NFO / Family questions

[Dreammariner]

I'm currently applying to become a naval officer. Being an NFO sounds like a dream come true to me, but, at the same time, I want to make sure it won't be excessively hard on my family. I have a wife and a baby coming in a week, so I had a few questions regarding training / sea tours.

1. Regarding training:
A. How many hours can I expect to be at school. Also, how much studying is expected after school?
B. What kind of accommodations will the family and I get while I am in training.

2. Regarding sea tours:
In my initial contract, how much time should I expect to be away from my family?

Thanks in advance for any responses, I appreciate it greatly.

 

[helo_wifey]

Plan for the worst, be happy for anything more.

I can't comment on training as i didnt know my husband then, but for the fleet it's always changing.

Sea tours are 3(ish) years. Plan to be gone for most of that time. Any time you have at home cherish.

Our shore tours have been riddled with TAD too, so time together has been limited then too.

We live a good life though, and while I wish my husband were around more the fact is he isn't and I'm a single parent most of the time.

If you're looking for a job to give you lots of family time this really isn't it. And I know NFO is a bit different, I'm sure others will chime in.

 

[Dreammariner]

Plan for the worst, be happy for anything more.

I can't comment on training as i didnt know my husband then, but for the fleet it's always changing.

Sea tours are 3(ish) years. Plan to be gone for most of that time. Any time you have at home cherish.

Our shore tours have been riddled with TAD too, so time together has been limited then too.

We live a good life though, and while I wish my husband were around more the fact is he isn't and I'm a single parent most of the time.

If you're looking for a job to give you lots of family time this really isn't it. And I know NFO is a bit different, I'm sure others will chime in.

Helo_wifey, thanks sharing your experience! How was the on-base support network while your husband was gone. How is the community?
Also, if you don't mind my asking: how are the children when he's at sea?

The recruiter spoke to me of 6 months at sea at a time and perhaps 3 months of war games in Nevada. Was he trying to put it in on a platter, or does it vary platform to platform?

 

[helo_wifey]

Helo_wifey, thanks sharing your experience! How was the on-base support network while your husband was gone. How is the community?
Also, if you don't mind my asking: how are the children when he's at sea?

The recruiter spoke to me of 6 months at sea at a time and perhaps 3 months of war games in Nevada. Was he trying to put it in on a platter, or does it vary platform to platform?

We were overseas for our first sea tour with no kids. Support was definitely there, I can't comment on stateside but there were get-togethers for spouses and events for the kids. We lived on base and everyone helped out if you needed it.

This last tour was supposed to be a sea tour but he didn't deploy, he was just working what seemed like 24/7.

We've been separated voluntarily for 4 months now so we could get settled stateside after being overseas and the kids are doing good. They miss daddy but his being gone has been part of our life since they were born, they know no different. We talk about it with them and while they're young and might not understand much (they're 3.5 and 1.5) I think it helps.

We also keep busy, make stuff for dad and talk when we can. I'm sure the next tour will be different (they'll be 3&5) since he'll deploy again.

It does vary between the different platforms but I'm pretty sure your first tour is similar. Also, it depends on where the squadron is in their deployment cycle. You could meet them on the boat, or start out when they're doing work-ups, or join them after they come back.

 

[villanelle]

A. How many hours can I expect to be at school. Also, how much studying is expected after school?
Lots and lots. It is going to vary by person. Some people learn faster than others. But everyone works hard, and puts in long hours at at least some points. (My husband, like Helo-Wifey's is a pilot, not a FO, but I'm certain the same answer applies.)

B. What kind of accommodations will the family and I get while I am in training.
I'm not sure what you mean by accommodations. Are you asking about housing, or basic support?

2. Regarding sea tours:
In my initial contract, how much time should I expect to be away from my family?
This too varies, but again, count on lots and be thankful if it is less than expected. Some people get lucky and hit a cycle with slightly shorter underways, others get unlucky. I don't think your recruiter lied or sugar coated, but if he gave an average, you have to remember that there are points on both sides of that average number. You could get stuck on a 9 month deployment (not including work ups), or you could hit at a point where the ship is in maintenance.

As to the support while you are gone, yet again, it depends. In general, from what I've seen, the smaller the squadron, the tighter the spouses' group. And overseas squadrons tend to be far tighter than those Stateside. The jet squadrons are pretty much all way smaller than my husband's squadrons, and their groups tend to be more tight-knit because of that. But there is definitely support, both practical (someone to answer a question about pay or benefits) and emotional (a shoulder to cry on, someone to watch you kids for a few hours when you've had a rough day, etc.). Spouses' groups get a bad rap and while it isn't entirely undeserved, IME, when the shit hits the fan, they will go to great lengths to take care of each other, no matter what drama there may have been the day before. I was in Japan for the earthquake, and once the squadron left a few days later, the things the spouses did for each other were pretty damn miraculous. When it mattered, we had each others' backs like I never would have imagined.

