Motivational Statement MEGA Thread

[senevan]

I'm applying as an Intelligence Officer, and would like some feedback on my personal statement. Please let me know what you think!

To say I want to serve as a United States Navy Intelligence officer is not just to express one goal but many. To serve my country. To be part of the United States Navy. To be a commissioned officer, leading and learning from sailors of all ranks and rates. To work in naval intelligence, because it is intelligence that forms the first and last line of defence for America and its allies. These goals are the reasons for many sailors’ service, but I will explain why they are mine.

To serve my country, the United States of America, is why I have chosen this path most of all. Service to your country is no doubt greatly intertwined with identity, and this is especially the case for me. Growing up as a citizen of the U.K. and Germany, as well as the United States, I have always felt that America and its values have always guided who I am and who I aim to be. Yet my other identities have taught me the value and importance of our allies and the international community. In this way, in the famous maxim ‘Join the Navy, See the World’, to see the world is proven not to be a selfish desire for tourism, but a reminder of what we are fighting for. To defend the United States, its allies, and its ideals around the world is what I feel it means to live up to being an American.

To serve in the U.S. Navy, the most powerful in the world, is to be part of the first defence against those who would do America, our allies, and our values harm. I want to join the U.S. Navy because of how it is defending these ideals today. It is the U.S. Navy protecting our staunch allies in the South China Sea, not only Taiwan but Japan and the Philippines, from the tyranny of the Chinese Communist Party. It is the U.S. Navy protecting the beating heart of the global economy in the Gulf of Aden from Houthi terrorists and pirates. Working to contribute to this navy’s effectiveness, both in a naval intelligence capacity, as a leader of sailors, and as just another cog in the machine of a military devoted to protecting and serving our nation and its interests is what determines my desire to join the U.S. Navy

I have recently graduated from the University of Oxford, with a degree in history. My focus on global empire and the histories of the Middle East and East Asia strongly encouraged me to work in naval intelligence. The histories I studied illustrated that powerful empires are made and broken by leadership at some times and unity at others. This will contribute to my understanding that as a naval officer there are times to be a leader of sailors and others to be just another part of the ship. Understanding the histories of many empires in these regions may seem of little use to an intelligence officer in the U.S. Navy but identifying and understanding connections and shifting dynamics that make up modern geopolitics and military skill is an ability that I believe carries over. The ability to learn and develop this ability will no doubt be important to serving as a useful and effective naval officer and intelligence officer.

 

[emily4594504]

Applying to be Supply Officer and need some feedback on this. By all means, rip it to shreds, I need something that'll sharpen my chances.

I have a Health Science Degree at Tennessee State University. During my time in university I did two years of Air Force ROTC. When I was in, we had to carry what was called a “reason why card”. This was essentially an index card with my three reasons why I wanted to join the military. I want to serve in the US Navy as a Supply Officer. My reasons why are as follows: the military has given me genuine purpose in my life, I have been working so hard to get in and I want to enjoy the fruits of that labor, and lastly, because work in the spirit of service is the highest form of worship.
Before I joined ROTC I was purposeless, I had no hustle, and I did not know what I wanted to do with my life. My parents being prior service was enough to convince me to try ROTC. Immediately upon joining I realized what I will use my college education for and what kind of person I want to be. ROTC has taught me leadership, attention to detail, instilled in me core values like Honor, Courage, and Commitment, and emphasized my integrity. I admit that during my first year in ROTC, I was not proactive enough. I was juggling a full time job, college full time, and an unstable home life. These things killed my participation, my GPA, and my commander ranking (the opinion my commander had of me compared to my peers in terms of my potential). All of these reasons are what caused my first rejection; however one thing is for certain, my perseverance never falters. Jocko Willink has famously said, “Good leaders don't make excuses. Instead, they figure out a way to get things done.” None of these were valid excuses, and I acknowledged that. I worked harder, became more proactive, did Color Guard, community service, focused on academics, and did anything I could possibly do to make myself more known in my detachment. It worked, I brought up my commander ranking, got good scores, but the GPA was still not competitive enough. As a result, I got rejected again. I decided to make myself more competitive by picking up another language, Arabic. I became trilingual, fluent in English, Spanish, and Arabic. I studied and passed the OAR and I worked hard to finish off my last two semesters of my Health Science degree with the best possible grades.
The journey of becoming an officer is about to reach its third year. I understand serving is not a right, but rather a privilege for me. Nonetheless, I will continue to persevere. I can bring value in this career field. I have taken many statistics classes, as it was required for my degree. I currently work at Sherwin-Williams Paint, where I am constantly working with logistics management, inventory, administrative work, and gaining professional development. The main thing fueling my perseverance and work ethic is my faith. As a Christian, I am a firm believer of the aforementioned phrase; work in the spirit of service is the highest form of worship. I do not care about benefits, or any merit that comes with military service. All I care about is being a part of a team, working hard in a job I will love, and using my talents to serve the country I love and its freedom. These are the biggest reasons why I want to be an officer in the US Navy.

