In need of serious thoughts:

[Valion310]

Hey all,

I appoligize for the redundancy of this question, I've posted it a couple times in various threads. I'm going to get a little more personal than I normally would in such matters on here, but oh well.

With any luck I'll be classing up within the next 14 months, which means at that point me and my girl either have to be married, or else walk through the chopping block. (She's enlisted Navy right now.)

I'm looking for some thoughts from the active duty officer's as to their opinions on the Officer/Enlisted marriages? I've grown up in the old school officer community and my dad for sure has his opinions about it (He's a retired AF O-6.) since her and I are looking seriously into it. And I know that the fraternization bounderies would come into play reguarding my involvment with her peers and vis-versa. I also know that BUPERS isn't really designed for that combo, enlisted/enlisted or officer/officer combo's tend to work better than this one. So, this for the current time is my only real interface with active duty officer's and I'm seeking some of your opinions.

My questions are stuff like: How do (or would) the other wives look at her being enlisted? How is it working for couples that you may know that are in this situation? Does having an enlisted wife work against my own career as far as orders, promotions, etc? Would I catch a lot of grief from my superiors for it? With both of being in a "combatant" (She is SAR.) status, and being in that high risk environment, what are your opinions on it?

Anyway, anything would be greatly appriciated. Thanks a ton!

Valion310 hates early morning frost that kanks my flight!

 

[elzie]

Valion310,

How much time Does your lady have left on her contract and does she plan to get out or stay in?, or is she interested in being commissioned some day as well?

Elzie

 

[cman]

Valion310, I ran accross the website of a woman who was herself a mustang, and her husband (if memory serves) was a Chief or Senior Chief. I think that they were married while both were still enlisted (both CPO) and then she was commissioned. I'll search and see if I can find a contact so you can get in touch with her. I think she would be able to give you some pretty straight answers.

C

 

[Valion310]

She's training down in P-cola right now actually so she's got like three and a half or four years left on her contract. The down side to knowing the enlisted life style, is trying to figure out if someone will stay in or get out is like trying to hold a gallon of water in your hand. One minute its "Screw this, I'm out." then its "I love this, I'm a lifer." Everyone does it.

A contact would be awesome, I've thought about writing my old skipper for some insight.

Valion310 in mind boggling times ...

 

[Tessone]

I don't think the "other guys' wives" problem should have an impact on you--if people want to like someone, they will; if they just want to dislike a person, they'll find a reason. So enlisted or not will probably not make a difference there.

However, you have to think about what impact it will have that you can't really socialize with her friends. For me, that would cause a lot of problems. If you can stick it out til her contract is up, is there any chance she would go back to school and get commissioned instead of staying on the enlisted side.

I don't envy you your choice, but good luck. Honestly, I think if you really have something with her, you should keep that at all costs--marriages go through a lot worse problems than coming from different backgrounds. I'm engaged and know 100% that this is the real deal. On the other hand, if you're not sure, you really have to think about it. Your whole life is a long time.

--
Chris Tessone
http://www.polyglut.net/

 

[Valion310]

Thats the crazy part Tessone, I've actually come to the conclusion I am ready for all this. I'm just SUPER careful so I dont end up a 30 yr old LT who's been divorced twice. LOL

 

[JayManC]

Val why would it be a problem? if youre not in the same command, and theres no conflict of interest i dont see the problem. the hard part would be the dual seperations.

<insert something witty here:>

 

[ProwlerPilot]

Val,
That is a REALLY tough one. First of all, I'm not sure about the "legality" of it in the eyes of the Navy. I don't think I have ever heard of an Officer and an Enlisted getting married while they are both active duty. Second, you have to remember that perception is a huge thing in the military. If you were married, it would appear that you would of course be able to give your wife favoritism professionally. If you were stationed at the same base, regardless of command, it would appear to anyone that she would have an advantage over other enlisted in her command, because her husband is an officer and can "pull some strings" with other officers in her command that you might know. The friend thing is very difficult too because all of her friends will be enlisted, and yours will be officers, and socially, they do not mix well.
Unfortunately, I would say that one of you will need to get out of the military to make it work, or if she gets commissioned, that would work too. I would seriously look into what the navy regulations say about it.

