dbluestyle
Member
That is what I thought, how restrict are they with OPNAV 1420/1 (Rev. 01-2008) Motivational statement?? My officer mentor told me that as long as it fits I should be good to go.
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Motivational Statement MEGA Thread
- Thread starter FSF17
- Start date
exNavyOffRec
Well-Known Member
quality is always better than quantity, just remember that.
dbluestyle
Member
Thank you for the advise. After working on it for almost six months I think I nailed it. I will post a finish product later.
SJMare
New Member
I am currently writing up my motivational statement and am not sure what to incorporate. A little background on me I graduated with my Masters of Research in Environmental Biology almost 6 years ago and haven't really used it at all yet. My concern is that the board may see this as the reason I am applying now and hadn't done it after I graduated. I had always wanted to join the Navy but had always been very overweight and not fit at all so I had never thought it was possible, however a few years ago not long after I graduated I started to change that and am now no longer overweight and am continuing to get fit. I feel I should incorporate this information into my motivational statement but am not sure. I am also concerned that I have not officially held any leadership type roles however I tended to take them on in group activities at school and even now at my current job. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
exNavyOffRec
Well-Known Member
I can't tell you how many people I have seen working in professions that are not what they went to college for so don't worry about that. There are some designators that you need to tailor a statement for and some you don't, what are you applying for? If you graduated with a Masters 6 years ago you may be close or over the age limit for some designators depending when you started college.
SJMare
New Member
I am planning on going SWO with the prospect of heading towards the Meteorology/Oceanography aspect after. My RO suggested taking that path. I am 29 now and might be cutting it close or at least be considered age critical depending on when I would go to OCS.
exNavyOffRec
Well-Known Member
If you are 29 you are past the age cutoff for SWO, you are still under the age limit for designators IDC (examples are Intel, Information Warfare, Information Professional and the associated SWO options)
SJMare
New Member
That is kind of what I was thinking after reading online more, I am going to contact my RO about it and plan on applying to IDC designators instead. Thank You
SJMare
New Member
Here is a rough draft of my motivational statement it does fit within the space but is also about 921 words. If anyone can give me feedback it would be greatly appreciated and please be brutally honest:
When I was younger I knew that if I decided to join a branch of the Military it would be within the Navy, my grandfather was in the Navy and although he didn't talk much about it when I was growing up I knew he was always proud of the time served. Up until recent years I had not given enlisting much thought, mostly because I knew I was too out of shape to be accepted. So I focused on my love of the ocean I had received from an early age when I had watched a documentary on the Navy’s use of trained dolphins on PBS. I pursued a degree in Marine Science and then went on to get my Master’s degree doing research in Environmental Biology. Three years ago I decided it was time to change my unhealthy lifestyle, to start eating healthy and get in better shape, which I am still achieving to this day. Recently I have been having greater conversations with my Grandpa and he has been sharing more about his time in the Navy. One of the things that stuck with me was how great of an opportunity he thought it had been and also his regret at not remaining in the Navy up until retirement. I have also become acquainted with numerous Navy Veterans at my current place of work and have received greater insight from them as well. Both of these factors coupled with my new found fitness had me reevaluating the Navy as a great career opportunity for myself. Once I started doing my research on what I could get and give within the Navy it become clear that it was an excellent prospect for me to pursue. My motivation, organizational skills, and leadership attributes would make me an excellent Naval Officer and would allow me to serve as an integral part of the Navy.
I have unwavering motivation to perform my assign or chosen task to the best ability and continue to strive to improve on my capabilities whenever needed. Once I decided to become fit and healthy I have not looked back and continue to work on this area daily. I have always been motivated to achieve my goals and tasks to absolute best of my abilities and to always improve on those abilities whenever possible. As an officer in the Navy my motivation would be no different I would always strive to perform at me best and to inspire the sailors under my command to perform at their best. When everyone does their assigned tasks at 100% the system as a whole runs smoother and more efficiently.
