I've been considering applying for an air contract with the goal of becoming a pilot. This may sound kinda weird for such a young guy, but down the road I'm looking to find a serious relationship that will eventually lead to marriage and kids. I wonder what the odds of being able to have a normal marriage are. I'd like my wife to be able to have a regular job involving whatever she majored in. I wonder if moving from base to base will keep her from being able to and consequently cause strife in our marriage. Then there is the factor of being away on deployment for months at a time. How do you deal with it? How often do you see marriages fall apart, whether it be due to adultery or any other reason. I want to be a marine aviator, but i don't want to have to give up my chances at happiness outside of work. thanks for any info.
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military marriage and family life
- Thread starter jasonf84
- Start date
joshmf
Member
I'll let others post smartass and/or encouraging comments, but you asked how often deployments lead to breakups. On the two deployments I went on, I'd estimate that probably half to two-thirds of the marriages or long-term relationships didn't last the deployment, or broke up later due to issues that came up during the deployment.
Is that a prediction for you or your marriage? Certainly not, but long seperations are difficult for everyone, not just people in the military. I hope this doesn't cause you to rethink joinging the military though.
Also, this topic has been covered in other threads on this board, so read through some of those as well.
Is that a prediction for you or your marriage? Certainly not, but long seperations are difficult for everyone, not just people in the military. I hope this doesn't cause you to rethink joinging the military though.
Also, this topic has been covered in other threads on this board, so read through some of those as well.
I think your best bet is to concentrate on your career (get winged first) and then worry about finding a wife. Not many people can handle the stress of flight school and a new marriage....on or both may suffer.
Normal marriage??? I don't think any military marriage is normal.
Normal marriage??? I don't think any military marriage is normal.
You can have a happy marriage and a wife who works. Just how smoothly it will work, with regard to her career, depends a lot on what she does. Teachers, for example, seem to do well with the moving because it is a skill that is needed everywhere. A lawyer might have a more difficult time since bar admission would be a factor, and a partner-track career probably wouldn't be in the cards for someone who moves frequently.
Military spouse-hood certainly isn't for everyone, but the same oculd be said for policitian's spouse, or CEO's spouse, or non-profit directors spouse, etc. It will be up to her to decide if it is something she can handle, and up to you to be clear about what she will be in for so that she can make a decently informed decision. Anyone particularly needy or clingy isn't going to do well, but I'm not sure why a man would want a woman like that anyway. Your milage may vary.
Yes, there is infidelity (from both the delployed spouse and the one at home). But it certainly isn't everyone, and hell, there is infidelity in a lot of non-military marriages.
Deployments suck for all parties. But you get through it and you find ways to cope. They do cause marriages to end, but in my experience, most of the time, those marriages weren't aprticualrly solid anyway. Sure, they might have managed to make it without the strains of the military, but I think the only relationships that deployments cause to end are the borderline ones. The others either succeed, or would have ended eventually anyway.
Joining the military certainly won't mean "giving up [your] chances of happiness outside of work." There are challenges, but it is so doable and as long as you and your potnetial partners are upfront with each other of what is involved and expected, it can and does work just fine.
Raptor2216
Registered User
Dude, get winged and enjoy your life and then worry about marriage. I really don't understand all all you guys in your 20's concerning yourself with marriage when you should be having fun flying and partying with your friends. I'm not one to say that marriage is a total crap shoot but lets face it, statistics don't lie. Sure there is a chance of finding a good girl but the chances of finding a horrible one are much greater...esp when talking about chicks in their 20's. I can honestly say I have never spent a minute of my life contemplating marriage...its a waste of time.
Marriage will happen when it happens. Don't set it out as a goal.
This is probably the best advice of all, whether you end up military or civilian.
helo_wifey
Well-Known Member
I have a degree in Geology, and worked as such until moving out to Japan. Since being here I've been an English teacher, and now a health researcher. Each of these things I have no experience/background in but I got the positions because I told them I would work hard, learn to do the job and give 110%.
