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Motivational Statement MEGA Thread
- Thread starter FSF17
- Start date
Not too bad for a rough draft. A couple of things I would point out. It's great to have family history with military history, but the overwhelming idea I got from reading this statement is that you were trying to get THEM a commision, i.e. talking about how your father performed his duties so honorably. My recruiter went out of his way to tell me that I should, if at all possible, avoid the "9/11 motivation," as the boards have now heard that on every other application for the past 7 years. Granted, your family has a close connection to the event.
I wouldn't so much mention your grandfather's two older brothers...in that order. Maybe say something to the effect of, "My father served, his father served, and your uncle gave his life in WWII."
You have a sentence or two ending in prepositions, but most of the puntcuation looks good.
I wouldn't so much mention your grandfather's two older brothers...in that order. Maybe say something to the effect of, "My father served, his father served, and your uncle gave his life in WWII."
You have a sentence or two ending in prepositions, but most of the puntcuation looks good.
I've taken the changes and added some more stuff to beef up word count. Any further suggestions are greatly appreciated.
It is my greatest desire to serve as a commissioned officer in the United States Navy. After a thorough review of the options available for me to serve my country, the Navy clearly stands at the top. Several members of my family have served proudly in the armed forces, so I understand the importance of service to my country. I believe it is my duty as an American.
My motivation for seeking a commission is derived in part by my interest in aviation and through my studies at my university. Naval aviation in particular interests me because it combines the challenge of flying with the opportunity to provide leadership and mentorship to Sailors.
My leadership experience is broad. I led students on my campus as a resident assistant. As a former Army ROTC cadet I held numerous leadership positions in garrison and in the field. I was assigned to be a Platoon Sergeant and performed my duties with excellence; during maneuvers, I led other cadets in squad tactical exercises and received excellent ratings for leadership and motivation while satisfactorily completing the mission. I served as Treasurer in the Residence Hall Association on campus and participated in the World Affairs Organization. I feel my experiences leading young people reinforce my motivation to become a Naval Officer.
I grew up in a family where everyone worked in aviation in some capacity. My father has been flying aircraft since age twelve and has always spent time teaching me about flight and taking me to aviation museums. My father’s parents both served in World War II; my grandfather in the Army Air Corps and my grandmother as Rosie Riveter building B-25s. They along with my uncles who served in the Navy and Air Force in Vietnam as volunteers have shown me what it means to work hard and be proud of their country. My efforts in school are an indicator of the hard work I have put forth to achieve excellence in my studies. My grandfather was a Naval Aviator in the 1950s; he showed me the Navy can provide limitless opportunity to anyone, even if they start with very little other than motivation to succeed.
I want to uphold the Navy core values of Honor, Courage, and Commitment and believe I possess the leadership skills and attitude necessary to make a positive impact as an officer in the United States Navy.
It is my greatest desire to serve as a commissioned officer in the United States Navy. After a thorough review of the options available for me to serve my country, the Navy clearly stands at the top. Several members of my family have served proudly in the armed forces, so I understand the importance of service to my country. I believe it is my duty as an American.
My motivation for seeking a commission is derived in part by my interest in aviation and through my studies at my university. Naval aviation in particular interests me because it combines the challenge of flying with the opportunity to provide leadership and mentorship to Sailors.
My leadership experience is broad. I led students on my campus as a resident assistant. As a former Army ROTC cadet I held numerous leadership positions in garrison and in the field. I was assigned to be a Platoon Sergeant and performed my duties with excellence; during maneuvers, I led other cadets in squad tactical exercises and received excellent ratings for leadership and motivation while satisfactorily completing the mission. I served as Treasurer in the Residence Hall Association on campus and participated in the World Affairs Organization. I feel my experiences leading young people reinforce my motivation to become a Naval Officer.
I grew up in a family where everyone worked in aviation in some capacity. My father has been flying aircraft since age twelve and has always spent time teaching me about flight and taking me to aviation museums. My father’s parents both served in World War II; my grandfather in the Army Air Corps and my grandmother as Rosie Riveter building B-25s. They along with my uncles who served in the Navy and Air Force in Vietnam as volunteers have shown me what it means to work hard and be proud of their country. My efforts in school are an indicator of the hard work I have put forth to achieve excellence in my studies. My grandfather was a Naval Aviator in the 1950s; he showed me the Navy can provide limitless opportunity to anyone, even if they start with very little other than motivation to succeed.
I want to uphold the Navy core values of Honor, Courage, and Commitment and believe I possess the leadership skills and attitude necessary to make a positive impact as an officer in the United States Navy.
Then we'll leave it at what he had then. Thanks for the advice. I've just heard different things about word-count etc etc.
lack of leadership experience (motivational statement)
AW Community:
I´m currently writing my motivational statement and organizing the rest of my package for OCS but have one major concern - my lack of genuine leadership experience. I consider myself pretty well-rounded and have always participated in a slew of sports and shool activities, church mission trips, study and work abroad, and part time work and internships. But I´ve never been a position of leadership in any of these activities. Most of the leadership positions in these school clubs and activities are bullshit anyway. Being the president of the Spanish club doesnt mean you´ll be a good officer.