My organizational skills help to perform my given tasks in the most efficient way possible. During my educational pursuits being organized was of great importance to me. During both my senior thesis and masters’ dissertation it was very important to maintain my data and experiments in a highly organized environment. This allowed to easily perform the required tests for the day and easily access and input all my data when it became time to write my reports. At my previous job I took on the task of organizing our displays so that every employee could see an organizational chart for all of our frames and know exactly where each of them should be located. Within my current position at USPS I always keep my job area neat and organized so that mail can be located and moved in a timely and efficient manner. I also organized a new method of preparation for my final task of the night so that it can be performed more efficiently and quicker than it was previously. By added one simple step of preparation early in the night the more outgoing mail is able to be manually sorted before it needs to be pulled and sent out. Being organized will be an essential part of performing as an officer in the Navy. By knowing when, what and where each tasks needs to be perform it will keep the fleet moving at its highest capacity.
Although I have never held a leadership role in an official capacity I have always taken the lead in group environments where a leader was needed or required. While at school I would help lead and organize during group projects. I would help delegate what tasks needed to be completed and at what time they needed to be completed by. During my masters’ program I helped organize study groups before our exams so we could succeed together as a class. During these study groups I made sure questions on concepts covered during our coursework were answered by myself or someone that had the best grasps on the subject. Now at my current job the newer employees feel they can come to me if they have questions on a specific task, if I cannot answer it myself I will go seek out the answer for them. I also make sure if there is a certain area that needs attention, say no one is there to perform that job, that supervisors are notified of the situation, or if I am currently not performing a delegated task I will start working on it myself. I would bring these leadership skills and initiative to United States Navy as an officer. As an officer I would use all of my knowledge and skills to become an integral part of the Navy and to motivate those under my command to strive to become the best at what they do.
When I was younger I knew that if I decided to join a branch of the Military it would be within the Navy, my grandfather was in the Navy and although he didn't talk much about it when I was growing up I knew he was always proud of the time served. Up until recent years I had not given enlisting much thought, mostly because I knew I was too out of shape to be accepted. So I focused on my love of the ocean I had received from an early age when I had watched a documentary on the Navy’s use of trained dolphins on PBS. I pursued a degree in Marine Science and then went on to get my Master’s degree doing research in Environmental Biology. Three years ago I decided it was time to change my unhealthy lifestyle, to start eating healthy and get in better shape, which I am still achieving to this day. Recently I have been having greater conversations with my Grandpa and he has been sharing more about his time in the Navy. One of the things that stuck with me was how great of an opportunity he thought it had been and also his regret at not remaining in the Navy up until retirement. I have also become acquainted with numerous Navy Veterans at my current place of work and have received greater insight from them as well. Both of these factors coupled with my new found fitness had me reevaluating the Navy as a great career opportunity for myself. Once I started doing my research on what I could get and give within the Navy it become clear that it was an excellent prospect for me to pursue. My motivation, organizational skills, and leadership attributes would make me an excellent Naval Officer and would allow me to serve as an integral part of the Navy.
I have unwavering motivation to perform my assign or chosen task to the best ability and continue to strive to improve on my capabilities whenever needed. Once I decided to become fit and healthy I have not looked back and continue to work on this area daily. I have always been motivated to achieve my goals and tasks to absolute best of my abilities and to always improve on those abilities whenever possible. As an officer in the Navy my motivation would be no different I would always strive to perform at me best and to inspire the sailors under my command to perform at their best. When everyone does their assigned tasks at 100% the system as a whole runs smoother and more efficiently.
My organizational skills help to perform my given tasks in the most efficient way possible. During my educational pursuits being organized was of great importance to me. During both my senior thesis and masters’ dissertation it was very important to maintain my data and experiments in a highly organized environment. This allowed to easily perform the required tests for the day and easily access and input all my data when it became time to write my reports. At my previous job I took on the task of organizing our displays so that every employee could see an organizational chart for all of our frames and know exactly where each of them should be located. Within my current position at USPS I always keep my job area neat and organized so that mail can be located and moved in a timely and efficient manner. I also organized a new method of preparation for my final task of the night so that it can be performed more efficiently and quicker than it was previously. By added one simple step of preparation early in the night the more outgoing mail is able to be manually sorted before it needs to be pulled and sent out. Being organized will be an essential part of performing as an officer in the Navy. By knowing when, what and where each tasks needs to be perform it will keep the fleet moving at its highest capacity.