 

[club]

attached is my very rough draft for my letter, any feed back would be greatly appreciated

"Officer Selection Board,

I am writing in the hope of being selected to attend Officer Candidate School for the United States Navy. I hope to commission as a Surface Warfare Officer, and begin my career as a Naval Officer. As a Naval Officer I aim to serve my country with courage, commitment, intelligence, and respect.
Serving in the United States military has been my primary goal since learning it was an option. My family has a long military history, including my step-mother and grandfather in the US Army, COL Durham and SGM Durham respectively. My father served in the US Air Force as SSGT Durham. I hope to follow in their footsteps and become ENS Durham in the upcoming months. My family made careers out of their service, and I aim to do the same. I do not view military service as a stepping stone or a gateway, but rather as an opportunity to have a long career in a field of importance and service.
The US Navy values leadership, intelligence, and courage. As a Naval Officer I will lead those under my command through any challenges that we may face. I believe a key aspect of being a strong leader is understanding the needs of those under your charge and adapting yourself and your leadership style to them. Leadership is not merely management or administration, it is motivating and inspiring those both under and around you. As an officer, especially a Surface Warfare Officer, I will be expected to lead and be an example on day one of my service. I fully believe that I am capable and prepared for this responsibility.
The United States Navy will not be my first method of public service, as I have previously served the state of South Carolina as a park ranger. While the method of my service and the challenges faced during it are drastically different, my time as a ranger has instilled in me a respect for public service and for those who dedicate their lives towards it. This has furthered my desire to serve my country and to help protect the United States of America from any threats it may face.
I thank you for your consideration and hope you will grant me the opportunity to serve alongside you as a Surface Warfare Officer in the United States Navy.

Regards,
XXX"

 

[23brooks23]

Hey guys here's a rough draft of my motivational statement and feedback would be greatly appreciated

I wish to have the honor of serving my country in the United States Navy. As a child that's come from a family that has ties to the military for as far as I can remember. My mother was in the Army as a nurse, my stepfather was in the Navy. My grandfather on my mother’s side was an Army officer. My grandfather on my father’s side was in the Air Force. It’s always been around me and truthfully in my blood to serve. I wish I would've started this process sooner.
Throughout my childhood and early adult life, I was heavily involved in sports. I was a 3 sport letterman in high school and went off to play D1 college football at a couple of different schools and during my time in college, I was fortunate to win a conference championship and a bowl game. Looking back at my time as an athlete and playing sports it molded me into the person that I am today. I learned how to be a good teammate. I was able to see firsthand the importance of honesty, integrity, and unity when trying to achieve our common goals.These values that sports teach us are what makes for a successful yet humble person. Over the years of playing, I got to be on many different teams playing different sports collecting many accolades and recognition. But to me, the best accolade that I would constantly receive would be getting voted on to the leadership council. Being successful at my position on the team wasn’t what would get me on that council. It was the value that I would bring to help everyone else come together so we could have a common goal. I was tasked with upholding our high standards and teaching incoming members to represent our values. And to be an officer in the Navy or any branch of the military for that matter they need to have that in mind.
I’ve always had a love for aviation. When I was a kid I would always want some rc plane or helicopter. And when we would go on trips I had to sit in the window seat so I could look outside as we flew. But with me being so involved with sports I never really looked into aviation as a career path. As my playing career started coming to an end I had to start finding the career that I wanted for my life. I didn't want to work a desk job, I didn't want to do something monotonous. And I came back to my love for aviation. It’s challenging, rewarding, and something very fun to do on a day-to-day basis. So I did my research and got myself into a flight school putting myself on the right track to go to the airlines. But I would keep getting that sense that I needed to serve my country. And that's when I realized that everything that I've done in my life and the things that I'm doing now were meant to lead me to this opportunity.
With all the years of experience playing sports and the leadership positions that I have been put in on those teams, I feel that I would be a great addition as an officer on the best team in the world. As well as the experience that I'm getting with flying and the licenses that I've earned as a pilot, I believe that I would make a great pilot for the United States Navy. And I would be honored to carry on what my family has done before me and continue to improve as a man, leader and pilot as a commissioned officer.

 

[pdegrac507]

Good afternoon AirWarriors team. Below is my Motivational statement draft. Open to any and all suggestions! Thank you.

After all that the United States of America and the U.S. Navy has done for me and my family, it is my turn to give back as a U.S. Naval Intelligence Officer! After almost 10 years of my life proudly dedicated to U.S. Naval Service in the Intelligence Warfare Community (IWC), and serving at three different duty stations, I have seen how diverse and impactful a strong intelligence department can benefit and push the team, as a whole, to the finish line. I have had the opportunity to work with aviators within Carrier Strike Group 11 (CSG-11), ship’s staff onboard CVN-68 (USS NIMITZ), cyber warfare professionals, both military and civilians, at NSA in Fort Meade, and now with Naval Special Warfare professionals at Naval Special Warfare Group Two (NSWG-2). During the time in which I have been enlisted, I have always taken on responsibilities far beyond my paygrade and shown tremendous progression in both my professional and personal life. It is my intention that my work ethic and leadership skills, which have been recognized by my Chain of Command as exceeding my paygrade, can extend in range beyond my potential as an enlisted Intelligence Specialist (IS), and help me thrive as a Naval Intelligence Officer.

