Motivational Statement MEGA Thread

[mmg]

Hi everyone. I am applying for admission to OCS, as an intelligence officer. Any feedback on my motivational statement would be greatly appreciated. Brutal honesty is welcomed and encouraged. Thank you!

Throughout my life, I have been motivated to tackle seemingly insurmountable obstacles by the stern conviction that—despite my humble beginnings—hard work, discipline, and dedication determined my fate as an American. Remarkably, the freedom to pursue my dreams awakened within me a passion to bolster the character and skills of my peers, so that they too could test the limits of their will. To me, there is no greater display of this inestimable American ethos than the generations of brave, Navy sailors that have willingly placed themselves in harm’s way, during peace- and wartime, to secure the freedom that makes the United States an indelible force for good in the world. Even so, my admiration is eclipsed by the determination to obtain the same honor to defend my nation with courage and vigor, as an officer in the Navy.
Driven by my firm desire to join the Navy’s elite ranks, I strived for years to develop the character and credentials to excel as an intelligence officer. I am confident that my experience at the United Nations (UN), refining the Secretary General’s briefing notes for high-level meetings on global security as well as crafting succinct articles on complex global affairs for foreign audiences, is perfectly suited for the task of preparing timely and accurate analysis of social, political, and economic developments taking shape around the globe, for superior officers. Also, the technical expertise I gained while working for U.S. Senator Frank Lautenberg will be crucial to gathering and presenting intelligence, as I frequently mined large sets of data to highlight emerging trends, so that senior staff could make decisive decisions on political issues that could alter the lives of the American public. Most importantly, in all of my professional endeavors, I demonstrated the ability to lead and mentor team members.
Yet, my commitment to inspiring and mentoring other people to perform beyond their potential has been an essential component in accomplishing my personal as well as professional goals. Taking full advantage of my Spanish-language skills, I led diverse teams of international volunteers in constructing development projects in Peru. From the mental and emotional strain of working in remote and unfamiliar settings, volunteers easily lost focus. To inspire volunteers to complete these vital humanitarian projects, I exhibited genuine passion to improve the lives of impoverished Peruvians by enduring my own hardship and laboring diligently until each task was finished according to the highest standards. At the same time, I took it upon myself to build the character of volunteers by coaching them through myriad issues, such as homesickness, relationship problems, spiritual conflicts, and career planning.
Despite my achievements at home and abroad, I continue seeking out challenging opportunities to grow mentally and physically. Recently, I completed the Marine Corps Marathon and raised $1600 for Teens Run DC—a mentorship program for at-risk youth—as one of their sponsored runners. However, my dedication to self-improvement is not a vain, temporal pursuit, as I am compelled by a personal sense of duty.
Among nations, the United States is unmatched in its capability to produce the unique mix of freedom and fairness in which every individual can prosper in peace. Therefore, protecting my nation means securing the prosperity of my family, friends, and neighbors for generations to come. Undeniably, the threat of individuals and groups who desire to destroy America and its values is real. Considering my specific skill set and experience, I am certain that my resolve to stifle this threat and ensure the safety of my fellow Americans is be best served as an intelligence officer in the Navy.

 

[Hybrid55]

Hi all, submitting my application this week so need to wrap up my motivation statement ASAP. Any help and/or comments is greatly appreciated!

Many men and women will speak of their desire to become an Aviator of the United States Navy and cite several reasons for pursuing this difficult yet rewarding path, including the unique opportunity to fight for freedom or the desire to be a part of something bigger than one's self. Other times you hear of a person that comes from a long lineage of Armed Forces service. While my intention is not to discredit any of these motives; in fact, my life has correlated with such cases in many respects. However, I do believe that the surety and conviction in which my motivation is entrenched is particularly unique.

I consider myself to be extremely blessed and fortunate to live in a country where we can live with so many freedoms that are often taken for granted. I have a tremendous amount of respect for the men and women of the Navy who have shed blood, sweat, and tears through the generations to protect and serve this nation, sometimes fighting to their deaths. To join them in their efforts would be nothing short of an extraordinary privilege.