Although I have never held a leadership role in an official capacity I have always taken the lead in group environments where a leader was needed or required. While at school I would help lead and organize during group projects. I would help delegate what tasks needed to be completed and at what time they needed to be completed by. During my masters’ program I helped organize study groups before our exams so we could succeed together as a class. During these study groups I made sure questions on concepts covered during our coursework were answered by myself or someone that had the best grasps on the subject. Now at my current job the newer employees feel they can come to me if they have questions on a specific task, if I cannot answer it myself I will go seek out the answer for them. I also make sure if there is a certain area that needs attention, say no one is there to perform that job, that supervisors are notified of the situation, or if I am currently not performing a delegated task I will start working on it myself. I would bring these leadership skills and initiative to United States Navy as an officer. As an officer I would use all of my knowledge and skills to become an integral part of the Navy and to motivate those under my command to strive to become the best at what they do.
dbluestyle
Member
That is pretty good. The only thing I would recommend will be to make it a little shorter
I think you've got a pretty good message here, but it doesn't come across as strong as it could. Some tips:
- Use your grandpa as an inspiration and cut stuff out about him not talking much about it when you were younger. It fits the narrative but is unnecessary. Just explain how he inspired you.
- Your issues with weight and unhealthiness could be worded as a struggle or problem that you identified and overcame, so you could use this as a good selling point. It shows motivation and dedication.
- Instead of saying things like "I helped" or explaining how you like to keep things neat and organized, you could say how you identified a problem and created a solution, then explain how this increased productivity. Think about "I took on the task of organizing.." vs. "I organized our displays so that employees..." or instead of "If I cannot answer it myself I will go..." try "I always ensure that people have the answers they need"
A lot of it comes down to style, but hopefully this has helped.
- You've got a lot of superfluous adjectives in there that you can get rid of. Be careful with those because when people use them it just sounds bad. Also, "American Civil War" is a bit redundant - in the U.S. you don't need to put "American" because it sounds weird.
- Your final paragraph was the most interesting to me and is really the strongest. Overall I recommend focusing less on your inspiration and admiration for the Navy and a little more on your leadership and real-life skill sets.
- You did a good job of structuring it, I liked how the early paragraphs built up to the later ones and were incorporated in them.
Hi,
I am currently putting together my packet for Navy Chaplain candidate program. I am at the end of my first year of my M.Div. I am trying to finish my motivational statement before I start classes next week. Any help would be appreciated.
Btw hack it up as much as you would like, i think I may have rambled a bit. Thanks
MOTIVATIONAL STATEMENT:
Growing up I often heard stories from my grandfathers about their experiences in World War II. At such a young age I was exposed to dramatic accounts of heroism, sacrifice and resolve straight from the lips of those who earned the distinction of being called “the greatest generation”. At such a young age, my perception of a soldier went from what I saw in movies, to the true accounts of two real life heroes that I called “grandpa”. Both of my grandfathers passed away in when I was young, but my respect, admiration and love for them was born out of their life of commitment to family and country. The story of their life left a lasting love for this nation and an impression of high respect, honor and thankfulness for those who would commit to a life of service in the United States Military. My desire to serve my country is rooted in the inspiring sacrifice and service of my grandfathers.
After graduating High School in ---------, Ga, I originally wanted to go straight into the Navy. My decision to postpone that desire allowed me to prepare for the opportunity I have now to become a Navy Chaplain. Upon graduation I left family and friends to travel over five hundred miles to Pensacola, FL to attend Pensacola Christian College. I was the first of my family to seek higher education, and am the only one to finish an undergraduate program. It was an ambitious and sacrificial endeavor that I committed to without the aid of student loans. In order to pay for school, I learned the trade of painting and worked for a successful painting contractor throughout my college career. Though this was an extremely challenging time, it was equally rewarding. I learned the value of determination and hard to work in overcoming difficulties.
During my first year of college I surrendered to God’s call upon my life into full-time ministry. Originally my parents were upset that I would go into a field that allowed for minimal security and low pay. They were right on many accounts. However, I quickly learned that ministry is what I am created to do, and no amount of money or security would sway my decision. Ministry is not a job for the weak of heart, or the uncaring, for it is not really a job at all—it is an opportunity. I get to serve people, I get to minister to hearts, I get to share the truth and I get to show people the power of God. It is what I love and it is what I will do until my last breath. Becoming a Navy Chaplain is a response to my desire to serve and my love for this country. It is not a job to me—it is an opportunity to be a spiritual servant to the greatest group of men and women in the world.