As an IS, I have completed one deployment with CSG11 on-board the USS Nimitz in support of Operation INHERENT RESOLVE, supported the withdrawal of U.S. troops from Afghanistan while stationed at Fort Meade, and more recently one deployment with NSWG-2 attached to SEAL Team 2 in support of strengthening partnerships and countering threats in the USSOUTHCOM region. During this time, I personally wrote up the CSG-11 Standard Operating Procedures (SOP) for analyzing current, existing, and emerging threats and recommendations on building threat briefs for aviators assigned to squadrons, an SOP for proper intelligence professional integration, support, and training, tactics, and procedures (TTPs) in the cryptologic/cyber warfare domain while at NSA, and played a pivotal role in SEAL Team 2’s deployment to USSOUTHCOM by taking on responsibilities outside of my duties as the troop’s main interpreter. Though challenging, having completed these tasks continue to enhance my arsenal as a valuable intelligence asset and continue to ignite the passion of wanting to become a better version of myself, allowing me the ability to apply what I continue to learn as a future Naval Intelligence Officer.

I am committed to making a career out of service in the Navy, retiring as a Captain one day, and I believe I will be able to best serve this role as a commissioned officer. In my time as an Intelligence Specialist, I have found a passion for service in a way that I truly believe I have found my calling in the Navy. I hope that my application convinces you of the same, and that you would allow me to serve my country in the greatest fashion possible as a U.S. Naval Intelligence Officer.

 

[FormerRecruitingGuru]

Good afternoon AirWarriors team. Below is my Motivational statement draft. Open to any and all suggestions! Thank you.

After all that the United States of America and the U.S. Navy has done for me and my family, it is my turn to give back! After almost 10 years of my life proudly dedicated to U.S. Naval Service, and serving at three different duty stations, I have seen how diverse and impactful a strong intelligence department and competent officers can benefit and push the team, as a whole, to the finish line. I have had the opportunity to work with aviators within Carrier Strike Group 11 (CSG 11), ship’s staff onboard CVN-68 (USS NIMITZ), cyber warfare professionals, both military and civilians, at NSA in Fort Meade, and now with Naval Special Warfare professionals at Naval Special Warfare Group Two (NSWG2). During the time in which I have been enlisted, I have always taken on responsibilities far beyond my paygrade and shown tremendous progression in both my professional and personal life. It is my intention that my work ethic and leadership skills, which have been recognized by my Chain of Command as exceeding my paygrade, can extend in range beyond my potential as an enlisted Intelligence Specialist(IS).

As an IS, I have completed one deployment with CSG11 on-board the USS Nimitz in support of Operation INHERENT RESOLVE, supported the withdrawal of U.S. troops from Afghanistan while stationed at Fort Meade, and more recently one deployment with NSWG2 attached to SEAL Team 2 in support of strengthening partnerships and countering threats inthe USSOUTHCOM region. During this time, I personally wrote up the CSG11 Standard Operating Procedures (SOP) for analyzing current, existing, and emerging threats and recommendations on building threat briefs for aviators assigned to squadrons, an SOP for proper intelligence professional integration, support, and training, tactics, and procedures (TTPs) in the cryptologic/cyber warfare domain, and played a pivotal role in SEAL Team 2’s deployment to USSOUTHCOM by taking on responsibilities outside of my duties as the troop’s main interpreter. Though challenging, having completed these tasks continue to enhance my arsenal as a valuable intelligence asset and continue to ignite the passion of wanting to become a better version of myself, allowing me the ability to apply what I continue to learn as a future Naval Officer.

I am committed to making a career out of service in the Navy, retiring as CAPT DeGracia one day, and I believe I will be able to best serve this role as a commissioned officer. In my time as an Intelligence Specialist, I have found a passion for service in a way that I truly believe I have found my calling in the Navy. I hope that my application convinces you of the same, and that you would allow me to serve my country in the greatest fashion as a Naval Officer.

The statement doesn’t tell the board what you’re applying for.

Your statement should almost immediately tell the reader what you’re applying for and what you’re applying for.

No need to dox your last name here or on the statement. You can state “I am motivated to continue my navy career as an officer and serving as a captain…”.

 

[pdegrac507]

The statement doesn’t tell the board what you’re applying for.

Your statement should almost immediately tell the reader what you’re applying for and what you’re applying for.

No need to dox your last name here or on the statement. You can state “I am motivated to continue my navy career as an officer and serving as a captain…”.

Thank you very much for your feedback. I have edited and updated the wording on the above motivational statement. Open to any further suggestions. Hoping to submit my package for the 09Aug INTEL board!

 

[molkshake]

I'm applying for CW or IP, please review. Don't be gentle:

Commissioning as an officer of the US Navy appeals to me because doing so can provide me with the first-class training and skills required to succeed in my career. As an officer, I will be surrounded by highly qualified individuals from whom I can learn and grow. Additionally, I can apply the leadership, teamwork, and technical skills I have cultivated throughout my life in a meaningful environment, making a significant difference for those around me.

From a young age, my parents instilled in me strong moral values such as accountability, commitment, selflessness, and honor. It is with these principles that I conduct myself today. Over the past few years, I have assumed several leadership positions. To start, I coached tennis through high school, teaching me patience, effective communication, and how to maximize the potential of those I taught. As I advanced in this role, I undertook greater responsibilities - managing students and coworkers both younger and older than me, and overseeing tournaments with over 50 participants. This was my first major leadership opportunity and helped shape my skills into what they are today.