My question is, "how much does the board weigh leadership experience when evaluating an applicant? And how would you suggest crafting my statement to explain that I really want to be a leader in spite of this lack of experience?"
AW Community:
I´m currently writing my motivational statement and organizing the rest of my package for OCS but have one major concern - my lack of genuine leadership experience. I consider myself pretty well-rounded and have always participated in a slew of sports and shool activities, church mission trips, study and work abroad, and part time work and internships. But I´ve never been a position of leadership in any of these activities. Most of the leadership positions in these school clubs and activities are bullshit anyway. Being the president of the Spanish club doesnt mean you´ll be a good officer.
My question is, "how much does the board weigh leadership experience when evaluating an applicant? And how would you suggest crafting my statement to explain that I really want to be a leader in spite of this lack of experience?"
I wouldn't focus at all on what you haven't done... or even think about mentioning that you are lacking in the leadership dept. What I would do is say something (in you motivational statement) to the extent of: "I have been involved in numerous clubs and organizations where I've seen first hand how effective and influential great leadership can be, and I believe that these experiences will be of benefit to me in future leadership roles." ...or something like that.
Although you haven't had any formal leadership experience, that obviously means that you've had the pleasure of being lead by hopefully some good guys and gals... and you'll be able to use that knowledge in the future.
Good luck!
Although you haven't had any formal leadership experience, that obviously means that you've had the pleasure of being lead by hopefully some good guys and gals... and you'll be able to use that knowledge in the future.
Good luck!
Alright, so here goes my revamped motivational statement.....lightened up on the family tradition, and also removed the 9/11 reference.....it is exactly 400 words.....
For years I have known that I would serve in the United States military. I view the Navy as a way to better my future and myself. Serving as a naval officer would help me to take on a career which would undoubtedly allow all of my best qualities to shine. These are the qualities of dedication, hard work, pride, and honor, which have defined my family and a military tradition which began over 60 years ago.
My father is a naval officer, his father was a naval officer, and my grandfather's brother gave his life during WWII. Having been brought up in a military family, I have experienced the sacrifices required of not only military personnel, but also their families. Not only do I consider military service to be a rite of passage in my family, but an highly motivated to continue a tradition of devoted naval officers. I have spent a great deal of time thinking of other reasons why I wish to serve. It is my longstanding aspiration to defend my country and serve others. After traveling and living abroad I see the opportunities and rights that are not available to others around the world. These rights are those that many Americans take for granted and only a select few are willing to stand up to defend. The question is, 'What do I have to offer the Navy?' Since the age of eighteen I have worked fulltime, put myself through school, and lived on my own. My ability to work hard and take on responsibilities is unquestionably evident. At school my interpersonal and communication skills, as well as my desire to work well with others, are above par. The fact that I work in a hospital if further evidence of my inclination to help people. I consider myself a leader who gives my best effort in all of my endeavors.
In closing, I understand that becoming a naval officer is something not easily attained. I also understand that with this title comes a responsibility to set an example for others. Acting as a representative of the United States and what it stands for is a privilege and challenge that I strongly desire. With the blessing of the naval officer selection board I would like to concentrate all of my efforts on attaining this goal, and after doing so, serve my country proudly in the United States Navy.
Good to go??
For years I have known that I would serve in the United States military. I view the Navy as a way to better my future and myself. Serving as a naval officer would help me to take on a career which would undoubtedly allow all of my best qualities to shine. These are the qualities of dedication, hard work, pride, and honor, which have defined my family and a military tradition which began over 60 years ago.
My father is a naval officer, his father was a naval officer, and my grandfather's brother gave his life during WWII. Having been brought up in a military family, I have experienced the sacrifices required of not only military personnel, but also their families. Not only do I consider military service to be a rite of passage in my family, but an highly motivated to continue a tradition of devoted naval officers. I have spent a great deal of time thinking of other reasons why I wish to serve. It is my longstanding aspiration to defend my country and serve others. After traveling and living abroad I see the opportunities and rights that are not available to others around the world. These rights are those that many Americans take for granted and only a select few are willing to stand up to defend. The question is, 'What do I have to offer the Navy?' Since the age of eighteen I have worked fulltime, put myself through school, and lived on my own. My ability to work hard and take on responsibilities is unquestionably evident. At school my interpersonal and communication skills, as well as my desire to work well with others, are above par. The fact that I work in a hospital if further evidence of my inclination to help people. I consider myself a leader who gives my best effort in all of my endeavors.
In closing, I understand that becoming a naval officer is something not easily attained. I also understand that with this title comes a responsibility to set an example for others. Acting as a representative of the United States and what it stands for is a privilege and challenge that I strongly desire. With the blessing of the naval officer selection board I would like to concentrate all of my efforts on attaining this goal, and after doing so, serve my country proudly in the United States Navy.
Good to go??
Harrier Dude
Living the dream
Merged into the crypticly named and well hidden sticky "Motivational Statement MEGA Thread".
We only need one.
We only need one.
Holding a leadership position does not a leader make.
Tie your activities/experience to the leadership traits.