I don't know what it is like to be a marine on the ship, but here's a good idea of what a typical jo's day is like in a fighter squadron aboard the ship (shipping out again in 5 days, ugh):
0400 - Awakened to sound of power buffers banging against your stateroom bulkhead. Again.
0515 - Awakened to the 1 -MC, for "Sweepers, Sweepers man you brooms." How do you “trise” out anyway?
0600 – Alarm clock goes off. AM/PM switch strikes again. Reset alarm for 0900.
0730 - Sleep through breakfast. Most aviators don't even know that the ship serves breakfast.
0800 - Reset alarm when alarm accidentally goes off prior to 0900.
0900 - Begin hitting snooze every 9 minutes until roommates complain.
0930 - Stagger into shower. Forget soap. Go back and get it. Realize you left your key in your flight suit again. Pound on door until sleepy roommates wake up to let you in. Return to shower. That SWO who doesn’t wear shower shoes gets your “favorite shower” again. Forget Shampoo. Use soap to wash your hair instead.
1000 - Walk into Ready 8 to see if anybody wants to go to “lunch.” Receive annoyed looks by Hinges who have been there since 0730.
1030 – “Lunch” in Dirty Shirt.
1045 - Lunch is over. The day officially begins.
1100 - Back to stateroom for a quick re-rack.
1300 - Get up and walk to the ready room for the 1300 AOM. Drink coffee with the other JOs until the skipper shows up.
1345 - SDO wakes skipper to remind him that the meeting was supposed to start at 1300.
1346 - Skipper fumbles in. 1300 meeting begins.
1346-1530 - Some hinge head drones on and on about some pet project of his. Amuse yourself trying to tie a noose out of your shoelace. In actuality, you just volunteered for first Boat O in port.
1525 - The Lieutenant Commander is finally cut off by the senior JO so that the flight crews can use the ready room to brief.
1526 - Begin flight planning. Realize you do not have time to be thorough. Decide that your key phrase in the brief will be to "remain flexible." Ask the junior pilot to cover the questions of the day and EPs "because it is good training" for him.
1530 - Brief your crew/flight on what is expected of them. Remind them repeatedly that in today's rapidly changing environment, it is important to "remain flexible." Act like you know what you are doing.
1600 - Finish brief. Walk down to CVIC to find out all the information you should have just briefed your crew on.
1615 - Go to Maintenance Control to read the ADB to find out what other pilots have found wrong with your plane. Note that the record for wet starts currently is seven in a row. Chief reminds you that you will have to set the alert after you land.
1630 - Preflight and start aircraft. Listen to the Air Boss scream on tower frequency at some other pilot whose fly-by was a little too “aggressive.” Make mental note of precise parameters he used for future reference.
1715 - Taxi to the cat. Actually slide 6 feet sideways on the worn spot inboard of Cat 3 void of non-skid. Yellow shirt skillfully directs you over the only three fixtures on the deck capable of cutting a main mount tire. Somehow end up in the shuttle anyway. Realize then that you should have used the head after drinking all that coffee in the AOM.
1730 - Pinky cat shot. Pressurized steam generated by “Shoes” accelerates you from 0 to 160 mph in 0.8 seconds in a 30 million dollar Fighter. The same force would launch a VW Beetle straight up 6 miles, but your only concern is that you didn't show the Boss enough spoilers in the clearing turn to really spool him up like last time. Missed opportunity. Note for next launch.
1730-1830 - Perform a one-hour self-escort mission flawlessly. All bandits die firey deaths and all bombs on target on time. CAP in position; Comm: flawless. Everybody has plenty of fuel, except for the Charlies. Life for one hour travels freely above the speed of sound. Cruise doesn't exist.
1830 - Enter the "Marshall Stack" to await your turn at a “currency” night trap. Some idiot moves his helmet bag in the cockpit and salvoes 24 flares. Fourteen SAM-breaks, including your own.
1847 - Your push time. Push exactly on time, on your DME, at 250 knots.
Simultaneously, Marshal issues a "99, delta 4" call.
1851 - Your new push time. Screw up timing, call pushing 2 DME prior at 502 knots, 30 degrees off course, hoping no one else sees you in Zone 5 at 68 degrees sweep.
1855 - Check in on CCA A. Hear two “pitching deck”, three “power”, and one “easy with it” call in first 15 seconds. Perform three 4G “vertigo inducing” S-turns at 400 kts trying to bleed off extra smack and not eat up interval, clearly visible even in the pitch darkness of night. Graciously, your interval gets a foul-deck waveoff for screwing up his own interval.
1858 - “Trick-or-treat” on the ball but don’t seem to mention it to paddles. Fly a "rails pass", but set the hook a little early and catch an OK two on the fly. Nugget S-3 LSO instead gives you a fair for settle at the ramp, and CAG LSO is too busy telling a sea story to see the discrepancy and correct the call.
1901 - Taxi onto your “shutdown spot.” Then taxi to your real shutdown spot 15 min later after the plane guard. Call the aircraft down for a minor malfunction to avoid having to set the alert. Mission is over. Forget piss-bag in map case again. Oh well. Someone will get it.
1930- Complete whirlwind debrief just in time to sgweet ("let's go eat") before the roll'em. Paddles walks in and takes 15 minutes debriefing your wingman as you nervously eye your overly-expensive watch.
1935 - Debrief with the LSO on the outstanding pass you just flew. Use both hands to simulate your approach. Lots of discussion, but you get a fair anyway. Decide that all LSOs are idiots, even though you are one yourself and this is your team.
1950 - Dinner complete, stop by the mini-mart for a bag of microwave popcorn. “Secured” for cleaning again. Proceed to the back of the ready-room, where 12 others aviators are already in line with their own bags. Roll'em has been on 18 minutes, but it's "Blues Brothers" again, so you don't mind. Laugh out loud at the line about the “new Oldsmobiles being in early this year.”
2000 - The skipper arrives, and complains about starting the movie over. Everyone ignores him. Every two minutes the sound is blanked out by the crashing of fearless aviators who can’t fly the ball as well as you hitting the deck seven feet over your head.
2115 - The movie is over. Sign three training forms with the day before yesterday's date. Hide them under the stack of a Lieutenant Commander’s inbox so it looks like he ignored it until it was overdue.
2130 - JOs debate the merits of sleeping or waiting until the Dirty Shirt opens again for midrats. Hunger wins out over fatigue, and you wait up another hour writing letters in the ready room.
2230 - Everybody still awake goes to mid-rats for Barney Clarks, za (pizza), and auto-dog. Ship's company guys eat fruit and bran cereal. You think they are losers.
2310 - Head to the rack for some much-needed sleep.
2350 - Fall asleep to the sound of your roommate again telling you all about the trials and tribulations he is having with his girlfriend back home. You stopped caring three months ago.
2400-0400 - Dream about your next port of call and the passes you never flew.
Repeat cycle 180 times until end of cruise. Oh, by the way, you volunteered for this.