Some spouses limit themselves to working only in their field, or if they can't find anything not working at all. Getting any kind of experience is important to me. Hell, I just applied to be a waitress at the new Chili's on base to give me something else to do to pass the time.
There's always jobs out there, different pay scales and experience levels. It's whether you can get over yourself and take a job that might be "beneath" you just to keep working. I see a lot of Officer's wives out here not working because they think because they have a degree they can't work as a waitress, hostess or something else.
But like everyone said, worry about it when it comes along. You've got way to many bridges to cross before you come to that.
Some spouses limit themselves to working only in their field, or if they can't find anything not working at all. Getting any kind of experience is important to me. Hell, I just applied to be a waitress at the new Chili's on base to give me something else to do to pass the time.
There's always jobs out there, different pay scales and experience levels. It's whether you can get over yourself and take a job that might be "beneath" you just to keep working. I see a lot of Officer's wives out here not working because they think because they have a degree they can't work as a waitress, hostess or something else.
But like everyone said, worry about it when it comes along. You've got way to many bridges to cross before you come to that.
Wait until Australia then decide to marry. Heed my advice. With my wife and I moving every 2.5-3 years, it has been difficult for her to hold down a consistent job. I've been in for 15 years, she has been with me for 12 of those. We are certainly tired of moving as it effects our daughter as well now. Such are the issues with the military. Take it or leave it.
That's one generally not on the hot libbo list. Hmmm...Australia...Palma...Thailand...Rome....WARSAW!
Ok, here is a married guys view. In my opinion I am not missing out on "partying with my friends" just because I am married. What do I do? I just happen to party with my friends with my wife around. Know what? It's still a great time. My friends even have wives too (OMG!! Oh no!!!) It all depends on the girl. Have I missed out on bangin random chicks ... well, ok maybe. Do I think I have missed out? no ... others might ... um, WILL disagree but life can be just as good (better?) when married to the right girl and the right time in your life. That will be different for everyone.
I got married during TBS. My wife stayed in our home town while I finished up there (I highly recommend that move) and then moved with me to Pcola. Many would say that was mistake one. Then, early on in primary we got news of our boy on the way. Many would say mistake two. Obviously I have nothing to complain about. Then again, my wife made due with the job situation till our boy came and now stays at home ... so having a job relating to her major is not a problem.
Bottom line is you can make it work. However, I think we might be the exception to the rule. We did a lot of things that worked out great for us but would have probably spelled disaster for many. Not that we are special, we just got lucky and a lot of love and dedication (gushy, I know...) got us through.
Tread lightly, if she is really concerned about having the perfect job dealing with her major or anything like that, that could be a problem. If she wants to get knocked up and stay at home, well ... works good for us
Like everyone says though, waiting it out cannot hurt. Best of luck.
I got married during TBS. My wife stayed in our home town while I finished up there (I highly recommend that move) and then moved with me to Pcola. Many would say that was mistake one. Then, early on in primary we got news of our boy on the way. Many would say mistake two. Obviously I have nothing to complain about. Then again, my wife made due with the job situation till our boy came and now stays at home ... so having a job relating to her major is not a problem.
Bottom line is you can make it work. However, I think we might be the exception to the rule. We did a lot of things that worked out great for us but would have probably spelled disaster for many. Not that we are special, we just got lucky and a lot of love and dedication (gushy, I know...) got us through.
Tread lightly, if she is really concerned about having the perfect job dealing with her major or anything like that, that could be a problem. If she wants to get knocked up and stay at home, well ... works good for us
Like everyone says though, waiting it out cannot hurt. Best of luck.UpSidEdown777
Applicant
My girlfriend and I live together. She is about to graduate my alma mater Westminster College (Great NROTC flight program) with a degree in Education. I'm excited about this b/c she will be able to work pretty much anywhere, just like a nurse. I'm 22, 23 in June. I'll be Winged by 25 (still have to finish my package, get SNA and go to OCS) g-d willing all goes well. We are thinking that we should get married in about 2 years. We've already been together for a year and want to give quite a bit more time before we hitch up.