In addition to teaching tennis, I competed at a Division 1 level with the Rutgers Men’s Rowing Team. My position on the boat was the coxswain, in other words, the captain of my crew. This high-pressure role required hefty mental fortitude and strong communication skills. During races, I had to maintain my boat’s morale whether we were winning or losing, refining my motivational abilities. I led my crew both on and off the water - my actions and emotions were always mirrored in them. This helped me learn to stay calm under pressure and keep a confident, positive attitude no matter the situation. I also developed mindfulness and strategic thinking skills by managing my boat, analyzing performances, and reviewing tactics with my coach. These are all skills I will bring to the fleet. I joined the Rowing team because being a regular college student wasn’t enough for me. I longed for the competition and collaboration that came with being a part of a sports team. It’s this feeling of teamwork towards a common goal that I seek in the Navy.

This in mind, I also believe I have a lot to offer aside from my leadership experience. My degree in Computer Science provides me with the technical background needed to succeed. Courses in networking, low-level computer architecture, and several fields of mathematics will prepare me for my job in the Navy. I have worked in information technology and software/security engineering, giving me a wide range of technical knowledge that I will surely utilize. Moreover, my work experience means I know how to carry myself in a professional environment. I believe that these coupled with my leadership experience and skills that I’ve picked up as I grew and developed through college make me a strong candidate to become a Naval officer.

In the spring of 2023, I transferred to Rutgers University from the University of Massachusetts-Amherst. Although I have always been a solid student, I faced a significant drop in my GPA due to substantial differences in school culture and location which caught me extremely off-guard. However, I overcame these challenges, improving my GPA each semester since, and learning valuable skills such as time management, adaptability, organization, and most of all, resilience. Now, despite these setbacks, I am on track to graduate a year early in the spring of 2025. Moreover, I am currently holding a 4.0 term GPA in my summer courses on a full credit load while working 40 hours a week. My journey since I transferred is full of consistent improvement and I attribute it to the valuable skills I learned from my initial lack of success. This experience will undoubtedly contribute to my effectiveness as a Naval officer.

As I near graduation, I am confident that becoming an officer is my desired path. I hope to make a positive impact on those I lead. With my current skills coupled with the training and opportunities provided by the Navy, I am confident in my potential to become a highly capable Naval officer. It is an honor to be considered for this position, and I look forward to joining the fleet.

 

[khoosier219]

I'm applying for CW or IP, please review. Don't be gentle:

Commissioning as an officer of the US Navy appeals to me because doing so can provide me with the first-class training and skills required to succeed in my career. As an officer, I will be surrounded by highly qualified individuals from whom I can learn and grow. Additionally, I can apply the leadership, teamwork, and technical skills I have cultivated throughout my life in a meaningful environment, making a significant difference for those around me.

From a young age, my parents instilled in me strong moral values such as accountability, commitment, selflessness, and honor. It is with these principles that I conduct myself today. Over the past few years, I have assumed several leadership positions. To start, I coached tennis through high school, teaching me patience, effective communication, and how to maximize the potential of those I taught. As I advanced in this role, I undertook greater responsibilities - managing students and coworkers both younger and older than me, and overseeing tournaments with over 50 participants. This was my first major leadership opportunity and helped shape my skills into what they are today.

In addition to teaching tennis, I competed at a Division 1 level with the Rutgers Men’s Rowing Team. My position on the boat was the coxswain, in other words, the captain of my crew. This high-pressure role required hefty mental fortitude and strong communication skills. During races, I had to maintain my boat’s morale whether we were winning or losing, refining my motivational abilities. I led my crew both on and off the water - my actions and emotions were always mirrored in them. This helped me learn to stay calm under pressure and keep a confident, positive attitude no matter the situation. I also developed mindfulness and strategic thinking skills by managing my boat, analyzing performances, and reviewing tactics with my coach. These are all skills I will bring to the fleet. I joined the Rowing team because being a regular college student wasn’t enough for me. I longed for the competition and collaboration that came with being a part of a sports team. It’s this feeling of teamwork towards a common goal that I seek in the Navy.

This in mind, I also believe I have a lot to offer aside from my leadership experience. My degree in Computer Science provides me with the technical background needed to succeed. Courses in networking, low-level computer architecture, and several fields of mathematics will prepare me for my job in the Navy. I have worked in information technology and software/security engineering, giving me a wide range of technical knowledge that I will surely utilize. Moreover, my work experience means I know how to carry myself in a professional environment. I believe that these coupled with my leadership experience and skills that I’ve picked up as I grew and developed through college make me a strong candidate to become a Naval officer.

In the spring of 2023, I transferred to Rutgers University from the University of Massachusetts-Amherst. Although I have always been a solid student, I faced a significant drop in my GPA due to substantial differences in school culture and location which caught me extremely off-guard. However, I overcame these challenges, improving my GPA each semester since, and learning valuable skills such as time management, adaptability, organization, and most of all, resilience. Now, despite these setbacks, I am on track to graduate a year early in the spring of 2025. Moreover, I am currently holding a 4.0 term GPA in my summer courses on a full credit load while working 40 hours a week. My journey since I transferred is full of consistent improvement and I attribute it to the valuable skills I learned from my initial lack of success. This experience will undoubtedly contribute to my effectiveness as a Naval officer.