I have Naval aviation in my blood through my grandfather, who I continue to admire and seek out for advice today. He fought in multiple wars and served the Navy for over 30 years, ultimately becoming a Rear Admiral. His story and presence in my life has certainly been influential in encouraging my decision to follow in his footsteps. However, despite my passion for country and the Naval bloodlines he has passed down, none of these influences are the primary motivation for my application today.

My past experiences have undoubtedly prepared me for the path of becoming a Naval Aviator. I was raised by an incredibly strong single mother in difficult circumstances. She worked three jobs to sustain us. Her work ethic and love for family inspired me to take this same approach to my life and reminded me to take nothing for granted. As a result, I became determined to succeed in both the classroom and sports. I was later elected captain of my high school hockey and football teams and then again for my college football team. Playing football and being the captain and leader of my team at Colby College has prepared me for the type of leadership that will be expected of me as an Officer and Aviator in the Navy. This role was demanding of my time and taught me how to effectively prioritize and manage what time was available so that I could be successful on and off the field. As captain, my teammates looked to me to be a leader and to ensure that the actions of our players on the field, in the weight room, in the classroom, and in the community, aligned with the team values and goals we had established. I have been able to recently translate these leadership skills into my current job where I work in coordination with a team and manage a number of staff. I am responsible for managing my own time as well as theirs to effectively get tasks completed. As a leader in the Navy, I will be asked to effectively manage time and abilities for both myself and others. My leadership experience in sports and the work environment has adequately prepared me for this next chapter of my life.

While my experiences are what have prepared me to become an Aviator, I have yet to fully disclose what inspired me. It is ironic that my preparation has been complex and unpredictable, yet my inspiration so simple. My motivation to be an Aviator is rooted in my genuine belief that I was created to be one. On first reading this statement, it may come off as a bold claim of either arrogance or insanity. However, I would argue neither to be true. I traveled a long and often distracting road to find my true purpose and calling in life. Driven to faith, I have been confronted with a realization that I was created for this very purpose. Attempting to fully explain my confidence and firm belief would be a daunting and near impossible task in the constraints of this writing. Though I could provide a long-winded and lengthy justification for such claims, including my experiences and family history as discussed above, this would be failing to give proper due to the truth that is at the very core of my soul. I was created for this. Of this I have no doubt. Not for a season of life, but for a career. A motivation rooted in anything but this leaves room for uncertainty, faithlessness, deceit, doubts, a willingness to give up, and many other undesirable character traits. However, driven by the inspiration I have been endowed with, my heart is set on making whatever sacrifice necessary to fulfill my purpose, even if it means losing my life in the process. I know that this is the type of commitment and clarity of purpose observed by those selected to lead the Navy. These are the men and women I wish to stand beside as I fulfill my calling. There is no greater honor than to die doing what one was created for and no greater love than to lay down one's life for his brothers. As, Teddy Roosevelt once said, to die fighting for a worthy cause is better than being "with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat."

 

[Novaspike]

I wanted to post what I wrote for my "Honor, Courage, Commitment" statement on my application to see if it helps anybody else trying to figure out what to put down.

2. Discuss what the Navy's Core Values (Honor, Courage, Commitment) mean to you and how you think they will apply to you as an officer in the
U.S. Navy.

All three values build on each other to make the ideal individual. To be committed, you must be honorable, and for that, you need to have courage.
Courage is an internal force that we use to withstand negative or potential negative influences when we make our decisions.
Honor then, uses your internal courage to act externally to yourself. When you interact with others, if you stand by your morals and the law, you do so honorably.
Commitment is when your actions mirror your honor. It is when you have the courage to make the right decision and the honor to convey that decision to others. If you are committed, then you see your tasks through to their completion, and take responsibility for mistakes made by you and those for whom you are responsible.
It is an equation: without any one of the constituent parts, you cannot have the final product.
For me as an Officer then, I have to continue to have the courage to keep to what I know is right, regardless of the temptation to do otherwise. It means I must have the honor to police myself and hold others to those same standards. And I must be committed to my position as an Officer, making sure my actions are those that best serve the mission and my organization.

 

[DIVO]

I wanted to post what I wrote for my "Honor, Courage, Commitment" statement on my application to see if it helps anybody else trying to figure out what to put down.

2. Discuss what the Navy's Core Values (Honor, Courage, Commitment) mean to you and how you think they will apply to you as an officer in the
U.S. Navy.