Anyways, last post said it right. Basically, you go with your gut. Take your time, definitely don't rush things just to hitch up and increase your housing allowance, etc. There are NO Answers. It does seem as though the military affords young married couples the kind of security sometimes difficult to find early on. Which is why it is important to get married for the right reasons. I can see how it would be easy to marry prematurely and end in divorce. One thing is for sure, the gal you're with should be dedicated to ensuring that the relationship runs smoothly, making sure we optimize our situation(s). If one can find/teach a girl who understands this, one is surely to stay married for many many years.
Anyways, last post said it right. Basically, you go with your gut. Take your time, definitely don't rush things just to hitch up and increase your housing allowance, etc. There are NO Answers. It does seem as though the military affords young married couples the kind of security sometimes difficult to find early on. Which is why it is important to get married for the right reasons. I can see how it would be easy to marry prematurely and end in divorce. One thing is for sure, the gal you're with should be dedicated to ensuring that the relationship runs smoothly, making sure we optimize our situation(s). If one can find/teach a girl who understands this, one is surely to stay married for many many years.
Says the guy who has never been married.
"teach" a woman? That doesn't sound very good... sort of like a dog to be trained (go easy, AW....
)
Jen
Wife of a Growler stud
Military marriages can work, but like any marriage they will take work and understanding from both parties. My husband and I are currently in Meridian for advanced training for "tailhook". We have been married for 3 1/2 years and we have both loved every minute of it. He has not gone on a deployment yet, but we know we'll survive it.
As for work as a military spouse, it does get discouraging. I am an accountant currently working towards my MBA to maybe sit to become CPA certified. Working in KY (where we're from) out of college, I made more money than I have every time we have moved. I took a paycut moving to Pensacola (where I was actually getting paid very well for the area and for being a military spouse) and I took another HUGE paycut moving to Meridian. It has most definitely been discouraging, but I love my husband and I would much rather work a crappy job and be with him than have the best job in the world and not have him. As a wife married to a SNA, I have determined that a stessfree job is almost better for our marriage. Training is so short that this time period (the last year and the next 2 to 3 years (advance and the RAG)) is about his career, not mine.
As far as what type of work I do... it all depends on the girl. As Helo Wifey has said, I have seen A LOT of wives simply not work because they can't find anything in their field. I am currently working as a bookkeeper for a furniture store because that's all that was available to me when I moved here. Do I love it? No. But... it's a job and it helps to pay the bills and it keeps me out of the hubby's hair all day. IMO, a SNA needs that time to study and not be nagged by his woman who's day begins when their hubby comes home.
Marriage, as phrogdiver said, is not a goal. IT happens when it happens. If you push it, you'll probably end up marrying the wrong person, which will ultimately end up in disaster.
Good luck to you.
As for work as a military spouse, it does get discouraging. I am an accountant currently working towards my MBA to maybe sit to become CPA certified. Working in KY (where we're from) out of college, I made more money than I have every time we have moved. I took a paycut moving to Pensacola (where I was actually getting paid very well for the area and for being a military spouse) and I took another HUGE paycut moving to Meridian. It has most definitely been discouraging, but I love my husband and I would much rather work a crappy job and be with him than have the best job in the world and not have him. As a wife married to a SNA, I have determined that a stessfree job is almost better for our marriage. Training is so short that this time period (the last year and the next 2 to 3 years (advance and the RAG)) is about his career, not mine.
As far as what type of work I do... it all depends on the girl. As Helo Wifey has said, I have seen A LOT of wives simply not work because they can't find anything in their field. I am currently working as a bookkeeper for a furniture store because that's all that was available to me when I moved here. Do I love it? No. But... it's a job and it helps to pay the bills and it keeps me out of the hubby's hair all day. IMO, a SNA needs that time to study and not be nagged by his woman who's day begins when their hubby comes home.
Marriage, as phrogdiver said, is not a goal. IT happens when it happens. If you push it, you'll probably end up marrying the wrong person, which will ultimately end up in disaster.
Good luck to you.