As I near graduation, I am confident that becoming an officer is my desired path. I hope to make a positive impact on those I lead. With my current skills coupled with the training and opportunities provided by the Navy, I am confident in my potential to become a highly capable Naval officer. It is an honor to be considered for this position, and I look forward to joining the fleet.

You never mention what kind of officer you’re trying to be in the statement. I would add that and focus on that specific portion, instead of keeping broad at ‘Naval Officer’. Also, cut it shorter. You really don’t get a ton of room for the statement, and going on too long just seems like you’re rambling.

 

[Martini44]

Can you guys take a look at my Motivational Statement? I’m about ready to send it off, but it’s too long, but there is another section called Applicant Remarks. So I separated the original statement, and it messed with the flow.

Details: I meet the bare minimum requirements for Crypto, it’s what I really want so I am going for it.

OAR: 51
Other options: SWO, PAO,
Recruiter is confident in my SWO app, but that’s not my first choice.
What I want you to do:
- How to stand out in general
- What to cut
- How to help with flow
- Don’t be nice



Applicant Remarks: (Prior to this section the application asks about sports I participated in High School, College, and Post College.

Today, I stay competitive in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu (BJJ), a sport that has shaped my path to service and kept me physically fit. To paraphrase Green Beret Tim Kennedy, making one good decision for yourself can lead to positive outcomes for other people. For me, training in BJJ was that decision. Two years later, I’ve earned my Blue Belt, competed in tournaments, and found a community full of veterans and active duty. This experience solidified my belief that serving in the military is the most rewarding way I can pursue my American Dream and protect that American Dream for others. My commitment to competition, fitness and a healthy lifestyle has always helped me stay on course.

I have come far as growing up in a single-mother household presents challenges, but a strong vision for my future helped me overcome them. In sports, I was never the most talented, but I always demonstrated strong character by putting in extra time outside of practice. For example, I was a mediocre wrestler, but my coaches always saw resilience in me, no matter how many losses I tallied, they could count on me to be there the next day. I never expected or tried to be captain as I was not the best wrestler, but I was always on weight, I showed up to optional practices, and my attitude toward the sport convinced the coaches I would be best fit as captain. This took my team and I by surprise as a leadership change comes with its own challenges, but leading by example was how I earned respect and how I won Most Inspirational Wrestler two years in a row. I had also exceeded expectations in football as a three-year varsity athlete, and as a linebacker who wrestled at 145lbs, it required resilience to even see the field.


Motivational Statement:

Whether I knew it or not, I was born to serve my country, and becoming an Officer in the U.S. Navy is how I can repay the nation that has given me countless opportunities. I possess the leadership skills to excel as a Cryptologic Warfare Officer (CWO). My adaptability, leadership, and communication skills, honed through my Bachelor's in Communications, position me as an asset in the Navy's Cryptology domain. Despite their cyber experience, many people in the communications excel in the cyber field, because of overall merit and an ability to learn quickly, both traits I possess in high quantities. Cryptology is a dream of mine, and this statement will prove I have the attributes to excel in Naval Cryptology.

Succeeding academically has always been a challenge, but I never let that stop me. Although I had limited support and financial stress, and by working multiple jobs, I graduated without debt and maintained a strong academic record. I earned a 3.59 GPA at Arapahoe Community College, a 3.24 GPA at CSUS, making the Dean's List four times. My tenacity in education extends to my professional life, where I’ve thrived as a bartender, and now lead classrooms as a substitute teacher. However, I am not ready to settle, and the Navy offers me the opportunity to continue growing professionally and honorably.

Serving my nation is a privilege. People around the world aspire to be American, and representing the U.S. is an honor. Former sailor and President of the United States, Jimmy Carter is an example of this. President Carter started his life as a peanut farmer and through his vision he became President, only in America. I’ve seen firsthand how others admire our country, and as an American, it is my duty to represent the U.S. in the highest capacity. Serving in the U.S. Navy is how I can honor this privilege.

I may not be the obvious candidate for CWO, but my success will be driven by the passion and grit I take into every day, not the degree I chose in high school. I care about the United States, and to me the cyber future is exciting, and intelligence collection is thrilling. Find out where and what the bad guys are up to is a dream of mine. Given this opportunity I can support the security of the sea, and how I can best serve my country. With the resources of the Navy, I know I can carry that responsibility successfully and with honor.

I am responsible and driven, both qualities an Officer must uphold to maintain the values of the Navy–courage, commitment, and honor. I demonstrated commitment from a young age in sports and today in the workforce. Courage is rooted in my discipline, athletically and mentally. Honor is found in my love of country. Serving my country is one of the most admirable and honorable services I can do for my family and nation. I am thankful for being a citizen of the United States, serving my country as a CWO will not only be my proudest achievement, but the fulfillment of my calling.

 

[parin365]

Any feedback on this?

Members of the Surface Warfare selection board,

It is with absolute conviction that I write my personal and motivational statement for selection for Officer Candidate School.

