Marriage Stuff...

[TheBubba]

Right-o, so I searched, and found nothing, so I dare ask...

Here's the deal... My fiancee and I are planning on getting married this coming June. She wants to go to law school, preferrably at Georgetown. Given this, she also wants to pursue a career in law.

The problem is she's not sure of the feasability of this plan given that I'm in the Navy (obviously) and will move pretty often... more than is condusive for her starting a career.

My roommate offered these suggestions:

1. Before we have kids, she work from the house selling legal advice and legal help... paperwork and that type of thing. After we have kids and they get old enough, she can take on bigger projects... (maybe even that before we have kids, and just cool it when the kids are young)

2. Work as a civilian liasion in the JAG office of whatever base I'm stationed on.

Any advice/opinions? We are very open to suggestions.

Thanks in advance.

 

[bennett4362]

i recently talked with an 08's wife who was a lawyer. i don't remember all the details, but they spent 4 years in hawaii, where she practiced, and he did several tours in the dc/norfolk area and she was able to work in dc the entire time. they did live apart for 7 years! while he was in norfolk, but she was just in dc so they were together on the weekends. i don't know if they have kids, but they've both had very, very successful careers.

 

[crysmc]

My advice is to get her on AirWarriors and send her over to the Private Spouses Corner.

 

[RockyMtnNFO]

Bubba,

You are in a tough spot. A marriage where you ae flying and going on deployments and she is going to law school at Georgetown is a recipe for failure. Even without kids, marriage is a team effort and without constant time and effort, it will falter. I can't see how you will work this out logistically. Even doing in home advice or working for JAG she will still have to go through three years of law school and the pass the bar in whatever states the Navy may take you. You are a solid 18 months from wings and then you owe at least six active years. Is she okay with that without going to law school?

Maybe I am missing something. Help me out here, but I don't see how it could work.

 

[bennett4362]

and that 08 and his wife have been married almost 30 years (he's been in over 30).

 

[bennett4362]

Bubba,

You are in a tough spot. A marriage where you ae flying and going on deployments and she is going to law school at Georgetown is a recipe for failure. Even without kids, marriage is a team effort and without constant time and effort, it will falter. I can't see how you will work this out logistically. Even doing in home advice or working for JAG she will still have to go through three years of law school and the pass the bar in whatever states the Navy may take you. You are a solid 18 months from wings and then you owe at least six active years. Is she okay with that without going to law school?

Maybe I am missing something. Help me out here, but I don't see how it could work.

easy there, rockymtn, nothing is a guaranteed "recipe for failure."

 

[TheBubba]

The problem isn't just that she wants to go to law school... she wants something to do. She doesn't want to be just a housewife of have a small, little job. She wants to do something that's gonna make her think. And I don't blame her. I'd be feeling the same way were the roles reversed.

Thanks for the advice...

And rocky, she'd rather marry me and not go to law school than go to law school and not marry me. So I think we've got a leg up on the situation...

 

[sirenia]

Well, one thing to think about is whether Georgetown is absolutely necessary. Is it possible for her to go to law school in an area near where you are stationed? I understand the importance placed on the prestige of a school and a particular law program; however, since some concessions need to be made, the location of law school may make a huge difference. That can ease the separation situation some and yet give both of you a chance to do what you love.

 

[zippy]

Any advice/opinions? We are very open to suggestions.

If thats what she wants to do, then go for it.

I've got several friends who are doing the distance thing with their wives because they are in flight school and their wives are swos right now. They all say its tough, and miss their wives, but they survive and realize its not forever. They also said that if they weren't married before they had to go their seperate ways, their relationship would have fallen apart and they probably wouldn't have continued them due to the difficulty.

I'm not sure what your platform preferances are, but if you select E-2s or Hornets, you'll be fairly close to Georgetown during the FRS phase, and potentially get an east coast assignment. I've also met Officers who have been able to stay at one duty station for the majority of their careers. I would think this would be more possible at a major fleet concentration like Norfolk. IMO If you can swing this, there isn't really any reason that she couldn't persue a more permanent law career.

I'm not sure I agree with having her go to law school locally (unless of course she really wants to do that) while your moving from duty station to duty station during flight school and the FRS (I don't think changing law schools mid course will be such a good idea for her). If she gets accepted to Georgetown, I'd tell her to go for it. Thats a name that should open many doors for her jobwise (which might be helpful if shes got to move around with you periodically). Also, her background would probably provide financial stability should you decide to leave the navy at committments end.

Also, Maybe have her look at William and Mary, or UVA- Other top notch schools that are relavitely close to Norfolk. She could also look at law schools in CA or WA depending on what you select and potential duty locations (You should have a better idea of where you're going to be by next june anyways right?).

Also, has she looked into becomming a JAG herself? Double income would be nice, and she might enjoy it (and she could use it as a stepping stone to private practice if the decisions are made to leave the military).

 

[bennett4362]

The problem isn't just that she wants to go to law school... she wants something to do. She doesn't want to be just a housewife of have a small, little job. She wants to do something that's gonna make her think. And I don't blame her. I'd be feeling the same way were the roles reversed.

she'll find a lot of the same sentiment from the women (many of them highly educated) in the private spouses corner.

like crystal suggested, have her get into the private spouses corner and talk to some of the women there who are going through the same thing (there are even a couple of lawyers).

 

[TheBubba]

I'll let her know about the spouses corner...

and thanks for all the advice/guidance...

*sniff* It's like one big happy family!!! *sniff* (going for dramatic gratitude here)... but seriously.. much appreciated.

 

[RockyMtnNFO]

easy there, rockymtn, nothing is a guaranteed "recipe for failure."

You are absolutely right; it is not a guaranteed recipe for failure. I just wanted to make sure this is taken very seriously.

 

[RockyMtnNFO]

And rocky, she'd rather marry me and not go to law school than go to law school and not marry me. So I think we've got a leg up on the situation...

I think that was the part I was missing. My wife is a pretty driven career woman and we made it work. I also have a buddy whose wife is in med school right now and they are working it out.

I didn't mean to be a downer but we have all seen relationships go bad in this Navy. Sounds like you all have your priorities straight and know what you want. I wish you the best