We don't have kids so I can't really speak much to that, but plenty of families do this with a great deal of success.

 

[wink]

Keep in mind the ladies above speak from their personal experiences over the last few years. In that time the perstempo (personnel tempo) has been very high due to supporting two wars. That is changing. If we get to that point again you will see things more like explained above. Hopefully it will be better by time you would get to the fleet. Through most of the last 30 years a guy new to the fleet would be in a sea billet for 3 years and deploy for 6 months once or twice. There would be plenty of time at sea training before the deployment, usually a week or two at a time in the 6 months before deploying. Lately, it has been rougher. It also depends on whether you are in a maritime/patrol squadron or a or tactical jet squadron (no NFOs in helos). Shore duty can very well be spent almost entirely in one place with very few business trips and no detachments or deployments. Some of those jobs are not necessarily career enhancing. Pays your money and takes your pick. In the end, your schedule can not be predicted. It is good to be asking these questions. Your wife MUST be on board. Do not in any way try to influence her or she may someday feel contempt for you. You will get the training, have the adventures and be rewarded. Your family... not so much. If they are not solidly in the support mode, forget it. They have to be part of the team and you must treat them that way. Remember, deployment is where the rubber meets the road. It can be very rewarding and very often a blast. But deployment for the loved ones left behind is simply not a good deal. It is how they serve.
BTW, NFO is a lot of fun.

 

[Steve Wilkins]

For you, deployments will suck and be a blast all at the same time. For your family, deployments will just suck. There is no fun in it for them.

 

[villanelle]

You both underestimate the joy of not shaving one's legs for days, leaving a pile of laundry in the living room for weeks, and eating cereal and tequila for dinner (not mixed).

Okay, yes, deployments do suck, but I don't think it's completely accurate to say, "You will get the training, have the adventures and be rewarded. Your family... not so much." I live in friggin Europe, for goodness sake, thanks to the Navy! Of course, that isn't going to happen on a first tour, but there are port calls and amazing parties and some of the most incredible people, all from day 1. There's been a lot of suck, yes, but there's been a lot of really great stuff, too. But that is going to depend a lot on your wife and her outlook, her level of independence, her willingness to embrace what comes along and roll with the punches, and so much more.

 

[Steve Wilkins]

You both underestimate the joy of not shaving one's legs for days, leaving a pile of laundry in the living room for weeks, and eating cereal and tequila for dinner (not mixed).

I stand corrected. I'm down with tequila and Wheaties (or Cheerios) for dinner, and not having to shave my legs for months on end.

 

[Renegade One]

And I know NFO is a bit different, I'm sure others will chime in.

Chiming in. I agree with EVERYTHING you said…except this part^^^, at least in terms of family stresses, time gone, housing, QOL, all that stuff.

We're same-O, same-O...

 

[wink]

You both underestimate the joy of not shaving one's legs for days, leaving a pile of laundry in the living room for weeks, and eating cereal and tequila for dinner (not mixed).

Wait a minute. That is only wifey deployment lifestyle? I have to remind my wife I have not deployed in many years.

 

[Ralph]

When your at home how many hours are you working a day?

 

[RadicalDude]

When your at home how many hours are you working a day?

I would say, typically 9-12. Obviously this varies.

 

[wink]

I would say, typically 9-12. Obviously this varies.

And that is more typical of an operational tour. All "official" personal business is included in that too. Need to see the doctor or dentist, go to personnel to fix a pay issue, pop into a bank on the base or buy a new belt for your uniform, you don't need to ask the boss to take time off. Just work around more important things. You are in management, a leader. Many shore duty assignments are not much different that being a civil servant. Likely 8 hours a day, not many weekends and a little more flexibility. Again, it varies. Some shore duty assignments are as time consuming as operational ones, to include occasional at sea periods.

 

[Dreammariner]

I just noticed the activity on this thread!
Thank you all for the helpful replies! It is much appreciated. My wife is on board for the most part. She knows how important this is to me. At the same time, understandably, she wants her kid to actually know her father. So we were trying to ascertain just how long I'd be gone in an average 8 year contract. It's good to hear that these numbers should be going down though.

"B. What kind of accommodations will the family and I get while I am in training.
I'm not sure what you mean by accommodations. Are you asking about housing, or basic support?"
I meant in regards to housing. I was curious if we would all be crammed into a dorm, or if we would be provided some decent living arrangements. It sounds like the training is quite long, so I wanted to make sure we would be comfortable.