On April 8, 2009, pirates off the coast of Somalia hijacked the American merchant vessel, Maersk Alabama, with Richard Phillips as its captain in charge. The pirates held Captain Phillips as a hostage for four days until the United States Navy de-escalated the situation by executing three of the four pirates onboard the lifeboat Captain Phillips was being held captive. This hostage rescue proved one of the most well-planned and ingenious operations the military branch had performed. In popular culture, the 2013 film: “Captain Phillips” tends to portray the SEALs who directly killed the hijackers as the only heroes, but Captain (O-6) Francis Xavier Castellano had an equally and more vital role at the scene of the conflict. After being notified by Admiral Michelle Howard of the situation, Castellano only had about 36 hours to take back the lifeboat and rescue Captain Phillips. Coordinating with other units, ensuring the safety of his sailors, and presenting exemplary leadership & conduct, Castellano’s strategic thinking and deployment of useful resources placed him as one of the most distinguished Surface Warfare Officers. His heroic actions & mindfulness during the rescue have inspired me to also take on quite possibly one of the most stressful jobs in the Navy.

The decision to pursue a career as a Surface Warfare Officer is driven by my deep desire to serve and protect our great nation. My experiences in both academia and the professional world have given me a deep respect for the Navy’s mission and values. The dynamic and challenging environment of Surface Warfare, combined with the chance to lead and mentor sailors, fits perfectly with my aspirations. I am inspired by the dedication and professionalism of SWOs, and I am eager to be part of this respected community. I also understand that being a SWO means facing stressful situations and making tough decisions under pressure. I welcome these challenges because they push me to be my best. I've always found that I thrive in high-pressure environments, where staying calm and focused is crucial. These situations bring out the best in my problem-solving skills and leadership abilities, and I believe they will help me grow both personally and professionally.

In recent years, the Surface Warfare community has been plagued by people claiming it to be the “lowest hanging fruit” for an officer, but that statement stands to be severely corrected. Those who bash against the Surface Warfare community are not aware of the true tactics that it takes to succeed in the job and perform recognizable actions. This position is indeed not for everyone, however, I believe I am well-qualified to obtain this position. I am even fortunate to have met many great men & women along the way who have also undergone stressful work environments. But the bond and camaraderie we have established in a short time proves I have what it takes to place myself in the environment next to the sailors and understand the desires they have for a leader.

Thank you very much for your careful consideration.

 

[Ray56Ak]

Hello everyone. I got feedback from my aunt a retiree marine. She said going personal was okay but I want I want to see if it was okay to do so.

Growing up, my grandmother often warned me, “Don’t touch the door handle; everyone is out to get you.” Raised in a traditional Laotian household, I spent most of my life sheltered from the outside world. My grandparents had fled Laos, a communist country, in search of a better life during the Vietnam War. My grandfather served as an Air Force officer, but tragically, he passed away in the early 2000s due to diabetes, leaving my grandmother and father to navigate life on their own.


My father had me at a young age, but my parents separated, and I was left in the care of my grandmother and uncle. My father was always distant, likely due to the trauma he endured as a child. My grandmother told me that my grandfather, who we believe suffered from schizophrenia, would often beat my father, aunt, and uncle when he was drunk. This deeply scarred my father, and as a result, he rarely interacted with me, only sending money sporadically. Growing up under my grandmother's care, I rarely interacted with the outside world, as she often instilled fear in me about the dangers beyond our home.


It wasn’t until after high school that I realized how isolated I had been. With no clear path forward, I considered enrolling in college to build a better life. However, my father, who only called twice a year, eventually stopped communicating with me, leaving me to fend for myself. His last words to me were, “You’re a man now,” and I had to figure out how to navigate life on my own. Without financial aid, as my father’s income disqualified me, and with my grandmother lacking legal rights over me, I felt trapped.


During this period, I was coasting, keeping my head down and never asking for help. My uncle, who shared my grandfather’s struggles with schizophrenia, exacerbated the difficulties at home. When I turned 18, he forced me to drink Hennessy even though I was underage and berated me for hours. It was the first time I stood up against someone when I told him I didn’t want to continue and turned off his loud music. This confrontation escalated, but it was also the first time I stood up for myself, resulting in a beating. My grandmother tried to intervene, but my uncle pushed her away. I saw the door and seized the opportunity to run, escaping into the rainy, cold Milwaukee night, hiding behind a trash can. The next day, my aunt, a retired Marine, heard about the incident and reached out to me.


During this difficult time, my aunt and her husband, a retired Army man, provided the guidance and support I desperately needed. She, too, had grown up in a similar environment where my grandfather would beat her, and she wanted to offer me a way out. She encouraged me to move to North Carolina, where I could start fresh. Within two weeks, I obtained a driver’s license and secured my first job at a grocery store. I worked full-time for a year to gain state residency and eventually attended Cape Fear Community College, paying for two years of tuition out of pocket. Balancing work and studies were challenging, but I persevered and transferred to the University of North Carolina Wilmington (UNCW). At barely 24 years old, I applied for financial independence and successfully obtained financial aid, allowing me to complete my bachelor's degree in Information Technology.


Even with my exponential growth, I still see a persistent weakness in myself—I get too comfortable and rarely seek help. This tendency became apparent during my three years at UNCW, where I remained in the same environment without pursuing internships or connecting with peers outside my comfort zone. I often felt isolated, and this experience highlighted my need for change. The strong influence of my aunt and uncle-in-law, who served in the military, inspired me to set a new goal: joining the Navy.


