't mature enough to have the discussion of what you would expect in the event the relationship fails you more than likely aren't mature enough to handle some of the realities of marriage.

 

[xj220]

I wish I could like Villanelle's post more than once.

Well considering you haven't like it yet, that might be a good place to start.

I've always liked the "Gene Simmons" approach and have a permanent girlfriend and never get married.

 

[villanelle]

Well considering you haven't like it yet, that might be a good place to start.

I've always liked the "Gene Simmons" approach and have a permanent girlfriend and never get married.

And with a bank account and tongue like his, you just might be able to find someone willing to do that with you. Except even Gene bit the bullet and is now a husband. Of course, there are rumors that he may soon be an ex-husband, but who knows how much of that is for ratings.

Semi-related note: Shannon Tweed stars in one of the best movies ever made: Cannibal Women in the Avocado Jungle of Death. It's a masterpiece.

 

[PenguinGal]

Well considering you haven't like it yet, that might be a good place to start.

I'm trying! Every time I click like I get stuck in an endless loop of page loading.

 

[xj220]

And with a bank account and tongue like his, you just might be able to find someone willing to do that with you. Except even Gene bit the bullet and is now a husband. Of course, there are rumors that he may soon be an ex-husband, but who knows how much of that is for ratings.

I guess every cowboy must hang up his spurs at some point, but I commend him for fighting the good fight.

 

[helolumpy]

Hey PenguinGal, I saw on Nat Geo Wild that Penguins mate for life....

 

[Renegade One]

....don't get married unless you are really ready for it.

I would opine that very few are "really ready for it". I surely wasn't…kinda scared shitless better describes my mindset….but I wasn't going to lose that girl/woman, and 39+ years of shared experiences has proved me right. Even mo' bettah now!