All three values build on each other to make the ideal individual. To be committed, you must be honorable, and for that, you need to have courage.
Courage is an internal force that we use to withstand negative or potential negative influences when we make our decisions.
Honor then, uses your internal courage to act externally to yourself. When you interact with others, if you stand by your morals and the law, you do so honorably.
Commitment is when your actions mirror your honor. It is when you have the courage to make the right decision and the honor to convey that decision to others. If you are committed, then you see your tasks through to their completion, and take responsibility for mistakes made by you and those for whom you are responsible.
It is an equation: without any one of the constituent parts, you cannot have the final product.
For me as an Officer then, I have to continue to have the courage to keep to what I know is right, regardless of the temptation to do otherwise. It means I must have the honor to police myself and hold others to those same standards. And I must be committed to my position as an Officer, making sure my actions are those that best serve the mission and my organization.

It seems a bit preachy ...
This is your opportunity to provide the board with examples. Honor Provide and example of how you have honor. Give a situation that you showed courage. Same with commitment. The board knows very little about you, this is a chance to tell them something that is not obvious in your kit.

 

[OKI_bound]

Greetings. I've hit a wall writing my statement. If any of you have time to review, I would appreciate some constructive criticism. I'm still in the early stages of my application and hope to be submitting for IDC in March-June window.

From the moment I joined the Navy in 2006, I have aspired to become an Officer. Since then I have seized every opportunity to learn from past and present Officers, in the hopes that one day I would secure a commission. Through observation, training, and experience, I have focused on developing effective leadership qualities and technical expertise needed to become a Naval Officer. These characteristics, along with devotion and discipline, have allowed me to confidently pursue a commission.


As a young sailor, I knew my Naval career was mine to manage. With that mindset I utilized all facets to progress my career. I pursued an education in my field of work – information technology – focusing primarily in the growing area of cybersecurity. I also achieved DoD 8570 IAT III compliance with my CISSP certification. Looking ahead, I plan to extend my knowledge base with a MS in information assurance, and a joint MBA. These goals, combined with a commission, will help me further contribute the defense of the nation.


A commission is the next step for me in my young career. My background at a joint service command and an arduous tour at FDNF Seventh Fleet will bring experience, assertiveness, and a “get things done” mentality to the junior officer ranks.


As a Naval Officer I will fulfill my obligated duty with selflessness, integrity, and enthusiasm to ensure the U.S. Navy remains the world’s strongest and most sophisticated navy.



28 male active duty
IT1(SW)
7 yrs
NEC 2791
3.79 GPA UMUC
B.S. Cybersecurity
CISSP
IP/IW
(2) LOR: CAPT 1810 [former CO], 1803 CDR [community mgr]
OAR ???
1 JSC, 2 NAM, SOQ '13, BJOY '09

 

[exNavyOffRec]

Greetings. I've hit a wall writing my statement. If any of you have time to review, I would appreciate some constructive criticism. I'm still in the early stages of my application and hope to be submitting for IDC in March-June window.

words


28 male active duty
IT1(SW)
7 yrs
NEC 2791
3.79 GPA UMUC
B.S. Cybersecurity
CISSP
IP/IW
(2) LOR: CAPT 1810 [former CO], 1803 CDR [community mgr]
OAR ???
1 JSC, 2 NAM, SOQ '13, BJOY '09

A very successful senior officer told me when he would look at application two of the things he would look for was the individual to write about what you can do for the USN as an officer and what being an officer will do for you.

One thing to remember is the board will see what NEC's you have, what schools you have attended, etc.... try not to duplicate many items unless it is used to reference another item.

A few other things not related to your motivational statement.

1) if your goal is to be a USN officer look at all designators you are eligible for

2) keep up with post about how full IDC is, they selected not that many each year via OCS about 30 for IW, about 40 for Intel, and IP varies from 0 to 6. They pushed everything but IW until later because of potential over-selection and possibly being filled for FY14 (per friend still at NRD).

 

[OKI_bound]

A very successful senior officer told me when he would look at application two of the things he would look for was the individual to write about what you can do for the USN as an officer and what being an officer will do for you.