My experiences have shaped me into someone who seeks growth and purpose, and I see the Navy as the perfect avenue to achieve both. The Navy's commitment to excellence, teamwork, and leadership aligns perfectly with my values and aspirations. I know what I’m getting myself into, and I’m ready to take on this challenge head-on. I want to see the world and experience true independence, free from the influences of family and friends.


The Navy represents a chance to be part of something greater than myself and contribute to the defense and security of our nation. I have always admired the Navy's role in ensuring global stability and protecting our freedoms, and I am eager to be part of that mission. The opportunity to serve my country in such a significant capacity is incredibly fulfilling.


My goal is either an Information Professional Officer, or Cyber Warfare Officer. My background in Information Technology, combined with my three years of professional IT experience, positions me as a strong candidate for the Navy. As a Tier 1, Tier 2 Technician, Residential Networking Technician, and Team Lead, I have developed a comprehensive skill set that I believe will benefit the Navy. In these roles, I provided frontline support for a variety of technical issues, including troubleshooting complex hardware and software problems, managing network configurations, and assisting users with technical challenges. My work as a Residential Technician allowed me to gain experience in resolving connectivity issues and supporting on-campus residents with their networking needs, which honed my problem-solving skills.


As a Team Lead, I played a pivotal role in the hiring process, from reviewing resumes to conducting phone interviews for student workers and Tier 1 Technicians. Once hired, I took on the responsibility of supervising them during their shifts, providing guidance on various technical issues. This could involve assisting with walk-up requests for hardware or software support, managing chat support, handling phone inquiries, or responding to email requests.


In addition to direct supervision, I was also responsible for escalating problem tickets to higher tiers, ensuring clear communication with other IT teams within ITS, such as the networks or IT security teams. My role extended to creating and maintaining training materials, including writing manuals for boot camps, updating PowerPoint presentations, and developing Canvas courses with assessments. I personally graded these tests and provided feedback to ensure that the new hires were well-prepared for their roles.


Once these individuals became Tier 1 Technicians, I conducted monthly performance reviews. Utilizing the IT service management system TeamDynamix, I exported Excel sheets to track their resolved tickets. I meticulously checked for any discrepancies, such as incorrect form types or missing details like requestor information, email addresses, locations, and serial numbers. When I identified any issues, I conducted one-on-one reviews either through Microsoft Teams or in person, helping them correct mistakes and improve the quality of their ticket submissions.


To manage workload effectively, I also delegated tickets within our queue to team members who had the capacity to handle them, ensuring that we maintained efficiency and kept our queue manageable. Furthermore, I facilitated weekly meetings with other Team Leads and supervisors to discuss the progress and challenges faced by student workers, explore potential improvements, address any concerns raised by the team, and discuss policy changes.


This experience has honed my leadership abilities, particularly in communication, delegation, and quality control, making me confident in my ability to contribute significantly to the Navy. Moreover, my expertise in cybersecurity, network security, and systems administration aligns with the Navy's increasing focus on cyber defense. I am well-versed in safeguarding digital infrastructure and am committed to staying at the forefront of technological advancements. I am eager to apply these skills in a challenging environment and contribute to the Navy's mission of maintaining technological superiority.


In summary, joining the Navy represents an opportunity to serve my country, advance my career in a meaningful way, and grow both personally and professionally. I am committed to dedicating myself to the Navy's mission and values, and I am excited to embark on this journey. I am confident that my technical expertise, leadership abilities, and dedication to continuous improvement will allow me to make significant contributions to the Navy. I am eager to build a long-term career, with the goal of serving for 20 years or more, and ultimately retiring with the Navy.


Thank you for considering my application for Officer Candidate School.

 

[exNavyOffRec]

My goal is either an Information Professional Officer, or Cyber Warfare Officer. My background in Information Technology, combined with my three years of professional IT experience, positions me as a strong candidate for the Navy. As a Tier 1, Tier 2 Technician, Residential Networking Technician, and Team Lead, I have developed a comprehensive skill set that I believe will benefit the Navy. In these roles, I provided frontline support for a variety of technical issues, including troubleshooting complex hardware and software problems, managing network configurations, and assisting users with technical challenges. My work as a Residential Technician allowed me to gain experience in resolving connectivity issues and supporting on-campus residents with their networking needs, which honed my problem-solving skills.


As a Team Lead, I played a pivotal role in the hiring process, from reviewing resumes to conducting phone interviews for student workers and Tier 1 Technicians. Once hired, I took on the responsibility of supervising them during their shifts, providing guidance on various technical issues. This could involve assisting with walk-up requests for hardware or software support, managing chat support, handling phone inquiries, or responding to email requests.


In addition to direct supervision, I was also responsible for escalating problem tickets to higher tiers, ensuring clear communication with other IT teams within ITS, such as the networks or IT security teams. My role extended to creating and maintaining training materials, including writing manuals for boot camps, updating PowerPoint presentations, and developing Canvas courses with assessments. I personally graded these tests and provided feedback to ensure that the new hires were well-prepared for their roles.


Once these individuals became Tier 1 Technicians, I conducted monthly performance reviews. Utilizing the IT service management system TeamDynamix, I exported Excel sheets to track their resolved tickets. I meticulously checked for any discrepancies, such as incorrect form types or missing details like requestor information, email addresses, locations, and serial numbers. When I identified any issues, I conducted one-on-one reviews either through Microsoft Teams or in person, helping them correct mistakes and improve the quality of their ticket submissions.