Upon graduating college in 2009, my wife and I moved to -----------, Georgia where I accepted a part-time position as the Children’s Pastor at ---------- Church. Eventually, I was entrusted with additional responsibilities and ministry oversight. After a short time of service I transitioned from part-time Children’s Pastor to full-time Associate Pastor. I have served at -------- for six and a half years, which is nearly twice the tenure of most church leaders. Since I did not grow up attending church, many of the ministries I was assigned to direct were completely foreign experiences; however, I welcomed the challenge to learn and grow. I am frequently looked upon to take a leadership role, even among my family and peers, during uncertain and challenging times. I believe that trusted designation comes from my ability to accept and adapt to any challenge with confidence and character. As my responsibilities grew at -----------, so did my dedication. I committed myself to the opportunity to serve our growing church family and expanding community on a daily basis. Perhaps even more than any other reason, I succeed in ministry because it is who I am and what I am committed to doing.
Through serving as Associate Pastor, directing multiple student ministries and leading our community sports league, I have the privilege of ministering to and serving with our community’s soldiers and their families stationed at Fort -------, only four miles from our church. Being in this ministry setting allowed me the opportunity to realize the depth of the emotional, spiritual and physical toll that the military life can take on a family. Their sacrifice of service for our country went from being something I was aware of, to something that I personally witnessed on a weekly basis. Having the pleasure of serving our military men and women intensified the flames of thankfulness and pride which began through my understanding of both of my grandfather’s service. I am often in awe of their commitment and sacrifice for our country. I find great satisfaction in being able to faithfully assist, care for and minster to the spiritual needs of many; however, I am greatly honored to serve those who faithfully serve our country. My desire is to take the gifts and abilities given to me by God to minister to the spiritual needs of Navy men and women to make them the most resilient, effect and prepared force for good.
Ministry service, whether it is as a Navy Chaplain or even a part-time volunteer in a church, is not about position, wealth, comfort, or security; it is about providing a service of presence. Whether it is comforting a hurting family after a loss, encouraging a person that they are worthy and loved, teaching a young person to face their fears, being a helping hand for a lonely widow, taking the time to sit and listen to someone who is hurting, or simply praying for those under my care, I absolutely love what I get to do. It is an awesome privilege that I do not take lightly, and highly cherish. I minister as a passionate presence to consistently and effectively share the power of truth, love, forgiveness and grace to all. I believe I am not only well suited to serve as a Chaplain in the United States Navy, but I will pour my life into the soldiers and their families under my care. After all, serving as a Navy Chaplain is not a career change—it is the perfect fusion of my love for country and my love to minister. It is a call that I will pursue with the same honor, courage and commitment that I have demonstrated throughout my time of ministry service.
I am currently putting together my packet for Navy Chaplain candidate program. I am at the end of my first year of my M.Div. I am trying to finish my motivational statement before I start classes next week. Any help would be appreciated.
Btw hack it up as much as you would like, i think I may have rambled a bit. Thanks
MOTIVATIONAL STATEMENT:
Growing up I often heard stories from my grandfathers about their experiences in World War II. At such a young age I was exposed to dramatic accounts of heroism, sacrifice and resolve straight from the lips of those who earned the distinction of being called “the greatest generation”. At such a young age, my perception of a soldier went from what I saw in movies, to the true accounts of two real life heroes that I called “grandpa”. Both of my grandfathers passed away in when I was young, but my respect, admiration and love for them was born out of their life of commitment to family and country. The story of their life left a lasting love for this nation and an impression of high respect, honor and thankfulness for those who would commit to a life of service in the United States Military. My desire to serve my country is rooted in the inspiring sacrifice and service of my grandfathers.
After graduating High School in ---------, Ga, I originally wanted to go straight into the Navy. My decision to postpone that desire allowed me to prepare for the opportunity I have now to become a Navy Chaplain. Upon graduation I left family and friends to travel over five hundred miles to Pensacola, FL to attend Pensacola Christian College. I was the first of my family to seek higher education, and am the only one to finish an undergraduate program. It was an ambitious and sacrificial endeavor that I committed to without the aid of student loans. In order to pay for school, I learned the trade of painting and worked for a successful painting contractor throughout my college career. Though this was an extremely challenging time, it was equally rewarding. I learned the value of determination and hard to work in overcoming difficulties.