One thing to remember is the board will see what NEC's you have, what schools you have attended, etc.... try not to duplicate many items unless it is used to reference another item.

A few other things not related to your motivational statement.

1) if your goal is to be a USN officer look at all designators you are eligible for

2) keep up with post about how full IDC is, they selected not that many each year via OCS about 30 for IW, about 40 for Intel, and IP varies from 0 to 6. They pushed everything but IW until later because of potential over-selection and possibly being filled for FY14 (per friend still at NRD).

@NavyOffRec - Good feedback. I will revise my statement with the mindset of not "what I have done" but "what I can do." I will also check out historical quotas for the IDC. Thanks.

 

[B619]

@NavyOffRec - Good feedback. I will revise my statement with the mindset of not "what I have done" but "what I can do." I will also check out historical quotas for the IDC. Thanks.

I also wrote a motivational statement about what I have done or what I can do but someone commented that it ended up looking like a resume. Now, I am back here rewriting a whole new motivational statement strictly about my motivations

 

[OKI_bound]

I also wrote a motivational statement about what I have done or what I can do but someone commented that it ended up looking like a resume. Now, I am back here rewriting a whole new motivational statement strictly about my motivations

I ended up re-writing my entire statement as well. In addition to the feedback I've received from this form, other officers said to really try and paint a picture for your audience. They said that it's ok to tell them "what you've done" as long as you tell them "at what cost."
I think I've finally nailed my final statement though. Only took me 7+ revisions...

 

[B619]

I ended up re-writing my entire statement as well. In addition to the feedback I've received from this form, other officers said to really try and paint a picture for your audience. They said that it's ok to tell them "what you've done" as long as you tell them "at what cost."
I think I've finally nailed my final statement though. Only took me 7+ revisions...

I'm now wondering how I can tailor my old statement to this new one applying the "at what cost" part now. For now it seems that this new one is a lot better without it. Haha, Only... Well that's good though. It's better to have a few revised statements that will get you picked up rather than having one that you're unsure of. "I'm not a good writer but I'm a good re-writer" as one of my professors would say

 

[paulmkrueger]

Hello everyone. Just wanted to run this by you guys. Thank you in advance for taking the time to read it:

Like most veterans my age, September 11th, 2001 was a large motivation for joining the military. I was only in high school at the time, but still felt the need to do my part. In January 2006, I began U.S. Navy recruit training, graduated as Recruit Chief Petty Officer then graduated as top performer of my class in U.S. Navy Master-At-Arms ‘A’ School. I became stationed at Naval Air Station Key West where I quickly earned the rank of Petty Officer Second Class and became the Lead Field Training Officer of my division. Even though I was excelling, I felt like I was not living up to my full potential nor was I doing what I originally intended to do; help in the war effort. With that in mind I volunteered to go on an Individual Augmentee mission with the Army to Afghanistan. It was in Afghanistan that I feel I truly learned to become a leader. I was assigned to be the Assistant Operations Officer and worked closely with the team’s Operations Officer, an Army Captain and Ranger, and our Commanding Officer, a Navy Commander, who both taught me what it means to be a true leader. They challenged me, encouraged me to strive for perfection and inspired me to go to college to earn my degree and become an officer. Being the Assistant Operations Officer not only gave me the most fulfilment of my enlisted service, but I knew I was doing more to help the mission than most enlisted men. That’s when I knew I had what it takes to be a successful Naval Officer.

Since returning from Afghanistan with a new outlook on life and a positive attitude, I finished my enlistment and enrolled at Saddleback College in my home town to finish my transfer requirements in only three semesters, and was admitted to San Diego State University. Military history, specifically the history of Ancient Rome and World War II, had always been a passion of mine so I became a history major. Recently, after only another three semesters, I graduated from San Diego State University with a Bachelor’s degree in with a 3.23 GPA and membership in the National History Honor Society, Phi Alpha Theta. On top of my academic achievements, I served in leadership positions as President of the Saddleback College Veterans Club and Executive Board of the Student Veteran Organization at San Diego State.

