Marriage and API/Flight School - Advice?

[IrishEagle85]

First off, I apologize if I put this into the wrong forum. I wasn't exactly sure where to ask.

Anyways, I am currently a 1/C MIDN at an NROTC unit, commissioning on May 18th 2008. I was picked up as an SNA, although I do not yet know exactly when I will be reporting to API.

My girlfriend is pressing to get married - sooner rather than later. My question is this; is it at all wise to get married before or even during Flight School? I can guess it could have a potentially adverse effect on studying and academic performance, but is there time at all in between phases? And if anyone has any experience being a young married JO going through flight school, what are your thoughts? And if it's wiser to wait until after winging, about how long is the entire flight school process?

Very Respectfully,
MIDN 1/C Childers

 

[Harrier Dude]

I'll tell you what I tell all of my young Marines: If you have the right girl, there is nothing better. If you have the wrong girl, there's nothing worse.

Are you really sure that this is the girls for you? REALLY sure?? If you even have to think about it, let it wait. She'll be there waiting to pin your wings on you.

Flight school is not a good time/place in your life to iron out a marriage. Can it be done? Certainly. Is it the best idea? Certainly not.

You don't sound too "sold" on the idea of marriage at this point in your life. Maybe you're just young and uncertain about the institution itself, or you have doubts in another area. That's your personal business.

I got pressured into an engagement prior to TBS. Luck shone down upon me and we called it off prior to p-cola.

I got engaged less than a month after getting my wings. To a different girl. Married 11 years now.

Just think it over. It's a big move.


Now.......cue Brett/MasterBates for the "Don't ever get married/get a prenup if you must" lecture.

 

[IrishEagle85]

I know for sure I absolutely want to get married to this girl, and it isn't the idea of being married in flight school that is bothering me so much as is the timing for the wedding itself, if that makes any sense.

Most of my questions are because we (the girl and I) both know my obligation to the Navy and to Flight School comes before either of us.

 

[MasterBates]

If she's pressing you.

SAY NO.

Belay that...

SAY HELL NO AND RUN.

Getting married in flight school is a bad idea. Or right before.

I would personally wait until after a deployment.

If she's worth it, she will wait.

 

[Afterburner76]

...My girlfriend is pressing to get married - sooner rather than later...

This should be a bit of a red flag young IrishEagle. I'm guessing 85' is your birth year, so you're what, 22? 23 maybe?

Don't be in too much of a hurry...

Now, don't get me wrong, if she's the one, she's the one. However, I was a strapping young bachelor until I met my wife at 28... I remember being head over heels over a few in the earlier days, but man oh man, I wouldn't trade my single 20-something years for ANYTHING. I'm glad I waited. But hey, that's just me...

In any case, to answer your question... I took leave in jet advanced over Memorial Day weekend and got married then. I would suggest planning for a holiday weekend if you can. That was the only way we could do it and still plan it a year out (yes, planning a wedding takes a long time if you want to do it up right!)... Some pics:

 

[Ace_Austin]

Second MB. Wait till you spend your first cruise away. Then if she is still around go for it.

 

[joemcspeed]

are you kidding me... someone please chime in with the villian quote something like "Those who get jets arnt the ones busy getting laid"

Damn now Ive gone and screwed the quote...

 

[IrishEagle85]

Those are more or less the kind of responses I expected to get. And yep, I'm young and naive like any other JO.

Anyways, let me clarify; It's not so much Lesley (the girl) is pressing for marriage, but that she would like to get it done a little sooner. She and I definitely want to get married - when is the only question. Based on your responses, though, and on what I've heard from others, I'm probably going to push for the wedding to be after winging.

So about how long does Flight School typically last, from the beginning of API to winging? The NROTC briefs usually give a round 2 years, but is there a more specific number based on your experiences?

 

[MasterBates]

All depends on what pipeline, what delays.

As short as 14 months, (that was API to wings for me, and I went pretty fast on the Helo Track) or as long as 3+ years. There are some SNAs about to put on LT here.

 

[loadtoad]

I'll tell you what I tell all of my young Marines: If you have the right girl, there is nothing better. If you have the wrong girl, there's nothing worse.

Best advice put out on AW regarding the subject.

 

[SDNalgene]

Well if you are MasterBates, you never leave flight school. He's like Van Wilder with airplanes. Total time from commissioning is usually about 2-2.5 years for Navy with P-3s and Helos being more toward the 2 side and tailhook is more toward the 2.5 side. Marines seem to have almost a year more under their belt due to TBS (6 months) and a bunch of stash time in P-Cola. There are exceptions, but this seems about the norm. Hell, I still have hopes of winging as an Ensign, but I should probably put my hash pipe down....

 

[Afterburner76]

Those are more or less the kind of responses I expected to get. And yep, I'm young and naive like any other JO.

Anyways, let me clarify; It's not so much Lesley (the girl) is pressing for marriage, but that she would like to get it done a little sooner. She and I definitely want to get married - when is the only question. Based on your responses, though, and on what I've heard from others, I'm probably going to push for the wedding to be after winging.

So about how long does Flight School typically last, from the beginning of API to winging? The NROTC briefs usually give a round 2 years, but is there a more specific number based on your experiences?

I Commissioned in May 2005. Started API January 2006, and am still in flight school. Hoping to wing end of May 2008...

 

[FLY_USMC]

It would help us help YOU with your question if you'd post some pictures!:tongue2_1

All joking aside.......well....I have nothing else.

 

[IKE]

I got married while sitting in A-pool (holding pattern prior to API, if you didn't know). I had been dating my wife for over 2 years, and we had lived together, so I thought everything would be fine. I was wrong. We are still together and everything is fine, but flight school was one pain-in-the-ass when combined with a first-year marriage. It would have been better for us, and for my wife's career if we had just stayed engaged and she stayed home while I was in Pcola/Milton. My advice to anyone who is sure whom they want to marry, but not when is: wait until AFTER winging.

Either you won't be as available to her as she'd like, or you won't do as well in flight school as you could... something has to give. Not sure how it works for P-3/Jet/E-2/C-2 as I'm a helo guy, but we didn't get our verbal orders (telling us what we'd be flying and where) until 1 week before winging. That causes a lot of stress, not knowing where you'll be in a few weeks.

Anyway... as I think most aviators will tell you: it can be done, but your engaged/married status should not change during flight school, it's asking for trouble.

 

[MasterBates]

I got married in advanced, and she expected me to all of a sudden have more time for her than before. It did not happen. Set up a lot of resentment towards me by her, and having never seen the "Real Navy" she could not cope with stuff always happening on short notice, going weeks without emails, etc.

We got divorced after four years. Another guy in my wing, almost same deal. His ex was a lawyer, and her career was incompatible with his.

For what it's worth, my ex wife was the "perfect" girlfriend. Sex whenever I wanted it, she cooked for me when I was flying late, would pick up me and my friends from the PEL or Farah's, etc.. But her expectations and actions changed DRASTICALLY when we got married.

Oh, and my ex was pushing for "commitment" about 6 months into dating. We got engaged after dating for 9 months, and then about 2 weeks after that she "got pregnant" (later found out to be BS) and we got a JOP wedding.

I may be playing devil's advocate here, but I am not the only guy similar crap has happened to either.

Remember, the ex was the PERFECT girlfriend. Keep that in mind.