During my first year of college I surrendered to God’s call upon my life into full-time ministry. Originally my parents were upset that I would go into a field that allowed for minimal security and low pay. They were right on many accounts. However, I quickly learned that ministry is what I am created to do, and no amount of money or security would sway my decision. Ministry is not a job for the weak of heart, or the uncaring, for it is not really a job at all—it is an opportunity. I get to serve people, I get to minister to hearts, I get to share the truth and I get to show people the power of God. It is what I love and it is what I will do until my last breath. Becoming a Navy Chaplain is a response to my desire to serve and my love for this country. It is not a job to me—it is an opportunity to be a spiritual servant to the greatest group of men and women in the world.
Upon graduating college in 2009, my wife and I moved to -----------, Georgia where I accepted a part-time position as the Children’s Pastor at ---------- Church. Eventually, I was entrusted with additional responsibilities and ministry oversight. After a short time of service I transitioned from part-time Children’s Pastor to full-time Associate Pastor. I have served at -------- for six and a half years, which is nearly twice the tenure of most church leaders. Since I did not grow up attending church, many of the ministries I was assigned to direct were completely foreign experiences; however, I welcomed the challenge to learn and grow. I am frequently looked upon to take a leadership role, even among my family and peers, during uncertain and challenging times. I believe that trusted designation comes from my ability to accept and adapt to any challenge with confidence and character. As my responsibilities grew at -----------, so did my dedication. I committed myself to the opportunity to serve our growing church family and expanding community on a daily basis. Perhaps even more than any other reason, I succeed in ministry because it is who I am and what I am committed to doing.
Through serving as Associate Pastor, directing multiple student ministries and leading our community sports league, I have the privilege of ministering to and serving with our community’s soldiers and their families stationed at Fort -------, only four miles from our church. Being in this ministry setting allowed me the opportunity to realize the depth of the emotional, spiritual and physical toll that the military life can take on a family. Their sacrifice of service for our country went from being something I was aware of, to something that I personally witnessed on a weekly basis. Having the pleasure of serving our military men and women intensified the flames of thankfulness and pride which began through my understanding of both of my grandfather’s service. I am often in awe of their commitment and sacrifice for our country. I find great satisfaction in being able to faithfully assist, care for and minster to the spiritual needs of many; however, I am greatly honored to serve those who faithfully serve our country. My desire is to take the gifts and abilities given to me by God to minister to the spiritual needs of Navy men and women to make them the most resilient, effect and prepared force for good.
Ministry service, whether it is as a Navy Chaplain or even a part-time volunteer in a church, is not about position, wealth, comfort, or security; it is about providing a service of presence. Whether it is comforting a hurting family after a loss, encouraging a person that they are worthy and loved, teaching a young person to face their fears, being a helping hand for a lonely widow, taking the time to sit and listen to someone who is hurting, or simply praying for those under my care, I absolutely love what I get to do. It is an awesome privilege that I do not take lightly, and highly cherish. I minister as a passionate presence to consistently and effectively share the power of truth, love, forgiveness and grace to all. I believe I am not only well suited to serve as a Chaplain in the United States Navy, but I will pour my life into the soldiers and their families under my care. After all, serving as a Navy Chaplain is not a career change—it is the perfect fusion of my love for country and my love to minister. It is a call that I will pursue with the same honor, courage and commitment that I have demonstrated throughout my time of ministry service.
- 1004 words:
- I was not instructed to stay within a certain word limit, but rather was told to use the available space on my APSR. The current statement leaves about 10 empty lines.
Initial draft:
Since childhood, I have always dreamed of being part of something larger than myself. This was my initial motivation for choosing engineering as my future profession. As my mother worked for the Federal Aviation Administration, growing up, I had a great deal of exposure to engineering. Though not an engineer herself, many of her coworkers were aerospace engineers, and upon noticing my interest in the field, she began to bring me to the office more frequently. From propulsion to aircraft structures, I became fascinated with how all the different engineers worked together to ultimately produce the final product, an aircraft which could be used by people of all kinds.
I originally entered college with the intention of becoming an aerospace engineer. However, my plans soon changed. After my first few semesters as a mechanical engineering major, I realized that very few of my friends were obtaining internships and jobs in fields that offered the sense of improving the world that I sought. Most of them went on to work in industries, such as heating and ventilation, that, though important, I had no interest in.