I am now the first in my family to earn a college degree and only the second after my grandfather to serve in combat to defend the country. Although it can be argued that my enlistment was my payment for college, I still believe I owe the Navy so much more. Not only do I owe the Navy for giving me the opportunity to serve my country, but now I believe that is it my duty to give back to the Navy. It is my duty to ensure the success of as many service members as possible while encouraging natural leaders to pursue their educational and military career potentials. I have been trained, led and guided by some the best officers the U.S. Military has to offer and I believe it is my time to step up and do my part to ensure the continued sustainability and success of the world’s greatest Navy. To me, being a Naval Officer is not only about using my knowledge and training to maximize my own potential to benefit the Navy, but utilizing my experience to ensure the Navy has the best possible leadership to develop the next generation of sailors.

 

[AlPal29]

Could someone take a look at mine? Thank you!

I do not come from a military family, and growing up I had little exposure to that sort of opportunity. However, working with veterans every day, and meeting people who have served, makes me think “I want to do that.” I want the camaraderie of serving in the Navy, the sense of pride to serve my country. My passion and excitement grows with momentum regarding this potential opportunity to commission into the United States Navy. The Navy gives me the chance to make an impact, to be not a needless cog in a corporate machine, but a necessary piece in a highly efficient system.


My leadership skills are vast. I bring with me the skill of discernment learned from rowing. How to build a cohesive team out of individuals, and from that team picking those whom will row best together. I had to figure out how to inspire someone with words to work harder than they’ve ever worked in their life; and win. I bring with me determination from positions in Greek Life. Putting in place new policies to help with the overall health of the community while being met with aggressive disagreement and negativity. Remaining positive while some policies are completely shot down and other policies pass. Fantastic public speaking skills gained from over 200 interviews and several new employee orientations I have done with my Human Resources internship. The ability to think on my feet while remaining polite and calm acquired while serving as a community advisor in a residence hall of over 350 first and second year students, even when a student is belligerently drunk and trailing blood. Patience by teaching 3 year olds how to tap their toes and learn to dance. All of these skills learned from so many diverse places have built me into the dynamic leader that I am. I am subtle, encouraging, and motivating. I am also dependable, responsible and someone who bears the weight of leadership with confidence.

I will continue to lead through these channels all my life, but now would like to expand and test my leadership skills by becoming an Officer in the United States Navy.

 

[Gnar]

Does anyone know if there is a difference between motivational statement and a handwritten "Why-Navy statement"? My OR and I are confused on whether there is a difference...

 

[LawlessNavyman]

I am currently enlisted and this is my answer to the questions as to why I want to be an officer and what can I do as an officer. The last one is what does Honor Courage and Commitment mean to me. thank you for reading them and any input would be much appreciated. this is the last thing before i go see my skipper and, Im trying to finalize all this stuff so i can take the package with me and do interviews and everything. I figure have your package pretty much ready so people can look it over and evaluate you both on paper and in person.

Growing up I never knew what I wanted to do with my life, but when I joined the Navy I knew I found what I was meant to do. It has helped me grow as an individual and into an exceptional leader. I have gained the knowledge and managerial skills to take on the next level of leadership from my experiences as the CNATTU Barracks Division officer, it has taught me to be a motivational leader that everyone will strive to emulate. Now, I am ready for the next level of responsibility and leadership.
As a Naval Officer, I will continue to hone my abilities to lead by continuously pursuing excellence in all aspects of life. I take pride in being someone that others can look to as a role model. As a Sailor and Instructor of the Quarter, and earning a Navy Achievement Medal and two Good Conduct Medals, I have shown my superior performance.
My goals during my commission are to earn my wings and continue my superior performance through all facets of my naval career. I will continue to sharpen my skills as leader and with my relentless dedication to excellence it will take me all the way to being the Captain of a command. These are goals that many will attempt but many will fail, but I look forward to the challenge of be a naval officer and leading from the front.

Honor is a trait that a Naval Officer must exhibit everyday both on and off duty. I will uphold this honor by instilling pride and professionalism into my junior Sailors with my charismatic and knowledgeable leadership. I live with this honor every day because I am already part of the world’s greatest Navy and as an officer it will only help to solidify that pride even further.
Courage is to have the fortitude to make perform in the face of adversity. I sought out this adversity throughout my career because the mission called for bold and motivational leaders. My ability to put the mission first and get the job done while maintaining the highest standards set forth by the United States Navy is one that many can follow. As an Officer my courage will be steadfast and unwavering and I will provide that conviction to all those around me.
Commitment is the pledge to continuously uphold your honor in service and your courage to your Sailors and fellow Officers. I have always been dedicated to going above and beyond the call of duty. I will always be devoted to making myself and the people around me better by providing the guidance and motivation to get the job done at a high quality. My commitment to my Sailors and fellow Officers will never falter and has always been my utmost priority.