To manage workload effectively, I also delegated tickets within our queue to team members who had the capacity to handle them, ensuring that we maintained efficiency and kept our queue manageable. Furthermore, I facilitated weekly meetings with other Team Leads and supervisors to discuss the progress and challenges faced by student workers, explore potential improvements, address any concerns raised by the team, and discuss policy changes.


This experience has honed my leadership abilities, particularly in communication, delegation, and quality control, making me confident in my ability to contribute significantly to the Navy. Moreover, my expertise in cybersecurity, network security, and systems administration aligns with the Navy's increasing focus on cyber defense. I am well-versed in safeguarding digital infrastructure and am committed to staying at the forefront of technological advancements. I am eager to apply these skills in a challenging environment and contribute to the Navy's mission of maintaining technological superiority.


In summary, joining the Navy represents an opportunity to serve my country, advance my career in a meaningful way, and grow both personally and professionally. I am committed to dedicating myself to the Navy's mission and values, and I am excited to embark on this journey. I am confident that my technical expertise, leadership abilities, and dedication to continuous improvement will allow me to make significant contributions to the Navy. I am eager to build a long-term career, with the goal of serving for 20 years or more, and ultimately retiring with the Navy.


Thank you for considering my application for Officer Candidate School.

This will be quick to the point and blunt, don't take it personally.

The board wants to know what you can do for the USN, in many designators they won't read statements and go off of your degree, GPA and scores. IWC will review pretty much everything and you want to highlight your leadership, you are applying to be a specific designator but they are looking for a leader, the board doesn't care what your childhood was like. I have had several board members in the past say "everyone has a sob story, it isn't relevant".

Include things such as how many people you have led, it doesn't have to be in your current job, could be previous job, could be a volunteer role too. Then you can also add int things like how your leadership led to various positive results and if you can add in numbers that would be great.

The IWC community will look at your GPA and your degree, the degree looks good and I hope your GPA is pretty good as well as the IWC community is very competitive.

 

[montana27l3ew]

If anyone has any suggestions, I would greatly appreciate them!
I am applying to be an NFO.

GPA: 3.48
ASTB-E 51 6/7/6


The greatest motivator throughout my life has been a desire for excellence, to be outstanding in every task I am given and the work that I do. However, it is not only about personal achievement, but developing the leadership and intellectual abilities that will allow those around me to also grow. This desire led to my decision to apply to serve in the United States Navy as a Flight Officer.

I believe that one of the most important skills for any good leader is the ability to think, to make sound decisions with the information given and to direct those under you with a confidence that inspires courage. In order to hone this skill, I completed my Bachelor's degree in Philosophy at -----. This school is known for their rigorous program with the finest philosophy and ethics professors in the country and I was granted permission to take graduate level classes despite my young age. During my studies, I maintained a 3.48 GPA along with working two jobs in order to support my academic career.

In exchange for room and board, I volunteered full-time as one of twenty-four student leaders on campus. During my Junior year, I was in charge of mentoring and guiding 100 young women during their first year of college along with planning and executing campus-wide weekly programs for over 200 people. My senior year, I served as a peer-mentor to 163 young women, ranging from sophomores to graduate students, along with collaborating on monthly, as well as weekly, campus-wide events for 250 students. My time serving as a leader on campus was challenging, as any leadership role should be, but taught me the values of collaboration, the importance of taking ownership for your actions, and the skills to guide those under you towards one common goal.

My time as a student oriented me towards the career I knew I wanted to one day achieve. From the time I was eight years old, I have wanted to be in the air. There is no greater place to achieve excellence than in the United States Navy, where you and those that surround you are oriented towards the goal of making the world safer and your ability to think and solve problems has a lasting impact on those around you.

 

[Karma18]

I'd appreciate any feedback, applying for the CW board.
OAR:62
Undergrad:3.2/Masters 3.46
I was trying to keep this brief and to the point but could add more if necessary.

Growing up in America with access to worldwide media and current news, I began to appreciate both the freedoms and liberties afforded to me as a citizen at a young age. Further, understanding the sacrifices that were made, and lives lost to secure these freedoms and liberties. As a result of my appreciation for these sacrifices made, I wish to ensure that these same opportunities and conditions are available for future generations as well.

I believe that by taking advantage of the opportunities afforded to me by my commission into the United States Navy, I will be able to further develop as a leader and person, and support others in the same way. Historically I’ve been an individual who valued doing what's necessary to get the job done as well as supporting my team however possible. Whether that was presenting in front of hundreds of my peers with less than an hour's notice, or always saying yes when being asked if I could cover someone at work.

I desire to not only assist in securing America’s future for generations to come but also aid individuals with the same mindset, hence my decision to apply to become an Officer in the Navy.

While in high school I participated in CyberPatriot, a program designed to help direct youth towards careers in cyber security at MIT. In addition to that I utilized opportunities like being a teacher’s assistant in pre-calculus to both aid their education, as well as develop my ability to educate others. I took this further by independently tutoring students for their math SATs. Throughout both my undergraduate degree and master’s I took a keen interest in counter-terrorism as well as red-team projects designed to help students discover vulnerabilities in existing security systems.

Cumulatively, my experiences and actions make me an ample candidate to both commission and lead within the United States Navy.