I began to look towards my friends who were civil engineering majors. More and more, I came to the realization that nearly every field within civil engineering offered what I was seeking. After lengthy discussions with my Statics professor, I was offered the opportunity to work with him over the following summer. Though I worked on coastal engineering projects, such as monitoring beach restoration efforts and coastal erosion control, coastal and civil engineering were both within the same department, so I developed a much stronger relationship with the civil engineering faculty. This summer experience was what finally convinced to change majors to civil engineering.
The following fall semester, I obtained a co-op with <company>. In this position, I learned a great deal more about what activities I would actually be performing as a civil engineer. As I was working on the <bridge>, which was (and still is) under construction, I was able to watch the structure rise before me. This was my passion – creating change in the world. I could see the enormous volume of traffic crossing the existing bridge, which is in disrepair; with every calculation that I performed and submittal that I reviewed, I felt satisfaction in knowing that those cars would soon be traveling over a much safer bridge.
The following year, I continued to pursue this passion of improving the world with my internship at <company>. In this position, I worked on the concept development phase of projects, and I even took a leadership role on certain projects, becoming responsible for managing multi-million dollar projects. Based on my recommendations, structures would be repaired or replaced. This duty gave me an immense sense of pride and accomplishment. I was helping restore our nation’s infrastructure, one bridge at a time.
It is this passion – a love of improving the world – that draws me to the Civil Engineering Corps. I wish to apply my skills to improve our nation. I wish to assume a leadership role in an organization that holds core values with which I can identity. Above all, I wish to make a difference through service. For these reasons, I firmly believe that being a Naval Officer is my calling.
____________________
I'm still very early on in the application process so plenty of time to work on it, but this is what I have so far.
Since childhood, I have always dreamed of being part of something larger than myself. This was my initial motivation for choosing engineering as my future profession. As my mother worked for the Federal Aviation Administration, growing up, I had a great deal of exposure to engineering. Though not an engineer herself, many of her coworkers were aerospace engineers, and upon noticing my interest in the field, she began to bring me to the office more frequently. From propulsion to aircraft structures, I became fascinated with how all the different engineers worked together to ultimately produce the final product, an aircraft which could be used by people of all kinds.
I originally entered college with the intention of becoming an aerospace engineer. However, my plans soon changed. After my first few semesters as a mechanical engineering major, I realized that very few of my friends were obtaining internships and jobs in fields that offered the sense of improving the world that I sought. Most of them went on to work in industries, such as heating and ventilation, that, though important, I had no interest in.
I began to look towards my friends who were civil engineering majors. More and more, I came to the realization that nearly every field within civil engineering offered what I was seeking. After lengthy discussions with my Statics professor, I was offered the opportunity to work with him over the following summer. Though I worked on coastal engineering projects, such as monitoring beach restoration efforts and coastal erosion control, coastal and civil engineering were both within the same department, so I developed a much stronger relationship with the civil engineering faculty. This summer experience was what finally convinced to change majors to civil engineering.
The following fall semester, I obtained a co-op with <company>. In this position, I learned a great deal more about what activities I would actually be performing as a civil engineer. As I was working on the <bridge>, which was (and still is) under construction, I was able to watch the structure rise before me. This was my passion – creating change in the world. I could see the enormous volume of traffic crossing the existing bridge, which is in disrepair; with every calculation that I performed and submittal that I reviewed, I felt satisfaction in knowing that those cars would soon be traveling over a much safer bridge.
The following year, I continued to pursue this passion of improving the world with my internship at <company>. In this position, I worked on the concept development phase of projects, and I even took a leadership role on certain projects, becoming responsible for managing multi-million dollar projects. Based on my recommendations, structures would be repaired or replaced. This duty gave me an immense sense of pride and accomplishment. I was helping restore our nation’s infrastructure, one bridge at a time.
It is this passion – a love of improving the world – that draws me to the Civil Engineering Corps. I wish to apply my skills to improve our nation. I wish to assume a leadership role in an organization that holds core values with which I can identity. Above all, I wish to make a difference through service. For these reasons, I firmly believe that being a Naval Officer is my calling.
____________________
I'm still very early on in the application process so plenty of time to work on it, but this is what I have so far.