 

[caburt1]

Just finished writing my motivational statement. Would appreciate any suggestions or comments. If you want someone to review your motivational statement...feel free to send them my way.


I have always dreamed of being a part of an organization that enables me to contribute my leadership, management, and professional skills while making a meaningful difference to this country. I realized early on that being a Naval Officer would make me achieve my dream due to which I committed myself to upholding the highest moral and physical standard as would be required in the Navy. I was more encouraged to do so when within a semester of joining [XXX] High School, I was nominated by the faculty to receive the “Respect, Integrity, and Responsibility Award” for demonstrating outstanding character trait.

I want to be a lifelong learner. While I am a Mechanical Engineering major, I declared a minor in International Affairs and took courses such as Challenges of Terrorism, Foreign Policy of China, U.S. Foreign Policy, and U.S. Constitutional Issues to better understand what we stand for as a nation and what our position in the world is. I took a Mandarin Chinese course simply because I wanted to learn it. I have supported myself through college by working at the Georgia Tech Student Center, as a tutor at [XXX], and a convenience store owned by my family. Each of the jobs have been learning opportunities for me and I want to continue to enhance and learn skills such as leadership, effective communication, and working under pressure. I also want to learn more about our country and the world while properly utilizing my knowledge all of which I can achieve by being a Naval Officer.

When I worked as an intern in International Rescue Committee (IRC), I came across refugees and their families who were hopelessly going through the world’s worst humanitarian crises until the U.S. offered help. During my internship, I found out that the teenagers of the refugee community in Clarkston, GA were at a risk of either dropping out of high school or not getting into college due to the lack of mentorship and motivation. Realizing the impact this could have to the local community, I initiated and led a program to mentor and tutor students at risk in the community. Meeting refugees of different backgrounds has made me realize that terrorism, war, human right violations, dictatorial regimes, and their consequences are not just one-line headliners in the news but they are real and the people impacted by them are real. The United States leads an effort to make the world a safer and better place for everyone and I want to contribute my part by being a Naval Officer.


As a Naval Officer, I could contribute and enhance my technical and problem solving skills. I have worked as an undergraduate researcher at the [XXX] where my job was to design, build, and maintain parts for a 1:5 scale car used for high speed autonomous driving in uncertain and harsh environments for military applications. I have worked as a Mechanical Team member of the [XXX] project where the goal was to modify an Unmanned Underwater Vehicle for under-ice operations. I formed and led a team to the campus finals of a competition sponsored by BP where we designed a patentable nozzle-turbine system that uses ocean currents to produce electricity. I led my team to the finals of the HackATL 2013 competition where we designed and made a business model for an automatic fast food restaurant.

The various leadership positions I have held include being the founder and President of [XXX] club, founder and manager of Clarkston Mentoring Project, Undergraduate Liaison of [XXX] Society, and Team Leader (TL) of Mechanical Engineering section of Georgia Tech First Year Seminar course. I believe that I can fully utilize the technical and leadership skills I have gained from these experiences as a Naval Officer.

I owe my service to the United States because I am personally indebted because this country accepted and nurtured me and my family when we feared persecution by the communists during the [XXX] Civil War. If I had any doubts about joining the U.S. military as a Naval Officer, it was completely dispelled when I raised my hand during the Oath of Allegiance at my naturalization ceremony and said these profound words, “I will support and defend the Constitution and laws of the United States of America against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; that I will bear arms on behalf of the United States when required by the law; that I will perform noncombatant service in the armed forces of the United States when required by the law.”

It would be an honor to serve this nation and defend it’s values and commitments around the world. Serving this country as a Naval Officer would enable me to follow my passion while being able to enhance and utilize my leadership and technical skills, enjoy the camaraderie of like-minded people, be a part of something greater than myself, and make a difference.