Good Luck

 

[Banjo33]

I don't think it would be "Fraternization" if you two were married before you were commissioned. But, once you are commissioned, it's too late. I also don't think it would be that big of deal if you were married, most people don't care who you are married to or what they do. I just wouldn't flaunt it in front of everyone. I think the Navy would help in transferring you two together as best it could. How long you would be stationed there would matter quite a bit (they wouldn't transfer both of you if you were only going to be there six months). So, you'll probably spend a lot of time apart. It would be a difficult marriage, that's for sure. It just depends on how much you care about her and if you're ready for that type of relationship. As far as your fellow sailors ostricizing you because of your marriage to an enlisted person -- probably negligible.

 

[Banjo33]

Yeah, I broke my tibia back in May. I had my NOMI appt. Wednesday and got my up-chit. I'm starting API on Nov.1st. It sucks being left behind by the rest of Alpha! But, I can think of worse places to be on medical hold than P'cola (insert "Q-town"). There's still like 5 of us waiting around. Most are waiting for PRK waivers or the actual PRK procedure.

 

[tali264]

jboomer-
The people that are waiting for the PRK procedure....did they fail the eye exam at OCS or at the beginning of API and then were able to get the procedure done??? Thanks.

Beth

 

[Valion310]

Nod nod, thanks for the thoughts. If everything goes well, my first three years will be in the flight training pipeline so I know where I'm headed for the most part. The hard part will be working a split tour on her part, fortunatly where I'll be training they keep a SAR unit close by, so thats one thing working for us, I would imagine if she can snag east coast orders, it will be much easier to work with BUPERS.

Do you guys know if API / Primary / Intermediate and the follow on training is considered sea duty or shore? And since our terms for SNA are 8 years, is it an 8 year sea tour, or split in half due to the first half basically in training?

Thanks again guys, tons of help! []

Valion310 to John - "Can I get paid with 4 stars now?"

 

[Banjo33]

Hey Tali, I just got off the phone with one of the Devil Dogs that are waiting to get it done. From what I understand, he passed his eye exams and contracted as an SNA. But, when he went in to NAMI for his eye exam, he failed it. After a couple of re-trys, they offered to give him the PRK. He's scheduled for the procedure in November (they originally told him that it would be a 14 month wait -- but someone pulled some strings for him). He'll still have to get a waiver, but since the military is authorizing it (assuming no complications)I doubt it will be difficult to get it. Also, the military is footing the bill, so no out-of-pocket expense to him. Another Marine had the procedure done before TBS. She went to a civilian doctor and had to pay. She's now waiting on her waiver to come through so she can start API. Her vision is like 20/15 now, that's one awesome procedure. Naturally, I would check with my OSO or medical or someone before having the procedure done. Especially if there is a chance the military will cover the expense. But, most importantly, to reduce the chance that they'll NPQ you for having an unauthorized procedure done. Hope this helps!

 

[tali264]

jboomer,
Thanks TONS. I too passed eye exams and am scheduled to go to OCS as an SNA; however, I am worried about the eye exam and the possiblity I might fail. It was a choice between not having the PRK surgery and taking my chances that I would pass, or having the surgery and taking the chance that something might go wrong or my eyes still wouldn't be good enough. I took my chance simply because I would prefer not to have the surgery if not absolutely necessary. It eases my mind that if I do fail, I have the option of waiting around and getting PRK. THANKS [^]

Beth

 

[Rainman]

Val, as boomer said, it's certainly okey dokey with D of Navy. . just have to do it before commissioning. Not saying it would be super easy. .but clearly you already know that.

tali,
I'd delay doing it. Why risk anything? While the percentages are small, I think around 10%, that nighttime halo effect stuff would ruin you as SNA. Since you've passed. .just hope it works out. I had to worry about the same thing for a couple years and it all worked out. Once you get through NAMI before API, you can 'slip' to 20/100 (and on each annual trip to medical). . Flying with specs is kinda a pain and I may get the surgery in time (before a B billet or something); sine you passed it once, you'll probably pass it again.. and if not. .well, it's in your back pocket.. Good Luck.